What If… Harry Potter

Mrs. Figg wasn't sure what was going on as she rushed to the last place Mundungus Fletcher said Harry was heading. The old drunk had taken off to buy some dodgy cauldrons in Knockturn Alley as soon as Harry was out of sight and he wasn't watching the foolish boy like he was supposed to.

She came around the corner of the walkway between the park and the street, only to stop and almost trip when she saw Harry waving his wand at something. She couldn't see what it was and only felt a bitter chill.

“Is it really so difficult to cast... never mind. Simple solutions it is. Incendio.” Harry said and bright orange flame came from his wand and Figg flinched at the screech a Dementor made. “Not hot enough? Huh. Well, what if...”

Mrs. Figg watched as the basic flame spell turned blue and the Dementor actually caught fire. It screamed in pain and fled as a floating ball of blue fire flying across the sky. That was not good. Not good at all.

“Harry!” She hissed and motioned to the fat tub of lard on the ground.

“Hmm? What... oh, it's you.” Harry said when he turned and saw her.

“Come on! Grab your cousin and let's get out of here. You're going to get in trouble for casting magic around muggles!” Mrs. Figg exclaimed in a panic.

“Sure. In a minute.” Harry said and crossed his arms.

“What are you waiting for, you foolish boy?!?” Mrs. Figg asked.

Harry's eyes narrowed at her for a moment, then smiled. He walked over to where Dudley lay and his wand pointed at supposedly open air and motioned away. The soft screech let Figg know there was a second Dementor and she felt dread as she looked down at the wide open eyes of Dudley Dursley and it looked like no one was home.

“Oh, dear.” Mrs. Figg whispered. “Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. What do we do now?”

“I'm already going to be blamed for using magic, so...” Harry said and she turned to look, only to gasp at the wand pointed at Dudley's face. “Reducto.”

The splorch sound as Dudley's head exploded was very loud in the quiet of the night.

“H-H-Harry, what... what...” Mrs. Figg stopped talking because her mouth felt very dry.

“Don't worry. I'll tell them a death eater appeared and attacked me.” Harry said, nonchalantly.

Mrs. Figg blinked her eyes, sure she didn't hear what she just heard, and turned to look at him and saw the wand pointed at her face. She was terrified by the look in Harry's eyes and her bladder let go.

“When you see Lily Potter on your next great adventure, make sure you tell her what you let Petunia do to me all these years.” Harry said with a knowing smile. “Reducto.”

*

Mundungus Fletcher heard a scuffling sound and walked over to the edge of the property. He didn't see anything and then heard a different noise. As soon as he stepped off the grass and onto the pavement to check it, he heard the curse that killed him and didn't hear anything else after his head disappeared.

“Damn, that's messy.” Harry said and took the invisibility cloak the stinky man had dropped. He summoned any money, wands, and portkeys from the body. Only money and two wands clattered to the pavement, which was kind of a disappointment. He picked them up and put on the invisibility cloak before he went inside the house.

A silencing spell took care of the noise and Harry went up to his bedroom to wait. He knew what was coming next and had to get ready. Since he wasn't sure who was going to find the bodies, he started casting lumos and nox over and over again to clear his wand.

Just for the hell of it, he cast several cleaning charms and repair charms as well, in case his wand was checked and it only revealed the names of the last spells cast and not the number of spells. Seeing Reducto in the list would give him away almost immediately and he wasn't willing to give up on having fun so soon. That would be a true tragedy just after taking over Harry Potter's body.

Now he just had a few things to set up before the cavalry arrived to 'save' him from being expelled and his wand broken for underage magic use.

*

Harry kept laughing and laughing as he flew with his protective guard through the air on brooms. They were making spectacles of themselves and the idiots fully believed that because they were disillusioned, no one would ever see a bunch of self-flying brooms in the air.

“This isn't a laughing matter, boy.” Mad Eye said to him, only he was trying to talk over the sound of the wind rushing by and also trying to be quiet and not be heard by the muggles hundreds of feet below.

“It's the funniest thing I've ever seen! Let's give the muggles another show! Ha ha ha ha ha!” Harry said as they doubled back again and gave the people living in the houses below another chance to see a group of brooms flying by in formation.

“He's right, Moody! We're wasting time doing this!” Hestia Jones shouted.

“Yeah, we should all listen to the pretty bird.” Harry said and saw the woman blush.

Moody grumbled something under his breath about cheeky brats. “Let's get to HQ.”

The group changed directions and flew towards their destination. It was a suburb in London. They landed in a small courtyard and there was a bit of scrambling as they all climbed off their brooms. Not Harry, though. He hopped off like a professional athlete and tucked the broom under his arm as if he had done it hundreds of times and transitioned from flight to walking without trouble.

“Show-off.” The pink-haired woman said.

Harry gave her a pointed look before his eyes went from the top of her head to her waist, then back to her face as he smiled knowingly. “I could say the same thing to you, Tonksy.”

Tonks blushed and looked both flattered and offended.

Moody chuckled and held out a piece of paper. “Here, lad. Read that and memorize it.”

Harry glanced down at it and nodded. Moody burned the paper and stood there not doing anything. Harry gave him a look, then looked at the others as they all stood there as if waiting for something. Since Harry didn't want to ruin the moment, he kept checking out both Tonks and Hestia.

Both women didn't know how to react to a teenager purposefully checking them out. On one hand, he was a teenager and it was kind of expected that he was going to look. On the other hand, he seemed to know exactly what to look for and fully appreciated what he was seeing, which was not how a normal teenage boy usually acted. They exchanged looks and didn't comment on it, though.

“Well, lad? Do you see it yet?” Moody asked him after a couple of minutes.

“No, but I'd like to. Very much.” Harry said as he locked eyes with Hestia and then Tonks. Both women blushed again at his intense gaze.

“You should have seen the house by now.” Moody grumbled. “Maybe the writing didn't work?”

“Hmm? What house?” Harry asked and finally looked away from the two women, whom were slightly confused because they felt disappointed that he had stopped looking.

“12 Grimmauld Place.” Kingsley said and he startled slightly at letting the secret out, then sighed when he realized Harry was in on it or he couldn't have talked about it. “Why didn't you say anything, Harry?”

Harry couldn't resist the opening and took it with aplomb. “After almost dying, I figured you all were letting me spend time with two beautiful women to make up for it. Since I'm not an idiot, I wasn't going complain or say no to that.”

Both Hestia and Tonks blushed again. Harry grinned at them and didn't comment about witches being so easy to tease. Did no one ever compliment them properly? Maybe they did and the women somehow thought they weren't sincere about it or were faking it?

“Come on, Romeo. Let's get inside.” Moody said and led them across the street and up the front steps to the townhouse.

Harry bowed slightly and motioned for both women to go first as he held a hand out to each of them, which made them blush again and they accepted the help up the steps. His grin stayed on his face as they passed by and he got a nice up-close view of their backsides as he followed them up the steps and through the open door.

They were met by Mrs. Weasley inside and she led Harry up the first set of stairs. The funny thing was, both Hestia and Tonks stood at the bottom of the stairs and watched him go. Harry paused at the first landing and looked back, gave them a little wave that they returned, then he kept following Mrs. Weasley.

Harry's thoughts were not in the same place as a moment ago and he avoided watching the larger woman's backside waddle up the stairs. All he could think about was her husband's nickname for her, Mollywobbles, and he wanted absolutely nothing to do with any of that. He liked normal-sized women, thank you very much.

“You'll be bunking with Ron. Hermione's in with Ginny down the hall there.” Molly said and put his trunk on the floor. “I best get to the meeting.” She said, as if teasing him about her doing something without him, then she waddled off down the stairs and out of sight.

Harry knew what was coming and also knew how to turn it to his advantage. He stepped partially in front of his trunk after casting a cushioning charm on the floor and opened the door to the room.

“HARRY!” Hermione exclaimed and ran across the room to lunge at him and put him into one of her trademarked 'Hermi-hugs'.

Harry braced for what he wanted to do. As soon as she hit him and hugged him, instead of stopping her momentum, he pretended to trip backwards on the trunk and they both fell to the floor. Harry was in full control, though. He pretended to whirlwind his arms as they fell and he grabbed onto what he could to save Hermione from being hurt, with one hand on her back and the other one a little bit lower.

“I bet you're really angry at us for how useless our letters have been. We were warned that owlpost was being monitored and...” Hermione rambled on with her prepared speech as she tried to explain that Dumbledore had made them swear to not tell him anything. Her words eventually slowed down and came to a stop and her face went red when she realized something. “H-Harry, you... your hand is... on my bum.”

Harry gave her ass another squeeze and her face went even redder. “I couldn't let my best friend get hurt after tackling me to the floor. I had to grab onto the firmest thing I could to protect you.”

“Oi!” Ron exclaimed and didn't see Hermione's pleased face. “I'm your best friend!”

Harry chuckled. “Naw, you're my best mate. That's a guy thing. My best friend is Hermione.”

“H-Harry.” Hermione said, her face not losing the blush or the pleased look.

“When I let you go, be careful of the edge of the trunk. You almost banged your shins on it when we fell.” Harry said and she nodded. He gave her ass another squeeze and gently caressed it as he slowly let her go.

Hermione stared into his eyes and thought about not moving for a moment. It was just long enough that she saw the hungry look in Harry's eyes and her heart fluttered. No one had ever looked at her like that before and she wasn't sure what to do about it. The moment ended and she sighed as she carefully moved her legs and crab-walked off to the side and off of him.

Harry hopped up to his feet like nothing had happened and reached down to help her stand. “Thanks for the warm welcome and the explanation, Hermione.” He said and pulled her in to hug her properly.

“You're welcome, Harry.” Hermione said and hugged him back. She wouldn't realize until later that it was the first hug he had ever initiated between them and she would feel very flattered about it.

“We've got loads to tell you, now that you're here.” Ron said and waved them into the room.

Harry let only one of his arms drop and kept one behind Hermione's back to guide her inside. Hermione didn't comment on that or said anything about his hand giving her ass another gentle caress before they both sat down on the bed beside each other, his arm now around her waist.

“You don't have to tell me anything.” Harry said to stop them before they could start in with all the gossip. “None of the adults wanted me to know, so why would you tell me now?” He asked, only because he already knew everything that was going on and didn't want to sit through another long lecture about what they did and didn't know.

Hermione sighed. “Harry, we're your friends and...”

“...listened to Dumblebum when he said to keep quiet and leave me isolated and alone after the Triwizard Tournament.” Harry finished for her.

Hermione frowned at the nickname. “You should show more respect for the headmaster, Harry.”

Harry gave her a blank stare for exactly three seconds before he burst out laughing. No one else laughed, so he eased off. “Oh, you weren't joking?”

“No, I wasn't joking.” Hermione said, her voice flat.

Harry shrugged. “He doesn't deserve my respect.”

“Harry, he has your best interests at heart.” Hermione continued.

“If he did, then he wouldn't have left me at the Dursleys.”

“He said it's the safest place for you.” Ron interjected.

Harry gave him a pitying look and Ron completely missed the implication. He looked at Hermione and she had, too. “So much for being the smartest witch of our age.”

“Excuse me?” Hermione asked, taken aback at the comment.

“I would never have been attacked if it was the safest place.” Harry said and her eyes widened. “Now you get it.” He said as he let her go and stood up.

Hermione tried to not feel sad that his comforting arm was no longer around her.

Harry walked over to the door and brought his trunk into the room. “Which bed...”

“That one.” Ron said and motioned to Hermione.

Harry dropped the trunk at the foot of the bed. He opened it and dug out some clothes to sleep in. “Where's the bathroom?”

“Down the hall on the right. Second door from the end.” Hermione said.

“Thanks.” Harry said and closed his trunk. “I'm getting a shower before bed. Want to join me?”

Both Ron and Hermione made surprised sounds. Hermione's was a gasp and Ron's was a squawk like a chicken.

“It'll save water.” Harry said and Hermione just stared at him. “No? Okay then. Later.”

Harry left the two of them in the room and walked down the hallway. A door on the left opened, Hermione's and Ginny's room. He was not surprised when Ginny stepped out and faked looking surprised.

“Harry! You're finally here.” Ginny said with enthusiasm.

As if you didn't know. Harry thought. “Hi, Ginny. I'm getting a shower before bed. Want to join me? It'll save water.”

Ginny felt faint for a moment and quickly recovered because her wish had just come true. “YES!”

Harry smiled as he took her hand and brought her into the bathroom.

*

No one except Harry knew what was wrong with the excessively smiling Ginny the next morning when breakfast was served. They all had concern on their faces, even Hermione, which meant Ginny hadn't told her what Harry had done to her in the shower the night before.

