NOVEL NEXT Book 3 Chapter 12
"I'm honestly not looking forward to camping tonight," Faith said. "I know we're in a fake indoor space, not the real outdoors with bugs and snakes and shit, but... Well, I've been spoiled by living inside a van that's nicer than the actual apartment I grew up in."
We'd gotten through Floor 2 after another few hours of incredibly tedious children's puzzles and two somewhat-less-tedious fights between Summer and illusory people, but we were starting to flag, and I always knew what time it was these days, so I'd told everyone we'd make camp on Floor 2 before going down to Floor 3.
"Eh, we're camping with a Wizard who specializes in pocket dimensions," Talia said. "We'll be fine."
"The Ranger's Guild often uses these things called 'hammocks,'" I said, pulling one out of my pocket. "It's a sort of tightly-woven net, suspended from two ends, and it's an easily-portable solution to sleeping somewhere other than the bare ground. I've slept in one a few times before, and they're actually pretty comfortable, you've just gotta lie in it at an angle."
Talia blinked a few times, as she realized that, no, I was not about to reveal that I had a second portable house in my pocket. While I may be a good enough Wizard to personally create small containers that are larger on the inside to the extent that they can contain a house, the problem here wasn't that we didn't have enough space- this room was pretty big- but that we didn't have furniture, and as it turned out, furniture costs money.
"...Okay, we aren't fine," Talia said, grimacing. "Shit. Do you really not have real beds in there? Just camping hammocks?"
"I'm fucking with you, yes," I said, nodding as I put the hammock away. "Got some inflatable mattresses, which I've enchanted for maximum comfort because why the hell wouldn't I?"
"How much shit do you have in those pockets?" Summer asked, as I pulled out a fold-up bed frame, and began setting it up.
"A whole hell of a lot," I said, snapping hinges into place. "If you see some solution to a puzzle that I don't, that you think could be solved with some random tool or object I might possibly happen to have in my pocket, go ahead and ask, and I'll either have it already or just make a note to buy one for next time."
"Is this... Should I be stocking my bag of holding like that?" Summer asked, looking down at her cleavage.
"Honestly?" I said, tilting my head to the side. "If you can afford it? I'd say go for it."
"Well, I do have some money now from this delve..." Summer muttered, grabbing the black canvas duster she'd gotten from the Floor 2 loot chest, which had been enchanted with a mixture of armor charms and quality of life charms. It wasn't quite "enchanted by an ancient master Wizard" quality like mine was, but it was pretty good nonetheless.
"Honestly, I'd recommend you keep the duster," I said, gesturing at the coat she was wearing, making her look a lot like me except with cleavage. "Chances are, The Abyss will give you a loot chest full of coins, but only at the end of the dungeon, because money isn't useful in a dungeon."
"Fair enough," Summer allowed.
"Also, I can just go ahead and put some bag of holding charms on your duster so you don't have to keep everything in your cleavage," I added.
"But I want to keep everything in my cleavage," Summer complained, before grabbing her own tits in both hands. "It has pockets!"
"I understand completely," Talia said sagely.
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I put up some tents around the beds, for privacy reasons. It did feel a little silly, considering that everyone here had at least shared a bed with some of the others before, and most of us a bit more than that, but all the same, people still deserved privacy.
"Joseph?" Emily asked, poking her head through my own open tent flap. "Can I talk to you in private, please?"
Also, Emily was still a little shy, so.
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"Come on in," I said, closing my book and putting it away. "What's up?"
Emily closed the tent flaps behind her, letting them snap closed with magnets and activate the privacy charms.
"I just... I'm..." Emily paused, before taking a deep breath, and sighing. "Should I have slept with Summer?"
"If you want to sleep with her, you can still do that," I said. "If you don't? Then don't worry about it."
"I... I mean, doesn't she get stronger from sleeping with people?" Emily asked. "Wouldn't she get some Healer skill from me, if I, um..."
"Those are true statements, but they don't actually matter," I said. "We aren't actually responsible for Summer's personal growth and development. Sure, I've been acting like I am, because I've been stuck with her and helping her out gives me something to do, but you, Emily Redwater, are not obligated to do a goddamn thing for Summer."
"I mean, as a Healer-"
"You are not currently obligated to do goddamn thing for Summer," I amended. "If she was injured, you wouldn't be here right now, you'd be at her side fixing her up. So, stop thinking about this in terms of what you should be doing, and answer the following question instead: do you, Emily Redwater, want to have sex with Summer?"
"...Maybe?" Emily said. "I... I don't know, I just..."
"...Would you like some more cuddles?" I asked, holding my arms open.
"Please."
Emily gingerly sat down on the air mattress, before crawling over and into my arms.
"...Thank you," Emily said quietly.
"Thank you," I said, gently squeezing her. "You're exceptionally cuddly, and I'm very glad you like me enough to cuddle with me."
"Mmm."
I hummed quietly, as she pressed herself against me more firmly. 'Exceptionally cuddly' was the polite way to describe Emily, sure, but the honest way to describe her was 'exceptionally curvy,' and I would be lying if I said I didn't both notice and appreciate the way her chest squished against me as she curled up around me, even going so far as to throw one of her legs over mine.
"...Are you happy with this?" Emily asked, after a few long moments. "Don't you... want more?"
"Emily, I got paid ten thousand dollars to take care of you," I said. "The part where I get to hug you is, as far as I'm concerned, a nice bonus."
"You did get impaled on my account."
"And you give me free healthcare. I think we're even, no sex required." I shrugged. "Of course, if that's what you want, then go ahead and say so, but..."
Emily opened her mouth as though to say something, but then stopped, sighed, and closed her eyes.
"...Thanks for the cuddles," Emily said quietly, as she disentangled herself from me. "Goodnight, Joseph."
She crawled out of the bed, and I carefully considered the conversation we'd just had as she walked back out of my tent.
The flaps snapped back closed as she left, and I sighed. "Volex?" I asked, closing my eyes. "Please explain to me how I fucked that one up."
"That one wasn't actually your fault," Volex said, poofing out of her reliquary- she'd been absent for most of the day's dungeon-crawling, and I was reasonably confident she simply didn't want to participate. I didn't blame her; this whole affair was unimaginably tedious, and I was wondering how the fuck anyone enjoyed dungeon-crawling. "She was raised by more than just Amelie, after all."
"That doesn't explain anything," I said.
"Hikaano women are taught to think of sex as a thing they're not allowed to want," Volex said. "Sex is something they can only accept, when imposed on them by a man for whatever reason he so chooses."
"...So..."
"Emily suggesting that she owes you a blowjob is the closest she can come to admitting she wants to sleep with you."
"Great. Fuck." I sighed wearily. "And, of course, there's also the ever so slight complication of the fact Melody sucked my dick that one time, and, well..."
"Wait, she what?"
"Did I not tell you?" I asked, opening my eyes. Volex was looking at me like I'd just shared the most insane piece of gossip she'd ever heard, which... well, okay, maybe I had. "Yeah, Melody Redwater, Emily's mom, sucked my dick. And, um. Well, I'm not sure how to tell Emily, either."
Volex just kept staring for a few long moments. Her eyes were a pure, inky black, with a slight sheen in the right light, but in the center, where a real eyeball had pupils, hers had little white pips that burned like the flame of a candle.
Volex then burst out laughing, and I groaned, rolling my eyes and then my whole body, turning my back on her.
"No, Joseph," Volex said, cackling. "There's no polite way to tell the girl who has a crush on you that you fucked her mom."
"I hate my life," I said to nobody in particular.