Worthy Core

DAY 782

While Doorman never truly sleeps, the dungeon's first line of defense has gotten into the habit of ...hibernating slightly once the sun goes down. Although Worthy Dungeon only grows ever more popular all the time, with more 'guests' and increasing numbers of Challengers of higher ranks, it is still rather near the top of a mountain. Even high-tier Challengers don't go climbing mountain paths in the dark for fun, and while the path has been somewhat cleared out over the years, and the entryway is now lit up by statues carrying magical flames, it's still not entirely safe.

Which means that for the most part, new arrivals tend to dry up at least an hour or two before the sun sets. The guardian can perhaps be forgiven then for resting his eyes for a bit when the sound of a man's voice suddenly captures his attention.

"Damn, those are some giant-ass statues! Did someone drag these all the way up the mountainside? Or, no, carved them out from the stone here? Gotta say, nice tits on a couple of them, though it's too bad they didn't go for the whole 'artistic' thing of having em topless, y'know? Not that I'm much into pleasures of the flesh, you understand, but a man can admire a good view, right?"

Even with the eternal torchlight from the statues, it still takes Doorman a moment to focus on the individual standing before him. He's an armored figure with a hooded cloak hiding his face, although the man isn't currently facing towards the door in any case. Instead, he's admiring the relatively new statues lining the dungeon's entryway. On one side stand BB, Dips, and Taly, while the other side is mirrored by Lollyp, Tank, and DEATH. On top of that, Doorman is told that a statue of the goddess Kahlia currently graces the mountain above his head, although he's never been able to get much of a look at it. In particular, however, it appears to be Taly's image that has the man's fullest attention - the Banshee standing proudly with a grin, a bow in one hand and a live flame in the other.

"I have been told that Lollyp did in fact suggest nude statuary when the master of the dungeon was considering designs, but there were a few complications with the idea. Mostly being that Dips, Tank, and DEATH don't have, well...anything beneath their clothes, you see."

The man nods in understanding. "Ah, yeah, I get it. Have a bit of that problem myself!"

Doorman peers more closely at the figure. "...You do? Would you mind stepping closer? I believe I have an excellent memory for faces and voices, but I don't believe I've seen yours before."

"If you've seen my face recently, let me know! I'd love to know where the damn thing went!" With that said the armored warrior steps forward and pulls down his hood - revealing a bare, grinning skull beneath. "I'm Dave!"

"Dave, hrm? Forgive me, but...you appear to look rather unwell. Are you up for challenging tonight, do you think?"

"Oh, no, I'm not a Challenger. Thought maybe I could stop by the inn, though. Eat some finger foods, put some meat on the bones. I hope business hours ain't over, though - had to come by pretty late, on account of the, y'know...guards and soldiers and all that."

The door furrows his brow. "Are you in trouble with the law, Dave?"

"I ain't ever broken a law in my life! Maybe a few after it - but mostly it's just anti-skeleton discrimination. You know how it is. All 'walking around without a body is against the natural order!' and 'ahhhhhh!', and so on. You know what I'm talking about, right?"

Doorman pauses to consider that for a bit. "Well, I don't do much walking, I suppose, but I don't have much of a body. I don't think I've been discriminated against much because of it, but no worries! Worthy Dungeon is a bigotry-free location! We'll kill anybody!" He blinks, then looks at Dave again. "Well, I suppose we haven't tried it on someone who's already dead, before. We'll certainly give it a try!"

"Ah, wow, that would be really heart-warming if I had one of those things! Though I really was just hoping for more of a chat. Maybe with the big boss? If that'd be an option?"

The door frowns. "I'm afraid Mistress Worthy has a rather particular list of people who are allowed to request meetings. Church of Bounty, Association officials, shirtless orcs of any gender...I don't recall a Dave being on the list. Although you can perhaps ask in the inn and see if...ah, one moment."

Dave's skull, magically held in place above his enchanted armor, tilts in confusion as Doorman appears to have a conversation with himself. "Put him on the list? But I haven't asked him a riddle yet! ...Please? I haven't been able to ask a riddle all day! Ah, thank you, mistress!"

Doorman's focus seems to return, and Dave hazards a question. "...Am I getting in, then?"

"Only if you can answer the riddle of the dungeon! And it's a hard one! Just, uh...give me a minute. I thought up some new ones this morning but it's been a bit and I've forgotten them already..."

"Take your time. I ain't gettin' any older."

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"Ahem, yes. Ah...what...is a skeleton's favorite food?"

Dave's empty eye sockets stare at the door for a while. "...Is this a riddle, or a joke?"

"Jokes can be riddles."

"A skeleton joke? Is this a hate crime? I think I'm being hate crimed right now. So much for no bigotry!"

The door suddenly feels the need to sweat, somehow. "No, no, I apologize! I'll think of a better one - "

The skull starts laughing at the guardian's panic. "Aha, I'm just ribbin' ya! In fact, that's my answer! Ribs!" The arms of his enchanted armor wave into the air. "Spare ribs!"

"...You have passed the riddle of the dungeon. You, ah...are invited to join us in the Floor Five inn, Dave. It's been nice to meet you?"

"Likewise, Doorman! You're a real solid fellow. Although I don't think I'll actually be ordering much to eat..."