Harry had a difficult time not spilling the beans himself, because it had been a fantastic time. He knew exactly how Ginny had felt about the Boy-Who-Lived and he took full advantage of that. He easily and liberally used both sets of her lips, both openings were very tight, and Ginny loved every second of it. If she hadn't really loved Harry Potter before, she surely had to after everything they did.

“Ginny, hun. Are you okay?” Her mother Molly asked.

“M'fine.” Ginny said and giggled. Her eyes darted to Harry and she blushed, giggled some more, then she licked her lips and kept eating her eggs and toast.

Molly gave her husband Arthur a pleading look and he sighed.

“Are you sure you're all right, Gin?” Arthur asked.

“You're acting kind of weird.” Ron said, which was surprisingly observant of him when there was food on the table distracting him.

Ginny gave Harry another look and saw his slight nod. She took a deep breath and prepared herself for what she wad dying to say. “ITOLDHARRYILOVEDHIMANDHESAIDHEKNEWANDLIKEDMETOO!”

Not one single person understood a thing she had yelled.

“That was a good attempt, Ginny. Now try again, only with less yelling.” Harry prompted her.

Ginny giggled and nodded. She took another deep breath, only this time she let it out before speaking, to everyone's relief. “I told Harry I loved him and he said he knew and liked me, too.”

Completely dead silence answered her words. If someone had dropped a pin, the sound would have echoed off the walls.

“Wh-what did you s-say?” Molly asked, nervously.

Ginny gave Harry another look, as if asking permission again.

“Before you start freaking out, we're not dating or anything. I didn't ask her out and she's too young to have a steady boyfriend anyways.” Harry said.

The silence ended as a collective sigh came from everyone, even Ron. The relief they felt was almost palatable and Harry let out a laugh because of it.

Arthur stood and clapped him on the shoulder. “I'm glad you handled her confession so well and that you're looking out for her.” He said and let it go to give Molly a kiss. “I'm off to work.”

“Have a good day, dear.” Molly said.

“I'm off, too.” Bill Weasley said and stood. “Thanks for letting me stay over for a bit, Sirius.”

Sirius waved his thanks away. “Most of your family is here already. Don't worry about it.”

Bill nodded, kissed his mother's cheek, and he and Arthur left together.

The rest of the people at the table finished eating as well. Tonks and Hestia stood and gave Harry a pointed look, then they thanked Molly for the food and left the kitchen.

“We've got some cleaning to do today in the drawing room.” Molly said before the kids could make a dash for it.

“I want to beg off and go do my homework...” Harry started to say.

“Yes! Let's do that instead!” Ron exclaimed, eager to get out of hard labour.

“...but, I'd rather wait until this evening for some quiet and privacy.” Harry finished and Ron groaned. The twins laughed and clapped at the great prank.

“That's very wise of you, Harry.” Molly said, preening. “All right, you lot! Let's get the cleaning supplies and we'll get that creature-infested room sorted out!”

“It's Kreacher, not creature.” Harry clarified and everyone stopped moving to stare at him. “What?”

“You just said the same word twice.” The twins and Ron said together.

Harry chuckled. “No, I didn't. Watch.” He said and turned to the small door to the boiler room. “Hey, Kreacher! Can I talk to you for a minute?”

To everyone's surprise, the door opened with a creak and a wizened old house elf shuffled out. It wore a ragged and dirty pillowcase with the Black Family Crest on it.

“Merlin's saggy balls! I thought you were dead!” Sirius exclaimed, clearly shocked to see the thing.

“Filthy blood traitor was never allowed to command me. Mistress' orders.” Kreacher replied in normal speech and not the pigdin English like the other house elves that the kids met before. The large bulbous eyes moved and locked onto Harry. “What does the filthy half-blood want with Kreacher?”

Everyone made angry sounds and Ginny even growled a little.

Harry silently laughed at everyone's indignation on his behalf and leaned forward. “It's family business.” He said and put a hand on the elf's shoulder to get closer and started whispering in the elf's ear.

The sounds everyone made died off at Harry's words and they watched as the house elf actually listened to him.

“Kreacher understands, young master.” Kreacher said and turned around and shuffled back into the boiler room and shut the door.

“What was that about?” Hermione asked and most of the people still at the table hissed at her. “What did I say wrong?”

“Unless you're involved, you never ask about family business.” Sirius said and everyone nodded, even Ron. “Even I won't ask about it until I'm sure I'm involved somehow and this is my house.”

Hermione gave him an indignant look and then gave that look to everyone at the table. When no one said anything else about it, she sighed.

Harry barely hid his smirk at her resignation at not getting her way. “Where are the supplies? The sooner we can get started, the sooner we can be done.”

Molly nodded and led them to the supplies closet. It was full of odd bottles and things, almost like tools, and each was for a different pest. She explained that if they encountered any of the more common ones, they could be handled. Anything like doxys or boggarts were to only be handled by a responsible adult and not them. Two indignant 'oi' sounds came from the twins, since they had turned 17 over the summer and were technically considered adults.

Harry laughed and commented that neither of them were known for being responsible, especially at school. They agreed by asking where the fun was in that and he kept laughing.

Being the smart one of the group and well used to cleaning, Harry grabbed a pair of rubber gloves and several rags for wiping, tied one around the bottom part of his face, and picked up a spray bottle of similar stuff that he used back at the Dursley's.

He stood back to let Molly sort the others and it took a while to get them all prepared. They trudged up to the drawing room on the second floor behind the large woman and stepped inside a room that hadn't been cleaned in years. The others coughed and covered their mouths and noses with a hand until Harry pointed out what he had done to protect himself and handed over his extra rags.

“You're a gentleman among gentlemen!” Fred almost shouted and tied it around his face. The others quickly copied him and they all seemed to relax, even Molly.

Then they went to work and none of them saw the two invisible elves snatching things from the shelves and curio cabinets in the room and hiding them from sight. After several minutes of heavy cleaning, Harry bent down to wipe the dust off of a bottom shelf in a cabinet and whispered thanks to Dobby for helping.

Thankfully, it was too noisy with the other people in the room complaining about cleaning the hard way for them to hear Dobby's excited response or the soft pop as he briefly left to cry out loud in happiness.

*

After supper, Ron beat feet and pretty much hid as Harry and Hermione went to the room that was the library of the Black Family. Molly Weasley warned them to not touch any of the books, because she hadn't had a chance to go through them to remove the dangerous ones. Hermione almost screamed at the woman for being so stupid and Harry had to kiss her to stop her ranting.

Molly made an odd sound at that and quickly left. She wasn't sure what she was going to tell Ginny, either. After her confession to Harry and them not dating, what was her little girl going to think if Harry and Hermione started dating instead?

When the door shut, Harry slowed down his kiss and broke it, only to see Hermione's bright red face.

“Have you calmed down?” Harry asked with a crooked smile, because he knew she hadn't, only for a completely different reason than the books. “Good, because I already warned Kreacher about what Molly was doing with Black Family assets and he's been going around and hiding the things she would have thrown out.”

Hermione's blush lessened when she realized what he said. “You just told me about family business.”

Harry's smile changed to a warm one and he gave her another brief kiss. “I was always going to tell you, Hermione. You're my best friend. I just couldn't do it in front of witnesses.”

Hermione's blush rushed right back and her heart fluttered. She secretly thought it would be wonderful if he always kissed her like that before telling her something. As if he knew what she was thinking, he pulled her in and gave her another long kiss and also felt her arse up. Surprisingly, Hermione was perfectly fine with that and kissed him back.

They stopped a few minutes later and Hermione's blush faded and her face was flushed because she was really turned on. She also wondered how Harry had gotten so good at snogging.

“Let's raid the library for interesting books and you can read something while I tackle my homework.” Harry said, making her even more excited.

“I'd love to!” Hermione shouted and her voice echoed off the bookshelves. “Eep!”

Harry laughed and took her hand. “Relax, Hermione.” He said and started walking. “I'm sure the best books will be near the back of the room and on the top shelves.”

“How do you know that?” Hermione asked and happily followed him.

“That's where I'd hide all the good stuff, since it's out of sight and hard to reach.” Harry told her and she fully agreed with his reasoning.

He was also right. They found the best and most interesting books there, including all seven years of books from Hogwarts. Hermione almost fainted when Harry said they had to take the lot and he would ask Sirius about borrowing them later. She kissed him hard for that and grabbed his butt with both hands to make him moan.

A very pleased Hermione helped carry the books to one of the small tables and she kept glancing at Harry as he sat and actually started on his summer homework. Before she could ask why he hadn't done it, he explained that his relatives always locked up his things every summer. The only reason he had his wand was because he had hidden it before Vernon could take it from him.

Hermione gave him a quick hug and a kiss, then went back to her reading as she also watched him. As time moved on and two hours had passed, she was surprised that Harry hadn't asked her a single question. She had been checking his work on his essays, too. His writing was clean and concise, which she assumed meant he had practised it.

Harry hadn't. Well, the old Harry hadn't, because he didn't care about great marks or school, thanks to how he was raised. The new Harry always wrote well, because he knew that people judged you for it, even if they claimed they didn't. Messy writing gave them excuses to reduce your value in their minds.

“Whew. Okay, the basics are done and I've got the bones for the final reports. I'll need your expertise for the next part and we can build on them.” Harry said, surprising Hermione even more.

Just then the door opened and Ginny stood there. “Mum said it's almost time for bed.”

“Oh, no!” Harry fake gasped. “You've denied Hermione her chance to do extra research tonight!”

Ginny laughed when Hermione smacked Harry's arm.

“You prat.” Hermione said, affectionately.

“I really am.” Harry said with a smile and stood. “I'll give you a hand carrying these to your room.”

“Thanks, Harry.” Hermione said and the pile was picked up and carried up to their room and deposited beside Hermione's bed.

“Are you taking another shower, Harry?” Ginny asked, her voice hopeful.

“We did do a lot of cleaning today.” Harry said and looked thoughtful. “I think I might take a bath instead and relax a little.” He gave Hermione a quick hug to cover the kiss to her cheek and walked over to the door. “I'll see you both at breakfast. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Harry.” Hermione and Ginny said at the same time.

Over the next ten minutes, Hermione pretended to sort out the books, even though she had done that twice already. Ginny fidgeted and looked conflicted as she waited for something, then she made her decision.

“I'm going to the kitchen to see if mum left out any snacks for Ron.” Ginny suddenly said and was out the door before Hermione could say anything in response, like asking why she would check for that.

Hermione felt relief at the excuse and left the room as well. She saw Ginny's ponytail disappear down the stairs and crept over to the bathroom. She opened the door slowly and her eyes widened at what she saw. A completely naked Harry standing there waiting for the tub to fill. Her eyes went down to his member and she was neither impressed nor disappointed. In her eyes, he was just right.

A creaking stair almost made Hermione jump. She calmed down and carefully closed the door and went back to her room. She didn't see or hear anything after that, so she grabbed a book and started reading.

Sometime later, she wasn't sure how long it had been, Ginny walked in with a huge smile on her face and changed for bed. Hermione was pretty sure she knew Ginny had spied on Harry getting out of the bath and that sight would stick with the younger girl for a long time, just like it would stick in Hermione's mind. Quidditch had really been good for giving slim and sexy muscles to Harry Potter.

*

Over the next week, the routine was almost the same. Cleaning during the days for the teenagers to keep them busy and homework in the evenings for those that wanted to do it. Hermione was becoming comfortable with how much she liked having Harry's attention, too. The snogs and mutual feeling up over their clothes had given her more than a few reasons to play around and take things further.

Surprisingly, she never once had the thought to date him. It wasn't like they had any opportunity to, anyway. In any case, they were best friends and they were both okay with how things were working out. At least, she hoped so. Harry never pushed her to do much and she enjoyed spending time with him and his new attitude about studying.

They had blown through the first two years of school books they had found in the library and learned a few new things. Apparently, they had to dumb down the current curriculum and made things easier for the purebloods to pass. It definitely explained how students like Crabbe and Goyle could pass, and they were idiots.

Then the day for the hearing arrived. Arthur stayed a bit longer for breakfast and Harry went with him to work. It really disrupted the entire day and even Molly Weasley said she couldn't concentrate on anything and told everyone to go do whatever they wanted until Harry came back.

*

Harry was having a great time listening to all the idiots in the Wizengamut. The minister was as big of a moron in person as he was in the books and his undersecretary looked more like a toad than she did in the movies. Their irritating personalities were bang on, though.

