Where the Dead Things Bloom [Romantically Apocalyptic Systemfall Litrpg]

Calvin rubbed his beard thoughtfully. "Prad Earth, you say? Hmm." He walked to a wall covered in sticky note diagrams and calendar pages. "Yes, yes... I can. But first, you must sample my tatoes! Can't navigate dimensional crossroads on an empty stomach, now can we?"

He bustled toward a kitchen area, the mannequins moving aside to let him pass. "Make yourselves at home! The couch over there only tries to absorb visitors on Tuesdays, and today's definitely not Tuesday. Probably."

The couch Calvin indicated consisted of three refrigerators laid sideways, their doors removed and replaced with cushions made from stuffed backpacks. Nessy plopped down on it immediately, tail wagging.

"Comfy!" she commented.

Kristi remained standing, her claws gripping the Decimator rifle. "This place smells so wrong," she muttered.

"It does," Adelle agreed, slumping beside Nessy. "But the dog trusts him so we might as well enjoy the hospitality. Candy, gimme a beer."

Candace handed Adelle a beer can and circled the room, examining Calvin's sticky note arrangements with professional interest. "Heh, that's really cool to see in person," she commented. "Calvin created a sensory web across his entire domain. Minions too. I'm taking notes."

Calvin returned from the kitchen area, carrying a tray loaded with steaming dishes. "Hope everyone likes un-expired potatoes! They're my specialty."

The "potatoes" glowed faintly blue. Calvin distributed plates and utensils, then sat on a barrel chair across from us.

"So," he began, "you want to return to Prad Earth? I can draw you another door."

"We kind of landed in a lake last time," I said.

"The trick to easier dimensional travel is finding a stronger anchor point. A connection that resonates across the dimensional divide," the Mini-Mart Archmage said.

"Like what?" Nessy asked.

"Objects, people, concepts," Calvin explained. "The stronger the connection, the easier the crossing."

Candace perked up. "Could you… maybe lend me a piece of your chalk? That way we could… visit you more often. I'm a Binder so I'm pretty sure that I could use it too."

"Sure!" Calvin clapped his hands. "And I have something that might assist as well." He stood and walked to a cabinet, pulling out a device that resembled a television remote duct-taped to a colander. "My reality scanner. Picks up resonance frequencies from nearby dimensional rifts."

Kristi shot me a skeptical look. I shrugged in response.

"Before we begin," Calvin said, setting the scanner on a table, "I should warn you: Eureka is still most likely tracking you through the dimensional fabric. My domain offers some protection, but if we start poking holes between realities..."

"Eureka could find us," I finished.

"Precisely," Calvin nodded. "And this devious entity doesn't take kindly to being sued."

"I unbound myself from the lawsuit," Candace protested.

"Did you?" Calvin raised an eyebrow. "Completely? Lawsuits are tricky things, conceptually speaking. They linger in the fine print."

Candace's ears flattened. "I... think so? I dropped the lawsuit, lost her trail in this Entropic place."

Calvin frowned. "Let me check." He approached Candace, his scanner beeping softly as he waved it around her. The beeping intensified near her left ear.

"Ah," he said grimly. "Nope. You've got a paper trail. Small but persistent. An extradimensional conceptual thread connecting you to her court system."

"Can you remove it?" I asked.

"Yes, but not without consequences," Calvin replied. "Cutting a legal connection without proper dismissal can trigger accelerated enforcement protocols. In layman's terms, they'll send the bailiffs after you."

"Bailiffs?" Nessy asked.

"Enforcers," Calvin clarified. "Special Agents tasked with bringing defendants to court. Nasty business. Could be another Number if Eureka is pissed enough. Perhaps Number Three or one of her Bobby Wizards."

Candace groaned. "So I'm still tied to Denver?"

"For now," Calvin nodded. "But I might know a way to redirect that connection. Make it someone else's problem, so to speak."

"How?" I asked.

Calvin tapped his tinfoil hat. "Let's go see my secretary! She handles all of my legal matters!"

Calvin led us through a side door of the Mini-Mart onto a winding path through his conceptual garden. More mannequins tended the strange plants.

"Don't mind the drones," Calvin called over his shoulder. "They're mostly harmless, though they do get a tad pissy if you disturb their routines."

We followed him down the path, past rows of plants growing from old cash registers, their leaves formed from receipt paper. The sky above had darkened to a deep purple.

"Here we are," Calvin announced, stopping before a shed-like structure at the edge of his domain. "My legal department."

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"Charming," Adelle muttered.

He approached the door and knocked three times. The door swung inward silently.

"After you," Calvin gestured.

We stepped through the doorway. The interior of the ramshackle shed differed sharply with the exterior. It featured a clean, modern office, almost sterile, official-looking. The windows definitely didn't match the shed. Random office furniture was arranged in neat rows filled the space, each desk occupied by a mannequin. Some sat completely still, staring at nothing, while others moved papers around or typed on keyboards with click-clack sounds, text flashing across their head screens.

At the far end of the room, behind an imposing mahogany desk, sat a female mannequin different from the others. This one wore a tailored dress suit and tie, its movements more fluid. As we approached, it stood, extending a hand in greeting.

"Calvin!" it spoke, a slightly robotic female voice emanating from a speaker embedded in its chest. "We have guests? How delightful."

"Yes dear," Calvin nodded. "Manny here is pretty good at lawyerage, unlike me. Manny, we need your expertise on a matter of interdimensional law."

Manny turned her monitor face toward us, head tilting slightly. "Of course. Please, have a seat." She gestured to a bunch of randomly-colored chairs in front of her desk.

