What to do if you find out that you are a cannon fodder in a cultivation novel?

Chapter 76: The fifth test



Announcement
Warnings: First part of this chapter had angst, mental torture and brief suicidal thoughts. Skip to part 2 (last part of this chapter) if you are not comfortable with those

A woman was waiting for me with a smile. She had a beauty that transcended time and space and was wearing white clothes and jewelry. I hated her instantly, I knew that smile. It was the same as my former first aunt’s. 

“Bai YuShin, welcome” she said

“Are you my fifth test?” I asked

“Yes and no. The fifth test is showing you the reality” She replied

“My reality?” I was trying to understand what she meant. A warning bell ran in the depth of my mind. That ‘Yes and no’ answer was weird

“There were a lot of illusions on the first 4 tests. Some short and some long, so the fifth test shows you what was real and what was fake. Didn’t you feel that they were easy?”       

I did not like that implication. I knew all along that everything was an illusion because this was not the first time I passed those tests. But it was true that this time they were very easy. I felt they were too easy even. My intuition told me I would not like what I was about to hear from her so I braced myself 

“Go on then”

“First look at your hands, don’t you see a difference?” she asked

I humored her and looked down, my hand trembled a little bit; They were the hands of an adult full of scars.

I closed my eyes.

“There was never a second or a third life. Going back to the past to fix your mistakes. All that was an illusion” I felt my brain go blank, soon my heart ached and I started breathing hard

“Ah! I see that you believe me. You are smart, this was too good to be true and deep down, you knew it back then. Didn’t you?”

“No. It was real” It was the only thing I could muster. The woman’s smile turned into fake concerns - the same as aunt Liu when trying to manipulate me -

“I am sorry but this is the truth. You lived through that bad winter and saw people die. You were used by your family then casted out after turning destitute. Lost your reputation along the way and disappointed your master over and over again” 

I kneeled down as my legs could not hold my body anymore. 

“But there are good news for you; Your master did not die trying to save you nor did you end up blind, legless and mute”

No, no, no. Please anyone, tell me this is an illusion, a nightmare, a joke. Anything.

“The fifth test started when you opened the fifth door in what you call your first life and stopped moments ago when you met me” Finished the woman

I could not prevent kids from being bullied and killed. I could not warn anyone in advance about the freezing winter and it killed half of AnNan population. I never met Li Yao, grandma Li and I even killed Li Bo. Uncle Huai and aunt Yan were dead and they never had TongTong. Aunt Sun was not rescued and Li-er turned black. I never met Sui-er and Ah Jiang. I was not even sure if they ever existed. 

I screamed my frustration and my sadness. This feeling was worse than anything I ever experienced. If I removed my eyes, cut my legs and cut my vocal cords then died, would I live my 2nd life? Could I regress to my 3rd life? Should I try? There was nothing to live for so why not tempt fate? 

I knew then that I was turning mad. I was thinking about killing myself here and there to stop this madness. I never had close friends and a loving family anyway so why do I need to live on?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PART 2 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I started remembering the faces of my loved ones in my second and third life; from my parents, brother and sister and my friends at primary school. Then I recalled the faces of Uncle Huai, Aunt Yan, little TongTong, Sui-er, Uncle Qin, Ah Jiang, uncle Hei, Li-er, Aunt Sun, Grandma Li, Li Yao and Li Bo and everyone else that showed goodwill toward me. I also remembered the feelings I had toward each one of them and it calmed me down. The pain went away just like that. Soon my breath turned to normal and I stood up slowly.

“What if I loved imaginary friends? What if I loved an imaginary family? Those feelings were real for me” I closed my eyes to keep seeing their faces and I smiled “Even if my loved ones were part of your illusions. The feelings I have for them are real. I am capable of love and I can find my own happiness” I opened my eyes to show my determination “It is what I plan to fight and live for”

The woman gave me the same fake smile then she shattered into millions of tiny lights before disappearing. And just like that, I passed the test and the last door was opened by itself. 

I walked there with determination. This time, it was a man in white waiting for me. If he was a non-cultivator, I would say he was in his mid thirties but who knew how old he really was. Not that I cared, I wanted to get that d*mn treasure and live this cursed place for good

“Bai Yu Shin, you passed the last test again. Congratulations” I stayed silent. If this one was also planning to bull…

“Look at your hands” he said and I did that automatically. 

These were my 12 years old hands. A tiny seed of hope sprouted inside me

“The fifth test was a mind game. You are so happy in this life that a tiny part of yourself was scared that it was too good to be true”

“Why should I trust you?”

“Do you prefer to trust the woman version?” asked the man with a smile. Sh*t, I am hating him already

“I prefer get the hell out of here to verify the real version” I replied

“Fair enough but you have to stay for a bit longer for my explanations. I give my word that the test part is finished”

“Why should I trust you?” I asked again

“You don’t have to”

I sighed. I hated this type of personality, they were the hardest to deal with

“Fine, start explaining” I took out a chair to sit on then crossed my arms. The man chuckled and conjured a table and chairs. 

“These chairs are more comfortable, come have some tea with me” he offered

I eyed the wooden chairs without padding. Comfortable my As*. 

I did not move “It would be hard for me to drink your tea knowing that this is a projection” I missed it earlier due to my state but now I saw that he had the same aura as my ancestor Ji FangFang. He should be an immortal

The man smiled “The tea is not a projection” 

This was weird, how could he summon real things when he was a projection? I decided to not move

“I forgot for a while that you were a descendant of Ji FangFang. You have inherited her stubbornness. Luckily, you are much kinder and better hearted than her”

“Oh immortal lord! Or whatever is your name, could we move to the explanation now? I am not getting any younger” I said sarcastically. For some reason, I could mot muster the energy to respect him like my ancestor. On top of the 5 tests, this made me a bit suspicious of him 


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