The headmaster of Hogwarts Albus Dumbledore came into the courtroom right on cue and did his whole speech. The only change was that he didn't have any witnesses and couldn't actually prove that Harry was attacked by a death eater.

Harry wasn't given a chance to speak in his own defence either, just like in the books, and he got off anyway. Was it always a foregone conclusion that he would be found not guilty? Did Dumbledore's calling them out for having a full criminal trial for underage magic guilt them into letting Harry go? In the end, it didn't matter. He was free to go and all charges had been dropped.

“I would like the Wizengamut's decision in writing, please.” Harry said when the trial officially ended, because now he was allowed to speak out of turn.

“My office will send a copy along after we receive one ourselves.” A woman wearing a monocle said.

Harry turned to her and smiled a knowing smile. “Ah, Madam Bones. Your niece sings your praises between her casting curses at me and calling me names to my face and ruining my reputation behind my back.”

The woman's eyes widened and her monocle fell out to dangle at the end of its chain. “Excuse me?”

“She's quite the fearmonger and rumor spreader, both in second year with the Heir of Slytherin business and calling me the lowest scum, then she did it again last year, only she added vicious spells and she wore one of those Potter Stinks badges, just like most of the school.”

“Why would she do that?” Madam Bones asked.

“Because I stole Cedric's rightful place as Hogwarts Champion, even though my school wasn't listed and I only competed for myself.” Harry said as an explanation.

Madam Bones looked stunned at hearing her niece would do such things.

“I have to assume she didn't tell you what she gets up to at school.” Harry said with a sigh. “Anyway, make sure to send the copy of the verdict to me personally and not allow anyone else to receive my mail like the first fifteen years of my life. The first letter I ever received from the wizarding world was my Hogwarts letter addressed to the cupboard under the stairs.”

Everyone in the courtroom stilled and stared at him, especially Albus Dumbledore.

“What? You didn't know? How could you not?” Harry asked her. “Isn't someone stealing over a decade and a half of packages something the DMLE should be on top of? Where did all those gifts and letters go?”

Everyone saw Dumbledore's embarrassed face and now they all wanted to know.

“I'm sure Madam Bones is much too busy to search for a few missing letters, Harry.” Albus said to try and dismiss the whole thing.

Harry couldn't resist poking the man. “Excuse me, sir. Do we know each other well enough to be called by our first names?” He asked and a few people gasped. “We've only met at the end of each year when you force me to go back to my abusive relatives, no matter how much I beg you not to.”

The angry look on Madam Bones' face was worth airing dirty laundry publicly.

“How many times do I have to save the school for you to listen? I've done it four times so far. How many more do I have to do to get you to listen and remove me from where you illegally placed me as a baby?” Harry asked, adding a bunch of fuel to the fire.

“Harry, we can talk about that later.” Albus quickly said and waved his hand towards the exit. “Why don't you go out into the hallway to meet with Arthur Weasley and...”

“Why are you trying to send me off again without dealing with my problems?” Harry asked and didn't move.

Albus gave him a pointed look and sighed. “Please stop making a fuss, Harry. Arthur is waiting for you and I have things to deal with here.”

“Okay, Albus.” Harry said cheekily and turned to Madam Bones. “It was nice to finally meet one honest person in the wizarding world, Madam Bones. Give my regards to your niece.”

“I assure you, Mister Potter. I will.” Madam Bones responded.

“You can call me Harry, Madam Bones. If the Chief Warlock can use my first name without my permission, you should be allowed to as well.”

A few of the people listening chuckled.

Madam Bones smiled briefly. “Thank you, Harry. Have a good day.”

“I was cleared of all charges, my dear lady. This is the best day ever.” Harry said and walked out of the courtroom with a huge smile on his face. He had gotten away with several counts of murder and was cleared of any wrongdoing. They hadn't even checked his wand, despite all the spells he had cast with it that day. It really was the best day ever!

When Harry and Arthur arrived back at the house, they shared the good news. The twins cheered and chanted 'he got off, he got off'. Harry caught Ginny's eye first and she beamed a smile at him as they all jumped around and celebrated, because she knew he would be getting off again that night, as would she.

*

The last few weeks of the summer passed by before anyone knew it. Surprisingly, Albus Dumbledore never once visited Harry to talk to him about what he said in the courtroom.

It was soon time for the teens to go to Hogwarts and Harry had everything packed the night before while the rest of them were taking turns bathing or showering. No one saw him enter the kitchen and go into the boiler room.

“It's time, Kreacher.” Harry said and cast a silence spell on the room.

“Yes, young master.” Kreacher said and produced the locket that killed his beloved master, Regulus Black.

“~OPEN~” Harry hissed and the thing opened to reveal a human-looking eye. Before it could form anything like a cloud of smoke for its illusions, Harry spoke the worst curse in the wizarding world. Thankfully, it was only illegal to use on another living being. “Avada Kedavra.”

The pulse of green light hit the moving eye in the locket and the eye exploded with a splash of gore before an unholy scream filled the room. Black smoke floated up and dissipated, showing it was dead.

Kreacher closed the damaged locket and snapped his fingers to repair it, then he hung it back around his neck. He also smiled for the first time in years. “Thank you, Master Harry.”

Harry put a hand on the old house elf's shoulder. “While we're gone, make sure you prank Sirius at least once a week when he's not expecting it.”

Kreacher huffed a small laugh. “I will blame it on the twins.”

Harry laughed and dropped the silence spell before he left. He went to his room and made sure his things were still in his trunk, especially his money bag, and he counted it. Three galleons were missing and he knew who had done it. So, he went to Ron's trunk and summoned the money to get it back. Surprisingly, sixteen galleons, seventy silver sickles, and over a hundred bronze knut coins came out.

The dirty little thief is taking them from everyone and not just me.

Harry thought and added most of it to his money bag and sealed it with a sewing charm, added it to his trunk before he closed and locked it, then he used magic on that as well with the colloportus spell.

Harry put the money he kept out into his pocket to spend on the train tomorrow and sat down on his bed to wait for the bathroom to be free. After a stray thought, Harry tried the shrinking charm on his trunk and it actually worked. He chuckled as he pocketed the matchbox-sized thing and sealed his pocket shut with the same sewing charm he used on the money bag.

Half an hour later, Ron entered the room with his hair still wet. Harry didn't bother asking him if the bathroom was free and waited a few minutes before he left the room with a change of clothes. As far as he was concerned, as long as it was Hermione or Ginny getting a bath, he would pretend he didn't see them until it was 'too late'.

Harry hummed distractingly as he used the unlocking spell on the door and entered the bathroom. He intentionally didn't look at who was there and stripped off, making a bit of a show about it, and folded up his clothes. They were still clean, thanks to a few spells, and he would wear them tomorrow. When he was naked, he finally turned around to pretend being shocked that someone else was in there.

Fortunately, he didn't have to pretend, because it wasn't Hermione or Ginny taking a bath. It was Tonks. Harry's eyes immediately dropped from her face to her exposed chest and it was a very nice chest. Her breasts were the perfect size and the nipple color accentuated them and didn't detract from their beauty.

“Are you enjoying the view?” Tonks asked, clearly amused and she didn't feel embarrassed.

Harry didn't say anything and pointed down instead. It was Tonks' turn to drop her eyes from his face to where his prominent erection was. Her eyes widened slightly, because as far as she was concerned, he was a good size and it fit his body type well. Before she could say anything else, Harry locked the door and cast two spells, a locking charm and a silence spell, and walked over to the tub.

Tonks looked up at his face and he smiled at her as he motioned for her to move forward. She gave him a raised eyebrow and he motioned again. She sighed and moved forward just enough for him to step into the tub. He sat down behind her and folded his legs around her and over her lap as he pulled her backwards to lean her against his chest.

“That can't be comfortable.” Tonks said instead of asking him to stop or leave.

“I don't care.” Harry said and grabbed a washcloth and soaped it up, then he reached around her and proceeded to wash her breasts with both hands. He groped her very well and Tonks couldn't stop her soft moans as he tweaked her nipples and kneaded her flesh like he had been doing it for years.

Tonks leaned her head back to rest it on his shoulder and turned just enough to look at his face. She did not expect him to softly kiss her and also keep playing with her breasts. Her louder moan spurred him on and a bit more soap was applied to his hands before one went down between her legs. She cried out as she came and she stilled for several moments, then she turned around and gave him a sexy look.

Harry nodded at her and she soaped up her hands and started to jerk him off. Since he was concealed by the soapy water, she wasn't going to suck him off. Not yet, anyway. She had something much more important to do first.

“Prepare to have your mind blown.” Tonks said and climbed on top of him.

“Can metamorphs change themselves down there?” Harry asked, genuinely curious.

“Why?” Tonks asked and lined him up to plunge her depths.

“Because unless you can grip me like a virgin teenager, my mind will not be blown.” Harry challenged her.

Tonks looked surprised for a moment, then she laughed when she realized something. “Of course you've had sex before. You're famous.” She sat down onto him and moaned at the nice size filling her. “Why was I doubting that?”

Harry reached up and fondled her breasts as she started to move up and down on him. “Most people can't see past their singular existence. Other people's views and experiences don't normally affect their thinking processes.”

Tonks stopped moving to stare at him.

“I'm sorry for distracting you. Less talking, more shagging.” Harry said and pulled her in to kiss her and he started pumping his hips up.

Tonks took the hint and began moving again. It did not take her long to get off the first time, since having a different dick inside of her was always great the first time. To her surprise, Harry moved her backwards to the other end of the tub and then he railed into her like he was a jackhammer and she was a stubborn piece of concrete.

She was doubly surprised that it felt fantastic and he hit several spots inside of her that she didn't realize could feel that good. She tightened herself down there and made him groan with pleasure, so she alternated doing that and snogging him senseless. Neither of them cared about the sloshing water splashing everywhere as they went at it like bunnies.

After a while, they transitioned to the floor on an improvised bed of towels and then the real fun happened. Both of them enjoyed it and Harry never commented when she tried changing things on herself, like her chest size and the width of her hips. She expected him to tell her what he preferred and he never once said or did anything to indicate his preferences.

“I honestly don't care what you look like, Tonks.” Harry said when they laid on the floor, exhausted from the best sex either of them ever had.

“Wh-what?” Tonks asked, shocked.

“Fat, thin, big breasts, flat as a board, arse as wide as the tub? I don't care. I was feeling good and you were feeling good. Whatever you want to wrap yourself in as we do it, is fine with me.” Harry said and kissed her stunned face. “Hey, I just had a thought. Can you extend your tongue long enough to lick yourself?”

Tonks blinked her eyes at him in confusion at the change of subject. “Wh-what?”

“You can make a duck bill and an elephant trunk with your nose. If your tongue was long enough, you would have a much easier time masturbating and getting yourself off.” Harry said and she kept staring at him like he was crazy. “Don't tell me you never thought of that?”

Tonks opened her mouth and closed it several times, because she honestly hadn't. Harry laughed and kissed her again. The two of them rested there for about fifteen minutes before Harry spoke again.

“We need a shower to clean up after cleaning up.” Harry told her and the two of them cleaned the place up, dried up the water on the floor with several spells, then they enjoyed a bit more playing and a shower together. They dressed and met at the locked door, gave each other a nice deep kiss, then Tonks disillusioned herself and they left the bathroom.

Tonks went down the stairs and Harry went to the room he shared with Ron and it was dark inside. The redhead was asleep, so Harry stayed quiet and climbed into bed, only to pause when he saw Hermione hiding under the covers.

Without saying a word, Harry climbed in with her and they made out and cuddled for a short time, then Hermione took things to the next level as she gave him a blowjob. Her claim that she wasn't ready for sex or a steady boyfriend, was the perfect excuse to fool around without consequences and Harry knew she would spread her legs for him eventually. They were best friends, after all.

*

“We're late every time.” Hermione complained as their large group finally entered the train station. They only had about ten minutes left before the train would leave.

“There's an easy solution to that problem.” Harry said and pointedly didn't look at Ron.

Hermione knew what he meant, though. Her eyes went to the rest of the Weasleys and she didn't know why they always scrambled at the last minute to get things done instead of doing what she and Harry had done. They prepared everything the day before and only had to carry their already packed trunks. His shrinking solution was a godsend, too. Why had she never thought of it herself?

That question made her go over everything they had done during the summer. The homework alone let her see how smart Harry was. He had approached everything as if he had never done it before and he actually listened to her when he asked her to explain things so that an idiot would understand. She had laughed at the time and told him he wasn't an idiot, only for him to say he was for letting her get away.