We sat down on the offered plastic chairs. Nessy's tail wagged slightly. Kristi still gripped her rifle, feathers puffing out. Candace studied the mannequin with intense curiosity. Adelle looked bored or maybe was pretending to look bored to hide how scared she was of everything freaky and weird in this place.

"So," Manny began, her plastic fingers tapping together. "Who sued whom across dimensional boundaries?"

"From what I can see, our fox friend here," Calvin gestured to Candace, "sued the conceptual entity known as Denver, aka a shell of number Four while physically present in her domain. She then attempted to unbind herself from the lawsuit and escaped to our reality through dimensional cracks."

Manny's head monitor displayed a sad text emoji. [ :[ ] "Oh dear. Most unfortunate. Number Four's legal framework operates on conceptual omnipotence rather than necessarily procedural fairness. Once a lawsuit enters the overall system, it remains active until formally resolved."

"So I'm still bound to be dragged into her court?" Candace pursed her lips.

"I'm afraid so," Manny nodded. "The thread connecting you to her court will continue to strengthen until either judgment is rendered or a formal dismissal is processed."

"Can you help us sever it?" I asked.

Manny's blank face turned toward me. "Sever? No. That would merely accelerate enforcement protocols, unless the severing is made with a really high level Fractalizer. Do you have one of those?"

"We know where one might be located," Nessy said.

"I got a location from one of her Lawyers," Candace nodded. "An all-cutting sword!"

"It is possible that the location was already changed," Manny stated. "Eureka doesn't like sharing her toys."

"Wah," the fox girl slumped. "So my awesome lawsuit was for nothing?"

Kristi glared at Candace, clearly desiring to smack the fox.

"Not for nothing," Nessy patted the fox on the back. "Eureka pulled us into her extradimensional domain and from there we were able to make it here! That's progress, of sorts. We did want to visit Calvin."

"I guess," Candace chewed on her bottom lip. "What should I do about the Denver lawsuit?"

"Possibly a transfer," Manny offered.

"Transfer to whom?" Kristi asked.

"To an entity already engaged in litigation with Denver," Manny explained. "Someone with sufficient legal standing to absorb additional claims without increasing their overall liability. Someone that's hard to entangle."

"Whom?" I wondered.

Manny opened a drawer in her desk, withdrawing a thick folder that should not have fit inside. "Let me see... Denver's current docket includes approximately 1647.8 trillion active cases across the multiversal spectrum. Most defendants have already been processed and lost horribly, but a few outstanding matters remain unresolved."

The mannequin flipped through pages far too rapidly for my eyes to track her motions. "Ah! Here we are. The case of the Omnid Superstate Administrative Authority vs. D&D&D Incorporated, regarding jurisdictional boundaries and existential rights. Ongoing for approximately 31 years, linear time and infinity years of liminal time."

"The Omnids are suing Denver?" I chortled.

"Yes. More accurately, they're conceptually countersuing," Manny clarified. "With some kind of a living superweapon. Denver initiated proceedings after Lake Eerie expanded and submerged significant portions of its territory. The Omnids claimed sovereign defense of their territory as justification and brought in a Judge-type construct of some kind to constantly sue and pummel Denver so that it cannot propagate any further."

"Ah," Candace's eyes lit up. "Colossus Dreadmaw?"

"Yes," Manny looked into the folder. "Justice Dreadmaw is the name of the Omnid-summoned Legal entity entangled in a perpetual battle with Denver."

"How does this help Candace?" Nessy asked.

"We can file for consolidation from here," Manny explained. "Merge her claim with the Omnid countersuit, effectively transferring liability to their legal team. Given the existing unresolved hostilities between the parties, one additional claim will hardly be noticed."

"Would that work?" Candace asked.

"In theory, yes," Manny nodded. "The transfer requires formalities, of course. Paperwork, signatures, a small exchange of conceptual value."

"What kind of exchange?" I asked.

"Nothing onerous," Manny assured me. "A promise of general service to the Omnid Administrative Authority."

"Ughhhh," Candace huffed. "I don't want to bind myself to those damned cryptids forevahhh."

"A linear, finite service," Manny clarified. "Nothing infinite."

"Nuuu," the fox shook her silver mane. "I'd rather find another fractalizer than sign up to work for one of those damned man-stealin' cryptid Omnicorp beerches."

"Ah," Manny tapped her monitor chin. "Curious."

"What?" Candace asked.

"You're technically already their property," Manny revealed. "That word? 'Beerch'? That's an Omnid memetic infecting your backend psyche. An invisible tag that marks you as children or cattle of one of the Omnid Omnicorps."

"Eh?" Candace blinked.

"Go on, say it after me," a smiling face appeared on Manny's monitor. "Bitch."

"Beerch," Candace fretted. "Ah fucking hell, what? Beerch! BEERCH! Fuck! I can't do it!"

"Try this one," Manny added with a bigger digital emoji grin on the monitor. "Fuckwit."

"Knob," Candace said. "Noooo! This is bullshit!" She bit her tongue. "Damn it. How did I not notice this?! I'm literally trained to see shit like this in the Astral!"

"High-end memetics are hard to spot," Manny shrugged. "Especially if you don't pay attention to them."

"Feh," the fox let out. "What do? Who even owns me?"

Manny reached out, tapping Candace's hand with a plastic finger. Sticky note violet eyes flickered around the office. Something pressed at us from above. I looked up. A massive eye formed from sticky notes was on the ceiling, staring down at us unnervingly.

"You're property of… the Stratos Omnicorp," the mannequin secretary said, pulling out another folder from the desk. "As such you can bind yourself to Colossus Dreadmaw… in person. That ought to keep agents of Denver from harassing you in your local dimension. Does that resolve your problem?"

"I guess," Candace slumped against her plastic chair, clearly dissatisfied with this development.