NOVEL NEXT Book 4, Chapter 9
"I don't trust those bloodless snakes for a second," Envy said, once we were back on The Harpy for the night. We'd all gathered in the common room, seating ourselves around the big ol' round table that'd been selected specifically to hold all nine of us- the ninth being Volex, not Duchess Melody, who was imposing on the hospitality of our hosts, primarily because Emily still did not trust me to not fuck her mom if we slept within shouting distance of each other, and thus would not allow Melody aboard the ship.
"Snakes?" Faith asked. "They seemed pretty nice to me. Even asked about allergies before feeding us dinner."
"That's the problem," Envy said. "A Paladin and a Republican should've been at each other's throats, and yet those two played nice the whole time."
"So when you say 'bloodless snakes,' you mean 'pragmatists who can set aside their prejudices to cooperate against a common enemy,'" I said dryly.
"She's not insane," Volex said.
"You sure about that?" Talia quipped.
"Abbondanza and Thompson are, in fact, pragmatic men who can discard the nominal ideals of their station if it means getting the job done," Volex said. "Now, for high-ranking men such as them, some amount of civility and professionalism is mandatory, but they both used more of it than was strictly required, meaning they chose to behave that way. And we don't actually know why they chose that, which means we have less knowledge of what motivates them, and how they will act going forward. A Paladin who cleaves to the stereotype can generally be trusted to keep cleaving to the stereotype. A Paladin who's clearly an intelligent person who acts for specific reasons, though? Well, he could do anything if he thought it was a good idea."
"That's-" I began.
"Not actually a good reason to distrust them, I know," Volex said with a shrug. "We can be reasonably confident that they do, in fact, want the pirates gone, because I'm a fucking Succubus and I was in the room when they said it. We can also be reasonably confident that they aren't going to betray us, because we're the sort of high-profile people who will be noticed if we go missing, and they'd be ruined by the backlash. They are cold-blooded, but also cool-headed, and are not going to rashly make stupid decisions that imperil everyone including themselves. They're fine. Certainly better than a pair of true believers would've been, because these two are primarily concerned with results."
"Hang on, that doesn't make sense," Faith said. "How exactly would someone become a Primogen without being a true believer in the Paladin's Guild?"
"Oh, that's easy," Volex said. "After all, you know Hano selects for competence more than faith and loyalty. He has to, if he wants to get anything done. His Primogens aren't his most faithful Paladins, they're his most competent Paladins. So, as long as we don't seem to be directly working against the interests of the Paladin's Guild, a Primogen is a pretty safe ally to have."
"Um, I hate to be a downer, but... Hano directly ordered Catherine's death, and excommunicated Faith for refusing to do it," Emily pointed out.
"...He fucking what," Erica whispered.
"It's a long story," I said, closing my eyes. "Nobody go anywhere alone, though."
"If Abbondanza knows Hano wants Catherine dead, then his antagonism towards the Paladin's Guild could lend her his protection," Envy pointed out.
"Or it could be the case that he genuinely wants to stop fighting the Hikaano, and builds a stronger rapport with the Paladin's Guild by handing me over to them to die," I said bluntly. "If Thompson isn't telling Abbondanza that Hano wants me dead, then we're not telling him either."
"...Hmph."
"Anyhow," I said, standing up from the table. "We've already made all the preparations we can make- I made a few constructs to chew through all that material I got from the Valentines, so we're as good on ammunition as we're going to get, so... Let's just get some shuteye, alright? We'll figure it out, get what we need, and get out unscathed, one step at a time."
---
"There's a ritual we need your help with," I began, as we ate breakfast and prepared for our hopefully crash-free course in naval tactics and maneuver.
"Magical or magisterial?" Primogen Thompson asked.
"Magisterial," I said. "It's the Rite of Absolution, which requires a few authoritative witnesses with some level of authority to vouch for how unreasonably dangerous and difficult this task is, so that, by completing it, we prove ourselves and gain the full legal rights of men under Hikaano law."
The Rite of Absolution was called that due to an old holy story that predated the modern Hikaano pantheon of Living Gods, which held that women were inherently contaminated with the sins of the first woman, called "Lilith" in the story, and that was why it was not only acceptable but mandatory to treat women like shit. (The divinity and religion that spawned that holy story were gone now, fortunately. Unfortunately, however, that had only made the Hikaano less misogynistic, rather than not misogynistic.) The Rite of Absolution, therefore, was understood to ritually absolve women of the sin of Being A Woman, giving her the rights that men had.
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"You have to earn those?" Admiral Abbondanza demanded, succinctly expressing the problems with the Rite of Absolution. "Mama mia, no wonder the Senate does not consider the Hikaano to be people..."
"Yes, yes, the Grigians are very enlightened and morally upright, which is why they spent thousands of years being ruled by the Demon King of Conquest," Primogen Thompson said, rolling his eyes.