It took Hermione several days before she asked him why he said that. Harry then explained that he was too stupid to realize how much she meant to him and he should have asked her out at the end of third year. He didn't and had missed his chance with her.

When she went to the Yule Ball with Viktor Krum, Harry finally realized the huge mistake he had made and it was too late to fix it, especially with the blow-up between her and Ron that night about the idiot being jealous of the famous quidditch star and her telling Ron off for not asking her out to the ball first.

Harry said he had to accept her choice back then and he knew that he could never be who she needed him to be, not if she fancied Ron instead of him. He had resolved at that point to never lose her as a friend, so a friend she was and a friend she would always be.

It had almost broken Hermione's heart to hear Harry speak like that, sounding defeated, and she had silently cried and gave him several chaste kisses. He had been right, though. She did have burgeoning feelings for Ron over the last year and she was waiting for the redhead to realize it after giving him a bunch of blatant clues.

It wasn't until this summer that Hermione's thoughts had started to change once more. It was all Harry's fault, too. His attitude was different after his near-death experience and it was almost like he was a different person. He didn't brood, wasn't angry at the world, and he was a hard worker. His explanation that it was beaten into him was laughed at by the others; but, she knew differently. Harry hadn't been joking.

“Sickle for your thoughts.” Harry said to her as they stepped through the barrier between the platforms.

Hermione glanced around and no one was close to them. “Let's find a compartment first.”

Harry chuckled. “Yeah, like there's going to be an empty one left at three minutes to eleven.”

Hermione smiled as he took her hand to help her board the train. Sometimes he can be so gentlemanly. She thought happily, not realizing Harry was getting an up-close shot of her arse in jeans as she went up the stairs.

They ignored the Weasleys scrambling to board the train behind them and it didn't take long before they found a mostly empty compartment in the second train car that they checked.

“Hi, Luna.” Harry said to the short blonde girl when he opened the door. “Mind if we sit here? Everywhere else is full.”

Luna gave him a confused look. “You know my name?”

“Of course I do. You're the daughter of the Quibbler's publisher, Xenophilius Lovegood.” Harry said, which confused Hermione as well, because he hadn't mentioned anything like that before. “That was a great article on the Rotfang Conspiracy last month, by the way. Minister Fudge better watch out with your dad on the case.”

Luna's confused look changed to a beaming smile. “He is one of the best reporters we have.”

Harry led Hermione inside and shut the door before he took his trunk out of his unsealed pocket and put it on the above rack to enlarge it. “I'm not sure he'll find much evidence of heliopaths, though. The Department of Mysteries usually keeps things like that in regulated areas.”

Luna made an odd sound, a mix of a squeal and a squeak. “You believe they exist?”

Harry sat down across from the clearly excited blonde girl and Hermione stayed standing by the door, her face showing the shock she couldn't help feeling at Harry spouting so much nonsense out of the blue. She also missed the noise in the hallway outside as the Weasleys hustled by the compartment looking for somewhere for them all to sit.

“Lots of things exist that no one else has ever seen, like the other side of the moon.” Harry said and took Hermione's hand to pull her onto the bench seat beside him. “Then again, the ones that do see them are usually called crazy or insane for the same reasons.”

Luna nodded several times. “The number of closed minds far outnumber the open ones.”

Harry chuckled. “You're preaching to the choir, Luna.”

Luna gave him a confused look. “What does that mean?”

“It's a muggle saying that means you're telling them something that they already agree with and they don't need to be convinced it's true.” Hermione answered for him.

Both Harry and Luna gave her surprised looks, which made her blush slightly.

“I don't think I've ever heard it explained like that before.” Harry said and reached up to turn her head towards him. “Well done, Hermione.”

“Harr... mmmm.” Hermione moaned as Harry kissed her tenderly.

“Are you two going out?” Luna asked, her wide eyes studying them.

Harry broke the kiss and sat back. “Unfortunately, my feelings have to remain unrequited and we can only be friends. I missed my chance with this beauty last year and we've both accepted it.”

Luna blinked her eyes at them exactly seven times. “Friends can kiss like that?”

Harry chuckled at her going right where he wanted her to go. “They can do a lot more than that.”

Hermione's deep blush only emphasized Harry's point. Her mind replayed how much she liked feeling his hard warmth in her mouth the night before and the noises he made as she licked, sucked, and played with him. It had been quite empowering for her to be in control like that.

“Do you do that with all of your friends?” Luna asked, genuinely curious.

Hermione turned her head to look at Harry and wanted to know that, too.

“Considering only Hermione and Ginny are my friends, the answer so far is yes.” Harry hedged and then smiled crookedly. “Hey, Luna? Do you want to be my friend, too?”

Luna practically teleported across the compartment as she jumped onto his lap and pressed her lips to his. After a few moments, Harry hugged her and started moving his lips to kiss her and teach her a thing or two. Luna melted into his arms and made soft noises that sounded much more indecent than they needed to be.

Hermione's face went red again, because she was getting turned on, too. She also felt a little jealous that Harry now had another friend that he could do things with. Yes, those things. Her brain immediately pictured Luna kneeling on the floor and worshipping Harry's penis, right there in front of her, and she surprised herself that she wasn't instantly against the idea of watching that.

“Thank you for being my friend.” Luna whispered, her breathing heavy.

Harry smiled and thought of something funny to say. “Hermione can be your friend, too.”

“Oh, goody!” Luna chirped happily and then she was on Hermione's lap and kissing her.

Since it was Hermione's first kiss with a girl, she wasn't sure how to react. It was one thing to kiss Harry, because he was a boy and she really liked how his lips felt on hers. Luna's were much softer and not unlike her own, so it felt completely different. Not a bad different, just different.

Luna broke the kiss with a sigh. “It's not as fun kissing you.”

Hermione didn't know what to say to that. She didn't really want to encourage the girl or try to convince her that her kisses were just as good as Harry's, because she knew they wouldn't be. There was no Harry involved, after all.

“Friends don't have to kiss or play around, they just can if they want to.” Harry clarified for them.

“Okay.” Luna said and stood to go back to her side of the compartment. She paused and looked at Harry instead.

“We can't do much in public and you know someone's going to show up here soon.” Harry informed her and Luna nodded. She walked over to him and gave him a hug and a kiss, then walked across the compartment and sat on the bench seat just in time.

The door slammed open and a panting Ron stood there. “Where... the bloody hell... were you?” He asked and took several breaths. “The Prefect meeting already started and they sent me to get you.”

Hermione gasped and jumped to her feet. “I completely forgot about that!” She exclaimed and shoved Ron out of the way as she ran from the compartment.

“Bloody hell.” Ron said again and walked away.

“Thanks for shutting the door.” Harry said sarcastically and walked over to do that.

“Well, well, well. If it isn't Potty... and Loony. How nice.” Draco Malfoy drawled as he stepped into the doorway. His two bookends Crabbe and Goyle and his rumored girlfriend Pansy Parkinson stepped up behind the blond in the hallway.

Harry's hand moved from reaching for the door handle to dart up and wrapped around Malfoy's neck. He didn't say anything and just squeezed. Draco choked and his hands came up to try and pry Harry's hand away. It didn't work.

“Let him go, Potter!” Pansy shouted and started hitting his arm. That also didn't work because it was a pale comparison to what Harry endured at Dudley's hands. “You can't do this! He's a Prefect!”

Harry gave her a withering look and then looked at Draco slowly turning purple. “Someone is fashionably late for the meeting.”

“S-stop. Stop, please.” Luna's soft voice said from behind Harry.

Harry instantly let go and Draco rubbed his bruising neck as he tried to suck in as much air as he could. “Luna Lovegood just saved your life, Malfoy. I hope you appreciate what that means.”

After a few moments of breathing, Draco nodded and Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy looked surprised. Draco quickly moved back from the doorway and walked away, his three followers quickly going after him. Harry closed the door and walked over to sit across from Luna again. He observed her face and watched various emotions play across it. When it finally settled on her dreamy smile once more, he smiled, too.

“You're not angry at me.” Luna said as a statement and not as a question.

“How could I be angry at someone so cute?” Harry asked her and she blushed.

“I stopped you from... doing... that.” Luna said, haltingly.

“Hurting him.” Harry said and she nodded. “It's okay. We both know he's going to give me many more opportunities.”

Luna sighed. “He will rationalize what happened about you getting the upper hand on him.”

“That's usually how it works. They always come back when you best them.” Harry said and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees and gave her a pointed look. “It's why you never fight back. It's not worth the trouble it will bring later, because it can always get worse.”

Luna nodded and looked away from his intense gaze. The compartment was quiet for several minutes before Harry broke it.

“What happens next won't be your fault, you know. Stop thinking that way.” Harry ordered.

Luna looked back at him and he was still in the same leaning position. “You're going to do it anyway?”

Harry gave her a crooked smile. “Yes, I was. Meeting you this soon doesn't change anything, except that you know beforehand that it was me and not afterwards.”

Luna took a deep breath and sighed as she let it out. “I can't convince you not to, can I?”

“Our friendship doesn't depend on the choices of others, Luna. No matter what happens, you will always be my friend.” Harry told her.

Luna couldn't stop her blush and she nodded. After a minute, she picked up her magazine and put on her weird swirling and flickering glasses as she turned the magazine upside down.

“Does your dad have any back issues of the Quibbler for sale that still have the spectrospecs in them?” Harry asked and Luna almost dropped her magazine. “I'm sorry for distracting you. I'll ask again later.”

Luna stared at him for a full minute before she nodded and went back to reading the magazine. She really had to stop being surprised that Harry was doing his best to make her like him and flaunting his knowledge, even if he was openly evil and wasn't hiding it from her.

Harry sat back and thought about what he had to do when he arrived at the school. Since no one had come to him during the summer to tell him what happened to the Dursleys, they either didn't know he had arranged for them to die or they didn't want him to know they were dead. Either way, he was never going back to that abusive household.

The best thing was that with a copy of the official pardon in his trunk, he was already forgiven for any crimes he committed before the trial. He just had to figure out if he could get away with claiming he had set other things up before then and he would be free and clear to act with impunity. Officially, anyway. He was going to act no matter what and liked having a 'get out of jail' free pass.

Luna occasionally looked up from her magazine and tried to not stare at Harry, whom still hadn't moved from his half-crouched position and he was still giving her a crooked smile. She blushed each time and ducked her head back down to concentrate on the magazine. Why did she feel so flattered that he was giving her all of his attention?

After nearly half an hour, the compartment door opened and only Luna looked over to see who it was. Her eyes widened behind her eyewear at seeing a severely blushing Ginny Weasley.

“There you are, Harry.” Ginny said and closed the door. She used her wand and locked and silenced the door.

“Pull the blind, too.” Harry said and finally sat back on the bench seat as he cast a silence spell.

“Yes, sir.” Ginny said and did that, used a sticking charm, then she started to strip off.

Luna's breathing almost stopped as she watched her old best friend went naked, in public, and then Ginny dropped to her hands and knees and crawled over to Harry. Luna's breathing did stop when Harry pulled out his humdinger and almost fainted as Ginny started licking and sucking on it.

“You're such a good girl. Thank you for this.” Harry complimented her and pet her hair. Ginny hummed happily and moved faster.

Luna started breathing again and watched as Ginny wallowed in Harry's attention, then she started swallowing and humming happily again. There was a light pop sound when she moved her mouth off of him, then she climbed onto the bench seat beside him and bent over to show off her absolutely dripping folds.

“What a beautiful sight.” Harry said and leaned in and started hissing as Ginny squealed.

Luna's mouth dropped open and her magazine fell to the floor. She reached up and slowly pulled off her colored eyeglasses to watch with her view uninterrupted. She felt very tingly down there between her legs, right where Ginny was being expertly licked and suckled, and she wondered if Harry would do it to her because it looked like Ginny really liked it.

Ginny cried out and her whole body shivered as she collapsed onto the bench seat, her thighs soaked, and she was heavily panting as if she had just run a marathon.

“She won't move again for at least ten minutes as she recovers.” Harry said and Luna looked over at him, only to see he was already kneeling on the floor in front of her. “Would you like...”

“YES!” Luna said and pulled her skirt up and spread her legs.

Harry chuckled and slid her soaked panties aside. “I'll go slow at first, okay?”

Luna shook her head. “Do that thing, please.”

Harry raised his eyebrows at her and then shrugged. “You better hold onto something.”

Luna nodded and let her skirt go to grip his hair. Harry chuckled again and moved down to start in on her, going all out right from the start. Luna screamed a few seconds later and Harry felt the splash on his face. He stopped briefly, wiped it off, and grinned up at Luna's very red face.

