A Scale of Sapphire

Erica

He wasn’t my father, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t familiar. Pete. One of dad’s old fishing buddies. Of course. His hand was still stretched towards me. He was looking at me like I was a stranger. Maybe I was. I don’t think I was the same person anymore, certainly not the girl he knew.

My dad really was dead then. If Peter was here, alone with Lilly, then that was that. I wish I could’ve said goodbye. I wish I could’ve been there. I don’t know when I started crying, or how I ended up on the ground, but now I was curled up and shaking. The tiniest little spark of hope was all it took to reopen wounds that I thought were long closed. He was dead. I knew he was dead the whole time, but for just a brief moment I’d allowed myself to hope. The one part of my old life that I wanted to keep was gone.

I don’t know what Pete thought, seeing me like that. I didn’t really care. The feelings were just too much, and at least out here, far from our little village, I wouldn’t have to deal with everyone’s pity. I could just cry myself out in peace, then bury this shit before I had to face the others again. Pete could keep a secret, I was sure of it.

Then something wet touched my shoulder. The big nose of a bigger wolf nuzzling up against me. First it was her nose, then her head, then her whole truck sized body pressing against me, curling up at my side. I buried my face in her fur, clinging to her neck like I did when I was younger. Like when mom had had too much to drink and started yelling.

“I missed you so much, Lilly.” I gasped and choked around my words, struggling to breathe through the monumental sorrow. “Big ol’ Lilly pad.” Somehow, I managed to chuckle at the old nickname I’d given her.

Things were quiet for a while after that. The only sounds were my muffled sobs and the wind through the trees. You can’t cry forever though, no matter how much you might want to in the moment. Eventually, my tears ran dry, my shaking stopped, and I extracted myself from the thick fluff I’d taken shelter in.

At some point during my breakdown, Peter had sat against a tree, facing Lilly and I. His rifle was leaned against its trunk, and he was quietly chewing on some dried meat. He stopped when he noticed me sit up, recognition shimmering in his eyes.

“Erica?”

I forced a smile.

“Sup Pete. It’s been a while.”

“That it has.” He smiled back. His seemed more genuine. “It’s good to see you, kid.”

“Good to see you too.” I ran my hand through Lilly’s fur, eyeing him up and down. “Looks like you got a couple more scars since last time I saw you. Big one on your forearm is pretty gnarly, isn’t it?”

“Heh. Yeah, it’s pretty rough.” He analyzed me just as closely, eyes lingering on my legs and horns. “You’ve picked up a few scars yourself though, haven’t you? Not to mention the uh…” He mimed horns on his head. “Other changes.”

“What, these?” I flicked my horn. “Nah, I’ve always had ‘em. You just never noticed before.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yep.”

I stared at him, deadpan, for a few seconds before cracking a grin. He started chuckling as he stood and walked over to me. He grabbed me in a tight hug (for a human, at least), and smiled up at me.

“I missed you, kid.”

I hugged him back. He wasn’t my father, but this was still more than I ever would’ve hoped for before. Maybe… even if I was disappointed in the end, letting myself hope wasn’t so bad after all.

“I missed you too, old man.”

E…

I was gonna kill her. I drew a line and she just kept pushing! Again and again and again, she kept enabling this disgusting part of me that I wanted nothing to do with, and every time she did it, pushing it all back down hurt just a little bit more. I was actually, genuinely, going to kill her.

I didn’t know if I was thinking about Cass or… her.

Evelyn.

Why couldn’t she stay buried? Why did she have to come back every damn time I drank? Why did I have to drink to survive? Why couldn’t I just bury her like I had for the last few decades? I just wanted her gone.

Instead, here I was, pretending to be her. What was Cass thinking?!? What was I thinking when I suggested this? An alias?!? If I spent the whole trip home going by a stupid pseudonym, it’d be way too awkward to change back by the time we arrived, but if I made the correction now, I’d risk ruining these fragile negotiations before they even started.

The centaurs finished conferring with each other, and the man who’d greeted us before stepped forward once again.

“Regardless of species, you say… Why was that a necessary addition?” He loomed over the both of us, and even knowing that I was the predator here, to say I felt intimidated would be a severe understatement. Cass, however, looked entirely unbothered.

“Because there are those who favor humanity above all others, and they hurt people I care about. I won’t let them stand uncontested.”

“So there are other… nonhumans within your group? Why haven’t any come with you?”

Cass looked at me expectantly. I sighed.

“I may look more like a human than you, but I’m definitely not one. Not anymore.”

I bared my fangs, allowing the fading sunlight to sparkle against my ruby eyes.

It stung.

I hissed.

The centaur’s eyes went wide, and he stared down at me with newfound curiosity.

“A vampire? Really? Well damn, Miss Evelyn! I’m sorry I didn’t realize before.” Something within me was torn between basking in the way he’d referred to me and crawling under a rock. I settled on practiced indifference. “Are you-? Is the sunlight a problem..?”

I shrugged, the very picture of calm.

“It feels all itchy and weird if I’m in direct sunlight for too long, and honestly it makes me feel sleepy, but it's not too bad, no.”

He placed himself between me and the sun regardless, his shadow soothing the prickling sensations I’d been dealing with the whole trip. He smiled warmly at me, and strangely, I could feel my cheeks flush.

It wasn’t a fetish, right Cass? Then what the hell was I feeling right now, with this tall, handsome man standing before me. He saw me as a woman, I felt like a woman, and it was doing things to me that I hadn’t felt in years. Not since I’d got drunk and begged Maria to call me pretty. Not since Evelyn had asked for that. Not since Maria actually did it and my knees went weak and I kissed her so hard and then a part of me got stiff and I started crying.

Not since then.

It got me hard then, and it was doing something to me now.

I was a freak.

Something dripped onto my shirt. Was I crying?

Cass reached out, trying to place a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-”

I cut her off.

“Yeah. You really shouldn’t have.” I sniffled, wiping a red tear from my eye. “I’m going home, Cass. I’m going home, and I’m going to bed, and I’m not gonna drink another fucking drop. Not until the pervy bitch who thinks that all of this,” I gestured vaguely to my body, “is ok is dead.”

I turned back towards the centaur, looking up into his worried eyes. Eyes that still made me feel things in my head and my chest and my cheeks that I just wanted to hide from.

“I’m sorry you had to see this. I promise our little village is a safe place that usually isn’t this dramatic. I hope my behavior hasn’t colored your opinion.” I tried so hard to keep my voice level, but I was sure that they’d all leave, that I’d been such a disaster they wouldn’t even consider visiting any town that had suffered my presence. Before he had the chance to respond, to express his disgust at the mess in front of him, I ran, vanishing into the twilight.