Witch Hunt

The first time I saw his face was in an artificing class at the start of my fourth semester.

He was hard to miss. A catfolk of auburn hair, in a messy bushel around his face, two triangle ears atop his head and a flat feline nose. He wore overalls atop a scratchy-looking turtleneck, and his crystal blue eyes darted back and forth in nervous energy. He fiddled with tools pulled out of stuffed pockets, screws and wrenches laid out before him as he mussed with some strange arcane contraption: a glowing core of blue stone encased inside a metal wire frame of concentric loops.

Of course, the primary reason I had noticed him at all was that the seat next to his was the only one left open. I'd cursed myself for showing up late to this class... that damned half-elf had stopped me again to pester me with inane comments about her new gloves.

I shuffled into the class, awkward eyes on me as the din of pre-teaching chatter turned to a lull. The catfolk hadn't looked up at me until I was already sat beside him.

But when I did, his eyes filled with wonder.

"Oh! Hi there!", he said in a cheery western drawl, complete with a goofy little nervous laugh at the end of his non-sentence. "I... didn't think anyone would bother sittin' next to me."

I stared at him. "It was the only seat."

His ears flopped over. "Oh." He looked around to the now-full classroom. "So it was." He turned back to the gadget, disenchanted, turning a screwdriver at the edge of where two rings met. Then he perked up again, as quickly as his mood had fallen, and he stuck out a hand to shake. "Lanely Sedgwick."

I never was sure what the protocol here was, when you truly didn't care to shake someone's hand when they offered. I realized it was rude to refuse, but it never made sense why. I just stared down at the outstretched palm until he got the message.

It took him almost a minute. At first I thought he was being stubborn, then playing a joke, but the smile never left him. Perhaps he was simply an idiot. Finally he put his hand down, though I believed likely from exhaustion instead of grasping any social cues. Not like I, who had mastered precisely which ones I could and could not ignore.

"And, um... your name?" He looked expectant.

"... Oscar. Bromley", I forced the inelegant name off my tongue. Despite having had the surname for only a few years up to that point, it was easily the more tolerable half.

He nodded. "Lanely! I... said that already didn't I?" He looked down at the desk in front of where I was sitting, instead of my eyes. "Nice to meetcha, Oscar!" Once more, he returned to his work.

Admittedly, whatever that contraption was did have me curious. I ventured a question. "What is that, that you're working on?"

"Hmm?" He turned to me, holding the little device in his fur-clawed hand. "You mean ya don't recognize this? Ain'tcha in an artifice class?"

My arms crossed, reminded of one of my many annoyances. "I'm in the alchemy track... the administration insists I take this class for credits, despite alchemy and artifice being entirely separate fields of study. Ridiculous, honestly." I mean, who would even consider them similar? Artifice requires knowledge of magical fundamentals and engineering principles, to fold magic into a more permanent state... while alchemy is more of a study of botany, remnants of premodern occultism, monstrous biology, and chemistry. Yet there I sat, forced to take a class wildly outside of my wheelhouse. At least I had basic magic principles down from my childhood interests, though I anticipated the mechanical aspects would give me no small amount of trouble.

Lanely nodded, head tilted to the side. His smile broke around mismatched, crooked and crowded teeth bending through his lips. It was... endearing, in some ways. "Even still, surprised you ain't know what this is... it's what keeps these lights on after all!" He pointed up at the lightbulbs in the ceiling. "This here's a runic core... It's what powers this whole city. Well... not literally this one, obviously, but... you get the point!" He reached out, offering the runic core for me to take.

My hands lowered, but my eyes didn't leave his, giving him a trepidatious glance, like I was doing something wrong. He continued to beam; an eccentric, slightly crazed look in his eye. I picked up the metal, inspecting the cage with caution. The rings felt like they should have been able to move, but were locked in place, hinges not properly attached yet. The blue rock at the center pulsated with magic like a dull heartbeat, bumpy exterior run through with currents of sparking potential.

"The arcryst - that's that rock in the center, generates lightning magic, which the runes on the rings turn into a current of electrical energy", he explained, "They didn't used to think one could turn into the other... but all it takes it a little ingenuity and a whole lotta time enchanting. That puppy'll last another five years, or so! Once I get it workin' again, anyways. Though... just one don't give much power... those generators you see around are a lot more complicated, easily twenty-times the size and far more complex, but they give enough energy to power up a city block."

Admittedly, I wasn't overly interested in the mechanics of electromagic before that day. All I knew was that, about a decade before I was born, the whole world changed with its discovery. I had hazy memories in childhood of streets with gaslamps instead of wires, but they were entirely phased out long before I'd reached adolescence. I'd never given it much thought beyond that.

Yet something about the way Lanely described it: it made me want to know more. His passion for the subject was contagious. "You seem to know quite a bit for a beginner class."

He shrugged. "It's my first year... they're not lettin' me skip the basics. But, yea! This is kinda my bread n' butter. You're lucky to be sittin' next to me!"

I narrowed my eyes at the other classmates. He seemed brilliant, yet the others avoided him like he had the ill. I wondered why. The obvious answer seemed too cruel to be the correct one, yet I couldn't deny the imbalance of humans in the class.

Before I could ask more, the instructor barged into the room, beginning her lesson with a droning lecture that I barely caught half of. Every time something passed me by, I'd turn to Lanely for assistance, and without fail, he knew enough to be teaching the class himself.

It was clear to me that on the subject, that eccentric, fascinating cat knew more than everyone else in the room put together.

As the class let out, he stood up at the same time as me, nodding vigorously. "Glad to have already made a friend, Oscar!" He scampered away, orange tail trailing behind him, before I could get a word in.

Great. More friends.

* * *

Lunch hour came with an uncomfortable pressure to socialize. I could just take my meals to my dorm, of course. And had done. Many times. But my schedule that semester made that a less feasible proposition. A tighter regiment meant I'd needed to run back and forth across campus to make my classes, and I couldn't exactly fit a stop to my hall on top of that. Plus, eating in my dorm would run the greater risk of having to interact with my roommates. A disaster to be avoided. Though, the cacophony of the lunch room had me reconsidering that resignment.

Of course, I didn't need to eat at all, but if I didn't use the meal credits, the administration would start asking uncomfortable questions about my dining habits. I could only get away with excuses of grief-wrought picky eating for so long before they realized that I was feasting on a different kind of diet entirely.

As I sat down, an annoyingly familiar face planted herself across from me. Alabastra Camin took a bite out of a pear, and launched into a story through the mouthful of fruit without so much as a hello. "So... I go to grab my laundry, and this girl is standing there, all smug-like, like she thought she was gonna make a buck off me. She says, 'Gotta pay to use this room.' Now, I know I'm new to this hall n' all, but-" She continued on, but I began to tune her out, eyes rolling into the back of my sockets in annoyance.

I didn't notice she'd stopped talking for a good few seconds, until I looked up again to see a horrid scowl on her face. For a moment, I worried it was reserved for me, but I followed her eyeline back to a young man in a polo vest behind me, having just said something to the half-elf that I likewise missed. He followed up with, "Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Still embarrassing yourself, I see." He snickered and kept walking.

Alabastra did not seem to take kindly to his ribbing.

Neither did I. It always made me uncomfortable when someone treated her in that manner, like she was free fodder for their joking remarks: a social pariah. She'd only started presenting as herself at the tail end of the last semester, and it seemed the winter break did nothing to halt the gossip. So now, from the heights of a star athlete, she was instead relegated to talking to me, and suffering snide remarks from morons who were only at the Institute because they had the fortune to be the son of a diamond mine owner. It just seemed so juvenile.

Furious determination flowed from her like sunlight, as she stood up from her seat, and leaned forward. "This'll just take a sec, Flowers." Then she slid across the top of the table, and the blonde was off to some back room to scheme. I shrugged, and returned to my meal.

