Why are you special?

Regardless of the obstacles, though, I still need to give these bozos instructions. And they've demonstrated that I can't really trust them. So….

“Regarding the coming army: You guys set your forces in order, and focus on guarding the city walls. Now, the dungeon here is quite nasty, but just in case they find a way to take it down,” or rather, for when I do, “make sure to not neglect the basic mundane defenses. Keep a good stock of arrows, ballistae bolts, rocks for the trebuchets, and so on.” Not that ballistae and trebuchets are traditionally used defensively, but they can be, “I'll see about neutralizing the incoming army about the time it seems committed.”

“You. By yourself. OK, yes, you're something else, but have you SEEN that army?” The naked general doesn't like me. Which is kind of fair.

“I have actually,” or rather, I'm looking at them right now. A couple of the soldiers don't know they're pregnant, and a LOT of the soldiers make use of the camp followers for ‘stress relief’ - any time you gather people in sufficient numbers, I'm going to have eyes on them from my Divine duties. I know exactly where the army is, how fast it's moving, roughly how large, and most of the compositional details. It's privileged information due to how I got it, so I can't tell anybody, but I can make use of it myself, no problem, “And I have allies - I'm sure you've seen the giants, golems, and angels I have as servants.” And I really haven't shown these guys all my cards, “I'm mostly confident I'll be able to neutralize their forces.”

It's really hard for the naked general to look dignified and threatening, but he's trying, “And WHEN your overconfidence dooms you?”

I don't expect it will, but… “Then you'd better hope you guard the walls well. And even if they do manage to do me in… you're not any worse off than if I didn't exist, are you?”

“Not if they capture those extra tall walls of yours,” contradicts the well dressed female general. Again I'm glad looks don't usually kill here. There are exceptions with specific creatures and spells….

True enough, though, “Tell you what: If it makes you feel better, I'll permit your people to man the walls - but not the towers or gates - of my district along with my own servants.” The walls they'll be able to understand: They're just walls. The stuff in the towers… they'll need a few decades of study.

She smiles like the Cheshire Cat, “That's… acceptable.”

Yeah, she's going to try and suss out how things work inside those towers. Good luck with that with your background, especially when you can't actually remove the hardware: It vanishes when it leaves the walls of the tower, part of the spell used to make it all in the first place, “At their current movement rates, I expect the invaders to arrive on about the twentieth of next month… but they may speed up, slow down, take a different route, or similar, of course, so that should not be taken as The Blessed Mother's gospel truth,” even though it does come from me, and I currently hold that title.

The generals ALL roll their eyes at me at that one. OK, yeah, I said something obvious. Anyway, I need to get to the real preparations, “Any particular comments?”

…I should not have asked that.

Six hours later after they FINALLY run out of hot air and bluster, and we've ended their planning session, Wanda is helping me relax with her head between my legs as I go over my plans with the folks who'll be doing the real work: Oscar, David, Wanda, Alfred, Buttercup, and of course myself.

Oh, that tongue, “OK, so Alfred: I want you controlling the towers’ defenses, simply because you actually know what a maser is.” Short for microwave laser. Military folks found that high powered radar occasionally killed entire flocks of birds, which is part of why the microwave was invented shortly after world war two. It's very inefficient compared to other things in my prior world, so Earth military forces just use bullets, but any objects from the towers vanish when they leave so getting Gatling guns running on them wouldn't work for exterior defense… and power is a complete non-issue when I have a nuclear reactor in each building.

Alfred shouts out, “YES…” in response… although that may be because he just dropped a load in Wanda. I shrank my animal companion down to Medium (think the size of a really large dog) for this meeting, and he's currently hilted in Wanda's waste chute. I've been keeping Alfred in dragon form, of course (so a really large dog with a long neck for the bite, thick scales instead of fur, sharp claws, wings strong enough to be used as clubs, and fiery breath...).

I keep going… ooh, Wanda is really good with her tongue… “David, I'd like you to play liaison with the other generals. You ran a sizeable country for a long time, I'm hoping you can manage them. I also plan to put most of the constructs and regular summons under your command. Our district is of course where they’ll be initially stationed, but I do want to keep the townsfolk safe, so don’t treat that as the only thing to defend.”

