Why are you special?

Of course, now I need to decide how to handle the other two prophets: Water’s Immortal prophet Roger the rogue, and Air’s shockingly offensive prophet Winifred the Wizard.  At least with these two I know which is which, as I captured them personally.  

I’ll start with Roger, I think.  As a rogue, he can barely do anything to me, and in a dead magic plane, he’ll be able to do even less. And of course, I’m already on a dead magic demiplane from dealing with Ravell.

So I crack his soul trap spell open, and he reforms.

The halfling is smiling, “So how long has it been this time?”

That’s a very nonchalant attitude… “A matter of hours.  I take it you’ve been trapped before?”

He’s still smiling, “Oh yes. The immortality is great, but my real power is what I know.  Someone always wants a crack at me for that, which leads to… well…” he opens his arms and does a twirl.

Of course.  “Well, I didn’t actually open you up to pick your brain.  I’m just repatriating all the captured soldiers, and didn’t see a particular need to treat you overly differently beyond handling you myself and taking a few extra safety measures in case you have some tricks up your sleeve.”

Roger pauses, a frown crinkling his olive-skinned brow as his blue eyes narrow, “Where were you born?”

I tilt my head, “What possible relevance is that, and why would I feel the need to give away information?” I’ve known too many rogues.  I really shouldn’t engage.  “This is about the terms of your release.  You’re to…”

“I’m sure the first thing you’re going to have me do is strip, supposedly so I can’t be hiding anything, when we all know you really want to just stare at my Rod of Lordly Might.  Then you’ll confiscate all my gear, then maybe put me back in the gem and ransom me, right?  Standard fare, really.” Rude little halfling interrupting me.  Also, no.  That really isn’t why.

I roll my eyes, “Look, if I wanted a partner for a meaningless fling, I’d get a Satyr, maybe polymorph him into something more to my liking.  In fact…” I use a floating feat on Contagious Spell (it doesn't do anything immediately, but when someone tries and fails to remove the effect by more than a particular amount, it spreads to the one casting the removal spell) Reach Spell and Persistent Spell on Conditional Curse; he will now always be female, regardless of what magic he uses, until such time as he gives birth to a child… although remove curse could also get rid of it, theoretically, and depending on how Water flavors his immortality, suicide might do it too.  “There.  Now you don’t need to worry about me staring at your stirring stick.”

She seems annoyingly unphased, “Oh, the magic works here? Catch you later…” he slides a wand out of his sleeve and speaks to it… and of course, nothing happens.

I smile, “I can cast here because I’m the champion of the Blessed Mother.  That’s not your blessing. You’re merely going to survive anything I throw at you.  So, back to the terms of your release….”

The stupid rogue interrupts again, “What, you’ve got the Ultimate Power of Magic or something?” He pauses and I get a ping from Sense Motive: She’s carrying on two conversations.  Of course.

I continue, “Your patron is probably already telling you that’s a wrong guess, I imagine?  I'm familiar with the rules and loopholes. Yes, The Tidebringer knows what blessing I have.  And knowing what it is really won’t help.  Regardless.  Yes, I do want you to strip down…”

“How about no?”

I guess she counts as a PC. And is probably  trying to goad me into killing her as a means of escape. “Well… I'm mostly asking to be polite. I really don’t have to be.  Let me show you…” and drop a Persistent, Contagious Shamefully Overdressed spell on her. It's a mental compulsion spell that basically forces the target to strip, at a rate of one article every six seconds, magic or mundane.  It doesn't apply to rings, amulets, or armor, but it works on just about everything else.

As I feel the spell take hold on her mind, she screams, “Ack! These shoes… eww… they do not go with this new me….”

She keeps it up for quite a while, picking something at random to remove every few seconds, eventually getting most of her body slots, specifically the items on her belt, body, chest, eyes, feet, hands, head, headband, shoulders, or wrists. However, her rings, amulet, and armor stay, as do her ioun stones.  She's nearly nude, though. It's a nice little striptease, all that's missing is the thumpy music, booze, bouncers, and drunk crowd.

Of course, she keeps baiting me the whole time. “Hah! Like I need this to beat you!” “I'm only doing this to give you a snowball's chance in Mount Doom,” “So how many of you do you think it would actually take to defeat me?” And on and on.

After a while, I put a stop to it, with a Suggestion spell, “You know, there's far more permanent things than death; you might want to cooperate before I do something like cast Imprisonment on you.” It's limited to a sentence or two, and it must be made to sound reasonable, but I'm getting really tired of her baiting me to kill her.

“Yeah, I suppose that's true…” she starts stripping the rest of her gear, including armor, amulet, her rings, and ioun stones.

I really don’t like mind control, but soldiers captured in battle need tp be disarmed. “So, on the terms of your release: I will be providing two traveler's outfits, a backpack, a month of trail rations, basic tools of a nonviolent trade of your choice, a couple of full waterskins, a tent, a bedroll, thirty pieces of silver, plus a basic shortbow and some matching arrows for hunting and self defense. After that, I'll teleport you to a major city of your choice.  Oh, and this is intended as exile; don't come anywhere near Brasilia again.”

She freezes at that, “You’re not even ransoming me?”

I shrug, “It's not worth the hassle. Now, what trade would you like to pursue?”

The Suggestion spell is still running, but she's balking at this, “I'll take a trapper's kit, please. Do you have ANY idea how much I'm worth to my allies or to my enemies? Seriously the live bounty on me from people who want what I know is…”

I interrupt, “Still not worth my time. Money is of no consequence to me. Where would you like me to release you?”

The mind control takes precedence, so she answers my actual question first, “Gilcrest, please. The vaults I know about are…”

Again, I'm really not interested, “I have as many magical items as I want, as quickly as I want. I have no need to take that which is another's. I'm confiscating your gear just like I'm confiscating the gear of all the soldiers in your army, and for the same reason: So you'll all remember not to do this again, and to keep you from causing trouble. I may take a look at anything particularly interesting, but it'll pretty much all go into a vault somewhere to be forgotten.” I toss Roger's old gear through a portal via Telekinesis, closing it after.

She's flabbergasted, having trouble closing her mouth… pretty heavy pride there, “There are emperors who would give their heir's hands in marriage…”

Again, I really don’t care, but respond as I make the mundane gear, “I can have all the servants I want more quickly with my magic, I've no interest in getting married to someone as a reward, and I've no interest in ruling.”

As Roger looks at the gear, she comes to a realization, “You have me under some enchantments… I can't wear them.”

The Sense Motive skill lets folks figure out when someone isn't entirely themselves… and has no restriction preventing using it on one's self. “Correct. The constant baiting for me to kill you convinced me to curse you. You'll need to pull in some favors for Remove Curse or Break Enchantment.” Yeah, I've got a mean streak.

Roger nods, “Yes, I've got some markers I can call in.”

I smile, “Great,” and open a portal to Gilcrest via the Gate spell, “Goodbye, and take care not to come back without an invitation from me. I may not be able to kill you,” well, I can, but that would also kill my sister, or at least cripple her ability to act, “but that's hardly the worst thing that can happen to someone.”

She gathers the goods and goes, a freshly minted nudist, taking one last glance back as I close the portal.  That's one down.  

Of course, now I need to deal with the one that I can't disarm without consequences I'm not willing to stomach.  Winifred is going to be tricky, because I really don’t want to die.

Again.