Wings

Sophia got home from work a few minutes later and joined in the hasty, makeshift birthday party, pretending to be shocked and overjoyed at my “unexpected” arrival. True to Mrs. Ramsey’s promise, she didn’t question me any more about where I’d been, and didn’t talk about how I’d earn a living or finish my education or whether and how we’d contact my parents. When Mr. Ramsey brought those topics up, she gently suggested we save them for tomorrow.

It was too short notice to make a birthday cake, Mrs. Ramsey said, but they had a couple of boxes of Girl Scout cookies that they’d bought from the scouts at church the previous Sunday, and we nibbled on those and they sang “Happy Birthday” for me, and I cried, and everybody hugged me. Then they unfolded the sofa bed for me, got out some pillows, sheets and a blanket, and made it up.

“Good night, Lauren,” Meredith said just before she went to bed. “I’m so happy for you!”

“I’m so glad to be here,” I said, and we hugged again. “Good night.”

 

* * *

 

Monday morning, Meredith was up early, showering and making breakfast. I woke up at the smell of cooking (I hadn’t smelled anything in months!) and pitched in. Sophia had been up almost all night, of course, and hung out with us once we sat down to eat. Then Mrs. Ramsey got up and joined us, followed a few minutes later by Mr. Ramsey.

“So,” Mrs. Ramsey asked, “have you thought through your plans? What are you going to do next?”

“Well,” I said, “some of the details depend on how much it’s convenient for y’all to help me — giving me rides and stuff, I mean. I need to prove my identity, get my name and gender marker changed, and get a new driver’s license, and I need to find a job. Hopefully in walking distance.” Their house was about six blocks south of the downtown business district, and four blocks west of a state highway that, while largely residential along that stretch, had businesses along it too. Brocksboro was way too small to have public transit. “And I need to take my GED. I’ve been studying for it.”

“I was thinking about enrolling you in high school after we get your identity sorted out,” Mr. Ramsey said. “But... let me think. You missed the last few months of your junior year, didn’t you? Have you been going to school anywhere else?”

“No, it wasn’t like I could attend classes when I was having to keep a low profile. But I’ve been studying on my own, like I said.”

“That raises another question,” he said. “Erin has convinced me not to pry about where you’ve been for the last fourteen months.” He shared a look with her, then met my eyes again. “But would you mind telling us why you left? Meredith and Sophia hinted that your parents might... well, that you might not be safe at home once they found out you’d been venning, but she wouldn’t say more without your permission.”

I told them about the conversation I’d overheard when Mom and Dad had talked about how they ought to send Meredith to conversion therapy, and how I’d looked that up later and been horrified at the idea of torturing kids into being cis and straight. “And I knew if they found out I’d venned into a girl, they’d probably do that to me, too. So I left. Maybe it wasn’t the smartest or bravest thing I’ve ever done, but it turned out okay.”

“It was dangerous,” Mrs. Ramsey pointed out. “The online friends you trusted to venn you into an unrecognizable form... you never know people online as well as you think. They might have turned you into almost anything. Not to mention hitchhiking to California.”

So they’d apparently heard, either from my parents or more likely from mutual friends at their old church, about the letter I’d gotten Tatiana to remail.

“I don’t want to give away too much and get my friends in trouble,” I said. “But it wasn’t as dangerous as you’re probably assuming.”

Mr. Ramsey’s eyes narrowed, and he looked at Meredith and Sophia. “Did you... venn her into something lightweight and mail her to this friend in California?”

“No,” Sophia said, and Meredith echoed her a moment later. In her doll body, Sophia had a nigh-perfect poker face, but Meredith’s expression was giving away that she knew more than she was saying.

“Let it go,” Mrs. Ramsey said. “She’s safe now. You said you’d been preparing for your GED?” she continued, turning back to me.

“Yes, with books and online self-study courses. I recently looked up the upcoming test dates around here...” I told them when the next couple of GED tests would be administered.

“I think it would be useful for you to have some external feedback on how well you’ve prepared for the tests,” Mrs. Ramsey said. “I think you should consider enrolling in high school again once we get your identity straightened out. If you can take exams as part of your high school courses and get a regular diploma from Eastern Mynatt, that would make it easier to get into college than a GED.”

“That would be good,” I said tentatively. I’d been so sure I couldn’t get into high school again after dropping out that I hadn’t even bothered to check. After over a year of studying on my own, I wasn’t super keen on going back to classroom pacing... and crowded classrooms... but I’d have to get used to it again in college if not now. And it would be worth it if it improved my chances of getting into the college I wanted, even if I had to “repeat” my senior year. Maybe not if I had to repeat my junior year as well, though?

About then, Meredith and Sophia left for school, giving me hugs again before they walked out to the car. Then Mr. and Mrs. Ramsey and I continued our conversation.

