Weeaboo's Unfortunate Isekai: The Necromancer's Gacha

The dachshund appeared to be running. His ears had flapped upwards, a derpy grin of doggy joy on his face. Tiny little legs flying forward and backward as he seemed poised to leap off his plinth.

Unique Throne Room decoration: The Snoot of Joy. #4 of the Supreme Beasts Decoration Set.

No buffs. No unique bonuses. Just decor. It was a nice statue. I leaned back on my throne, and the footrest came up automatically. No cup holders, massage function or built-in refrigerator, but it was very comfortable. It would be a great napping chair, if I could sleep. It did make admiring my new statue very comfortable and easy.

“I have to say, I’m not comfortable or at all at ease watching someone recline on a throne like that.” Versai looked disapproving. “It’s like you are diminishing the concept of thrones. What they are supposed to do, I mean.”

“What are they supposed to do?”

“Remind everyone that the person sitting on it is in charge.”

“Anyone in this Tower capable of forgetting that fact?”

Versai was silent. Then, “I’m just saying, it isn’t right. It should be regal.”

I wriggled. Deep, deep cushions. At last. Foam.

“Look, your country was a feudal monarchy, right?”

“What else could it be?”

“Leaving that aside for… a very long time… the point is that you are running a for-profit enterprise. The King, Queen, whatever, earns off their private estates and taxes. They then subcontract out management to nobles, who are given permission to earn off their territories and kick back money and troops to the Crown. Then they subcontract, and so on, all the way down to serfs. Who have a plot of land to farm and keep themselves alive with, in exchange for handing over part of their crops as rent.”

Can I just get a big shoutout for Spice and Wolf, as well as Maoyuu Maou Yuusha? Just super educational shows, and cute as a button.

“We abolished serfdom two hundred years ago, but… sure. That is an incredibly crude description of a system that runs a nation of three million people.”

“Kind of my point. You have this whole elaborate system of relationships, obligations, economic connections, I’m sure religion is in there somewhere, all to make sure that everyone up the pyramid gets money and power, and the people at the bottom get to eat and their house doesn’t burn down with them in it.”

I waved around. “I don’t have any of that. Or need it. Because this world is organized on some very cursed principals, none of which allow rebellion unless I actively betray you or the other summons. So… what’s the point of looking regal?”

Versai was quiet for a long while after that. I didn’t make her dwell on it. I pushed the footrest down with a metallic twang and got to my feet.

“Come on. We still have the wave rewards to collect, and a perfect clear reward too. Let’s see what we got.”

The golden chest was downright gaudy this time. Waves that end in five or zero. Catnip for developers. They just can’t help themselves. I opened it, and it damn near exploded. Resource packs, rune bones, resonance crystals, all went flying. I spotted a frozen diamond, before it was lost in the flurry of furniture invoices, millinery orders and costume receipts. There were armor kits in there, as well as weapon upgrades.

“My God. We robbed a bakery.”

“Tower Master?”

“Look at all these lootcakes! Imma get fat-boy waisted, let me tell you.”

Versai arched an elegant eyebrow, then snorted. Then started chuckling. She guffawed. Didn’t know women could guffaw, but Versai could. It looked good on her, obviously, but I think mostly I was just happy I made her laugh.

“I have no idea what any of that means, but I know what you mean. Amazing. Just. Amazing.”

“Let’s check the perfect clear reward.”

I tapped the little glowing medallion. Number five of five, I’m proud to say. Wave #5, zero casualties, zero monsters in the tower. Reward: All ranged units, +1% Speed When Attacking.

“Isn’t that… exactly the same as the Wave One perfect clear reward?” I leaned over and tapped the little glowing medallion. “It is.”

We shared a speculative look. “One percent remains a… not spectacular number.” Versai kept her voice conversational.

“True. Two percent isn’t going to blow off your comfy socks either.”

Her lips twitched, but she pressed on. “However, a repeating reward is interesting. At one and five, no less.”

“Makes you wonder what happens at ten, fifteen and twenty, for example.”

She nodded along. “Not that this proves anything.”

“Could be randomly generated rewards from a small list, sure. Once is an accident, twice a coincidence.”

“Three times a pattern?”

“Three times is enemy action.” My voice was severe. Then I relented. “It is also a pattern.”

That got me another snort. “How many resonance crystals do you have?”

“Fifty. Not enough for another summons, but we can take a look at the missions. Should get a daily login reward, plus missions, but it won’t be enough to get us to one hundred.”

“You sound pretty sure of that.”

“Yeah.”

“I thought Five was supposed to be special?”

“It is. They are giving me a lot. Unlocking a lot of things. They already introduced a new monster type in the last couple of waves. They don’t want me distracted any further. They want me to ooh and aaah over the unlockable cosmetic items.”

“I… don’t really understand all that, but okay. What are you going to do?”

“Ooh and aaah over the cosmetic items, obviously! I have new quarters, and you guys got luxury dorms. Let’s check them out.”

I checked out the dorms first, for the simple reason that I have a load of furniture orders for it. And I love playing dress up with my doll… my tasteful and surprisingly expensive figurines.

Don’t you judge me. You watch sports.