“Oh, I really like you.” Harry said, making Luna almost faint at the sincerity, then he dove back between her legs and kept going without stopping.

Luna cried out, again and again, and she didn't remember when she had changed positions or when she had started sucking on Harry's thing. She didn't care that it was dirty from Ginny using it, either. Then again, Ginny was awake now and watching them as she used her fingers to get herself off again. It spurred Luna on and she wanted to prove to Harry that she was just as good as Ginny.

*

“That meeting went on and on.” Ron commented as he and Hermione walked their rounds on the train. If he had known there would be so much work to being a prefect, he might have been a little reluctant in accepting it, then he remembered he got a new broom out of it and that was enough to forget his objections.

“I'm surprised you're not complaining that it was Malfoy's fault.” Hermione said and knocked on a compartment that was too noisy. The door opened and the fourth years inside looked a little pale at seeing two Prefects. “You need to be quieter and not disturb your neighbours or cast a silencing charm.”

“We don't know how to cast that.” A Ravenclaw said. “Can you teach us?”

Ron sighed and stopped himself from slapping a hand over his face as Hermione practically beamed at them.

“Of course I can teach you such an important spell.” Hermione gushed and entered the compartment.

Ron was completely bored half an hour later when they finally left the compartment. It had been full of eager students that kept asking Hermione to show them some of the spells she knew. She had basked in the positive attention and looked extremely pleased as she and Ron moved down the train car to continue their rounds.

“I hope we don't find any more... trouble to deal with.” Ron commented, dreading the thought they would find more eager students wanting magic lessons.

Hermione smiled knowingly at him and wouldn't have minded doing something to annoy him. As they moved on, they only had to tell off one other student for shouting at his cheating girlfriend before they eventually made a circuit of their part of the train, a quarter of it to be exact, and made their way back to the compartment where the twins and Percy had been.

Hermione frowned when she entered and only saw the twins and Lee Jordan inside and didn't see Harry. He should have searched for them by now and he apparently didn't. She also noticed that Ginny wasn't there, either.

“Where's Ginny?” Hermione asked.

“She went to find Harrykins.” Fred said and both Hermione and Ron perked up.

“Any idea which way she went?” Ron asked.

“Thataway.” Fred pointed right and George pointed left.

Hermione huffed and Ron rolled his eyes at them.

“Thanks for the help.” Hermione said sarcastically and stepped back out of the compartment. “We know he wasn't in our assigned section, so we should check the next one over that way.”

Ron shrugged and they both walked to the left. Hermione knew that was the direction where she and Harry had met Luna and she hoped he had stayed there and didn't go wandering over the last two hours. Ron had also found her there and had apparently forgotten about it already.

Her eyes glanced at Ron walking beside her and she wondered why she started fancying him. Was it because he showed some interest in her or was it because he was her only option because Harry wasn't interested? Then again, Harry had shown her a lot of interest the last few weeks and had made it clear he had missed his chance with her, so they couldn't date. But, was it really too late?

They reached the compartment and saw the blind down. Ron tried the door and it was locked, so he banged on it. “Oi! Open up! We want to come in!”

Hermione sighed at that and took out her wand. She tapped the door and cancelled the locking charm. “Try it again.”

“Thanks, Herm.” Ron said and opened the door.

Hermione fought down the instant hate she felt at being called that. “That's not my name.”

Ron ignored her as he stepped into the compartment and his face scrunched up. “What's that smell?”

“Don't worry about it. I had to deal with two weeping slashkilters.” Harry said with a straight face.

Ginny and Luna blushed and quickly hid their faces.

“What the bloody hell are you talking about?” Ron asked and looked at Luna. “Did you catch some of Loony's craziness?”

Harry calmly stood up and stepped forward, then his fist slammed into Ron's face. Ron cried out in shock and pain as he was thrown backwards from the force and stumbled out of the compartment. He hit the wall opposite the compartment and put a hand on his cheek that had been hit harder than he ever felt before. Hermione, Ginny, and Luna stared at the scene.

“No one insults or bully's my new friend, not even my best mate.” Harry said with a deadly voice, his fist still raised.

“H-Harry.” Luna's soft voice carried through the silence.

Harry turned to her and gave her his best smile. “I'm sorry you had to see that, Luna. I'll try to keep it out of sight from now on.”

“Harry, what...” Hermione started to say.

“Are you barmy?!?” Ron asked and rubbed his face as anger showed on it. “What did you hit me for?”

Harry ignored him and sat back down. “Hermione, what's the definition of insanity?”

Hermione sighed and recited it. “Repeating the same action over and over and expecting a different result each time, despite that never happening.”

Harry smiled and nodded at Ron. “There's your answer.”

Ron looked completely confused, as did Ginny.

Harry looked between them and chuckled. “Luna, help me out here.”

Luna reluctantly did. “Harry already told you why he hit you. You didn't listen and he doesn't want to repeat himself.”

Ron still looked confused.

“Ron, go back to Fred and George and tell them they want you for something.” Ginny said.

“Oh. Okay, I'll go see why they want me.” Ron said and walked off as he rubbed his cheek.

Hermione stepped into the compartment and closed the door.

“That actually worked?” Harry asked, surprised.

“Only occasionally. If you do it too much, he catches on and knows you're trying to get rid of him.” Ginny explained.

Harry gave Hermione a pointed look and she sighed. They both knew she would try it later, especially since they would be spending a lot of extra time together because of their Prefect duties.

“How did the meeting go?” Harry asked her as she sat down beside him.

“It was better than I expected with Malfoy and Pansy there.” Hermione said and leaned against him. “I wish you had been there.”

Harry put an arm over her shoulders. “I would have berated them for never doing their jobs.”

Hermione opened her mouth to refute that, only to sigh. She knew the Prefects had pretty much ignored everything that happened in the school for the last four years. Harry wouldn't have been tormented and cursed at otherwise, some of which was done by those very same Prefects.

“Did they give you the patrol routes for the school yet?” Harry asked.

Hermione nodded and brought out the scroll from her robes. She handed it over without thinking it was wrong and she shouldn't have given it to him.

Harry looked it over and nodded. “I see, I see. They gave you the most used areas of the school.”

“Wh-what?” Hermione asked and leaned her head on his shoulder to look.

“You see this corridor here? This stairwell? These sets of abandoned classrooms?” Harry asked and she nodded. “Those are the best snogging and shagging spaces in the whole school. You're going to be shooing students away constantly and giving out point losses and detentions like candy.”

“How did you know that's where people go to snog and shag?” Ginny asked, indignantly.

Harry knew what she was really asking and chose to nip that jealousy in the bud. “Seamus is a horndog and brags all the time. He counted all of the broom closets along that route and claimed he's had a different witch in more than half of them.”

That made Hermione and Ginny frown.

“Before you ask, his claim has been growing for the last two years.” Harry added.

“Two years?” Hermione gasped. “He's been snogging different witches for two years?!?”

Harry had to laugh at her indignation. “No, he hasn't. He just claims he has.”

Some kind of tension seemed to fade away from both Hermione and Ginny.

“At most, he's tricked a few to give him a chance. Like Lavender.”

“His date to the Yule Ball.” Hermione said and her face scrunched up slightly as she remembered something. “I think they did it, too.”

“Do tell.” Harry prompted her as he rolled up the scroll and handed it back to her.

“There's not much to tell. I remember Lavender complaining for a week about being sore down there when she sat down.” Hermione said.

“Obviously, Seamus didn't handle her right.” Ginny scoffed and then blushed as Hermione gave her a very pointed look. “I mean... shouldn't it feel good? Why would it be sore after... after that?”

Hermione let out a breath and recalled what her mother told her when she gave her 'the talk' last year after she found out about her dating a 17 year old quidditch star. “Sometimes it hurts the first time. It could be anything from a quick pinch to like getting punched in the belly.”

Ginny gave her a surprised look.

“What was it like for you?” Luna asked, curiously.

Hermione almost looked proud. “It was barely a pinch. I took my time and carefully prepared beforehand. When it happened, I barely felt any discomfort.”

“You slept with Viktor Krum last year?!?” Ginny exclaimed, clearly shocked.

“What? No!” Hermione exclaimed right back.

Luna and Ginny whipped their heads around to stare at Harry.

“Don't look at me.” Harry said, raising both hands in surrender. “We've snogged, fondled, and played a bit. Although, she did suck me off last night and I haven't had the chance to do it back yet.”

Hermione's face went red at him revealing what she did.

“It feels wonderful, doesn't it? How he squirms around as we probe his dripping tip with our tongues?” Luna boldly asked and Hermione's mouth dropped open. “I can see you had no trouble with him.”

Harry barked a laugh and hopped up to lean across the compartment to give Luna a kiss. “I really should have told you to keep that quiet.”

“You didn't want me to.” Luna said, a little smugly.

Harry gave her another kiss and sat back on his seat. “I guess I didn't.”

Hermione looked from her to Harry several times before she settled on Harry. “When did it happen?”

“We're glad Ron pounded on the door and warned us to get dressed.” Ginny said and Hermione's head whipped around to stare at her.

“Harry only silenced the inside of the compartment.” Luna added and touched her blouse. Hermione caught her breath when it easily fell open and hadn't been buttoned at all.

“My panties are on the luggage rack.” Ginny said proudly and pointed.

Hermione looked where her finger led and saw the small pink cloth hanging on Harry's trunk. “How did I not see that?” She asked, because it was right there in plain view and nothing was hiding it.

“Forget that. Who did you shag to lose your virginity?” Ginny asked.

Hermione blushed. “I didn't shag anyone. I used...” She stopped and looked at Ginny and then at Luna.

“Ah, you had one of those toy things.” Harry said and she gasped and stared at him. “You didn't want pain to ruin things for your first time and took matters into your own hands. Good for you.”

Hermione blushed at both the praise and him letting that secret out.

“What toy things?” Luna asked.

“It's a muggle thing.” Harry said and waved away her follow up question, because he knew what she wanted to hear. “Some women need satisfaction and don't have access to a man's thing, so they use a specifically shaped piece of plastic and rubber to simulate it.”

Both Luna and Ginny looked shocked.

“You're kidding.” Ginny whispered.

“Not even a little bit.” Harry said. “Some are small, some are huge, some have different shapes and added things, too. It's a whole industry for the muggles.”

“But... why?” Ginny asked.

“Necessity and convenience.” Harry said. “Why bother going out on dates to find someone you're compatible with when you can just buy a toy and go at it without consequences?”

Ginny frowned at that and crossed her arms. “It sounds stupid.”

“I think having someone to do it with is what makes it fun.” Luna said and beamed a smile at Harry.

Hermione looked between them and sighed. “You really did it, didn't you?”

“No, I'm saving that for after we get to school. I can't do her on a moving train where anyone could walk in on us, even if that makes things a little more exciting.” Harry said to her and wagged his eyebrows.

Hermione blushed, because she had a lot of fun getting away with doing things with him while they had the chance of being discovered.

“At least we don't have to hide it from each other anymore. People at school couldn't care less about what everyone else does.” Ginny said and Luna nodded.

“That's how they always get away with things. No one cares.” Harry said.

Hermione wanted to argue, she really did.

“Until now.” Harry said and kissed her.

Hermione moaned before she could stop herself or tell Harry he shouldn't kiss her like that in front of Ginny and Luna. She moaned again when his hand slid up her skirt and rubbed her right where she liked it. Her own hand went down to between his legs and she was glad he was already hard for her.

“I'll lock the door again.” Ginny said and she used her wand to cast the charm.

“Use a sticking charm, too.” Luna suggested as Hermione's panties were removed.

“Ohhhh, god.” Hermione moaned as Harry's fingers plunged inside of her and he nuzzled her neck. Why does this feel so much better than it did yesterday?

“Harry, you need to use your tongue on her before she realizes we can see her.” Luna told him.

Hermione gasped and opened her eyes to stare at the cute blonde girl and then Harry's warm tongue lapped at her. A second later, she completely forgot about Luna and Ginny as Harry's tongue vibrated and she got off nearly instantly while she screamed with pleasure.

“Is that what we look like when we have one, too?” Ginny asked, her voice full of wonder as she stepped over beside Luna.

“Yes, we are quite the sight.” Luna confirmed and petted Harry's hair. “It motivates him, too.”

“Hmm hmm.” Harry mumbled in agreement and Hermione moaned again.

*

“Why does Ron look angry?” Luna asked as the four of them left the train. She had to help Ginny to stop her weak knees from giving out while Harry helped Hermione. They had had a lot of fun during the last few hours and the three girls wondered how Harry had so much energy.