Although Dave is sure to step into the shortcut portal indicated by the guardian, he's pretty sure that it's not the famous Worthy Inn that it takes him to. Instead he appears to arrive inside of a relatively small room, with only a single table and a few chairs, and a few magical crystals for lighting. Other than the portal ring on the floor the warrior doesn't see any other way out but he doesn't have time to look around for long before a monochrome woman suddenly appears before him.

"Dave! What the hell!? You alright? What are you doing here!?"

The skull looks his host up and down. "Xenia! Wow, hey, are you doing alright? You've got even less color than I do! Granted, you do seem to have a lot more skin on you than during the time we used to work together, so I suppose it's all relative."

"I..." Xenia trails off as she stares back at the man, apparently uncertain just how exactly to greet him. Eventually though she seems to come to a conclusion, and grabs up the undead in a tight hug. "Was so fuckin' worried about you, you bonehead!"

"Wow, really? I mean, I thought about you a fair bit too, but I wasn't sure you even knew I existed!"

"I didn't, til my damn grandkid told me he ran into you last winter! Then the Dragonlord confirmed it for me a couple of weeks ago. But how did you get away from them? Did you have to run across an entire country or something?"

Dave leans back from the hug, and pats Xenia on the shoulder. "Eh? Dunno what you mean - the Dragonlord's the one who sent me here! I mean, not personally, but I got the orders from one of his top ladies. Though, what do you mean, grandkid? You've been getting busy, eh?" He pauses before adding another comment. "...I admit I don't pay much attention to that stuff since I ain't got all the bits, but I feel like something's not adding up..."

"That...can wait til later." The reincarnator smirks at her old friend, but there's still a slight hint of suspicion in her tone. "So...the Dragonlord sent you here? I think I got the basic gist of how they, uh...made you, but I dunno if..."

"If I know? Yeah, they explained it to me too." The skull nods. "I ain't the real Dave. I mean, if there was ever a real Dave to begin with, y'know? For all we know, the ol' Necromancer just whipped us up from a pile of random assorted bones or something. Always did feel like one arm was a little on the short side..."

"Well, that seems to have been, uh...evened out." Xenia gives a closer look the man's armor. "They really kitted you out, huh? I'm picking up some major magical vibes here."

"Actually, this is all that keeps me mobile." Dave taps a gauntled fist against his chestplate. "All hollow in here, enchanted armor. Remember how you were carrying me around as just a skull back when we met the Dragonlord in that...funky memory-dimension or whatever it is? Yeah, that's all the Dragonlord got of me."

"Damn that fucker...if I'd known he did that, I would've done something about it, y'know? Then I heard reports that you were working for him, doing shit with dungeons, and...honestly, I wasn't really sure what to make of it." Her suspicious tone returns in strength. "So speaking of, how did you get here, exactly? And why?"

The skeleton warrior shrugs. "Well, the how is easy. Succubus air-dropped me a couple miles south. Burned an invisibility charm to get past the soldiers guarding the base of the mountain, then I climbed on up! As for why, well...seems like the Dragonlord thought this useless bag of bones was good for sending a message."

"Ain't sure I like the sounds of that..." Xenia shakes her head before gesturing towards the table and chairs. "Maybe sounds like something I oughtta be sitting down for. Can I uh...get you something? You were joking about the finger foods, right?"

"I was as serious as I always am! Deathly serious!"

"So a joke then, right." Xenia slides into a chair, and Dave takes one of his own opposite her. "So, just to spell out what I know...the Dragonlord pretty strongly implied that they're gonna be attacking the northern nations soon, and that I'm going to be a major target in that. I don't suppose that's changed?"

The skull takes a moment to pull out a bottomless bag and place it on the table before answering. "Uh, I think 'target' is the wrong word - I think they want you on their team? I mean, I'm here as a friend, right? Like...I'm literally you, soooort of? And I definitely wouldn't be here as some sort of devious plot!"

"But you have been working for the Dragonlord for a while now."

"Well, yeah! They're the best evil overlord around! Unless you're thinking of getting into the overlord gig. I'd totally work for the dungeon if there's a spot open."

Xenia has to think that over for a moment, and then stops to talk to some invisible entity. "That wouldn't actually - yeah? Er. That's not much of a...ehh." After sighing, she turns back towards Dave. "Guy here thinks that if I kill you, your soul would just rejoin my personal soul and not the dungeon system - but that maybe I'd still collect your skills and then be able to recreate another fake Dave with them? I mean, I can make skeletons already. Not that I wanna do that."

"Well, just a thought. The important thing is, the Dragonlord sent me here with a gift. And as a gift! Cause I am quite precious, you know."

"A talking skull would be a real hit in the lounge, until your puns drove everyone off. But why do I get the feeling that you're the carrot, and that there's gonna be a stick following along after you?"

"Can't say anything about that - cause I don't know! But do you want your gift, or what?" The warrior prods the bag in emphasis.

"Well...I'll take a look, I guess. Wouldn't be the first gift I've taken from the Scaly One..."

She nods to Dave, and the man reaches into the bag. With a flourish, he pulls out...a stone. It's round and polished, mostly green with flecks of gold, but it's not a material that Xenia can identify.

"...Well, it sure looks pretty, but I ain't a geologist, Dave. What is it?"

"In general terms, I'm told it's a snack for you, if you're feeling peckish." Dave leans forward before continuing. "But it ain't just a fancy jaw-breaker - they tell me it's a dungeon core."