Waiting For Sunrise

"Peter! You can't be serious!" Nel ran a hand through her short cropped hair, her hand lingering on the back of her neck. "You want to abandon our family?"

"Abandon? No!" Peter held up his hands in exasperation. "I'm not planning on joining them for the entire mission. I'm just going to the other settlements in the ward to help with recruitment, then I'll be back, I swear."

Nel sighed and plopped down on the wooden couch. Even with the fur cushion, the landing seemed harder than she'd anticipated and she cringed, rubbing her lower back. "I miss when things were simple." She drew in a deep breath and leaned forward.

Peter sat down beside his wife, slinging an arm around her shoulders. "A lot's been going on. But I want to make the world a better place for our children." He pulled her a little closer. "And for you, too."

Nel didn't fight and leaned against him. "I want that too. But I don't see how a world can be better for them if you aren't in it."

Peter put a hand on her cheek, his rough fingers trailing down and scooping under her chin. "Hey, now, I won't take any unnecessary risks."

Nel dropped her gaze, then looked back up into Peter's eyes. "You'd better not."

Peter chuckled softly and kissed his wife on the cheek, feeling her smooth warm flesh on his lips. Nel smiled and kissed him back, but then turned her head away. Undeterred, he nuzzled her neck. "Mother's out on errands, and the kids are out playing..."

Nel giggled, but then pushed Peter's head away playfully. "And they could come back any moment."

"Well that's a risk I am willing to take..." Peter leaned in again, but his face got blocked, the palm of her hand pressing on his nose. "Um... something wrong, dear?"

Nel let out a big sigh. "Peter... there's something I need to tell you." She lowered her hand.

Concerned this was going to be about Rena again, Peter felt trepidation building. "Go on."

"I'm... late."

It took him a moment to wrap his mind around what she meant. But when the implication shone through his hazy thoughts, he straightened up. "Late? As in...?"

"I didn't want to say anything too soon because of the last time..." Nel swallowed the lump forming in her throat. "I was so afraid of losing this one like the other two..."

"Wait, two?" His mouth felt dry and his stomach felt as though it was trying to burrow a hole to the bowls of the Earth.

"I... kept the second one hidden. I didn't want to drag you down." Nel leaned forward, elbows on her knees and eyes on the rug. He wasn't sure what to do about this information. He instead focused on the here and now, reaching out to comfort his wife with what he hoped was a calming back rub.

"You shouldn't have borne that alone..." Peter said soothingly. "I can't believe I didn't figure it out."

"Don't beat yourself up." Nel swallowed hard, sniffling. "And it may have been for the best... we didn't have room for another child while we were living in that bunker." She shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant, despite the red eyes and nose contradicting her.

"Hey now. We would have made things work." Peter placed his arm across Nel's shoulders, giving her a reassuring side hug. "Have you spoken with Katrina? At least I think she's still the midwife."

"No. I got so used to not having one to rely on," Nel admitted.

"Just because you can do without doesn't mean you should. Go get a check up. And when you get home..." Peter placed his hand on Nel's knee, "...I'll rub your feet."

"Hopefully not with lanolin like you did during my last pregnancy! My feet smelled like sheep for days!"

"Better than having smelly nipples."

WOMPF. Peter's face was greeted by a rough textured cushion, hitting him straight on the nose, causing his eyes to water. After the initial shock wore off, he laughed and grabbed it from her, tossing it over his shoulder. "Kidding aside, I'm eager to know what the doctors say."

Nel sighed and stood up. "Alright. But if I get confirmation... will you still leave?"

Peter drew in a deep breath, furrowing his eyebrows. "If you really want me to stay, I will stay. I don't think any of them really can be trusted with delicate diplomacy such as this. Lily's sweet but has no presence. Cyrus lacks tact and common decency. And Layla... I just don't know." Peter looked up at Nel. "And no one else is willing to go with them."

Nel placed her hands on her hips. "I want you to stay, Peter. I... I get what you are saying, really I do. But these things are bigger than us. Either they will happen, or they won't. I'd rather just focus on us for the time being." She narrowed her eyes, glancing at the doorway. "I just don't feel safe with those outsiders that Ash took a shine to."

Peter rubbed his chin in thought. "I can't blame them for being a bit rough around the edges. You have to be, to survive out there."

"Exactly. It's tough out there, Peter. And the things people do to survive..." Nel shook her head "You grew up in Fisham. You don't know what it is like to drift from settlement to settlement, starving, cold, and afraid of being killed for your shoes."

