Accountant Isekai

Preparations for the wedding went by fast, probably because Wisimir had been working on it for weeks. My parents and Dr. Minos showed up a few days after I did. And soon enough, I was in Vandalland's grand cathedral.

It had been extravagantly decorated for the wedding. And there were bits of paper everywhere, some straight and others in numerous different shapes.

Hildoara stood next to me. She was clad in a traditional Vandalland wedding dress. I was in a man's outfit that was a mixture of Vandalland and Greenrivers designs.

"What's with the papers?" I asked in a hush.

"I have no idea," Hildoara whispered back. "Wisimir thought it would help the ambiance."

With that in mind, I ignored the pieces of paper. A lot of people I was close to were in the seats. My parents, my retainers, a bunch of my family members I had never met before. And a certain necromancer was dropping papers from above with a group of skeletons and Prince Wisimir.

This was a big day. I would go through it with as much dignity as I could muster. Which, knowing me, wasn't exactly an easy thing to do.

I stepped forward, moving towards the pulpit with Hildoara. Our arms were locked together in accordance with Vandalland wedding customs. Smiles filled the cathedral, and even the priest had a warm grin on his face.

We reached the pulpit. My heart was beating hard in my chest. I could hear Hildoara's heartbeat too. While we were both nervous, I saw the wide smile on her face.

"Queen Hildoara I of Vandalland, is Saint Sir Gustav, Lord von Blitzburg the man who you would take to be by your side for your life, whether it be another year or all eternity?" the priest asked.

"He is," my fiance answered.

The priest turned to me.

"And Saint Sir Gustav, Lord von Blitzburg, is Queen Hildoara I of Vandalland the woman who you would take to be by your side for your life, whether it be another year or all eternity?" the priest questioned.

"She is," I told him.

"Then, I pronounce you man and wife. And you are now King Gustav II of Vandalland. We may get to the bed..."

Before he could continue, the church started shaking. People got up from their seats.

"An earthquake?" Hildoara looked confused and worried. "But Vandalland hasn't had an earthquake in centuries!"

I facepalmed as the knights cast spells to protect the church.

"Oh, fuck, it's this asshole again," I said.

"Dammit, not him," Dʰéǵʰom groaned.

"What asshole?" Hildoara asked.

The earthquake came to a sudden stop. Then, the doors to the church burst open. Laestrygon jumped into the building, fully healed.

"Boom, baby!" he shouted.

Well, time to implement my plan to nuke him.

"Laestrygon," I said. "I should have known you'd show up sooner or later."

The demigod pointed his trident at me.

"That's right, baby! And now, I'm here to ruin your wedding!" he declared.

"Oh! Is he your ex, Gustav?" Hildoara asked.

"I'm not bisexual," I said.

From up above, I heard Prince Wisimir say he wasn't gay.

"He calls everyone baby," I explained.

Laestrygon nodded, turning his attention to Hildoara.

"That's right, baby!" the demigod stated.

"Don't call my wife, baby!" I said. "Now, if you want to settle this, there's an empty field several miles away where we can fight."

Laestrygon laughed like a mad scientist.

"Oh, that won't do, baby! That won't do at all!" he stated. "Gods don't take orders from mortals, baby!"

"You're a god?" I asked.

I reached down and picked up a piece of paper. Laestrygon pointed his trident at me.

"That's right, baby! My daddy promoted me, turned me into a god! Now I can be as bad, real bad, as I want! And no one can stop me!"

I folded the paper into a paper airplane.

"Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that," I said.

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"What are you gonna do about it, baby! I'm immortal now!" Laestrygon declared.

I threw the paper airplane at him with killing intent. It hit Laestrygon. He dropped dead without saying a single other word.

"He died as he lived," Johannes commented from the pews. "Pathetically."

Silence overtook the church. Everyone inside, except my retainers, seemed completely confused. Hildora looked at the guy who just got killed by a piece of paper.

"What just happened?" she asked.

"The world's worst serial killer tried to interrupt my wedding. So, I brought him long-deserved justice," I answered.

"Do you mean by worst that he killed the most people or that he was horrible at his job."

"A bit of both," I replied.

The ground started rumbling again. It shook even greater than before. Now, I was confused. Laestrygon was dead. He was the god of the afterlife's problem now. So, who was...

...oh, fuck.

I remembered the Odyssey.

"Gustav, I am really pissed off at a certain sea god right now," Dʰéǵʰom said. "And if we don't do something, Vandalland is in deep shit. And unfortunately, killing him would set off a war between gods. We can't afford that."

Even more fuck!

"Everyone, out of the church, now!" I commanded.

No one hesitated. We all rushed outside. And there, we saw in the sea beyond Vandalland...

...a giant. Or at least something that had taken a form so big that his head was literally in the clouds. He had a long white beard, a crown on his head, and a trident big enough to crush anything.

There was a storm surrounding him. The oceans boiled and churned, massive waves forming. I could feel the wind and water from where I was, miles away.

A horde of sea monsters of all shapes and sizes climbed out of the ocean. They were accompanied by mermaids wearing Ancient Greek armor, along with hordes of fish-like soldiers.

"What is that thing?" Hildoara asked.

She was trying to be strong, but I could see the fear in her eyes. I couldn't blame her. I was scared shitless too.