Until eventually, another figure sat across from me. The catfolk from before. Lanely looked off in the direction Alabastra had marched, and said, "You're... are you friends with...?", he began, trailing off.

I nodded solemnly. "Begrudging acquaintances, more like, at her insistence. Though Alabastra would likely say otherwise."

Though I couldn't possibly be sure why, halfway through my sentence, Lanely's eyes lit up with excitement. "R-right. I'm sure... she would!" An odd reaction, I thought. He hardly acknowledged what I'd actually said... and why exaggerate the pronoun? He continued, "What's she like, anyways? Personally, I mean."

A groan escaped me. "Tiresome. Vociferous. Infuriating. Obstinate. And far too clever for her own good."

He shrunk in on himself, sitting criss-crossed on the seat with hunched shoulders. "Oh. I guess you'd know best..." He sighed. "Still, I guess I'm... kinda jealous..."

I raised a brow. "Trust me, I am in an unenviable position."

"No, not of you, of her!" Then, he realized what he'd just said, and let out a small squeak. "Um! I mean, not in the way that, uh..." His eyes started darting around.

I looked down, nodding. "No, I- I get it."

"You... you do?" He leaned forward, head tilted, smile growing wider by the second.

Of course I did. Alabastra was nothing if not a constant envy generator. "Yes. Bravery and stupidity are a fine line, but she crosses it brazenly, without hesitation. Her courage is commendable, if nothing else. Even if it also makes interacting with her exhausting."

His rising excitement tampered, but did not extinguish, as he said, "Of course. She... she sure does have guts, yea."

I heard a clatter behind me.

The young man from before had fallen over on himself as he crossed into a hallway, coated with the contents of his own food tray, mashed potatoes and turkey slices sunken into his linens. Behind him, Alabastra spooled a wire around her hand. Her victorious smile didn't leave even as two campus provosts marched toward her for questioning.

They locked arms with her, dragging her away. She shouted, "You can't prove a thing!", as they disappeared around a corner.

Lanely laughed, chuckling and snorting and caring not at all how he came across. "I assume that one deserved it, then."

"Likely", I said. As I dug into my meal, a thought occurred to me. These two were clearly more similar to each other than to me... if I could link them together, I'd be free of both at once. "I could introduce you, if you'd like..." I stopped, tilting my head. "That is, assuming she isn't suspended for that stunt."

"Oh, no, that uh, that probably wouldn't go over well. I've overheard her talkin' before 'bout some stuff, I don't... I don't think she'd like me much..."

I stared at him, befuddled. Did he know something about her that I didn't already to make him believe so? Lanely was clearly more tolerant than average, and an interesting oddball to boot. Exactly the kind of person I'd have expected Alabastra would like. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, prob'ly my family, for the most part. I've heard her talk about, uh, powerful folk before." At my look of confusion he continued, "You know... Sedgwick? Like... that Sedgwick?"

My head shook. "Doesn't ring a bell. Are you saying you're famous?" Or his family, anyways.

He grimaced, painful memories dredged by my question. Suddenly I felt guilty. "My dad is. Though, maybe infamous is more like it..." He sighed. "You really haven't heard of Rosco Sedgwick?"

Again I affirmed no. "... Should I?"

Lanely almost looked relieved, tension I hadn't noticed he'd been holding until he could lax it. "No, I... I mean it depends, but... Gee, I never get to tell this story myself!" He straightened himself out. "Dad used to work for none other than Alexander Torres."

Now that was a name I did recognize. How could I not, with it plastered against the side of every electrical station in the city. "Of the Torres Power Company?"

"The very same! Dad and Mr. Torres developed the first power core prototypes together. Along with a half-dozen other artificers too, of course."

I backed up in shock. All this time, I'd been talking to the scion of the one of the inventors of modern electromagic power? I knew I'd meet all types coming to the Institute, prestigious as it was, but I had never expected this. "That's... incredible."

"Right?" His smile started to drop. "Though... dad's been mostly written out of that narrative. He got axed from the company after..." He trailed off, clearly unable to bring himself to tell the whole story. "I mean, I was taught not to speak bad of anyone, y'understand, but... I know my daddy wouldn't do somethin' like that. He was framed."

Considering I didn't know what he was talking about, I felt entirely unqualified to say either way. So I shrugged. "And so, if your father helped invent the greatest breakthrough in technological innovation since steam power, why are you studying here and not just learning artifice from him?"

There, on his face, a feeling I'd never felt in my entire life, to that point or since. Determination took hold of Lanely and did not let go. "I'm gonna show the world that the Sedgwicks aren't out for the count. It's all gonna mean somethin'." Though he'd been mostly spacey or jubilant up to that point, there, he was stone-faced, gravitas dripping from him like he'd conquer the Hells themselves. But only for a moment, as he fell back down into a simpler smile, staring at me, feline eyes glittering. "And now I've got someone around to see it!"

* * *

We'd continued talking for weeks on end. First as classmates, then occasionally catching each other elsewhere on campus, until the point where, despite myself, I was actively seeking out his company. Whenever I was alone, he would manage to swoop in and rescue me from the doldrums of my own brooding. I found his companionship less tiring than the half-elf's. He was... easier. Less insistent, less intense. He could be nervous at times, distant, spacey, but once he started talking about his interests, he didn't stop, in a way that made me believe I could listen for hours.

He'd even gotten me to laugh. Something I hadn't done in some time.

After class one day, Lanely had told me to stop by the oak tree in the park behind the library. He'd said it was his 'spot'.

And so I arrived, books clutched against my chest with a crossed grip, but I saw no sight of him. Until he fell from a tree branch. He hung on with the crooks of his legs, swinging, as several displaced twigs and leaves spat out from his sudden entrance. "Meowdy!"

"... Meow-dy?"

"I'm workin' on it!" He chuckled once. "Welcome to my spot, O!" He'd gotten it in his head, correctly despite my attempts to hide my winces, that I was uncomfortable hearing my name. I'd always hated how easily that piece of information was read, but no matter how hard I tried, I could never wrest control of my own embarrassing reactions.

I stared at him blanky. "This?" I looked around at the little hill the tree sat atop.

"That it is! As of today, anyways. I'm claimin' it!"

His upside-down form drew my sight down. "You're going to injure yourself, you know."

The fledgling artificer chuckled, hair swinging from his head. "I am most certainly not! Don't you know a cat always lands on their feet?" He'd become rather comfortable making jokes about his ancestry with me; an occurrence that irked him when done to him by others. I supposed that was a sign of trust, or comfort, but I could never be sure.

My eyes rolled. "Let's see it, then."

One ear flicked, and he swung forward in an attempt to pull himself up. Instead he slipped off the tree limb, and the trajectory of his fall left him only enough time to turn onto his stomach, ending slouched on the floor in a heap. For a moment he laid there, and I worried. Then he looked up at me, and started laughing.

And I couldn't help it. So much about him was contagious. I had to cover my mouth to hide the smile, but nothing would mask the escaping snicker.

He pulled himself up , dusting off his overalls with the sides of his hands, mindful of the claws. Then he put his hands to his hips. "I didn't bring ya here for nothin', though."

"Is that so?"

Lanely practically vibrated with excitement, and brushed through his pockets for something. He pulled free his prize; a small metal cube, pulsating with energy. "Ta-da!"

My eyes narrowed. "I have no idea what that is."

"Well, of course ya wouldn't! It's my own invention."