Peter got to his feet and wrapped his arms around her. "No I don't. But you didn't turn out half bad, once you got past the stage of throwing every flower I brought you on the ground and stomping on it."

Nel snorted. "I forgot I did that." Shel ran a hand through Peter's hair, which was something she hadn't been able to do in a while. "You need a trim."

"I'll probably shave it all off again."

"If you must." Nel sighed and tussled his hair. "Just promise me you will stay and remain vigilant. I won't rest easy until Cat is gone."

Peter pulled Nel a little closer, unaware of the cowlick Nel had been nurturing. "Don't worry." He then released her. "You best go see if Katrina can examine you."

"Alright, alright, I'm going."

"I got you!"

"NO YOU DIDN'T!"

"Yes I did! I can see the snow splat! I got you!"

"That was there from last game!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Boys! Are you gonna argue or are you gonna play?" came the plaintive voice of a lanky girl with thick, black braids.

Ash crossed his arms peevishly as he glared at his cousin, Ronald. He didn't know he had cousins until he came to Fisham. And it was exciting to have someone other than Maple to play with. But sometimes...

"I don't wanna play anymore. Ronald cheats," Ash griped and turned to stomp away. His other cousin, Maria, grabbed his arm, but he pulled free. Maple looked up from the snow fort she was hiding behind. He turned to see if his sister would follow. She looked at Ronald and Maria who were already making more snowballs. Maple quickly picked up snow and began shaping it in her gloves. Adding insult to injury, his own sister did not defend him. With a mighty harrumph Ash stormed away.

As the angry boy walked he muttered all sorts of insults he wanted to try on Ronald next time he saw him. But his scheming came to a halt when he saw Cat staring up at the radio tower. Ash looked around to make sure his mother was nowhere to be seen, then shuffled as quietly as possible towards the woman.

"Hello, Ash," Cat said without looking behind her.

Ash froze. "Aw... how did you know it was me?"

"The other children avoid me," Cat answered, placing her hands on her hips. "This really is an impressive structure. I've seen people go in and out of the base there."

"Oh yes! I been in there myself! Pop took me. It was cool. There were voices coming out of machines!" Ash jabbered excitedly.

"Oh? So you do have working radios." Cat grinned triumphantly. Ash liked her smile, especially the way it made her eyes disappear into half moons, with all the branchy wrinkles in the corners. His mother had a few wrinkles too, but when they showed up it usually meant trouble. "I couldn't get a straight answer from anyone as to whether this tower was functional."

"Will you play with me, Cat?" Ash asked, already bored with talk of the radio tower.

"Why aren't you playing with the other children?" Cat turned around and crouched down to look him in the eyes.

"They don't play fair." His dumpling-like cheeks puffed out more as he pouted.

"Well if they don't play fair, you don't need to either. Here..." Cat began brushing away the top layer of snow. "You don't want the powdery stuff on top. You want the packed stuff underneath. Dig it up, and..." Cat spat in it. Ash gasped and then giggled deviously. "A little moisture, and a little more snow, and press it as hard as you can..." she compressed her ball then added more to pack on. She then held it out to Ash. "The denser the snowball, the further it will fly."

Ash received the snowball, tossing it up and catching it. To his surprise, it didn't not completely disintegrate, although a chunk did slough off. He bent down and dusted away the top layer as Cat had shown him, adding some of the packed snow back onto the ball and pressing it as hard as his little mitted gloves could. "Wow, thanks, Cat!"

Cat leaned closer to Ash, holding up her hand to his ear and whispering in a conspiratory manner. "And if you really want to make them cry, find a small rock and put it in the centre. Just a tiny one. You don't want them to know what hit them."

Ash laughed maniacally at the idea. A hidden rock! He could imagine Ronald, despite being Maple's age, running and crying after he hit him with one of those. "I'm gonna show them!" He then looked at Cat who was standing up and dusting the snow off of her gloves. "Do you get in snowball fights with Art and John?"

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"No. They don't like to play."

"You should come play with us, Cat! It will be fun!" Ash suggested, his eyes brightening.

"Oh I bet. But speaking of John, I need to tell him something. Maybe another time, Ash. Remember! Wet it, then pack it!" Cat winked.

Ash nodded studiously as he looked down at his prized snowball. "Okay! Next time! I'm gonna try this out!" He eagerly ran off, as he was trying to think where he could get a nice little rock for his surprise attack on Ronald.

Nel leaned against the newly installed bar counter, looking at Siobhan who was pouring herself a drink. "Want one Nel?"

"No. Have you seen Aunt Katrina? She wasn't home."

"Hmmm.... " Siobhan leaned forward, beckoning Nel closer.