“He probably tried to buy some sweets from the trolley cart and realized he didn't have any money.” Harry said and the three girls he was with gave him surprised looks. “It was about time he realized it's not nice when someone else rummages around in their trunk and takes their money.”

“It was Ron?” Ginny and Hermione asked with a gasp.

Harry smiled at their betrayed looks. “He's been doing it for a while, too. He had well over 20 galleons in mixed coins when I figured it out and looted his trunk last night.”

“At least five galleons of that is mine.” Ginny said, angrily. “Bill and dad pitched in and gave it to me a few days before we went to Diagon Alley and I couldn't find it.”

“I've lost maybe a handful or two. I can't be sure.” Hermione said, frowning.

“It's not a problem. I'll square you both up when we get to the dorms later.” Harry said.

“You don't have to do that, Harry. Most of it is probably yours, anyway.” Hermione said and Ginny gave her a harsh look.

Harry chuckled. “I know it is. He's been helping himself to my stuff for years.” He said and helped her up into the carriage, then helped Ginny climb up and lifted Luna up by her hips to make her giggle. “What's mine is his and what's his is his. You could almost swear we were married or something.”

Luna giggled again and Hermione laughed.

“That sounds about right.” Ginny griped and then sighed. “Hermione's right, too. He's definitely taken a lot more from you over the years than either of us.”

Harry sat next to her and put his arm over her shoulders. “Honestly, if he had been smart and asked, I would have shared it with him. Taking it without telling me is disrespectful.”

Ginny leaned into him as his hand caressed her shoulder. “Harry...”

“You only had to ask and I would have given you some, my little hell carrot.” Harry said affectionately and Ginny blushed.

Luna laughed pretty hard at the new nickname and Hermione had a huge smile on her face.

The ride up to the castle only lasted a few minutes and Harry helped the three of them down. No one questioned why Luna was with the three Griffindors as they went to the middle of the Griffindor table and sat down.

The Great Hall filled up with students as they waited for the first years to be brought in and everyone noticed the new person wearing all pink at the head table that sat near Dumbledore. Ron did not try to sit near Harry and everyone noticed that, too. No one asked about it and soon the first years were brought in by Minerva McGonagall.

The sorting was a little quicker this year and none of the new students spent any extra time under the hat. It was a bit odd and no one commented on that, either.

After Minerva took the stool and sorting hat away, Dumbledore stood and made the yearly announcements. He was interrupted by the pink toad and she told them all that the Ministry was going to be interfering in Hogwarts. Most of the students didn't get it and ignored her warning, with only Hermione, Luna, and Harry understanding that things were going to be different this year.

When the students were dismissed, Harry pointedly walked with Luna to the front of the group of students and made a show of it as he gave her a great snog in front of everyone and then declared she was the Official Triwizard Champion's rebound girl for the next week and no one had better mess with her or they would be facing the guy that faced Voldemort.

Not one person doubted his words, not even Luna's bullies. They also didn't really believe he would do anything to them, either. He was Dumbledore's Golden Boy and everyone knew he was just as barmy as the headmaster, thanks to the smear campaign the Daily Prophet had been running all summer to discredit the famous pair.

No one was surprised when Draco pushed through the crowd and sneered at them. “It's bad enough you're a disgrace to wizards in private, Potter. Now you're showing everyone that...”

Harry's wand came out and a sickly yellow spell hit Draco's face and he screamed.

“MISTER POTTER!” Minerva McGonagall yelled and pushed everyone out of the way to rush over to Draco as he kept screaming and rolled around on the floor. “What did you do?”

“I'll have you expelled for this.” Snape sneered, showing where Draco learned it.

“For what? An old shaving spell?” Harry asked with a smile and motioned towards a heavily crying Draco when Minerva pulled the boy's hands away from his completely undamaged face.

“Show me your wand.” Snape ordered and Harry handed it over without protest. The potions professor performed the spell to show the last few spells cast with a wand and the first one showed a healthcare spell, as did the next and the next.

“It's quite an efficient spell.” Luna said dreamily as she patted her waist, clearly pointing to where it had been used. All of the guys made uncomfortable sounds and the older girls all rolled their eyes as a few commented that they were wimps.

Snape considered not giving the wand back as Harry held his hand out for it. He also considered snapping it 'by accident'. “That will be 20 points and a detention with me tomorrow night for casting spells in the hallways, Potter.” He said and pocketed the wand. “I'll be keeping this until then.”

Harry gave the greasy man a crooked smile. “Let me know if it ends up being broken before then, Snape.”

“That's Professor Snape to you, Potter.” Snape sneered.

“That's Mister Potter to you, Snape.” Harry bantered back.

“That will be another 20 points and another detention for your cheek, Potter!” Snape spat at him.

“Harry, that's enough.” Hermione tried to whisper, except everyone was listening and heard her.

Harry gave her a look, then sighed. “Fine. I'll let the twins keep the record for the most points lost on the first day back to school.”

Nearly everyone made surprised sounds, except for the twins. They laughed. Both Minerva and Snape looked really angry, too.

Harry gave Luna another kiss. “I'll meet you in the morning for breakfast.”

Luna smiled at him and skipped up the stairs as everyone watched her. She didn't shy away from all the attention and she waved to Harry before she walked up another flight of stairs and out of sight.

“All right everyone, the show is over. Head to your dormitories. Prefects, lead the first years.” Minerva ordered and helped Draco to his feet. “Mister Malfoy, you can head to the hospital wing to get checked over.” She said and conjured a cloth for him.

Draco wiped at his damp face and headed off to see Madam Pomfrey with his guards and girlfriend. The other Slytherins gathered behind him like a shield and followed as well. They would only escort him until they were out of sight before heading to the Slytherin common room.

The rest of the students split up and headed off to their dormitories and left behind the professors. One particularly pink-colored one had an odd look on her toad-like face, as if she was both happy and sad that one of her plans was well underway and she didn't have anything to do with it to set it up.

*

Draco Malfoy was forcibly released from the hospital wing after a few hours because there was nothing wrong with him. No one believed him when he said it was extremely painful to have all of the hairs yanked out of his face, mostly from inside his nose.

Madam Pomfrey had rolled her eyes a lot at him for being so weak and didn't tell him to use the spell himself to get used to the pain and it eventually wouldn't bother him at all.

The blond Slytherin walked all by himself, because it was past curfew and his usual hanger-ons had been ordered to return to the dorms a while ago. He was a prefect, so there was no problem with him being out so late and he wasn't worried about being caught... because he was an idiot and completely forgot about Harry Potter.

Draco never saw the stunning spell that knocked him out and he didn't feel the ground after he was easily levitated up the steps of the Astronomy Tower and tossed over the parapet. The splat pattern of his blood made an interesting Rorschach Test Blot and Harry took the time to make a copy on a piece of parchment, without drawing the body of course.

*

Severus Snape retired to his private rooms after doing some paperwork in his office. He had checked on Draco several times in the hospital wing and was secretly disappointed in how Griffindorish the boy acted. He was brazen, showed off whenever he had the chance, and bragged about his achievements. His parents were embarrassed by him and couldn't do anything to change the idiot's behavior.

The greasy man washed his hair for the second time that day, reducing the filth that gathered from the potion fumes by a significant amount, and he changed for bed. At least, he tried to. He had his robes halfway off when the stunning spell hit him and he fell to the floor, unconscious.

“Yeah, I'm not standing here and watching you strip off, you ugly dungeon bat.” Harry said and stunned him again, just because. “Accio wands.”

Several wands flew out of various places and Harry caught them all. One of them was the one he had taken from Mundungus Fletcher and had handed over to Snape, which was why he was okay if the greasy git snapped it. It wasn't really his wand, anyway. Harry tucked the wands away and levitated the man back through his private rooms and set him up at one of his personal brewing stations.

After all the ways Snape berated Harry for melting or blowing up cauldrons by misusing specific ingredients, Harry knew exactly how to set up a little accident for him. A handful of porcupine quills was left beside the open flame and a bunch of ingredients were tossed into the cauldron. They were all pre-prepared, so Harry wasn't worried about being caught by doing the prep work himself.

When it was all set up and Snape was propped up next to the table as if he had fallen asleep, Harry went to the door and flicked his backup wand at the cauldron and used Incendio to light the flame. The other explosive ingredients had been placed nearby as well, just in case the one exploding cauldron wasn't enough to do the horrible man in.

Harry was halfway back to Griffindor Tower when several muffled thumps came from the dungeons. He finished taking the shortcut and came out at the end of the corridor, ran to the end, then stunned the portrait blocking the hole. He opened it with a spell and dove inside, glad that it was so late and no one was up, and went to his dorm room.

Once Harry was safely inside his curtain-covered poster bed, he cast the silence spell on the curtains and took off his invisibility cloak. “Thanks for your help, Dobby.”

“Master Harry takes cares of old bad master's brat! Dobby be really happy!” Dobby exclaimed and faded into view, hopping slightly, and handed Harry the opened Marauder's Map.

Harry chuckled and patted his head. “Don't worry, Dobby. We'll get your old master eventually, too. Now go and get some rest. We have a lot more bad people to deal with.”

Dobby clapped his hands happily for a moment and then popped away.

“You gotta love the vicious little thing.” Harry commented and changed his clothes. He climbed under the covers and rested his head on his pillow, happy that he had rid the world of two very troublesome people.

With just those two removed, most of what happened this year and next would have to change. Draco wouldn't be recruited to try and kill Dumbledore with excessively stupid plans and Snape wouldn't have to finish the job and actually murder the man. He also wouldn't come back the next year to become the headmaster of Hogwarts and allow death eaters to torture students.

Not that Harry cared about any of that, though. He just enjoyed dealing with problems before they became problems. The next one on his list was a particularly irritating toad-woman that he knew was going to goad him into getting a detention with her. He was actually looking forward to that, because he had several ideas of what he could do to the woman.

Harry drifted off to sleep with half-formed plans in his head that gave him happy thoughts and put a huge smile on his face.

*

Deloris Umbridge's plan during the first Defense Against the Dark Arts class worked perfectly. She had goaded the delusional idiot into confronting her after accusing him of being a liar and now she had given him a detention where she would teach him a very important lesson.

Those happy thoughts carried her through the rest of the day while dealing with all the brats in the school, even the purebloods, mostly because they didn't give her the proper respect that she deserved. She was the Minister of Magic's Senior Undersecretary and that position demanded both respect and reverence. Why does she have to keep reminding them of that?

Deloris made her way back to her classroom after supper and she was only slightly surprised to see the Potter brat waiting for her. She gave him her trademarked sickly sweet smile and unlocked the door for him, then she stepped inside behind him and locked the door. She flicked her wand at it to secure it and walked across the room to her desk at the front.

“Imperio.” Harry's voice called out from behind her and a warm sensation flowed over her. “Have a seat, Madam Undersecretary.”

Deloris sat and felt pleasure at completing her master's order so quickly. A piece of parchment was placed before her and the Blood Quill she was going to use on the students to make their lessons sink in.

“Write out all your plans for the school, all your crimes, and any evidence and where to find it. Add all your passwords and procedures to get into your home, office, any bank vaults, and anything else you believe could help me.” Harry ordered.

Deloris picked up the quill and started writing. She didn't feel the pain as she wrote in her own blood, because she felt too good as she complied with her master's order. She wrote for about an hour before she finished and let out a sigh of happiness.

“That's good, Madam Undersecretary.” Harry praised her. “Is this everything?”

“Yes. I included the Ministry's vaults and where the keys are as well.” Deloris said and felt another thrill as she finished another order from her master.

“Excellent.” Harry said and gave her another piece of parchment. “Write out a full pardon for any crimes committed by Harry James Potter, effective as soon as it's submitted.”

Deloris did so and signed it with a flourish with both hers and the minister's signature like she did for most of the ministry orders she was sure Cornelius Fudge would approve of. If he knew about them, that is.

Harry took the pardon and placed a stack of parchment an inch high in front of her. “Write out your life's story. Start with your earliest memory and add as much commentary as you can for everything. Do not stop until you're done. A house elf will bring you food when you need it.”

Deloris felt pleasure again as she started writing out her first memory. It was when she was a little girl and a yucky boy had chased her down, called her Froggy, and kissed her to try and make her change into a princess. She had been very sad that it hadn't worked and told her papa, whom had the boy disposed of. That thought made her smile and she continued to write.

It took three days for her blood and magic to run out. No one noticed she was dead for another two days and that was only because a student near the front of the class commented that she started to smell as horrible as she looked.

