What Comes After

August 4

Lots of big news today, and Mom and May are still up working. Hopefully, everything goes great tomorrow.

When I was eating my sad can of food for breakfast, Mira came to me. "Can we talk about something?"

"Uh, sure," I said. "What? Is there a funeral or something because it sounds like someone has died."

"Do I look that bad?" she asked. "Yeah, probably. It's just that I've been up all night thinking."

"About what?"

"I was wondering about what you think of me leaving with Leon to New Mexico."

"I mean, I think that it's a fine idea."

"I'm serious," she said. "What do you really think? Just anything that pops into your head. I want you to be honest with me."

"You're the adult here," I said. "Make the best choice here for yourself. You know, follow your heart."

"Don't give me that follow your heart crap," she said and sighed. "But what if, by following my heart, the choice that I make hurts someone else."

"So, you're leaning towards leaving," I said.

"I never said that."

"You inferred it. You're afraid that leaving would hurt Mom and Dad," I said. "I mean, of course, it'll hurt them, but they've made peace with the idea of you leaving."

"How do you know?"

"Just trust me on this," I replied. There was no way that I was going to tell her that I overheard Mom and Dad's conversation because that would be too weird.

"So what about you?" Mira asked.

I shrugged. "I guess. It'll feel like you've gone to college. Maybe that's how Mom and Dad would cope with it. Just pretend that you've gone off to college and will be returning sometime in the future."

"Except I'll never return," she said. "And the way I left things with Dad... I don't want this argument to be the last thing we ever talk about."

"You might return," I said. "Maybe things are better in the South, and you'd get enough food and fuel to drive all the way up here to pick us up and take us to better places. And once we all go to the South, we'd eat pizza and steak every day because they've got plenty of food."

"And we'd binge watch all the TV shows that we were missing out on," she added. "And we'd actually be able to see when the sun sets because the lights will work. And the dishwashers too. God, I hate washing dishes."

We both laughed for a couple of seconds. Washing dishes was really sucky. "Just think of everything that could be better in the South," I said.

"But," she said and stopped for a second. "But what if Dad's right and the South is really just as bad as it is up here?"

"It's a risk you're going to have to take if you want to leave," I said. "Just do whatever feels right."

There were a couple moments of silence before I could hear footsteps creaking down the hallway. I looked up. It was Dad and Mom, with Dad trudging sullenly ahead.

"Hey Mira," Dad said.

"Dad," Mira replied coldly. "What do you want?"

Dad sighed. "Look, I just want—" He stopped and looked at Mom, and Mom gave him her stern face back, telling him there is no escape from whatever he has to say to Mira.

"I just want to apologize about what happened yesterday," he said. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that or called you delusional."

I was shocked. I think Mira was too. If there is one thing that all of us in this family share, is that we're unapologetic to each other. I don't even remember the last time that I said sorry to anyone in the family, like I was deeply regretful about what happened and not a casual apology.

"Well, uh, thank you, Dad," Mira said. "I just want to apologize for yesterday too."

There was an awkward silence. Mira was looking out of the window, and Dad was looking at the ground and tapping his toes.

"So," Mom said. "Are you planning on leaving on Sunday?"

"I still need to think about it," Mira said. "Maybe talk it out with Leon a little bit. I don't know."

"Well, I just want to let you know that we'll both support whatever decision you decide to make."

"And about the whole family?"

Mom sighed. "You father and I talked about it, and we just can't go. It's too much of a risk for parents and Neal and May."

Mira nodded and didn't say anything back. There was nothing she could say to make Mom and Dad change their minds. They were set on staying where we are to weather it out until things get better.

Just then, Leon woke up, running his eyes and walking into the room, rubbing his eyes. His hair was a mess, bits and pieces sticking out, and he yawned. He looked around the room. "Hey Mira," he said. "Hey guys."

We all stared back at him. "Is there something important going on right now," he said. "I can leave if you guys need some privacy."

"You don't need to leave. We're just about finished over here," Mom said and looked at Dad. "Now, go and help me with the greenhouse in the garage. We need to set up the heating system."

Mom and Dad left and disappeared into the garage.

"So I take it that all of us aren't leaving," Leon said.

"Too risky," Mira said. "Told you it wasn't going to work."

"Well, it was worth a try," he replied. "That's the best we can do nowadays."

They began talking about other things as I picked up my emptied can and put it in the sink. Mom has been collecting cans now because she says she wants to use them to hold the plants when the garden gets up and running. I don't know how much progress they've made yet, but I hope they've done something about the heating situation. Temperatures hang at about the low fifties in the middle of the day and dip to the mid-thirties at night. I can't even imagine how cold it is going to get in the winter.