"Between you and me, she's keeping an eye on Mary. Peter's sister, not the other one. Rumour is she's pregnant, but won't say who the father is."

"Really? At her age? And I thought that childhood sickness left her barren," Nel whispered.

"I dare say that's what she thought!" Siobhan straightened up. "Anyway, what did you need from Aunt Kat?"

"Advice."

Siobhan snorted, a wry smile rearranging her lopsided face. "Well she always has plenty of that to give, whether you want it or not. I'm sure she'll be chuffed."

Nel sighed and looked around. "The place is pretty empty during the day, isn't it?"

"Well everyone's working or sleeping. I've got three vampires in here now. And while that Lily girl sometimes comes down, she's a menace when she tries to be helpful." Siobhan took a swig of the clear liquid, then sucked in air rapidly, cringing. "Ach! That batch is a bit... off. I'll be sure to serve it to those outsiders."

"About them... do you see much of those three?" Nel took a seat. If Katrina was busy, she might as well spend some time catching up.

"John's alright, until a pretty girl walks in, then he goes real quiet. That Goldie girl has tried to talk to him a few times, but it goes nowhere." Siobhan finished her drink, grimacing again. "Cat isn't unfriendly. But she seems like she's always amused by something. Like she knows a secret and lords it over everyone. And Art, well, I don't see him much, and when he is here, he barely says anything. Not to me, not even to John and Cat. But Art doesn't seem so bad. He brought me a hare once. He just walked in, dropped the thing on the table, told me it'd be good in a stew, and went to his room."

Nel rubbed the backs of her hands as she listened to Siobhan's report. It still didn't sit well with her that her son had become so fixated upon them. "Ash really likes Cat." Nel frowned. "To be honest, it makes me miss when he used to worship Rena."

"Eh, that's kids for you. He'll grow out of it soon enough," Siobhan said with a shrug of her broad shoulders.

"I hope you are right..."

"Oh come Nel. You and I were once refugees. The folks here in Fisham were kind enough to take us in."

Nel went from rubbing to scratching her hands. "Not to sound harsh, but they let us stay because some of us were young and could be married off to their own children. I was pretty much thrown at Geoffrey."

Siobhan laughed, harsh barks lapping over each other. "Yeah, I remember that. I still think Geoffrey is bitter about his little half brother stealing you."

Just as Nel was about to bring up another memory to add to their mutual reverie, a scream outside caught both women's attention. It was followed with sobbing which Nel immediately recognised as Maple. There was more screaming as she went running for the door, throwing it open. She looked around, cold needles perforating her gut as she searched the blanched streets for her children. She finally saw what looked like two children wrestling on the ground, and Maple standing nearby with her hands out, yelling.

"What is going on here!?" Nel demanded as she closed the distance between her and her children. Ash screamed and covered his face as Ronald straddled him, his fist raised. He looked up and froze. Forcing Ronald to his feet, Nel was torn between shaking Ronald and checking on Ash. The sight of blood made that decision easy. "Ash!"

Ronald was let go and Nel knelt down, helping up her boy. She hugged him, and glared at Ronald, who was not looking much better with a fat lip and a cut on his forehead. He turned and ran despite Nel's command for him to stop.

"I told them to stop fighting but they didn't listen!" Maple wailed, wiping the tears out of her eyes. Nel sighed and fixed her daughter with a stern look. "I did!"

"I'm sure you tried your best, but why didn't you get an adult?" Nel asked as she lifted Ash's chin. He didn't look at his mother and kept fighting as she tried to get a good look, alternating between sobs and hiccoughs. "Shh shh, Ash, be still, I need to see. Maple, tell me what happened."

"We were having a snow fight. And Ronald wasn't playing fair. Ash left and then came back and when he did, he hit Ronald in the head with a snowball. But I never seen a snowball do that! Ronald's head got cut and he got real mad and jumped on Ash! The two were fighting! I begged them to stop. Maria went to get..."

Right on cue, Maria came back, tugging an adult by the hand. Nel stood up and held a hand out to the woman. "Thank goodness you are here. Ronald and Ash were in a fight. Can you take a look, Sarah?"

"Where's Ronald?" Sarah asked as she knelt down in front of Ash.

"He ran off. Maria, go find your brother," Nel instructed. Maria looked up somewhat indignantly, then searched Sarah's face for a countermand. Instead, Sarah nodded, indicating Maria was to obey Nel. Nel's niece scoffed and set off to find her brother.