I went down the stairs. Map room. Hall of Records. And… a new door opened. “Dormitories. Creative.”

“What else would you call it?” Versai shrugged.

Valid. I shrugged back and went in. Then came out again.

“If my fancy new quarters are anything less than epic, I’m going to riot.”

“That nice?”

“Come see for yourself. This is outrageous. How am I to oppress the masses tyrannically from my foam filled throne of blood if they are living this well?”

“Tower Master?”

“Regality, Versai, Regal attitude and bearing. One must be seen to be above, for the masses to believe them to be above. I wouldn’t expect you to understand. You don’t have a throne. But it matters.”

Ignoring her outraged sputtering, I returned to what I assumed to be the common room for the Awakened Souls dorm. It had sofas. Comfortable, deep sofas. Some had that extension where you are plainly invited to put your feet up and relax. Little coffee tables dotted the room, while creeping vines and potted plants leant a charming green accent and sweetened the air.

What killed me was the windows. They had actual, fully repaired, beautifully ornate, windows. Gothic, I think. I’m not an architecture guy. They looked really fancy in a medieval kind of way, not a swirly French way.

Adding insult to injury was the condition of the rest of the room. The walls were fully repaired, plastered and painted a sparkling eggshell. The floor was smooth, tightly fitted flagstones. There was even a chandelier. Gilt, I hoped, or that much gold and crystal would really hurt someone if it fell.

My Throne Room, on the other hand, still looked like a low-budget field trip destination for rural English kids. Holes for days. Holes where there should be fancy gothic windows. Holes in the floor. Plaster? Plaster isn’t even a dream for my Throne Room, let alone an extravagance like paint.

“Oppression. I must oppress them. Crushing taxes for everyone!”

“You have to pay us before you can tax our earnings, Tower Master.” Versai was not helpful.

“Is that the faintest wisp of class solidarity I’m hearing, Versai?”

“Of course. I am utterly loyal to my fellow nobles. And the Crown. Naturally.”

There was something there, but I wasn’t going to investigate it just yet. I walked deeper into the dorm. The bedrooms were small, but tasteful. The summons each got their own room. The notice did say they were deluxe. Full size beds. Nice. Simple, but nice.

Very blank slate. Perfect for decorating.

“Do you have your own room?” I asked Versai.

“No, or at least, not so… oh! Look at that!” She pointed excitedly at a door with six stars over it. The door frame was covered in copper and gold tracery, giving it the feeling of a mystic portal.

It opened to a tiny paradise. It looked like an indoor garden, with a glass roof and a glass sided wall, filled with tropical flowering plants and small garden tables. Little benches were set in hidden nooks, empty plinths waiting for statues or vases. There was a fountain. Of course there was a fountain. I was mentally prepared for the fountain. It was the darting goldfish in the fountain that low-key broke me.

There were doors leading off the garden. Do I have to mention this completely ignored the size and exterior of the tower? The Tower is, in fact, a TARDIS. Fantastic. I spotted Versai’s name over one of the doors.

“Looks like rank still has its privileges. Let’s check out your room.”

“Inviting a man into my rooms? We aren’t on that good terms!” She flared up, her hand dropping to her sword. I backed up, hands in the air.

“Woa! I just wanted to see what it looked like.”

“No.”

There was no further elaboration, but she didn’t take her hand off the sword. I knew scripted behavior when I saw it.

“Alright, easy, easy. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. Go, hang out. I’ll explore the rest on my own.

She nodded stiffly. Then a screen popped up. Assign Versai to Dorms? 20% damage healed per order-time while resting. Buff to Damage and Defense of 10% per order-time. Buff to XP gain 5% per order-time. All bonuses reset at the start of the next day.

I blinked. I made my way over to the edge of the fountain and collapsed on it, staring at the sign. Rooms. The tower was unlocking rooms that provided buffs. In the future, would there be manufacturing rooms? Farming? It had been a while since I checked the garden outside. What were the odds that I could buy a vase, and put fresh cut flowers in the dorm for a bonus to some effect?

This was… the other part of the game opening up. I was working on exploits and game breaking strats. The game, on the other hand, was going to start dumping mechanics and rooms on me. The idea is that you always have something to do. There will always be things to improve and optimize. Grinding for a dozen different things. Never quite having enough to do more than one or two items on your list.

It was all to get you to buy the resource packs for real money, of course.

Fifty thousand runed bones, five hundred frozen diamonds and fifty units of Unobtainium? Special discount, this week only, a hundred bucks! But wait! If you buy the VIP monthly subscription, you will get a bonus five Purple-Gold Stone Tapes, absolutely free. Upgrade your monthly VIP subscription to unlock even more rewards. VIP EXP accumulates with every purchase!

Yeah, no thanks. My whole business model relies on people that think they are good at math, while being terminally short on logic. I’mma pass on the whale action.

I had lots of things to do around the Tower before I went out to Gradden March. It would probably be order… three or something. “Hey Versai? Special present from the bestest Tower Master ever.”

“Oh?” Her voice was correctly wary.

“Time off. You are free for the next order-time. Hang out here.” I tapped the OKAY button. For the first time in who knows how many loops, Versai got to rest.