“We talked about this last night,” Mr. Ramsey said. “You’re welcome to stay with us until you have a better place to stay, but there are some conditions.”

“Okay?”

“One is that you start looking for a job. Once you find one, we’ll negotiate rent you can afford.”

“It won’t be much,” Mrs. Ramsey said with a slight smile. “It wouldn’t be fair to charge the price of a studio apartment when all we can offer is a sofa bed and a bathroom you’ll share with two other people — three when Caleb’s home.”

“Sure, that’s fair.”

“The second is that you work on continuing your education. Enrolling in high school again if possible, taking the GED if necessary, making definite plans toward college. It sounds like you’ve already been working on that.”

“Yeah, I was already planning all that.”

“The third is that you get counseling. We’ll pay for the first few sessions, and if you have trouble affording it once you get a job, we’ll continue to help pay for it.”

“Okay. That might help.”

“And we think you should let your parents know you’re safe. You don’t necessarily have to meet them in person, but if you want to, we would be happy to be with you to... help smooth things over.”

“I was planning to do that. I sent them a letter once, and I promised to contact them again after I turned eighteen. And I’d really like it if y’all came with me to meet my parents... not at their house, but maybe at a restaurant?” I remembered the last time Mom, Dad, Nathan and I had had lunch with the Ramseys, how loud Dad had gotten and how the waitress and the other diners had stared at us. “On second thought, a restaurant might not be a great idea. But not at their house.”

“Do you want me to call them and let them know you’ve been in contact with us and you want to meet them sometime?”

“Yeah. I... I’m nervous about it, but I think I should get it over with.” I was wringing my hands; Mrs. Ramsey noticed, and patted them reassuringly.

“It doesn’t have to be today. We can sort out proving your identity first, if you like. But it should probably be soon.”

“Yeah. Maybe in a few days, after I get my new identity documents sorted out? I’d like to show them I’ve already done that.”

 

* * *

 

A few hours later, after we did some research and printed out some PDF forms, and Mr. Ramsey talked on the phone with his lawyer, we showered and got ready to go. Mrs. Ramsey told me I could borrow whatever I wanted from Meredith’s closet; “I’m sure she won’t mind, and you’re roughly the same size.”

As I went into the hall bathroom with the clothes I’d picked out and closed the door behind me, I realized I was about to see my girl body naked for the first time. I’d been a girl for an hour or two here and there over the last few years, but it was going on thirteen hours now, the longest time I’d ever been a girl — unless you counted the months in my almost-a-boy body. I’d used the toilet as a girl or dragon-girl several times, and I’d changed from the street clothes the Venn machine had given me into borrowed pajamas last night, but I’d never stripped down completely, much less showered like this.

After staring at myself in the mirror for a few moments, I finally bit the bullet and started taking off the pajamas Meredith had loaned me. It took a few moments to figure out how to undo the venned bra — venned clothes sometimes have unusual fasteners. This turned out to be something like Velcro, but without the characteristic ripping sound. With a strong enough tug at just the right angle, it came silently apart, while as much force as I could exert pulling on it at other angles had no effect. Cool.

Geeking out over the engineering of the bra had almost distracted me from the thrill of seeing my breasts, but not quite. I enjoyed the sight for a moment, and touched them gingerly, then finished taking off my pajama pants, socks, and panties. I’d seen my lady-bits before, of course, every time I peed or showered when I’d been living with Mom and Dad and going to school as a secret girl. But it was still nice to see them again, properly framed this time by girlish legs and wide hips.

I took a longer shower than I usually do, and maybe used up all the Ramseys’ hot water, but can you blame me?

 

* * *

 

At eleven on a Monday, there wasn’t any line for the Venn machine at the library. There was a white guy in his early thirties, wearing a business suit. He was standing near the machine, but not as though he were waiting to use it. We approached him and Mr. Ramsey said, “Ben, it’s good to see you.”

“Justin, Erin, hi. This is the girl you were telling me about?”

“Yes, we’d like to have you witness her long-term venn.”

“All right. You understand you’ll need to cancel your current change so we can all see your baseline body, then have Justin and Erin attest your identity, and then venn you into the form you want?”

“Yes, sir.” I wasn’t looking forward to it, but hopefully this would be the last time.

“All right.”

We set up the machine, and when the doors opened, I went in alone, braced myself, and pressed the red button. A moment later I was back in my original body, wearing the raincoat and stocking cap (but no longer with the wads of gum in my cheeks; one of the times I’d changed back after being a necklace, I’d spat out the gum into some tissue). I shivered unhappily, but I reminded myself this was the last time, and walked out.

“I guess it was cold and raining when you changed?” the lawyer asked. I nodded nervously. “Okay, I’m going to take a photo of you. Stand just there — so I can get part of the Venn machine and the sign in front of the library in the background — there. Smile. Wait, take off the hat first.”

