Accountant Isekai

"Get back here, you bastard!" Poseidon's voice echoed throughout the ocean.

Unfortunately for him, Cinnamon was just a little bit faster than he was. And the dragon could fly far enough over the sea that even the biggest waves couldn't hit him. I hoped my world's god of the sea wasn't too mad about what I was about to do.

"Don't worry about him. He already got all the sea life out of the way. He's mostly pissed off at Poseidon," Dʰéǵʰom said.

Well, that made things easier. I mentally contacted my deity.

"Dʰéǵʰom, what does the God of Math say?" I thought.

"You're far enough away from Vandalland that the fallout won't reach it," he replied. "And far enough from Poseidon that the explosion won't reach you."

"Then, it's time."

I was about to speak aloud when Poseidon moved his weapon arm back. As I saw his trident, fear flashed through me. It was obvious what he was doing.

"Cinnamon, evasive maneuvers!" I called out.

"Ah, ja, evasive maneuvers!" Cinnamon nodded.

The dragon dived suddenly. It was so fast that I had to hold on tight to his back ridge scales or get thrown off. Then, Poseidon's trident came flying overhead. Cinnamon reached up with his jaws, clenching the divine weapon.

"I am having Poseidon's weapon now, ja!" Cinnamon declared.

"Excellent work!" I gave him a thumbs up. "Now, look away from Poseidon. This is going to be very bright."

Making a makeshift camera with my hands, I placed it over Poseidon. I enhanced my eyesight as much as I could. Every single atom in the air around the deity came into my eyes. And beyond it...what Poseidon was made of can't be described. Just looking at it gave me a headache. But I forced myself to keep going.

"Atom split," I said. "All of them."

I closed my eyes as fast as I could. Despite them being shut, I could still see the brightness outside of them. The explosion was deafening even from this distance.

Beyond my black vision, there was an explosion larger than any nuclear bomb in my old world. I didn't put any killing intent into this blow, so Poseidon would survive. But I hoped it would at least be enough to disable him.

When the light died down, I opened my eyes. Poseidon stood, hunched over. He was taking heavy breaths. Burn marks covered his body. Yet, there was a cruel anger on his eyes.

"You dare...harm a god...mortal?" Poseidon growled.

He slashed his arms through the air.

"And with your insipid radiation? No more radiation!"

There was a great burst of power with his movement. The local radiation was gone. That was something I felt by instinct. Well, that worked out better for me with what I had planned.

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

I gave him the middle finger.

"Poseidon, you're lucky that you're Zeus' brother. Otherwise, I'd have already killed you," I said.

"You rotten bastard! I'll..."

"Dʰéǵʰom, your turn."

A spike of rock jutted out of the ocean. It slammed hard into Poseidon's back. He coughed out blood as his body shrank. Looking at Cinnamon's head, I saw the trident in his mouth get smaller too.

"Fly me over to the rock," I said.

"I will be doing that, Gustav," Cinnamon nodded.

As I got closer, I saw Poseidon crawling on the stone. There was a massive hole in his body and golden ichor poured out of it. Cinnamon landed in front of him. Hints of fear flickered in the god's eyes.

Climbing off the dragon, I stepped right under Cinnamon's mouth. I looked down at Poseidon.

"Call off your armies, or things will get worse for you," I said.

"I...already did. They were losing anyway," Poseidon glared.

"Good," I replied. "Now, tell me, Poseidon: do you feel any remorse regarding the people you raped, the people you killed, and the people you generally screwed over?"

He scoffed.

"Why should I? Gods can do what they want to mortals. You are mere ants compared to us. Pathetic, feeble, evil ants," Poseidon stated.

"And you just fell into a nest of bullet ants. Don't blame them when they defend their colony," I held out my hand. "Cinnamon, drop the trident."

The dragon opened his mouth. Poseidon's trident fell out of it. I caught it in my hand. Terror flickered through the deity's eyes as I approached him.

"Wait! Wait!" he held out an arm.

I stopped.

"What say you in your defense? Are you going to say that all the humans you made suffer deserved it? We both know that's not true," I said.

"And I know it too," Dʰéǵʰom commented.

Poseidon shook his head rapidly.

"I am a god, and you are a mortal. You might not age, and you could possibly live forever, but you're still only a human. What right do you have to judge me?" he asked.

"The same right you have to judge humans," I walked behind Poseidon, clenching his trident. "The only right you truly understand: force."

Using his own weapon, I gave Poseidon's ass the Vlad the Impaler special. The god screamed in pain as ichor sprayed out of his posterior.

"That was for Vandalland," I said.

"Okay, okay, I get it. I'm a bit of a dick. But maybe you could..."

He started. I stabbed his ass again.

"Demeter," I stated.

"What? She's a goddess!" Poseidon objected.

"And you still got away with raping her."

I stabbed Poseidon again.

"Tyro."

And again.

"Caenis."

And again.

"Odysseus."

"Oh, come on!" Poseidon shouted. "He deserved it!"

Trident goes up ass. Poseidon screams in pain.

"Medusa," I said.

"Wait! Wait! She consented," Poseidon said.

"Did she?" I asked.

"I don't remember," he answered.

I stabbed him again. Another stab.

"Hippolytus," I said.

"Fuck you! That was Aphrodite's fault!" Poseidon groaned.

"If she knew Hippolytus was innocent, there's no way you didn't know," I pointed out.

He sighed.

"Fair enough, I suppose."

A few minutes later, Poseidon's posterior was so destroyed that I doubted he'd be able to take a proper shit for centuries.

"And that's the story of how I saved the world from Poseidon," I said, having made sure to keep the tale 100% accurate.

I was in a room, looking into a crystal ball. Kless was on the other end, apparently being on a diplomatic mission to Greenrivers.

"Okay, I have a question," the dark elf stated.

"Just one question?"

"I have many questions," Kless corrected. "First, why did you tell me the parts I was there for?"

With a shrug, I responded.

"Not everyone has as good a memory as I do."

"Alright. Second, how did you know the parts you weren't there for?" she asked.

"Dʰéǵʰom filled me in on the details," I answered.

"Third, what happened to Poseidon?" Kless wondered.

I shrugged.

"No idea," I said. "He probably went to Olympus to complain to Zeus."

Dʰéǵʰom's voice entered my head.

"Gustav, Zeus is asking if Poseidon can have his trident back."

"Tell him no. It's mine now."