He wrapped his hands around the cube, no larger than a ring case, and pressed down at two indented buttons on the sides. The cube separated into top and bottom, twisting in opposite directions as a stream of magic connected the two halves. The swirling blue magic in the now-center resembled a long spider's web of starlight, connected sapphire strands of glittering aural magic. Lanely aimed the box in my direction, lining the halves up against his eye so they'd frame my form. The magic in the center flashed once, glowing brief and bright, and then began to spin. It reformed itself in a swirling tornado that took shape from the bottom-up. The vague outline of a person came into being, growing finer and finer in detail until... until it resembled me.

Then he held the small, arcanely created idol of me in his hands, the top half of the box still gently floating.

My brows knit, and I met his eyes. "That's..." I stopped to consider the implications of the magic. Obviously some kind of captured illusion, not unlike some magical form of a camera. "Fascinating."

"Right?" He snapped the two halves of the box closed again, and dropped it back into his pocket. "I'm thinkin' it'll net me an easy A for the midterm."

My head tilted. "The semester just started three weeks ago."

"I read the syllabus - I'm gettin' ahead!"

I let out an involuntary, jealous sigh. "Clearly this is child's play for you. I'll admit, I'm not sure how you do it. I'm not even entirely sure I'll pass this class."

Lanely's tail tucked in, and he stepped a foot closer to me. "That bad, huh?" I nodded. He put two fists to his sides. "Well..." He smiled at me, mischievous, almost bouncing.

"Well?" What was it exactly about myself that attracted rambunctious sorts to toy with me? Clearly a puzzle to piece together.

"I could tutor ya! You could stop by my place tonight and I'll... show you the ropes! Since Ms. Anglesmith ain't workin' out for ya!

My pride nearly demanded that I decline. I was always supposed to be the quick learner, the prodigy, yet something about the subject matter was simply impenetrable to me; a searing blindspot in my studies. Still, I nearly said no. What convinced me was not my own failings, but Lanely himself. He was already twice the artificer than anyone else in the entire Institute, and I would have been a fool to turn down the chance to learn from an expert such as he.

I sighed. "If it... isn't too much trouble, anyways?"

He smiled, feline filed teeth bared. "I mean... there are some ways you could make it up to me, of course!"

"Such as?"

Lanely shrugged impishly. "I, uh..." He grew nervous, and stopped meeting my eyes. "I might... if you come by my dorm, I might, uh... have some hobbies that, in exchange for my immaculate teaching styles, I'll need ya not to judge or tell anyone about."

I narrowed my eyes. What kind of hobby could Lanely possibly have that would warrant such a request?

* * *

That evening, I stood outside a dorm room in a hall halfway across the campus from my own. My trembling hand hovered over the door, and I backed away from knocking several times, before reconciling how ridiculous I was being. Finally my courage bolstered after my fourth attempt, and my knuckles rapped against the metal.

A few moments passed, before the door swung open. Lanely smiled from within, beckoning me inside. His dorm looked much the same as mine, a brick flat with a couch against one wall, a tiny kitchenette, a side door I could only assume was the restroom, and space enough for three tenants, with a matching number of beds, desks, and wardrobes. Yet there was no one in the room but him.

"Meowdy!", he'd said.

"You're still on that?"

He put his hands to his hips. "Haven't ya ever heard of brand recognition?"

My eyes rolled. As if Lanely would ever become an advertiser-friendly face. I closed the door behind me. "Do you have this room to yourself?"

"Yep!" He swung his arms out wide, spinning slowly in a circle. "All this is my domain!"

Admittedly, I was jealous. I hardly saw my own roommates, doing my best to only show my face when sleep was necessary, but what little I did interact with them were... unpleasant encounters. One was a self-absorbed student of philosophy who was constantly trying to argue, but even he was still preferable to the other, a chauvinistic mage studying economics and evocations. His ribbing remarks towards me were decidedly less... friendly-natured than Alabastra's, of that I was certain.

"How did you manage that?", I asked, glancing about the space.

As he walked further into the dorm room, he held a nervous bounce in his step, a rhythm to his movements that betrayed a self-calming routine. "Oh, the administration thought it'd be best... after they read my last name n' all..." He turned on a dime. "Anyways... I'm, um. Gonna be in the bathroom for a minute, if ya wanna... get comfy."

"Sure", I said. With that, he disappeared with a quick motion behind the door.

I crossed my arms, curling into myself on the couch. I was admittedly anxious to find out what this 'hobby' was... hopefully nothing illegal or untoward. It'd be a shame to find out the individual I'd as of yet most connected with was secretly selling blackroot or facilitating pit fights or had taken an interest in the Lupine Student Body Coalition or...

The door opened.

Oh.

Lanely stepped out of the bathroom, arms pulled tight against his chest in anxious trepidation. He'd reshuffled his hair to better frame his face, and walked on the tips of his pawed feet. But of course, the most obvious change was the fact that he'd shucked the overalls he'd been wearing, instead donning a poofy cream and pink sundress, ending just above his knees, matching socks on his feet and a dusting of makeup on his face to match.

I stared. I could do nothing else but stare, stunned as I was.

"W-well? How do I... look?" A hopeful, desperate little smile crawled onto his face, pleading with me to say something. Anything.

With immense effort, I gathered all the willpower I had to articulate a response worthy of the moment. I opened my mouth to let loose my opus. All that came out was a small squeak. "A-"

Brilliant. I should have received an award for so eloquent a speech.

He sputtered out, "C-cat gotcher tongue? Ha... ha."

I shook my head, finally knocking enough braincells together to remember how to speak. "You're... wearing a dress."

Lanely nodded so head I worried he might shake his head off. "Yep!" He grabbed at the sides of the fabric, and twirled the skirt edge around himself. "It's one of my favorites."

"Wh-why?"

"I told you, it's just a little hobby of mine!" He swallowed once, edges of his lips starting to lose their curve.

This was his hobby? I supposed it made sense why he asked I keep it hidden, at least... but why show me at all...? "I... see."

The catfolk walked over, sitting himself down next to me on the couch. He was usually somewhat spacey, but then and there he seemed more... alive. Wholly present. Close as he was, I could see the little imperfections of his makeup, the signs of earnest inexperience, the learned paths he'd pulled his hair into to boost his confidence. The small necklace of white lace and brass clinging to him, the clearly artificial padding to better fill out the garment, the scent of iron and lavender wafting from his neck... the shining moonlight blue-silver of his eyes locked with mine, and for an instant, I was paralyzed. "And... whaddaya think?"

I didn't so much say it, as it fell out of my mouth. "You look beautiful." Instantly my face grew flush, but there was no going back.

For a moment, I hardly even cared, seeing his face light up like the dawn. He threw himself around me in a tight hug. "Thank you-thank you-thank you!" As quick as he had, he pulled himself away again. "I knew you'd get it."

My shoulders squared. "I'm... not entirely sure I do, actually... Is this... regular for you?"

He nodded. "As often as I can!" His head tilted, and he blushed for a moment. "Oh, that reminds me... Call me Lainey, if ya please! I prefer more feminine pronouns and phrases and the like... um, y'know, just when I'm like this. Helps me get into character."

I supposed I could accommodate... her. I shivered at the thought... Her... "Ok... Lainey", I said. She smiled, and started knocking her wrists together in giddy self-celebration. Admittedly, her excitement, like everything about her, was infectious. I couldn't help but smile, too.

"I'm... I'm so happy you're alright with this."

Of course I was... after all, it was just a hobby. It wasn't like she was trying to be like Alabastra... this was only recreational, and I couldn't fault Lainey for that. "It... does seem fun..." And then I realized what I had just said, and shut my mouth with a slam. "I- I mean, for you, of course!"

It was too late for me. I'd set my course straight for the rocks. She leaned forward with her mouth hung open in glee. "I was hopin' you'd say that!" She stood again, pacing around her room. "You should definitely join me!"

"N- no!", I protested, waving my hands in front of me.