Abbondanza burst out laughing, and Primogen Thompson groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Whatever," Thompson said, grunting. "I think it's a stupid rule too, so if you want my help to get around it, you've got it. I'll have the paperwork filled out, and it'll be ready to sign before you leave. Now, can we please move onto naval tactics and maneuvers?"
"Well, if you're going to insist..."
---
"Why was Duchess Redwater here, anyways?" Talia asked, before taking a big, crunchy bite of garlic bread.
"I asked her to be here, so she could sign the paperwork for the Rite of Absolution," I said. "Getting her here in the first place ended up being pretty tricky, though."
"Why's that?" Faith asked.
"My dad, probably," Emily said bitterly.
"Duke Redwater, apparently, wished to have some strong words with the knight who requested his wife's presence, regarding both the proper chain of command and also how little he wanted this knight to spend time with his wife," I explained.
It was lunchtime, and we were all taking a break from naval tactics- being as we only had the one ship, which was also equipped with experimental and secretive weaponry, most of our education on the subject was geared more towards "these are the tactics and formations that the enemy fleet is likely to try to use on you, and here's how you get around them."
"Thankfully, Duchess Redwater was able to make him see reason," I continued. "Largely by conveying to him that I am a woman. After all, the Hikaano generally don't realize that women can desire each other."
"I can't entirely contest that," Thompson said, sighing. "I've known Sebastian Redwater for a while- or, at least, I've known of him, and made his acquaintance a few times. You can tell the man has never once in his life listened to an elf."
"And you have?" Faith asked. Considering that she was an apostate of the Paladin's Guild, she'd likely be starting shit with other Paladins we meet.
"I grew up in a neighborhood called Greenwood Village," Thompson said with a shrug. "The man who delivered me was an elf named Napoleon Ironheart, who later informed me that if he ever heard from me again, in any circumstance besides me quitting the Paladin's Guild, he'd kill me."
"That sounds like Dad, alright," I said.
"...You're Napoleon's kid?" Thompson asked, his eyebrows nearly meeting his hairline.
"How common do you think the name 'Ironheart' is?" I asked.
"I... honestly, had forgotten that was your name," Thompson admitted. "Anyhow. Why did you invite Duchess Redwater here?"
"I just answered that," I said. "We need a Ducal signature on the paperwork for the Rite of Absolution, and I'm a knight of House Redwater, so..."
"I am afraid I have missed several key pieces of context," Abbondanza said. "Could somebody..?"
"The city of Redwater has a neighborhood called Greenwood Village," Talia explained. "Cat and I grew up there, and the whole neighborhood is where most of the city's elves live, with the rest apparently being household staff for House Redwater. Napoleon Ironheart is the local Big Man, due to being the strongest Druid in town, and possibly alive, and using his Druidcraft to keep his people healthy. Napoleon Ironheart is also a five hundred year old veteran of the War of the Roses, and hates the Paladin's Guild for conquering his homeland, burning his house down, and killing his family. And eighteen years ago, he had a kid who grew up to be Catherine Ironheart."
"Ah," Abbondanza said, nodding, before turning to regard Thompson. "Well. Would you like Catherine to give your regards to her father?"
"That would be a death sentence for me," Thompson said blandly. "Now, Admiral, if you'd please stop trying to be playfully rude with me, that would be much appreciated. We are not friends."
"Fair enough."
---
One thing that became abundantly clear after the first few lessons was that The Harpy would need a serious refit beyond simply giving it bigger guns, and so I started sketching out ideas. After all, I was a mechanical engineer who was pretty familiar with lightweight vehicles and their power systems; The Harpy wasn't the peak of the current state of the art, but she'd be far beyond it when I was through with her.
Unfortunately, refits required materials I didn't have, and would have to requisition from our employers, which meant a lot of paperwork.
"Oh, and, while I've got you all here," Primogen Thompson said, while we all filled out requisition forms for the various line-items on my bill of materials. "I'm going to need your Party Names for the Adventurer's Guild paperwork. I know the blondes and the older redhead are The Harpies, but what about the younger crew?"
"We, uh... don't have a name yet," Talia admitted. "Names are hard, y'know?"
"We've tossed a few around," Faith added. "The Redwater Crew, The Ironheart Crew-"
"Was there a The Jones Crew in there too?" Thompson asked.
"No, because there's two Joneses in the group," Faith said. "It wouldn't say who's in charge."
"You know," Envy began, calmly, "Traditionally, The Harpies would pass their name on to the freshman party they mentor in their final year at the University of Mount Fate."
"I don't hate us being The Harpies, but... I don't love it, either," I said.
"The Bad Chicks," Volex said.
"...Works for me," I said with a shrug. "Everyone else?"
There were nods of assent, along with a grin from Vanessa.
"Well, I think it's lovely that you're carving your own path, and I wish you the best," Vanessa said.
"Then it's settled," Abbondanza said, filling in a line on his paperwork. "The Harpies and The Bad Chicks. Who will, of course, have to actually register that name with the Adventurer's Guild."
I blinked a few times, and then sighed dramatically.
More goddamn paperwork.