Wooing my Bodyguard Wife

Servants in the Sun family mansion soon found their lives becoming more interesting. The young madame ordered them to dispose of the roses, but the young master insisted they remain.

So they did. And their madame retaliated by unleashing a litter of rambunctious puppies in her husband's room, letting them pee and poo and shred his curtains to their heart's desire.

"Is this a sign that she wants dogs?" Sun Haowei wondered to himself as he stared at a puppy eagerly chewing his leather shoe. They've never talked about it. On second thought, this was most likely his wife's method of revenge - to employ tiny terrors to destroy his belongings and disrupt his rest.

He had woken up with multiple tongues licking his face wetly, smelling of dried kibble. It was not something he ever wanted to experience!

He glared at the puppy chewing his shoe. It (the shoe, not the dog) was worth a year's worth of wages for an average worker.  Sun Haowei tilted his head commandingly and the butler hurriedly pulled the whining puppy away.

"Sir, what are your orders?" The butler asked, frazzled. "Do we contact the shelters?"

Sun Haowei frowned, and the puppies continued to roll around the floor. They were kind of cute. And more importantly, he had to show his wife that he wasn't going to give in to her tactics!

"We'll keep all of the puppies. Get…puppy things. Put them in a kennel."

"Sir. Are you sure about it?" The butler asked. "Getting a pet isn't something that should be done on impulse." Let alone a whole litter of untrained puppies.

Someone had to tell his boss that pets were a hassle! He was internally despairing at the mess they would cause.

"Yes. Why would I hire you otherwise?" Sun Haowei stared at him as though he was stupid. "Besides, you're telling me you can't handle these animals? Look at how harmless they are!"

Together they turned to look at a puppy chasing its tail. It stumbled and rolled on the floor, and the other puppies pounced on him.

"See? Harmless." Sun Haowei declared, but then another puppy decided to barrel towards him, letting out tiny squeaky yips.

'I see this one knows his master,' Sun Haowei thought, feeling smug. This one would be his favourite.

Then the puppy lifted its tinier leg up. Both master and servant watched in increasing horror as the puppy let out a steady stream of pee, right onto Sun Haowei's bare feet. The smell of urine filled the air, and their noses twitched.

Sun Haowei fought the urge to scream and kick the puppy away. Oblivious to how close it came to death, the puppy strolled on merrily, trying to pull down his blanket. Sun Haowei was too shell-shocked to stop it.

"Sir! Are you alright?" The butler asked, panicking. "Do you want to get a shower?"

"No - I want to walk around with literal dog piss on my feet - of course I want to go shower!" Sun Haowei shrieked, loud enough for the mansion to hear, and the puppies barked louder, sensing his foul mood and further panicking.

In the next room, Bi Yu's mouth curled into a beautiful smile as she took a sip of her tea.

Perfect. She could proceed to the next part of the plan.

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After Sun Haowei took a long, intense shower and scrubbed his feet clean of any impurities, he ordered the puppies to be taken away, far from his room. Whether they were to be donated to a shelter or tossed into the soup pot for dinner, he wasn't too picky.

(His staff only laughed awkwardly when he mentioned cooking them. Spineless. If they were starving, they would have eaten the dogs.)

He kept that one puppy that dared to pee on him, and it stared up at him trustingly, not knowing that it escaped the frying pan only to end up in the fire.

"What am I going to do with you? Should I punt you to the ceiling?"

The puppy barked obliviously and tried to jump on the bed, but its legs were too short. He glared at it. It ignored him.

"Oi, pay attention to me when I'm talking to you. I could turn you into a fur coat you know!"

He swore the puppy rolled its eyes at him! The nerve! Nevermind that he wouldn't have done it, because the dog was too small to make anything larger than a glove.

Also, he wasn't a complete monster.

The dog proceeded to tug at his bedsheet with its tiny teeth.

"You're a menace," Sun Haowei scolded and tugged it away from his bedsheet. The puppy whined and squirmed in his arms. He had a diabolical thought - perhaps…

He tucked the puppy in his arm as though it was a briefcase. It let out a startled yip as Sun Haowei strode to the outdoors, where his wife's crops were sitting beautifully, even without her presence.

He put down the puppy. It stared up at him, confused.

"Well, time to return to your base instincts." He pointed to the crops and flowers, as though he was a general commanding an army of thousands. "Go forth and dig to your heart's content!"

=====

Back at the house, Bi Yu looked up from where she was oiling the bannisters with narrowed eyes. She wasn't a particularly religious woman, but she sensed a disruption in the state of the universe.

"Madame, is anything wrong?" A maid asked cautiously, her hand still holding a rag soaked in shiny polish as she scrubbed it all over the railings.

Her lady had already been acting strangely since this morning. First, she smuggled puppies by the handful in the wee hours of the morning, depositing it in her husband's room and taking her morning tea in her room.

After causing havoc in her husband's room, she handed the maids a tub of shiny wood polish she pulled out from her own cupboards, asking them to help her polish the railings of the multiple staircases in their mansion.

​ That was still… relatively normal. Perhaps their lady wanted to indulge in home renovation.

What wasn't normal was how she ordered the old carpet to be torn up and replaced with a geometric spiral that threatened to buckle the knees of even the most intelligent and rational of men!

The carpet, paired with the stairs, made one look like they were dropping through a wormhole in space. All the servants gave the stairs a wide berth - no one really dared to go up and down the steps, even though they had walked this path a thousand times.

Why was she installing an optical illusion in her own home? The maids wanted to demand an answer, but it was beyond their pay grade, and Ming Yan, Madame's head servant, refused to enlighten them.

"Have you seen my husband? I think he's up to something." Bi Yu said.

"He went outside just now," The maid said.

Ming Yan snorted as she overheard. "When is he not up to something?" She wondered.

"Good point. So let's hurry and finish this before he comes back," Bi Yu said, slightly disappointed. She had hoped he'd be held up in his room after such an ordeal, but sadly she underestimated her husband.

Next time, she'd lock him in his own room so he can't escape - she wanted to leave him stranded on the second floor, but now she'll have to settle for trapping him on the first.

They worked together quickly and soon all the staircases were revamped, giving servants shaky knees and sweaty palms as they gazed at the finished product with trepidation.

How were they supposed to carry on their chores if just using the staircases scared them?

Meanwhile, Bi Yu looked at the end result proudly, feeling incredibly self-satisfied. Art museum curators would be on their knees, figuratively and literally, when they looked at her masterpiece.

"My lady! My lady!" A maid exclaimed running into the room only to stumble and stop at the staircase, gawking at the design. It made her head spin.

"Yes? What's the problem?" Bi Yu asked, still admiring her work. Her husband was going to stumble and fall and that'll make him divorce her.

"Your flower beds! They're all damaged!" The poor maid replied, distressed to the point of tears.