As if she didn't hear me at all, she continued, "We're almost the same size... I could find you somethin' that fits, or... or maybe getcha somethin' that will for next time, or..."

"I mean... I would hardly look half as good as you, anyways, and..." Gods, that didn't help my case at all! I pivoted, "And, besides, I'm not sure I'd get anything out of it."

Lainey leaned forward, hands on her knees. "Really? I think you'd have a great time. You seem like you'd enjoy getting to be someone else. Y'know, slippin' into a different role, forget about bein' Oscar for a lil' bit?"

My breath hitched. Was I that obvious? The way she described it did sound compelling... she always did know how to get my attention, after all. A thought occurred. "Wait, if this is about adopting a different persona, why is your name so close?"

She shrugged. "I like my name! It just needed a lil' tweakin'..." A distant stare overtook the catfolk, and one ear twitched. "Guess I feel that way about a lotta things..."

A silence fell over us for a moment, as I drew my knees up to my chest. Was I really going to try something so daring? Let myself slip into a different persona... and open myself up in such a way? Part of me wanted to say yes, I couldn't deny that, but... I just couldn't get there. An edge of desire that I fell short of grasping. "I... do not think I will be joining you. Can we just study?"

For a moment, I had to endure Lainey's hopes smother across her face, and I wanted to throw everything away. Then she smiled again. "Okay. Sure thing!" She dug through her belongings, pulling free bits and pieces of artificing trinkets, books, tools, and diagrams, and laid them on the floor. She sat on the ground beside the couch, with her tail swooshing behind her.

Like she was born to teach, she launched into an explanation of the differences between the basic kinds of runes and their connections to the schools of magic, that was far easier to understand than the instructor's droning lectures. I could feel myself being pulled in with every new realization and connection I'd made. It was so much easier, now that she'd taught me the basics.

Yet at certain points, she would stop, and we'd get sidetracked, talking about inane other concepts or ideas, which would occasionally turn more personal than I realized I was willing to share. And other times yet, we'd simply sit in silence, enjoying each other's company.

I couldn't deny that I'd caught myself staring.

* * *

That evening replayed over and over again in my head on the walk home, as I tried to sleep, the next morning, and all through the next day.

Of course, there was Lainey herself. Herself...? Should I still have been thinking of her in such terms? I toyed with the thought, on what to call her when I was no longer in her presence. I'd decided I'd go off of whatever version of her I saw last... I would switch back when I saw her as Lanely next.

But Lainey... I couldn't get the image of her out of my mind. The smile on her face, her eyes sparkling, the confidence, the trill of excitement when her tail brushed the edge of her skirt-

I shook my head. What a pervious thought... She was my friend, it was inappropriate to think of her that way. Especially since she wasn't... and I was... ugh, it was all too confusing. She'd certainly thrown a spanner in the works of my plans to not get close to anyone... I'd thought about ignoring her entirely, but the idea of her disappointment in such a decision warred against me. I'd just have to tamper these accursed feelings, same as I ever had.

And speaking of... more even than the catfolk herself, her offer clung to me like a thorn entrapped in the skin. I wasn't brave enough that night, but the idea of getting to be someone else, of being allowed to set aside 'Oscar' for... someone else, even for a little while...

As I often, unfortunately, had, I thought about Alabastra. What she would say about this...?

Ah, she would probably consider it a pantomime of her own struggles, like we were trivializing her experiences. I'd already promised Lainey I wouldn't share this with anyone, but that only further confirmed... this was a secret I'd take to the grave. Besides, as long as she didn't find out, then... it wasn't truly as if Lainey was ridiculing her. If anything, the beastfolk seemed to admire the blonde. I supposed imitation was a sincere form of flattery.

Again and again, the offer repeated. With each step, every passing day, the expectations that came with being Oscar Bromley, man of Anily, fledgling Alchemist and secret monster, grew heavier. The chance to be someone so totally different... of course it excited me. But I would never be so brave as to try... right?

* * *

She kept offering. I didn't agree the next time we met in her dorm. Or the next. Or the next after that.

But the fifth time I'd returned to her room to study, I had finally worked up the courage. The pressure of the world felt like the weight of the ocean on my chest, and I just needed some relief. And when she struck me with that starry look in her eye as she stepped out in the long skirt and blouse she'd worn that night and offered once more, I simply couldn't resist.

"Offer still stands...", she'd said, trailing with a persuasive upward lilt, almost like a song.

A single, long breath drew from me, and when I'd opened my mouth again, I hadn't realized I'd be agreeing until I'd said it. "Okay."

Lainey gasped. "Wait, really?!"

Another opportunity to step away from the cliff's edge. I almost took it. Perhaps I should have. Instead I shook my head, anticipation building within me. "I mean it. I... want to try... this." There was no going back after that.

She launched into my side, hugging and shaking with excitement. Then she backed up and said, "Alright! I've got just the thing!" She turned around, and began digging through her wardrobe, until she pulled a particular piece of clothing off the rack. A long, slender black dress with a button top that opened like a jacket, with an elaborate ruffled false collar underneath, and a large red ribbon at the cinch of the waist. It was simultaneously old-fashioned and fresh, much like her, yet I couldn't imagine her wearing it. Black wasn't her color. "I got this just for you!"

My chest seized. "You did?" Damn my own sentimental tendencies, I didn't mean to sound so starstruck. I never knew what to do with gifts. I walked forward, placed a hand to the fabric. It was the most striking thing I'd ever set my eyes on. "Where did you get this?"

With a peppy smile she placed the dress in my arms. Instead of answering my question, she just said, "Go get changed, but NO peakin' in the mirror! I wanna save the big reveal for last." She shooed me toward the restroom.

My heart felt like it would beat to bursting, the opening drum procession of a cardiac-attacking chorus, hammering in anticipation as if at the top of a great ski slope. I marched to the bathroom, and Lainey shut the door behind me. I could hear her humming on the other side.

The innocuous piece of clothing in my hands felt as heavy as gold, and twice as valuable. I was scared to be touching it... like I wasn't worthy, or that even looking at it made me filthy, wrong in a way that went beyond mere words, never mind that I'd ostensibly be wearing it. Yet... this wasn't about me. This was about not being me. The... the girl I was pretending to be was allowed to look at clothes like this; exist without reservation.

This was just for performance's sake. That thought made it all simpler. Like an actor embodying a role, I let myself sink through that feeling. I wasn't Oscar Bromley, here. I didn't have to be. I was...

Hm. I'd have to think of a name.

I stripped myself bare, and tried pulling the dress over my head. It was a more clumsy affair than I'd anticipated, caught and constricted by the fabric like a straitjacket. It was made all the more difficult by, ugh, an entirely unwelcome and uncalled for tumescence. I was too embarrassed to ask Lainey if involuntary arousal was an expected reaction or not. Eventually I got it on, and almost turned to look in the mirror before I remember what Lainey had said. My curiosity could often get the best of me, but I wouldn't let it spoil this.

For her sake, of course.

When I was confident I was wearing the garment as correctly as I was capable of, I pushed down the stacking heat in my core and darted out of the bathroom, avoiding the full-length mirror in the corner of the dorm. I sat back down on the couch. Lainey turned to look at me, smiling wide. She clapped her hands together, flat palm-to-palm. "Ah! You look so good! And we're gonna make you even prettier!"

My face turned scarlet. This was all part of the act, of course. I wasn't actually... that word, we were just getting into character. "Th-thanks..."

Lainey sat down beside me. "Look at me." I did. "Close your eyes." I did.

My face was bombarded with strange sensations, a feather duster feeling on my cheeks, a tugging draw on my eyelids, a wet petroleum coating on my lips. I was about to open my mouth to say something, when a clawed finger pressed against them. That was enough to shut me up.