"Poseidon, the biggest asshole in Greek mythology. Even Zeus isn't as bad as him," I answered.

"What's Greek??" Hildoara questioned.

I shook my head.

"Ignore that for now. Focus on protecting your city from his army," I said. "I'm going to kick his ass."

Hildoara gave me a nod.

"I'll handle the city, Gustav. Don't worry."

I ran around to the back of the cathedral, where Cinnamon was. As I did, I thought.

"Dʰéǵʰom, get that god of math on the line."

"Already on it," the deity replied. "I'll do my best to help you, but I'm constrained by dozens of divine treaties."

"Your best is all I can ask for."

Cinnamon's draconic eyes gazed at Poseidon in the distance. He turned his massive head to face me.

"Gustav, what is being going on here?" he asked.

"Some dick is invading," I answered. "I need your help to kick his ass."

"I am wanting to punch the dick in his pingas," Cinnamon said. "No one is interrupting weddings, ja. That is very rude, ja."

Giving Cinnamon a thumbs up, I started climbing on his back.

"Fly me closer to the giant. We're going to lure him further out to sea," I stated.

"I will be doing that," Cinnamon replied.

The moment I was in a secure position, the kaiju-sized dragon took off at incredible speed. I felt wind rushing at me as Cinnamon moved high into the air. Poseidon's form was much larger than him, even now, but I wasn't planning on fighting him up close.

When we were halfway to Poseidon, the winds and rain whipping me, Dʰéǵʰom's voice came to my mind.

"Gustav, the god of math is here. He's already making calculations. Just one thing you'll need to know first."

"What's that?" I thought.

"Democritus was wrong. Gods aren't made of atoms."

I shrugged.

"Gods might not be, but the air around Poseidon is."

"Good point," Dʰéǵʰom said.

Then, a voice boomed inside my head. It was loud and deep as if the ocean itself was talking to me. And there was such an incredible rage to it that a chill went down my spine.

"You. Saint Gustav. King Gustav II of Vandalland," the voice spoke. "You would dare charge me? Rather than run away? Do you have any idea who I am?"

In the distance, Poseidon's eyes glared at me.

"Shut up, Poseidon, and get out of my saint's head," Dʰéǵʰom ordered.

"Hmph. So, the god of humanity wishes to order me around? Do you think my brother will stand for this? And do you think I can forgive your saint for killing my son?"

I heard Dʰéǵʰom bashing his head against a wall.

"Poseidon, you've violated so many divine treaties. You could start a war between the gods at this rate! At bare minimum, you are going to be in deep shit with Zeus! Even your family bond won't save you from punishment!"

A darker rage flowed through the oceanically deep voice.

"I do not care, so long as I can destroy the humans of this world. I will never forgive humanity for what they did to the oceans," Poseidon said.

"What did the humans of this world do to the sea? They barely go in it!" Dʰéǵʰom pointed out.

"What they did or did not is irrelevant. Humans in other universes harmed the oceans. So, all humans in every universe must suffer for their sins. That is the will of the gods."

"It isn't the will of Zeus. It isn't my will. And there are plenty of other gods who hate what you're doing," my deity pointed out.

Poseidon scoffed.

"I do not care. I will destroy the humans of this world, sink their continents beneath the wave. And if this kills the elves too, so be it," he stated. "But perhaps the human with us would like to make some feeble attempt at defending his kind? I will allow him to make a mockery of himself before I punish him for murdering my son."

At that point, Cinnamon was flying sideways to Poseidon. Great waves came up from the sea. This forced the dragon into the air. Still, Poseidon was not following us.

"Poseidon," I thought. "Go fuck yourself, you hypocritical bastard."

I gave him the middle finger. Dʰéǵʰom burst out laughing.

"What?" Poseidon's mouth dropped in sheer shock.

"You had a chance to withdraw your son, orders to do it, but you didn't. It's your fault he died. And guess what? I enjoyed killing him. The little shit deserved to die almost as much as you do."

Poseidon stood in sheer silence. I knew humans disrespected the Greek gods sometimes in mythology, but I doubt anyone ever talked to him like this before.

"And another thing? Humanity is not going to be judged by a monster like you, Poseidon. You are a mass murderer, a mass rapist, and a jackass who holds a grudge for even the pettiest of slights. Most of all, you're an idiot who only understands one rule: might makes right. Or, as the city Athena won instead of you would put it: the strong do what they can, and the weak suffer what they must. So, I'm just going to kick your ass. Then, everything I do to you will be right."

Poseidon started charging Cinnamon.

"Insolent mortal!" he shouted. "You will pay for your insults! Humanity is truly irredeemable!"

The dragon started moving further into the ocean.

"It looks like you have done something to making him mad, Gustav," Cinnamon commented.

"I don't care. I've read enough Greek mythology to know that Poseidon can go fuck himself," I said.

"Hey, Gustav, Poseidon's trying to turn you into an animal," Dʰéǵʰom stated. "Thankfully, I can overpower that. But be careful. Even with me helping you, this won't be easy."

Yeah, I knew that. I was scared shitless at the moment.

"Can you stop him from entering our mind space or whatever it is?" I thought.

"Already did."

"Good. Because I have a plan in case my nuke strategy doesn't work. Poseidon's breaking the rules just by being here, so maybe a little bit of cheating back will be acceptable?"