I forced a smile and took off the stocking cap, and he took a couple of photos, one full figure with the Venn machine in the background, and one close-up of my face.

“Okay, now you’ll need to fingerprint this form...”

Mr. and Mrs. Ramsey had to swear that I was the same person they’d known for years under my deadname, and sign a document to that effect. The whole time, I was feeling how wrong my body was and trying to be patient. But just a few minutes later, I was back in the machine with Mrs. Ramsey, and it was only then that I realized the flaw in this plan. I should have stalled somehow, done this later when Meredith or Sophia was available to venn me.

“History,” she said, and looked over my recent forms — then her eyes got wide and she stared at a point on the screen in front of her.

We were both quiet, her staring, me stammering, for a few moments. Then: “You were with us the whole time! That dragon statue — the one Meredith gave to Sophia at some point —”

“Please don’t tell anybody,” I said. “I don’t want Meredith and Sophia to go to jail or something.”

“I won’t,” she said. “I might talk with the girls about it... or Justin... but nobody else. I need to think about it. Wow. I just... you must have been able to move and see and all, like Sophia’s doll body, right? Unless you were lying about working toward your GED all this time...”

“No, that’s right. I would just freeze into the same position every time I heard someone opening the door.”

“Wow. Okay, let’s set that aside. I see several human girls here, a necklace — wait, wasn’t Meredith wearing that a few weeks ago?”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“Anyway. I also see some nonhuman and hybrid forms. Can I assume you want the girl form you were wearing last night and this morning?”

“Yes, please. And thank you for not telling anybody.”

“You need to be careful who sees your history... but I don’t suppose all that many people have seen your dragon statue form. Justin, some of Meredith and Sophia’s friends, Caleb... oh, and Savannah.”

“Yeah. Originally it was going to be Meredith who venned me when we proved my identity, but I didn’t realize you would rush to do it while they’re at school... could you please finish this? I’m getting —” It wasn’t the full-blown panic attack I’d had the first time I’d reverted to my baseline form after a day as a necklace, but I was feeling pretty gross.

“Sorry. I just wanted a few moments to talk privately, but...” She touched one of the images in front of her, then the green button, and I was back to the girl form I’d refined over the past couple of years. I sighed with relief.

“Thanks.”

The chance for me to transform her timed out and the doors opened.

“What took so long?” Mr. Ramsey asked. “You were in there a long time to just pick the most recent form from her history.”

“I saw some interesting things in her Venn history, and we talked about some of them for a few minutes.” She looked thoughtful, and I figured she was uncomfortable hiding the truth from her husband even temporarily, but didn’t want to talk about it in front of Ben.

The lawyer took a couple more photos and got me to fingerprint the next row of boxes on the form, then we all signed it, and he notarized it, and we returned to the house.

“There’s a lot more to do,” Mr. Ramsey said, “and we’ll help with it as much as we can, but we can’t drop our own work entirely. Being self-employed gives us the flexibility to do things like this, but if we do it too often, paying the mortgage and buying groceries becomes a problem.”

I spent the next couple of hours calling and making appointments, and filling out forms online — preparing for my name change and trying to get into high school again. Once I’d done everything I could with that for the moment, I went and asked Mrs. Ramsey, who was packing up things to send to customers, if there was anything I could do to help around the house.

“I can tell I’m going to love having you as a boarder,” she said with a smile. “Sure. Check and see if any of the trash cans are full, and take the bags out to the big can. And there’s clean towels and washcloths in the dryer — they go in the closet of the hall bathroom.”

“Okay, sure,” and I went to work. That occupied me until Meredith got home from school; Sophia had a short shift at Metamorphoses after school on Mondays.

“Meredith,” I heard Mrs. Ramsey say, “we need to sort out some clothes for Lauren.” I put away the last of the washcloths I’d been working on and went into the living room, where Meredith had just set down her bookbag.

“Sure,” she said. She glanced over at me as I came into the room and smiled.

“I figure you and Sophia and I can all spare a few things we don’t wear all that often,” Mrs. Ramsey continued. “Put them in a bag and let Lauren go in the machine with them, and let it tailor them to fit her.”

“Thank you,” I said.

“Okay,” Meredith said. “I’ll do that tonight. I don’t have any homework due tomorrow.”

“I’ll go pick out some of my own things after supper,” Mrs. Ramsey said.

“I’m done with the trash and the towels,” I said. “Do you want help fixing supper?”

“It’s Justin and Meredith’s turn tonight,” Mrs. Ramsey said. “And my turn to clean up after, since Sophia’s working tonight. You can help me with that, and during supper we can sort out a new cooking and cleaning rotation that includes you. Did your parents teach you to cook?”

“Just a few simple things.”

“Well, you can learn more here.”