Chapter 246: For pleasure
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The days on the ship passed in a constant cycle of Cassian begging Cassandra to let him into her room, but she remained firm, only coming out to eat and always shooing him away. During this time, Cassian learned a lot about meditation.
At first, he thought simply falling asleep while meditating counted as progress. He quickly learned that it didn't. Even keeping his eyes closed but still lost in thoughts didn't qualify. Sitting still wasn't enough either. It wasn't until the last day that he truly grasped what meditation was about.
By accident, he cleared his mind of everything, leaving it focused solely on his sword—its essence, its technique. In that moment, he finally understood the real purpose of meditation.
It was then that Cassandra stepped out, looking a bit hesitant and flushed. She paused when she saw Cassian, glowing with an almost ethereal aura, sitting not in the quiet room but seemingly in a breezy prairie, a serene smile on his face. It was as if a gentle wind flowed around him, adding to the peaceful scene.
'What the hell?' she thought, her expression one of shock—not because she didn't understand what was happening, but because she did. Cassian was meditating, something she had struggled with herself. She had only managed to meditate after intense training and reflecting on her last, all-out fight. But Cassian, with seemingly no effort, had reached that level.
During this time of being shut in, which also kept Cassian away from her, Cassandra realized something important. She would have continued meditating if not for his persistent begging, which finally wore her down. But seeing him meditate so peacefully, working on his own progress, made her pause. Meditation, she knew, wasn't an easy feat. It required truly letting go of everything on your mind and focusing solely on one thing, something to fully comprehend. She admired how Cassian had achieved this, effortlessly filling his mind with his sword technique, something she herself had struggled with for so long.
Trying not to disturb him, Cassandra slowly tiptoed towards the door, but she was caught by surprise. "Where are you going?" Cassian asked, his eyes wide with excitement. The thought of why she had come out of her room suddenly rushed to her mind, making her feel a little embarrassed.
"Just outside..." she replied, avoiding his gaze.
Cassian grinned, his enthusiasm contagious. "Well, let me tell you something. I was just meditating, and I actually managed to do it!" He stood up, his excitement evident. "Have you ever meditated? It was amazing! I was able to comprehend my fighting technique on a much deeper level..."
Cassandra smiled at his enthusiasm as she walked over to him, nodding. "I do it too. And yeah, it is wonderful having your mind clear, focused on just one thing..."
While that wouldn't exactly be called meditation in the traditional sense—since it requires complete clarity and balance of thought—the Circle Warriors were different. Their nature was shaped by obsession. Some, like Cassandra, were driven by protection, while others, like Cassian, were still uncertain. His domain was the Killing Domain, yet he wasn't fully settled on the idea of taking lives. He wouldn't hesitate if necessary, but the thought of it still lingered with him, and the uncertainty of how to move forward weighed on his mind.
Cassandra continued, "Many think Circle Warriors just fight and get stronger, but we also enjoy moments of peace," she chuckled. "Still, the gains made through battle are far greater than just sitting in silence, so we meditate to align ourselves and come to terms with more complicated thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, it's about understanding the more complex aspects of our fighting techniques..."
Cassian nodded. It made sense. The feeling of having a clear mind was refreshing, but it wasn't the same as the intensity of a real fight. The thrill of battling those clones and the bony fairies was dangerous, yet exhilarating.
Uncrossing his legs, Cassian asked, "What sort of complicated feelings should we focus on while meditating?"
Cassandra paused for a moment, thinking carefully before responding. "Well, during fights, sometimes we kill someone, and not everyone we kill is a bad person. That guilt can be heavy," she said with a slight smile. "Other times, we get beaten badly. That can affect a lot of Circle Warriors. Some even see their domain crumble after being defeated. I don't have that problem, but meditation helps those warriors a lot. Like that old guardian—he was easily able to overpower us. It hurt my ego, but I understood. He was just too strong. But some warriors don't realize that as they thoughts their ego is their domain."
She turned serious, her voice deepening. "So, try not to make your ego your domain. Make your principles your domain. Egos can be easily hurt by others, but your principles can only be broken by you, and no one else."
Cassian nodded, a look of understanding on his face, realizing that her words made sense. But curiosity still gnawed at him, and he asked, "What other things should I be worried about? Things that could confuse me or break me, like this?"
Cassandra fell silent for a moment, thinking deeply. Then she spoke, her voice steady. "We Circle Warriors are often called selfish. Most of us are, actually. Do you know why?"
Cassian shook his head, waiting for her to explain.
With a smile, Cassandra continued, "Because we cultivate our own power. We only do things that make us stronger. But some of us base that selfishness on others. Like protecting someone, or in religious circles, idolizing someone. It's not really a problem if that person is who you thought they were. But if that person turns out to be fake, your whole life can crumble."
Cassian could see how betrayal could shatter a domain, understanding that it was the most devastating blow. Betrayal made a person's world crumble, both figuratively and literally. For a Circle Warrior, it was even more powerful. This was also why few people could truly be friends with a Circle Warrior, aside from other Circle Warriors or powerhouses, who valued trust above all else and were usually the only ones who would lie in deeply deceptive ways.
But for now, Cassian didn't have anyone he thought of as truly ideal or someone he was trying to protect. It had to be said, he was at the lower end of the strength scale compared to everyone he knew, aside from Robert, Lucy, and Lumine. Everyone else was stronger than him.
He looked at Cassandra, a hint of curiosity in his voice. "What else?"
"What else?" Cassandra repeated, trying to think of more complex issues that might cause trouble for him later. Then, as she remembered the reason she had come out of her room, she blushed and shook her head. "Dunno," she said with a small smile, "I've never had to deal with any other problems."
"Well, if that's all..." Cassian nodded, then walked over to where she was sitting on the sofa. His expression turned serious. "Let's have some sex..."
Before Cassandra could react, she suddenly found herself in his arms, being carried bridal-style toward the bed. She glared at him, clearly annoyed. "Why? I didn't do anything!"
Cassian raised an eyebrow, genuinely confused, then smirked. "What do you mean by 'why'?" he teased. "For pleasure, of course..."