"Aaaaand done!", she said with an inventor's pride. My eyes opened again. She continued, "Now lemme just fix your hair. Turn 'round." She grabbed at the tail I'd had my hair tied in and tugged it free. My locks fell over my shoulders, and she got to work brushing and fixing, before pulling the strands up and to the sides with pins.

As she applied the finishing touches, my brows knitted her way. "Was all of this truly necessary?"

She shot me a knowing smirk. "I think you'll agree it was in just a moment..." She put her hands over my eyes. "Walk with me." With her as my seeing-eye guide, Lainey shepherded me to the corner of the room where the mirror stood. "And... viola!" She lifted her veil.

For a significant portion of my life, I had wished for a specific facet of the vampire's curse: to disappear in mirrors, sick as I was of having to see myself. And when Lainey Sedgwick showed me what she'd done, she had granted that wish. Because the person that stared back at me was most assuredly not Oscar Bromley. I had simply vanished.

And in my place was a girl, lanky and awkward and bearing too many of my features, but somehow in this moment they worked on her. Her eyes, harsh and biting on me, looked softer, mysterious, cool and collected. And she smiled. Not big or boisterous, but a more hopeful, honest little smile. Was she the kind of girl that smiled? That was certainly different from me, at least. My hair suited her better, and the dress she wore gave her a sophisticated, put-together look, like she had a place in this world and knew it.

From the corpse I shambled through reality as, clawed free someone that looked alive. I didn't know how she'd done it, but Lainey made me alive, even for just a moment. I turned back to her, staring, trying and failing to cross a gap a mile wide with just words. The lump in my throat like a dam, all I could do was let the tears welling in my eyes speak for me, confused and helpless and so, so filled with... something. An emotion, to be sure, light and lifting like clouds in my chest, but what?

Lainey beamed. "I know. I know." She wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me tight, and I all but collapsed. Usually I'd hated contact like that, but... but the girl I was allowed to pretend to be there didn't have to feel that way.

She didn't have to feel any way I didn't want to. The realization hit me like a bolt from the blue. I could reinvent myself entire, there. In the stage-world of that dorm room, I had the power to feel anything I couldn't outside of it. Before I'd known it was happening, already in that moment I'd made her domicile my sanctuary.

I'd made... Lainey my sanctuary. After all, it would mean nothing without her there. She was the witness that reflected those feelings back to me, made me feel real. Every bit the mirror I'd once thought I'd want to disappear from as the piece of silver hanging from the wall.

She backed up out of the crook of my neck, hands migrating to the sides of my arms. "How 'bout it, pretty girl...", she began. I shivered, the words eliciting a burning down to my core. "Thought of a name? Not that ya need one, of course, but..." She didn't need to complete her sentence. We both knew I needed one.

I thought it would be more difficult, but as soon as she asked, I had the answer. Part of me felt like I was waiting my whole life to answer that question. A name I'd read in a classic literature novel, that rung a chord within me the moment I saw it, haunting and evocative and elegant, like a distant dream, an unnamed wish. A secret promise I never even realized I made.

"Marlowe", I'd said. "Call me Marlowe."

* * *

As it turns out, we didn't get much studying done that night. Of course, it wasn't strictly necessary anymore. Now that I had the basics down, the rest came into place fairly easily. I'd just needed her help getting the ball rolling, but once I had the right framework, I was a rather quick learner.

Yet I hesitated to tell her that, at first. Like revealing that would shatter the pretense of why we were doing this. No more excuses, only laying bear the true reason I was there at all. I preferred to keep it unspoken... Saying it would have made it more tangible. This way, we could drift dreamlike in that semi-real state between truths and lies.

So instead, still feeling my emotions heightened and not sure what to do with them, I only sat on the couch with Lainey, vaguely listening to her explain how her latest invention worked, tucked onto her shoulder like a clinger-on, yet she didn't seem to mind.

I didn't notice the silence until it filled the space like bad air. I turned to Lainey, curious tilt to my head. She looked back. "Marlowe...", she said.

"Yes?" I still couldn't believe that name could refer to me. Every time she said it, an endless lifting in my core filled me again.

She shifted slightly, struck suddenly uncomfortable. "Do you believe in fate?"

That was an odd question... what turned her so philosophical? I wasn't sure how to answer.

What would Marlowe say? Were her thoughts on such matters different than mine? I decided to answer as to what came naturally. "I supposed it depends on what you mean by fate. Prophecy and legends? Not necessarily. But I do think we're all set down paths..." I looked down. "Paths we can't escape from." I cursed myself internally; that was too morose for something Marlowe would say, wasn't it? This was supposed to be fun.

Lainey nodded, twisting a curly strand of her hair between her fingers. "I just think..." She searched for the words. "It was some mighty turn of fortune, that we found each other like this." She flopped her head to the side, touching against mine. We were closer than I'd ever let myself be with another person.

I almost wanted to run. I felt disgusting, and unworthy, an intruder, a malevolent entity needing excising. But I didn't have to listen to those instincts. I was Marlowe. And Marlowe was allowed to want things. Allowed to be brave. "Perhaps it wasn't fate so much as... gravity." She looked at me askance, so I continued, "Or, magnetism. Something inside of us that..." I almost used the word 'attracted'. But that would be an absurd implication... wouldn't it?

She smiled... and grabbed my forearm, as one leg swung over to entangle with mine. "I know whatcha mean." We stared for a while at each other. Normally I would have hated to be perceived for so long, but in that moment, she made me feel more real by just looking. I wanted to feel real, for once. And then she leaned forward. My heart skipped a beat. "Can I..." She trailed off, looking away.

Marlowe was allowed to be brave. "Can you what?" I had an idea, but... I wanted her to say it.

Her gaze locked with me once more. A beat of tension strung itself taught in the air. "Can I kiss you?"

I could have analyzed, thought it through, given poetry to the moment, let myself sink through my indecision. Instead I cut the cord. "Yes."

She wasted no time, grabbing me by the back of my head, and pulling me close. Her lips met mine, and it was clumsy and awkward and I felt like I was flying. We sat there for a while, pulling away, then diving back in, deeper every time, messy and inexperienced but giving way to instinct. I didn't dare let myself think. I only wanted to feel myself melt into her.

And then she pulled away, a curious look on her face, lost and intrigued. I worried I'd done something wrong... I knew I was unpracticed, and I'd been too eager, and-

"You... you have fangs", she said.

The world fell away.

I panicked. I backed up, off the couch, and nearly gave in to the instinct to run. To get out, except... except I was still dressed like Marlowe. I couldn't leave, I was trapped, and she'd hate me and see me and kill me and-

"Woah, woah, hey!", she said, hands up. "Marlowe. It's okay. I'm not judgin'."

Her words only barely breached past the blood pounding in my ears, as my vision started to dart, and the thought to claw myself out of the dress nearly bewitched my hands. But then Lainey stood, and caught my eye again. She wasn't hateful, or accusatory, she had nothing on her face but kind curiosity. Slowly, I pulled my breathing back under control, and put myself together again.

She walked a half-step forward. "Is it alright to touch you right now?"

Guiltily, I shook my head 'no'. I still needed a moment. "I'm... I'm sorry."

Lainey let loose a disbelieving little laugh, that broke through the tension, unreconcilable with the panic I thought was warranted. "For what?"

That was an excellent question. Undoubtedly, I was ashamed, but why? I searched myself for an answer. The obvious one was that I had... taken advantage of her, by not telling her of my nature beforehand. After all, who would ever... do what we had done with a monster. My eyes squeezed shut, and I sighed, "I should have told you." I sat back down on the couch. I had nowhere to go, anyways, dressed as Marlowe.

"Tell me what?" She said it less as a question, and more as an offer.