He's under Wanda, with his stirring stick in her baby oven, and stops sucking milk from Wanda long enough to answer, “Yes, I can deal with the generals, and if they don't act well… I'm sure my real form will get them to behave. This won’t be my first battle with an atypical army, part of which I can't trust, and I’m well aware how wealth is made… well, for anyone but you…” before going back to drinking his fill.

I look over at my construct, “Oscar, I'd like it if you took the Adamantine golems and keep the dungeon clean; we don't know exactly when the actual fighting will start, but I would like you to be ready, and turn the magic off when I give the word; my job will be a lot easier if I'm the only one that can cast.”

Oscar nods, “Sure thing boss.” He's just standing there, currently in human form. As a construct, he's not a biological being, and has no biological urges… which makes him Ace, I guess… and he has, at most, an intellectual interest in our activities.

“Buttercup, you're with me. Until Oscar turns the magic off, you're a wonderful defensive measure,” and I'm seriously contemplating copying you for everyone, “and after that, you're a fine fighter with my buffs.”

Currently in the form of an elf, Buttercup takes her mouth off my milk jugs long enough to acknowledge her role, “That's fine. You're actually starting to produce, by the way.”

Wait I… oh. That must be what that odd sensation in my chest means. I suppose I am carrying, and Buttercup inherited my enjoyment of massive milkers, and I have been letting her play with mine because it feels nice, so they're regularly stimulated… and I kind of expected it to happen eventually due to my own perception of my new role… eh, harmless, “Good to know. And … WANDA…” I shudder as I scream out her name as the very patient work she's been doing bears fruit. I think she may have timed that deliberately... I take a breath so I can continue speaking: “You'll be a reserve force. You can sling spells with the best of them when the magic is on, are a fine fighter when it's not,” especially with my buffs, which will keep going during the planned magic outage, “plus you're very mobile. I'd like you to spend most of your time well above the battlefield on overwatch, keeping us all apprised of the situation, and take David's directions when he's got a hole to plug.”

《Can do, Sunflower,》Wanda's using the Interplanar Telepathic Bond spell I dripped on us all. Because it's rude to talk with your mouth full, and hers is very busy eating me out.

“And for my part, I plan to take point. I'll let the army come so that people here get a good look at what they'd be facing without us, then dispose of the army.”

David hums, and speaks while he switches which of Wanda's wonders he's milking “And how do you plan to handle the three Champions?”

I shrug, “For two of them, I mostly don't need to. Once the dungeon is down,” and the timing lines up closely with when I need to re-seed anyway, “The Earthshaker's blessing of invulnerability just means the champion is a brick. He won't be able to DO much, so I can just put him in a box for later. The Tidebringer's champion's blessing will be similar,” I know what it is, but I haven't learned of it “officially” so I can't say it here, “I'm more worried about The Stormbringer's blessing, but I'm hopeful I can arrange a first strike and make it a last strike as well.” ‘The ultimate power of lightning’ probably doesn't offer a save, and I expect immunities won't work… and of course, it'll cause excessive damage. So I need to avoid getting hit.

“You really expect to be able to take on three Champions, and their army, all at the same time?” David seems concerned. But it's a little hard to tell, as I can't clearly see his face from this angle: Wanda's wonders are in the way.

I consider, “In a manner of speaking: I have some tricks that will help. The army I expect to be a complete non-issue. The Champions… yeah, they might cause a bit of trouble,” mostly because I'm not sure exactly how far they'll push those blessings, “but I do have a strategy in mind. I don’t want to jinx it, though.” And by ‘jinx’, I mean ‘let it slip to someone who has loose lips.’ Yeah, everyone here is reasonably trustworthy, but anyone can make a mistake, you know?

David takes a deep breath and again pauses his ‘work’ on Wanda, “You did want someone who would tell you when you’re being foolish,” … ok, you have a point.

《Right. OK, so…》I start in, sending just to David, 《You’ve seen me do my buff routine a few times, right? Regardless… I can make fragile copies of myself cheaply and quickly. They shatter if they’re so much as scratched, but that’s a GOOD thing as it means they pretty much can’t be suborned. After the enemy forces seem committed, I plan to have Oscar break the dungeon, then I’ll make way more of those than anyone expects, have them invisibly clear out the army and provide distractions for the champions while I sneak in and hit them from stealth… starting with The Stormbringer’s Champion, who I expect to be the most trouble.》

David replies along the same channel, 《Well… that will hopefully do the job, then.》

After a while, we break up the party…