Because of the 'not my problem' mentality of the witches and wizards, no one connected Snape's death with Umbridge's. It was almost funny, especially because no one would miss them. The only person worried about the potion master's untimely death had been the headmaster, and that was only for the fact his plans to use the man to feed information to the other death eaters had to be changed.

*

Harry had been surprised the minister's secretary knew how to contact mercenaries to hire them for assassinations. It was almost funny how easy and cheap it was, too. He sent them a list, a set price of 1,000 galleons deposit for each, and he promised bonuses for quick completion. Since all of the death eater children were in school, there was no chance of them being caught in the crossfire.

An invisible Dobby went along with them and robbed the mansions after the assassins did their work. By the time Halloween arrived, all of the targets were dead, Voldemort was a spirit once more, and the mercenaries earned double their commissions in bonuses. The sneaky elf also claimed their vault keys and emptied their vaults, thanks to the help of the beaten and badly treated house elves.

That made everyone happy and no one would ever discover that it was Harry and not Deloris that had hired them. The contracts had been agreed to long before her death had been discovered, after all. Her signature on the contracts proved it.

*

Lavender Brown had finally managed to get the Boy-Who-Lived alone after all the rumors she had heard, and some she had spread herself, of him putting out to any witch that managed to get him alone. She wanted to see what the fuss was all about and to confirm the rumor, since her reputation was all she really had going for her. She didn't want to be called a liar and needed to know the truth.

She was currently bent over a desk in an abandoned classroom and being screwed by the best dick she had ever had. The tongue-licking before that had her cumming like a geyser, too. She moaned, and screamed, and yelled Harry's name as he plowed her into the desk. It was absolutely fantastic and she would remember their first time together for the rest of her life.

Hours later, an exhausted and very well-screwed Lavender stumbled into the Griffindor common room with a beaming smile on her face. It was matched by several other girls giving her knowing smiles in return and she giggled as she made her way over to the stairs and went up to her dorm room.

“By Vishna's extra arms!” Parvati Patil exclaimed and ran over to her. “What happened to you?”

“I think I'm in loooove.” Lavender said, as if she was drunk.

Parvati giggled and helped her over to her bed. “I'm guessing your plan worked?”

“He's indescribable.” Lavender said and laid down to rest. “I'm so sore and it still feels wonderful.”

Parvati laid down with her and cuddled with the satisfied girl that was her best friend. “You need to tell me all about it.”

Lavender nodded and did so. She described everything, even how Harry had changed her expectations from a good shag into making her feel loved and then making love to her. That had never happened to her before and it was so nice that she had thrown herself into it with abandon. Harry deserved nothing less than her best.

“I'm starting to regret my family's stance on premarital sex.” Parvati grumbled.

Lavender let out a laugh and patted her stomach. “You can give him a secondhand taste if you want.”

“You slut!” Parvati gasped and laughed, too. “You let him go inside you?”

“He was a gentleman and asked first, then he said if I became pregnant, he would take care of everything.” Lavender said proudly, not understanding that it could mean something completely different than what she thought.

Parvati was genuinely shocked to hear that. She couldn't stop her eyes from going down to Lavender's crotch and her friend giggled. “Well, we haven't played around like that in a while.”

“I'll do you after I rest.” Lavender promised and pulled up her skirt.

Parvati slid down and moved her panties aside and saw a whitish fluid start to dribble out. She didn't hesitate as she licked it up and tasted it, then shrugged at the almost non-taste. It wasn't much different than Lavender's normal taste and she dove in there to give Lavender another good licking. She would never know that it left Lavender a little disappointed because it was severely lacking when compared to Harry's over-the-top efforts.

Harry had definitely ruined her for other guys and Lavender silently promised herself that she would have him again, just as soon as she recovered for a few days and the feeling of satisfaction started to fade away and she felt horny again.

*

Harry had a great time setting up delayed spells and traps for the death eater children when they went home for the Christmas break. With Dobby's help with the second part of the components, so they couldn't trace it back to Harry or the school, they would easily get away with cleaning up the filth that was infecting the wizarding world.

The best part? Not one single person suspected that it was him. All the deaths, the sorrow, the pervasive feeling of dread that clung to the guilty, gave Harry a huge sense of accomplishment. He had even dealt with all the nuisances and troublemakers from the other houses in the same way.

Being invisible made it very easy to find out personal information on people, like their addresses and family members, as well as the crimes they did that earned them a quick death. A good portion of the Ministry of Magic employees and their families would be very surprised with their Yule presents this year.

It put Harry into a great mood for the entire holiday break and more members of the female persuasion were drawn into his sphere of influence. Would he take advantage of that? Yes. Yes, he would. Why wouldn't he? He was famous and he was saving them all, wasn't he?

Plus, it only took a few offhand comments about how galaxies really worked for Harry to entice the Astronomy Professor named Aurora Sinistra into his bed. She was eager to learn more about the muggle side of things, so he taught her about that as well as a bunch of other things. He couldn't leave her ignorant and she became quite the knowledgeable student under his 'strict' tutelage.

Who knew that a stuffy professor, that taught a normally boring subject, could be so kinky and willing to try anything in the bedroom? It was almost always the quiet ones that were the most enthusiastic in bed.

*

Hogwarts after the Yule break was a different affair than it had been before. A third of the Slytherin students, a quarter of the Ravenclaw students, an eighth of the Hufflepuff students, and a handful of the Griffindor students didn't return when school resumed.

Most of the remaining students didn't know that the missing students and their families were actually dead and everyone assumed they had just been withdrawn because of the danger and not removed permanently.

Harry had a difficult time not laughing every time he heard someone comment that they should have done the same thing and left school to stay home. Surprisingly, he didn't offer to help them, even if it would have been hilarious to let them learn the secret. Dobby's own giggles sometimes echoed in a few of the empty classrooms, too.

With less students, the professors had a much easier time teaching their classes and helping those that actually wanted their help. Harry had also been convinced by Hermione to study for the subjects he hadn't taken. It was a bit difficult, especially with their normal OWLs coming up; but, he agreed if she would make sure he was motivated.

Hermione agreed as well and had the best time pretending to be his desk as she spent the majority of her time on her back while Harry screwed her and did his studying on her chest. She did have some difficulty answering a few questions as she came; but, she pushed through when he told her it was training for the pressure she would feel during the exams. She fell in love with him a little bit more because of that.

Of course, Harry also comforted a few other witches over losing boyfriends, friends, acquaintances, rivals, faces they missed seeing in the crowd, and any other excuse the girls would use to get him alone. It had almost become an official rite of passage to somehow convince the Boy-Who-Lived to give you a go. His nickname slowly changed to the Boy-Who-Fucked and a lot of the witches adored him.

*

The school environment eventually settled down after another month and everyone had a much better time. Their school experience had changed so much with all the evil people purged from it and everyone became so much happier. Luna's dreamy smile seemed to imprint itself on the faces of a lot of other witches and no one really noticed, because they all knew the source of it. Harry Potter.

The only person that didn't like what was happening was Albus Dumbledore. He had lost the plot of his plans months ago and had no idea how it had happened. He knew Harry had something to do with it, since his name was on a lot of people's lips, especially two of his tenured professors. They were the youngest females on staff, not counting Tonks and Hestia Jones, two Aurors that had volunteered to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts.

The old man assumed the four of them were talking in hushed whispers because they were trying to remain 'cool' in the eyes of the older female students as they shared the rumors that were spreading about Harry. Albus didn't know they were also involved with the Boy-Who-Fucked and they were discussing if adding 'Well' onto his moniker would work, because he was performing very well in their opinion.

The headmaster wasn't sure if there was anything he could do about the current situation, however. He had lost his only spy in Voldemort's camp and he hadn't heard from any of his other contacts in the Ministry, mostly because the ones that would have accepted a bit of gold to tell him anything, were dead.

The old man's thoughts were consumed with what Voldemort was doing in the background. What nefarious plans was the dark lord setting up? Were his followers actually dead or where they in hiding and waiting for the signal to start their invasion? It was vexing that Albus had no way of finding out.

*

Amelia Bones sat in her temporary office as the Interim Minister of Magic and wondered how the hell she had gotten there and why she hadn't already quit. She had started on the mountain of paperwork that the previous minister had shuffled aside or ignored and found the recent missive from Gringotts.

After reading it, she realized something important. Something very very important. The Ministry of Magic had no money. Someone had pilfered the keys that only the Minister could access and had emptied the vaults needed to keep the place running and paying people's salaries.

Before Amelia could do more than curse at the situation, since the current payments for employees were due to come out in a few days, a snowy owl flew in through her door and bypassed all other security procedures to deliver a letter to her directly.

“Hoot.” Hedwig ordered when she landed on the desk and held her leg out to the woman.

Amelia gave the bird a raised eyebrow and Hedwig puffed out her chest feathers and shook her leg. The normally stoic woman chuckled and accepted the letter. “You should stick around if it's that important for me to read it right away.”

Hedwig hooted in agreement and flapped her wings to fly up and landed on the top of a nearby cabinet to observe the whole room.

Amelia opened the letter and started to read, then she huffed, then she chuckled, then she scoffed. “Is he serious about this?”

“Hoot.” Hedwig responded.

Amelia gave her a stern look. “Was he involved in the schemes Deloris was involved in before her death?”

Hedwig shook her head. “Hoot.”

Amelia huffed again. “Of course he's innocent. That's why he knows about the dire straights the Ministry is in and is willing to bail us out for his delayed Order of Merlin awards and to confirm his status as the savior of the wizarding world again.”

“Hoot.” Hedwig said and a soft pop came from the front of Amelia's desk.

Amelia stood up and looked over the edge of the desk and saw a well dressed house elf there. “And who might you be?”

“I bees Dobby. Dobby the house elf.” Dobby said, proudly. “Queeny Owl asks for me to bees here, so I bees here.”

Amelia's eyebrows raised up at that and she gave Hedwig a look, only for the owl to preen. She had to chuckle at that and looked back at the elf. “And why would she ask you to come here?”

“Dobby bees finding the homeless house elves from bad people's homes. They say moneys bees stolen. I told the Great Harry Potter sirs and he sends Queeny Owl to Madam Boneses.”

Amelia blinked her eyes at that. “Harry Potter took in all those house elves?”

“Oh, yes! He bees bonding to them all and wees all a big happy family!” Dobby said, excitedly.

Amelia almost felt faint that a teenager could bond with that many elves and not be drained of his magic completely. There was a reason house elves were bonded to a family and not an individual. They took a minuscule amount of magic to survive and they served the family in exchange. It took her a few moments before she composed herself and spoke to the elf.

“I know the Potters were fairly well off; but, there's no way they can handle supporting the Ministry for a month or two before I can get things balanced enough to get more money coming in.” Amelia told him.

Dobby smiled, because Harry had said she would say that and he took out the Gringotts missive of how much money was in the Potter vault. He handed it to the woman and she opened the scroll, only to gasp and sat back down on her chair with a thump.

“The moneys been invested and collected since the last big wars. No one bees touching it since then.” Dobby responded. “Youse can pays back what you borrow over the year.”

Amelia knew it was a great deal, because there was no one else available with the ready cash for her to plead to for the same thing. She would never go to the goblins for a loan, because they would demand at least half again in interest of whatever amount she borrowed, just because they knew she was desperate and they would lock the Ministry into a magical contract that heavily favored them and not her.

With little choice, Amelia nodded and wrote out her acceptance and a request for a meeting for signing the formal deal and transferring the funds. She held it up and Hedwig swooped down and took it before she landed on Dobby's shoulder. Amelia stood to look and the cheeky house elf grinned at her as he waved and then he popped away with the owl.

Amelia shook her head and sat back down. After that little show, she knew she was making a deal with a little devil and she might regret caving in immediately. Then again, Harry really did deserve several Orders of Merlin for what he had done for the wizarding world and she would do up the paperwork for those right away, including the ones he earned at school.

Perhaps her meeting with him in a couple of days would enlighten her to his reasons as to why he wanted to bail out the ministry in their time of need.

*

A naked Amelia lay panting on the conjured bed in the Three Broomsticks, covered in Harry Potter's fluids. She had quickly discovered his reasons for helping the Ministry. Her. He wanted her. She remembered her thoughts that she was making a deal with a little devil and she had been right. She also had a wonderful time and had gotten off more times than she could count.

She was honestly flattered that Harry would spend tens of thousands of galleons for her, just to make her happy. He had no other conditions to the deal when they signed it, besides no interest payments, and he claimed she didn't have to sleep with him at some future date. All he wanted was a chance to woo her without her thinking he wasn't serious about spending time with her during the upcoming summer break.