I sighed. Though I never had the courage to explain the truth to even my adopted family, for reasons I couldn't explain, I felt she was owed the whole truth from the horse's mouth. "I'm... I'm a vampire. Or... half-vampiric, to be precise. And I- It was improper, to not say so earlier."

She looked shocked, but only for a moment. She sat down beside me. "Marlowe..." I shivered at the name. I wasn't sure how to feel that she was still using it... Marlowe wasn't supposed to be like me. She was supposed to be a normal girl, with normal proclivities... "That doesn't change anything."

I looked at her wide-eyed. Surely she wasn't serious... "But I'm... I am dangerous."

Her hand reached forward, and she asked again for approval with just her eyes. I nodded. She cupped my cheek. "You don't look so dangerous to me."

A pathetic sigh-sob of relief ripped from me. I didn't deserve her... didn't deserve this. I couldn't think of anything else to say, so instead I collapsed into her arms.

"There, there", she said. "Just let it out."

I failed to blink back a few hot tears, and heaved heavy, shaken breaths into her shoulder. The size of the word 'monster' shrunk in my mind with every passing second. From all-encompassing to little more than a tiny furious voice. Eventually I'd pulled away again. "It's... really alright?"

She nodded. Then, once again almost singing, "You're wonderful, Marlowe."

Marlowe. I was still Marlowe, here. Of course. I'd resolved then and there to adjust my persona... perhaps Marlowe could be similar to me... just without the danger. A version of myself that couldn't hurt anyone, despite her afflictions.

The thought made my heart soar.

* * *

I'd stayed the rest of the night in her room, taking the couch. It was nice, to be somewhere safe for a while longer.

The next morning, I'd made the trek back across campus to my dorm, to collect my things for a busy weekend working on a particularly vexing project. As I'd entered the room, both my roommates sat at an opposite corner, chatting and throwing some damnable ball back and forth. They'd already put several dents in the walls with it last semester.

The one on the left, the worst of the two, nodded his head as I entered. "Hey, hey! The creep made it home!"

My shoulders sharpened. I wished he would just not acknowledge me at all. The other one said, "Aw, lay off him, Keiran." I never did bother committing their names to memory... Strange that I'd recall it now. "Maybe he even had a hot date." The philosophy student looked to the other, to Keiran, waiting for a laugh.

Keiran cracked, and both chuckled at my expense. "No, no. I think you might be right, Darrel." Darrel, that was right. The philosophy student was Darrel. He wasn't always so bad, alone, but when Keiran was around it was as if he fed off his energy, becoming exponentially worse. Keiran continued, "Probably blew your top right off, huh, creep?"

I rolled my eyes. Right. I thought I'd have at least a moment before having to re-don my outer shell. "You could at least do us a favor and choke on your own spit, you know", I intoned, as I dug through my belongings to head out for the day.

Darrel laughed again. I felt dirty, playing their game as they wanted, but I wasn't about to refuse. Ironically, I supposed that this felt more performative than the actual performance I'd just gotten done with. I wished that they spent less time in that room; they made it more difficult to feed in a manner that was safe. I'd had to start making trips all the way back to the shop just to keep my hunger in check. I was due another soon.

As I pulled free the books and supplies I'd need, the two returned to talking amongst themselves, satisfied with my daily quota of masculine bull sessioning. As often as I could, I ignored their yammering, especially when they'd start fights. Yet something peculiar did catch my attention as they talked that morning.

"Did you hear we finally got admin to kick Horowitz out?", Keiran had said.

Darrel exclaimed, "Really?!"

"Damn right! Last thing we needed is more degenerate tribades like her, stinkin' up our campus."

I raised a brow. I'd recalled vaguely that this was something Alabastra had been ranting about... not that I was about to ask these two about it. Their perspective would be even more skewed than hers.

The economics student continued, "You sounded excited there, Darrel. You should think about joinin' LSBC. We couldn't a' gotten her outta her if we didn't band together." He spoke at my back. "You too, creep."

My pack slung over my shoulder. "I'd sooner throw myself from the Spire." Before he could object, I marched out of the room and slammed the door behind me.

* * *

I didn't see Lainey in class that day. It struck me as odd, but I supposed she'd had her reasons.

When I did see her again... she was Lanely again, obviously. He ran up to me as I cut through the quad, catching me alone on a walkway. He looked somewhat out of breath and dazed. "Marl-!", he began.

Instantly my blood pressure shot through the roof, and I grabbed him over the mouth, pushing him to a nearby oak tree to muffle his words. I looked around, panicked, to make sure no one else was near, then back to him. "What are you doing?!", I seethed.

My hand dropped from his face. His ears folded in on the top of his head. "I just- I mean, I got excited and... No one's around, and-" He kept starting and stopping, before settling on, "Don't you wanna be called that?"

I stared at him. This was

his idea, yet suddenly he seemed to no longer understand...? "What? Lanely... 'Marlowe' isn't real! She's fictional - made up! She doesn't exist outside of your dorm room. That was the entire point of this arrangement!"

He grabbed his arm. "I guess I just thought..." A more haunting thought struck him as he trailed off. "Are... are we real?"

Guilt clamped my throat closed. I wasn't sure how to answer that. Instead I looked down at the ground, and thought only to change the subject. "Where... were you, today?" Though I wasn't looking at him, I could feel his stare still on me. Peeling me apart.

Then he sighed, "I wanted to go see if what they said was true... did you hear about Professor Horowitz?"

That's what my roommates were talking about. I didn't know this professor, beyond her name being thrown around increasingly often. "Vaguely... I'm unaware of the details."

He crossed his arms. "She was, um. Researching sexual studies. Like, gender stuff? And..." He ducked his head low enough to pull my gaze up. "I... thought I might go and see her, um. Talk about some stuff. But she didn't have the time, gettin' kicked out n' all..."

Ice water ran through my veins. "Why? Go see her, I mean."

It was like he was fighting against himself, the way his mouth pulled taut and sideways and pursed, pushing against the urge to speak. Finally he gave way. "I've been... dressin' up like that for a lil' while and... seein' ya last night I..." Suddenly, he stomped his foot. "What if it was real? What if I want to be real?! We could... we could be like Alabastra... maybe we could talk to her-"

"No!", I interrupted. He stepped back. I panicked. This couldn't be happening, he was leaving me behind! It was becoming too real, too fast. I needed to... to convince him to stay like were. He was being ridiculous. He had to be. "No... I don't... think you should talk to Alabastra at all."

His tail tucked in shame. "Why not?"

Dammit, I couldn't be honest. I needed him to...

I needed him. "She... hates you. You were right, I... brought you up once, and she... said she'd never want anything to do with a Sedgwick." Upon the broken-hearted look on his face I added, "I'm sorry."

I had damned myself, then and there. I hurt him with a lie, a selfish attempt to keep him moored to me. At the time I didn't care. I didn't even realize what exactly I was doing until it was already done. He mumbled, "Oh... I see." We were both silent for a moment. Then he continued, a little more hopeful, "But... that doesn't change what I said, right? We could still..."

"Don't be ridiculous...", I intoned. "Us? We're... we're not... At least, I am certainly not."

He didn't look convinced. I needed to think. To convince him to stay as we were. Obviously I couldn't be a girl, because that was an Alabastra-only endeavor... but he didn't know Alabastra. And I couldn't be a girl because I was a half-dead monster... but he wasn't. And I couldn't be a girl because I'd make a terrible one anyways... but he'd be brilliant.

Then it hit me. "And... you! I mean... you're trying to restore your family's name, Lanely... what would people say? Isn't there enough scrutiny on you already?"

He stared, off and away, and already I could tell that my words sunk deep. He knew I was right... that Lainey Sedgwick could never be real. He was too proud of his family to bring that kind of spotlight upon them.

"Oh...", was all he could say. He shrunk inward, pulling himself tight as he leaned back against the trunk of the tree. We stayed silent for a while longer, unsure how to continue. And eventually, without further conversation, he simply walked away. "Gonna get to class."

I watched him go... and that was when the driving pain of guilt struck a spike in my chest. I didn't... I didn't kill her chance at happiness... I saved it... I had to believe that.

I had to.

* * *

Things were awkward between us, then. For a while I worried that my efforts were for naught, that he hated me, for what I'd said.

On some level, even then, I thought I deserved it. When I sat next to him in class, he said very little. I didn't think to bother him with questions, and almost thought to switch seats with someone; if my demeanor wasn't so generally off-putting I might have even tried to ask.

All I could hope was that things would go back to normal. That our little brush with change would be over and behind us.

The next day passed the same. And the next. I started to worry.

But the day after that, he turned to me when class let out. "Meet me at my spot?"

Light at the end of the tunnel. I nodded.

And so, as I approached the tree behind the library, I once more saw Lanely sitting on a tree branch, legs swinging out below him. He gave a tiny wave as I arrived. "Meowdy."

I knew we were okay, after that. "Hi." I leaned my shoulder against the trunk as I looked up at him. "I...", I stopped practically before I started. I nearly apologized... compulsively, really. But was he even angry at me? I waited for him to start instead.

Eventually he got the picture. "I thought about whatcha said... my family. I think you might be right."

I could only think to nod. I'd done the right thing, then. He agreed; I'd saved him no small measure of heartache. I was correct.

I just wished it didn't hurt.

He seemed to concur. "I hate that it's true, but... Dad didn't go through all that just so I could fall short to put us back in the limelight. If I fail it... all meant nothin'. I ain't gonna let him down, and... nobody'll take us serious if I'm Lainey. We already got it hard enough, bein' beastfolk." Painful resignment locked his face in a grid of confused hurt. Before I could ask, he already answered my next question. "But... I got a feelin' these feelings won't go away so easy. So... if ya wanna keep, um. Doin' what we were doin'... I think I'd really like that."

Sweet relief; he wanted what I wanted. I nodded vociferously. "Yes. I'd... like that too."

He smiled bittersweet. "Okay. Then I'll see ya tonight."

* * *

We continued on for over a month like that. Not every night, but most, I'd find the time to sneak off to Lanely's dorm. And he'd don the mantle of Lainey, and I'd be Marlowe, and we could pretend that that was all we ever were. A beastfolk without obligation, and a vampire without threat.

Just two girls, who were allowed to be so with each other, and be with each other.

I wasn't sure exactly, what to call our... standing. A 'relationship' or 'partners' seemed too formal. 'Girlfriends'? Obviously not. 'Boyfriends' made even less sense... and made my skin crawl.

Why wasn't there a word for 'friendly acquaintances and study partners who cross-dressed together and also engaged in romantic and borderline sexual intimacy'? A failure of language, to be certain.

'Cross-dressing'... it didn't consciously occur to me at the time that that was what I was doing. It felt like a dirty word, reserved for lechers and perverts and appropriating thieves. Yet that term did objectively apply. If I'd had the thought, it would be impossible to deny: so I did everything in my power to not have that thought.

For a while it was, perhaps, the happiest period of my life. Nights spent and stolen in clothes I had no right to, with someone I didn't deserve, but in those fractured moments I could forget that, and just be. It was perfect.

But all things die.

The night it came to an end, I'd had an exhausting week. My roommates continued to insist on being around at most hours, and my time with Lainey meant I had less nights to sneak off to the apothecary. I sluggishly trudged through the door of her room, to find her already dressed and waiting for me. "Woah-", she started. "You alright, Marls?"

My heart lifted at the nickname. Strange, how I'd usually hated them... We'd agreed that for all intents and purposes, that door was a portal, passing through which instantly changed my name and presentation. There were even some nights earlier that week were I didn't dress up at all, too tired to put on a performance, yet she still called me Marlowe. It was like our little bubble of upside-down reality.

I shrugged. "Ugh. Long week."

She pursed her lips. "Wanna just cuddle up tonight?"

I considered it, but decided that it would do me some good to go the whole distance. Take my mind off things. As I prepared myself, which I'd done with increasing acuity thanks to her lessons, a gnawing feeling at the back of my mind... the back of my throat kept pulling at my attention.

Now donning a charming little corduroy skirt Lainey had bought me, I sat back down beside her. One benefit to having a wealthier friend... even in exile as her father was: she was flush with cash in ways I never would be. Though how she gained the confidence to clothes shop for both her and myself, I never quite puzzled out.

Lainey slung an arm around my shoulder, pulling me tight, planting a quick kiss on the top of my forehead. She started talking about energy recapture and stigmas against necromancy and some elaborate spreadsheet she'd made and... at some point I stopped listening. My mind started to drift, in a foggy haze, as the only concrete feeling that could anchor me was...

Hunger.

I'd hardly eaten. Gods, the second I acknowledged that feeling, it was like a wave crashed into me. I was starving, and I didn't even realize it.

"Marlowe?" She said, directed and attention-grabbing. I shook my head, and looked at her. Things were getting fuzzy. "Oh... oh, gods, are you okay? Marlowe, you look famished!"

My lips tried to form words. They faltered as I felt my fanged incisors greeting the open air.

No. Gods, no, I needed to take control, I couldn't- I wouldn't let anything happen to her. I grabbed the side of my head. "Fuck. I'm... I haven't fed in weeks. Lainey, you're... you're in danger, I-"

"Hey!" She grabbed my shoulders. "It's alright. Listen... can you hold on?"

This was no time for pretty lies. I couldn't, and she needed to know; to run from me. I shook my head.

"Okay. What if..." Resolve took hold of her like a flag-bearer's standard. I'd always known she was brave, if odd. I never imagined how true that was. "Marlowe, what if you fed on me?"

Shocked and horrified, I could only stare. She had no idea what she was suggesting. "Lainey... I can't hurt you..."

She shook her head. "I don't wanna see you suffer like this... and I... well. I can't lie and say I haven't thought about it." I sputtered. Were my head not so full of fog I might've laughed at the bluntly ridiculous statement. "You won't hurt me."

I wanted to say no. I should have said no... yet. I knew from past experience, that my body wouldn't give me a choice. Like a sneaking shadow, hunger had crept upon me, and now held a knife to my throat. At least if I chose to indulge it... I could ensure I wouldn't injure her.

That's what I thought, anyways.

A hard lump in my throat went down with a swallow. "Okay. Um... lie down. I promise to only take what I need."

"Just what you need. Of course. I trust you." She shouldn't have. She really, really shouldn't have. Lainey laid supine on the couch, fists clenched in anticipation. She looked at me like I could do no wrong.

I leaned over her, hands either side of her shoulders, and knelt down. I was, of course, unpracticed at this facet of vampirism. Yet that hardly seemed to matter, as instinct took over. The daggered tips of my canines pressed down past the light trail of fur, and pushed into the skin. She gave some resistance, before the tensed skin collapsed to the pressure, and sharp virgin teeth sunk deep into the side of her neck.

A rush of endorphins lit my brain like fireworks. I winced, and nearly moaned, and felt a trickle of blood kiss the edge of my lip. My fangs explored her veins a moment longer, swimming through the feeling of having pierced her, before I pulled away, and wrapped my mouth around the fresh wound. And I began to drink.

It was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The hot, metallic ichor was nectar to my tongue. Every drop brought new understanding, new life, sweet and filling and whole, just thick enough to paint my own insides, but thin enough to fill my throat smoothly. It was the greatest thing I'd ever tasted. She was the greatest thing I'd ever tasted. I was sure part of if it was my lifetime of drinking stale blood, but I'd have sworn that the fact that it was her made it so much better. The closeness we'd forged, the adoration I felt for her... it was like that feeling itself suffused into her veins, colored my tongue with the longing I'd always had for her.