Without being prompted, Amelia had shoved the table out of the way and conjured the bed. The surprise on his face was worth her telling him that she didn't have time for wooing and they had to get down to business as soon as possible.

That was three hours ago and Amelia had to admit to herself that he had done his best to woo her anyway. She had never had anyone compliment her like he had, or had anyone make her feel so loved and cared for. How he had done it was a bit of a mystery to her, since she had been very well used and loved every single second of it.

“Harry?” Amelia whispered as she cuddled into his side.

“Yes, love?” Harry responded as his hand lightly caressed her hip as he held her close.

“Have you slept with my niece?” Amelia asked.

“No.” Harry said firmly and Amelia lifted her head to give him a questioning look. He smiled and gave her a kiss. “After meeting you at my farce of a trial, I planned on approaching you after I had enough experience to not disappoint you. Also, only a few of the Hufflepuffs apologized for how they treated me last year during the tournament and Susan was not one of them.”

Amelia sighed and laid her head back down. “I did talk to her after your trial last summer.”

“Let me guess. She denied everything at first and then claimed that everyone else was doing it.” Harry commented and Amelia nodded. “I figured that would be her excuse. Hufflepuffs are loyal and hard working, even if it's to bully another student.”

Amelia didn't want to admit that was true; but, she knew the mentality of her house. “Will you bed her if she apologizes?”

Harry turned onto his side to look into her eyes. “What's wrong, Amelia? You almost sound scared.”

Amelia opened her mouth to say something, then closed it. She took a moment before she thought of what to say. “I can't help thinking that if you and her get together, it won't be a good match. She is stubborn and she wants to follow my example to become an Auror.”

Harry understood what she was saying. “Unless I follow her, I'll be left behind.”

Amelia nodded. “She's driven after... we lost our entire family to the last war. She wants to be an Auror to try and stop anyone else from having to go through that. It's honorable and I've done my best to discourage her before now. With most of the death eaters and their families missing...”

“...it's much safer for Susan to become an Auror and the crimes she'll handle won't always be her putting her life on the line every time she leaves the Ministry.” Harry finished for her.

Amelia was surprised by his insight. “You really do understand.”

Harry nodded. “If it makes you feel any better about things, why don't you and I sign a line-continuance contract and get married?”

Amelia's heart almost gave out with his words. “Are... are you serious?”

“Sure. It's not like I don't have the money to support you and any child that could become the Bones Heir.” Harry said and Amelia sat up to look down at his face. “I've got a few family names I can give out, too. Potter, Black, and Peverell to start. If there's such a thing as claiming the right of conquest, there's a ton more I could either continue or end.”

Amelia stared at him and didn't know what to say.

Harry reached up and fondled her large breasts. “Are you rested up enough for another go?”

Amelia tried to not moan as he played with her nipples. “Harry, we have to wait until you're of age.”

“Do we? You're the minister of magic. I completed the Triwizard Tournament for of-age contestants and the previous minister, chief warlock, and three headmasters allowed me to compete.” Harry reminded her. “If that's not enough, the Wizengamut held a full criminal trial for underage magic, declaring me old enough to stand on my own.”

Amelia blushed at that and then moaned when one of his hands slid down between her legs to part her dampness. She laid back down and Harry rolled over on top of her. After looking into his eyes and she saw the desire there, she nodded.

Harry smiled crookedly at her and then proceeded to give her another great shag that would have her walking bow-legged for a few days. Amelia felt a little proud about that, too. After she completed and submitted the paperwork for his emancipation, she was sure that her future husband would give her several strong children.

*

Exam time arrived at Hogwarts near the end of the school year at the start of the summer of 1996 and most of the students were a little frantic about it. The OWL students and the NEWT students had it the worst, because they were the exams that set your future career prospects.

The only ones not freaking out were Harry and his friends. They had studied hard and Hermione had a constant blush on her face because Harry encouraged her before and after the exams as he reminded her that she had come through their practice with flying colors. This tactic worked and she was completely relaxed as she wrote the exams and performed the practicals.

Harry also had an easy time of it, mostly because he did spells that were well beyond OWL level during the practicals. Each earned him extra points in all the subjects he wrote the exams for that had a practical component and even one that didn't. For extra credit during the Astronomy exam, he had cast a spell that showed a moving image of the solar system and it contained all the planets and moons.

It awed everyone, including all the students and the ministry employees giving the exams. Harry would have to personally thank Aurora later for the suggestion and for helping him construct the spell. A new riding crop and a set of reins would be a nice reward for her, too.

Needless to say, the majority of the students passed, thanks to the efforts of the two Aurors that shared the Defense Against the Dart Arts professorship. Tonks and Hestia had worked their asses off for the students to bring them up to the standards they deemed necessary, which would get most of them into the Auror training program.

The two women would go down in history as the best teachers of the course and replaced Remus Lupin as the all-time favorite of the students.

The school year ended that weekend and everyone went home, their spirits high and their minds at ease. No incidents, murders, attacks, or anything else had happened for the last few months and everyone was relaxed as they went home on the train to be with their families for the summer.

*

With most of the dark faction in the Wizengamut done away with, things started to change. Unfortunately, it wasn't mostly for the good of the wizarding world. With only 'light' and 'grey' families available to vote, certain people's hidden biases started to show, especially in the 'light' faction. New bills to start cleaning up the rest of the wizarding world were introduced and were hotly debated.

That's when the attacks started up again and plunged the Ministry back into a war that they thought was over. Even with the Aurors beefed up under the new reforms from Minister Bones, they couldn't prevent the attacks or found out who was doing them. In some incidents, they couldn't even figure out how it was done. They were stumped.

In the midst of all that, the announcement of the award ceremony for the Boy-Who-Lived to receive several Orders of Merlin in multiple classes, gave everyone a break from the current crisis. Even Albus Dumbledore paused his searching for certain artifacts to attend, despite not regaining his political offices. His withered hand was easily hid under a long sleeve.

Surprisingly, Harry Potter was presented with the awards and no reasons were given for them. At first, anyway. It wasn't until one of the nosy reporters commented on Harry's and Amelia's closeness that they had to admit what the awards were for and that Harry had donated the monetary parts back to the Ministry's coffers.

It left the audience stunned and those listening over the Wizarding Wireless were left speechless. Using that as the best time for their special announcement, Mister of Magic Amelia Bones announced the political marriage between herself as Regent Bones and the Boy-Who-Lived Harry Potter. An heir would be born within the next six months and would be named Bones to continue the Sacred 28 family.

That knocked everyone out of their shock and they all started shouting new questions. Harry Potter's laugh could be heard in the background as Amelia did her best to answer everything she could without embarrassing herself. It mostly worked and she only had a light blush on her face as she answered the questions truthfully.

There were a lot of sad witches all across wizarding Britain at the news that Harry would be married and would be off the market, except for the ones he had told his plans to. Hermione, Ginny, Luna, and Tonks were completely onboard with his scheme and fully agreed that marrying the Minister publicly was the best way to keep himself safe from any other political manoeuvring.

Not surprisingly, this actually worked. No one could influence Harry without pissing off his wife, the minister, and no one would try to do an end-run around either of them to have certain bills and addendums passed in their legislature. Harry was protected and Amelia was seen as a stronger leader by being married and with a child on the way, further expanding the population of their society.

Also, the Bones Mansion was like a fortress and had plenty of room for visitors and guests that Harry and his friends took full advantage of. A fully envious pair of Hufflepuffs named Susan and Hannah could do nothing to stop Harry as he pampered his wife and his friends, making sure they were all happy and well taken care of.

Sirius Black took Harry's example and ran with it. He was soon acting like he did in Hogwarts and chased skirts and spoiled witches. What else was he supposed to do with all his riches? Save it? Where was the fun in that?

*

In mid-July of 1996, just over 2 weeks before Harry's birthday, Albus Dumbledore appeared at the Bones Manor and pleaded with Harry to accompany him to visit someone to take over teaching potions. Since they didn't have a replacement teacher the year before, Harry agreed. He knew what was coming, though. He kissed his wife goodnight and left with Albus to walk out onto the street.

When Albus offered his arm with the withered hand to side-along apparate, Harry didn't flinch as he accepted it. They disappeared from there and appeared at the end of a muggle street. Albus gave Harry no explanation as to why they started so far away from their destination and Harry didn't need one. He knew it was to give Horace Slughorn time to disguise himself.

Things went the same as they did in the story, with Albus claiming to need the bathroom and leaving Harry alone to talk to Horus. Well, it was the same up until Albus came back into the living room. When he bid Slughorn goodbye and motioned for Harry to leave, Harry instead stepped close to take the old man's arm.

Before Albus could ask him what he was doing, Harry pulled the Elder Wand out of the man's robes and used the wand to stun Horace.

“Harry, what are you doing?” Albus asked, his eyes wide with surprise.

“What you've been trying to do for decades, old man. Reuniting the Deathly Hallows.” Harry said and stunned him, too.

He slipped the gold ring with the black stone off of the man's wizened hand and slipped it onto the handle of the Death Stick, because he didn't want it connecting to him in a weird away or using his own magic to power it. He did not need anything else trying to influence his mind, thank you very much.

After putting on his invisibility cloak, Harry turned the Resurrection Stone three times around the wand's handle as he called for one spirit in particular.

“I knew you were a worthy successor.” The spirit forming said with a chuckle.

“Thanks, Grandpa Ignotius.” Harry said with a smile. “How's Death treating you?”

The spirit laughed at the double meaning. “You know as well as I do that we're old friends.”

Harry nodded and looked down at the two older men on the floor. “Do you think Death is upset I've been sending so many to the other side before their time?”

Ignotius shook his head. “If anything, Death enjoys the extra work.”

“That's good, because I wasn't going to stop. I just have to expand my target list to the muggle side.” Harry said, making the spirit smile.

“Is there any reason you called for me?” Ignotius asked, curiously.

“Not really. I just had that one question.” Harry said and pointed the Death Stick at Horus Slughorn. “Avada Kedavra.”

“Ohhh.” Ignotius moaned and glowed brightly for a second. If spirits could blush, his face would be bright red after making that sound.

Harry gave the man a searching look and then smiled crookedly. “Is there a woman over there you want to impress? I'm sending Dumbledore along next.”

Ignotius smiled the same crooked smile as Harry's. “My wife's name is ******.”

Harry smiled and turned the ring three times on the wand and said the hidden name. The spirit of a woman appeared and she looked surprisingly sexy for a dead person.

“Ignotius! What are you doing here?” She asked, shocked.

Ignotius stepped close to her and hugged her. “Our descendent wishes to give us a gift.”

“Our...” She paused and turned her head to look at Harry. “Oh. Oh, my.”

Harry chuckled at her checking him out like he had checked her out, then he pointed his new wand at Albus. “You better hold onto each other. I really hate this manipulative bastard and his death has been a long time in coming.”

Both spirits nodded and hugged tightly.

“Aaaavadaaa...” Harry said, as if building power. “...Kedavvvraaa!”

A bright green beam flew from the wand and hit Albus right in the chest. The spell tore the old man's soul out from his body with an unparalleled force and his spirit screamed as it was chucked into the afterlife. Ignotius and his wife glowed brightly for several seconds and moaned. They kissed each other and made out like teenagers, their hands groping everywhere.

Harry couldn't stop his hard-on from forming as he watched them going at it. Instead of saying anything or trying to interrupt, he turned the ring backwards three times and let their spirits fade away. They didn't stop kissing, either. He smiled at the thought of possibly having spirits creating a new spirit somehow and walked out of the muggle house.

He stopped walking at the end of the street where Albus had popped them into and apparated back home to Bones Manor. No one asked him what happened and he didn't volunteer anything. They had learned a while ago that they didn't really want to know.

Luna gave him an extra kiss the next morning and a knowing look. Harry tickled her and promised to go with her and her father to Scandinavia on their next creature hunt, making the short blonde a very happy witch.

*

Over the next few months, Harry and his friends searched for and destroyed the other horcruxes. No one was left to help Voldemort regain a human body, either. When the last one, a giant snake named Nagini was found and killed, both the horcrux inside of her and Voldemort's real soul possessing her, were destroyed. Thus ended the reign of the worst dark lord of the century.

*

The Bones Family welcomed their newest member that Christmas, Edmund Ignotius Bones, and all was right in the world. The occasional murder among the muggles was easily ignored by the wizards, because it was such a normal occurrence. Like the purebloods always claimed, the muggles will always be muggles and no one cared what happened to them.

Harry Potter, murder-hobo extraordinaire, loved his life and his addiction to murder was well fed.