To think, I thought I had seen the extent of her gifts to me. She'd given me not just sanctuary, but life itself. She was making me alive. I never wanted that perfect moment to end. I drank, and drank, and drank.

"M-Marlowe...", she whimpered.

Yes, Gods, yes! Marlowe. I was Marlowe, I was her Marlowe. And she was my Lainey. I lost myself to the bubbly, wonderful thought.

"Marlowe! S-stop...", Lainey pleaded, weakly.

My eyes shot wide. How long had it been... Quickly, I pulled away from her, feeling completely alert where before I'd been lethargic. I looked down at my... at Lainey. She looked pale as a specter, exhausted, on the verge of passing out. She could barely lift her head.

Like the reaper's scythe rending me apart, dread split me in two. I could only stare in horror at what I'd done. Every illusion and delusion I'd floated into the air shattered at once. I wasn't Marlowe. I was Oscar Bromley. I was dangerous. And I'd hurt him. I'd taken too much... I always took too much.

He looked as if a stiff breeze would sunder him to ash. I couldn't... I had to act. Lanely's life was at stake.

Yet as I stood to march out the door, selfish shame bewitched my hand. I couldn't... go out like this.

Lanely passed out by the time I'd shed myself of my faux persona, and I rushed out the door without a second guilty glance back to him. Someone would have to help him. They had to.

I didn't let the thought sink in, that I'd done this. That it was my responsibility. That at every turn I'd put myself before him.

I supposed that made me yet more the monster.

* * *

Nursing staff had him in care for a long while. I'd spun a story about finding him like that already... I could only pray they'd believe me. If Lanely had decided as such, he could have divulged the truth at any time, and that would be it for my hopes of a school life, or a career, or even a future that didn't involve pitchforks and torches.

It's what I deserved, to be certain.

I couldn't bear to see him. He didn't come to class, of course. And the rumors circulated, of course... about the state he'd been found in, though thankfully it seemed the particulars of his condition were kept close to the chest of the medical staff. I never heard anyone chatter about a vampire bite.

Weeks passed without seeing him again. That was fine, I thought. He was well within his rights to never speak to me again, after I'd...

I'd taken from him. That is fundamentally what I'd done. I took and took, and never gave anything in return. I was no less a thief than Alabastra, and I had the audacity to judge her for it. Just a worthless hypocrite.

And then one day, I returned to my dorm to find a letter waiting for me, slipped under the bottom of the door. It beckoned that I come to the Skyway station at noon. To say my goodbyes.

Perhaps I should not have even gone. Saved him the heartache of having to look at me once more.

But even then, at the other side of having torn it apart, still I was selfish. So I walked to the edge of campus, where the wide broad street met a skyway station stretching out and up to further ends of the city. A relative few people ambled about the station, waiting for the next tram.

And amongst them, Lanely Sedgwick stood apace of the platform's stairs, two large suitcases sitting on the floor either side of him, tail swooshing in anticipation. I couldn't possibly read the expression on his face. Was it anger? Regret? Fear?

The last seemed the most likely.

Fearful of the monster. As he always should have been. There was never a point in trying to get that across, of course. He was stubborn.

"Hi", he said. Not his little joke greeting he saved only for me. Just... 'hi'. A tiny little gesture, trepidatious, unsure, testing if a little word could break the frozen ocean that had solidified between us.

"Hi", I returned. As stalwart as I could. My voice still shook, despite myself. I lashed at my mind with self-admonishing insults. I didn't deserve his pity or understanding... so nor did I deserve the reactions that might tease such things out of him. He should have hated me, nothing less.

Lanely grabbed at his own arm, squeezing in comfort against the frigid winter storm my arrival brought with. I could tell he didn't know how to start, but eventually, he simply got to the point. "Dad, um. Heard about what happened. I covered for, er, lied for you best as I could with the nurses. I don't think administration suspects you, but... it was kinda hard to hide the neck bites. So... they told him I got attacked." I burned out the rising guilty with obligation. He continued, "He said that it was dangerous, bein' in the city where monsters could hide. So he... wants me to come home. And... I didn't see any reason not to." He'd obviously had time to process such information, yet even still he failed to hold back the glassy-eyed overcast. Out in obscurity and exile with his father, he'd never fulfill his lofty ambitions. Another thing I stole.

I stared. I didn't know what to say, either. Of course, I chose wrong. I always seemed to choose wrong. "I see..." A pause, as I failed to make my next words any more poetic or laden with gravitas than that; instead they were a clumsy, rusted sword to cut loose the last thread, dull and oafish. "Goodbye, then."

His breath hitched, and he stared back in disbelief. "Goodbye?", he asked, gobsmacked by my audacity. "That's all you have to say? Goodbye?!"

"..." I stared at his feet.

"Not... nothin' else? You don't... even want me to stay? No acknowledgments, or thanks, or... or anythin'? Just, 'see ya later.'" He sniffed back tears, and said through a breaking voice, "Did... did any of it mean anything to you?"

And what could I possibly say to that? That it was the best month of my life? That I hated myself more than I'd hated anyone before for ruining it? That Lanely Sedgwick had carved a hole in my heart that would be vacant for the rest of my days, because of my own actions? Of course not...

If all of that were true, I'd feel it. I'd feel anything at all, instead of the numbness that took hold of me. The dulling opiate of my own lack of personhood, whisking away any emotions that should have been there. That's all I was, really... just an empty, nothing space; a null nonperson.

As I searched the face of the catfolk, I found in him, and everyone, something that I did not have.

I was born dead.

Cold, biting guilt chewed at the bottom of my heart, the only thing I could possibly be allowed to feel. Endless, fathomless guilt, and nothing else. The Gods could have at least granted me the kindness to feel nothing at all... Remorse was my north star. I'd never learned to sail by the winds of anything but self-loathing.

So I said nothing more. Finally, he straightened his back at the distant rhythmic clack-clank of skyway wheels on arcane rails. "I have a train to catch..." He picked up his bags. "So... I guess... Goodbye." He looked at me for only a moment longer, then turned, and marched up the stairs.

I watched him the whole time as he went, counting the seconds until he was out of sight in aching slow motion. With each step, I imagined every night erased, beaten into the dusts of time.

And then he was gone.

For a moment, I could only stare at the spot he'd left in front of me, like his ghost might still forgive me. Of course, he wasn't dead... in fact, he was lucky to be alive. But if he had been, at least I might carry him along. This was almost worse; he'd continue on, and I had no right to the memories he left me. I wasn't the only one holding them, and of the two, I had less right to them. So I relinquished them.

One by one, I forced them out of my mind.

Focused as I was, I didn't hear them approach. But a hand clasped on my shoulder shook me from my state. I wheeled around in a brief panic to see Alabastra, and that faun she'd started hanging around, staring back at me.

"Hey-a, Flowers!", the half-elf said, all smiles. Then she looked past me, at the station, and the tram now pulling away. "Was that... Lanely Sedgwick?"

I pulled inward. "Yes..." I looked back at the cart, sailing southbound for the train station out of the city. "You just missed him."

She snapped her fingers in frustration. "Damn. Was hopin' to talk to 'em about..." She stopped with darting eyes. "Somethin'."

Liquid guilt like a waterfall sank through me. "That's too bad."

Alabastra looked down at me, struck with a thought, head cocked to one side. "You alright, Flowers?" This thief was always trying to get in people's business. But this was our affair, not hers.

And what could she possibly have done, anyways?

I spared one last glance to the tram as it sped around a corner, and said a quiet final goodbye to three people at once. Then I met her emerald eyes once more.

"Why wouldn't I be?"