Maple sniffled quietly beside Nel, while Sarah coaxed Ash to tilt his head back. She gently palpated several places on his face and head and the back of his neck. Lastly, she cleaned up as much of the blood she could, and staunched the nose bleed with a handkerchief.

"I don't think anything is broken. Are you hurt anywhere else, Ash?" Sarah asked. Ash stuck out his lower lip petulantly, holding the bloodied cloth to his nose and shook his head. Sarah narrowed her eyes, glancing briefly at Nel, then back to Ash. "Ash, what did you do to Ronald?"

"He started it!" Ash insisted, immediately defensive. He looked to Nel for support, but she crossed her arms and tapped her foot. Ash blubbered a few nonsensical things but then finally confessed, "I put a rock in my snowball."

"Ashton Fisher!" Nel squawked in admonition. "What possessed you to do such a thing!?"

"He wasn't playing fair!" Ash repeated. "If he won't play fair, I won't either!"

Both women were looking down at Ash critically and he looked up at them defiantly. But as their berating glares seared into his little soul, his resolve faltered and he looked down.

"Ash. Your father and I are going to have a talk with you about this. Come. We're going home." Nel grabbed his hand and turned to go, almost forgetting about Maple. After a few deliberate steps, with Ash digging his heels ineffectually, she stopped and looked over her shoulder. "Maple, you come, too."

Lily gazed down at the scene below from her bedroom window. She watched as Nel struggled to haul her youngest son, with the eldest trailing meekly behind. The commotion outside had roused her from reverie.

Lily had been about ready to slip back into one about her own childhood when she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. She was assaulted with a prickly sensation in her nose and goosebumps on her arms. Spinning around, what started as a scream nearly ended in a confused gasp. Standing in the corner was Layla, wrapped from head to toe. How she knew it was Layla, Lily couldn't be sure, but she quickly drew the curtains.

"How did you get in here?" Lily asked, bewildered by the vampiress's presence.

Layla unwrapped the veil from her face once the sun was shut out, but did not step forward, eyeing the window warily. "I read your note."

"I thought you'd come in the evening!" Lily was unprepared for visitors and grabbed her shawl, slipping it over her bare shoulders and covering her neck instinctively.

"Cyrus monopolises my time in the evenings."

Lily's stomach fluttered as images crowded her mind. Clearing her throat, and trying to clear her mind, she gestured to the unclaimed bed, but Layla remained in the corner.

"Oh. I guess. Um..." Lily swallowed hard, playing with the hem of her shawl. "I wanted to talk to you because, well, I don't know who else knows Cyrus well enough to answer. You've been with him longer than Rena, right?"

"Yes."

"It's just um... about the things Rena said Cyrus did..." Lily twiddled her thumbs looking all around. "...I don't much believe it but... I gotta ask anyway. Did he... hurt Beth? Uh, that's the name of the scout." Lily finally looked over at Layla, her stomach fluttering.

Layla's expression remained unchanged, which Lily found quite extraordinary considering what she was asking. The pause was making her even more nervous and she was about to clarify her question when Layla spoke. "He killed her."

"Ah... and the other thing...?"

"I don't know. I wasn't there," Layla answered with an almost imperceptible tilt of her head.

"Why do you think Rena thought he did?"

"Ask Rena."

Lily sighed, realising frustrated at not getting straight answers. Again, her gut roiled with unease and she wrapped her hands up in the ends of the shawl. "Has he, uh... hurt women in that way before?"

"Yes."

The word hung there. It just seemed so bald and exposed. Lily would have thought an admission would come with some explanation, or hesitation. Lily swallowed the bilious lump that pushed up into her throat. "To be clear, I mean raped them, not killed them."

"Does it matter which? Violence is violence," Layla said, crossing her arms and dipping her chin. Although the vampire's expression did not overly change, her stare grew in intensity, causing Lily to look away.

"It matters to me! I said I was a monster like him! I..."

"You are nothing like Cyrus."

Lily held back her breath, her heart racing. "I kept defending him to my sister. But all this time he was a... a horrible man!"

"Yes." Layla nodded her head.

"Why do you stand by him?" Lily asked, staring at the woman in astonishment.

"I belong to him."

Lily furrowed her eyebrows, pushing out her delicate pink lip in a pout. "But... you came. You coulda run and freed yourself. If he's so awful, why stay his slave?"

"Duty and honour."

"Honour? Doing what a guy like Cyrus says dun seem honourable."

"That is not your concern." Layla shook her head, still keeping to her shadowy corner. "Your concern is whether he will harm you or your sister. I do not believe he will. If you travel with us, you will be under our protection."

Lily crossed her arms and looked away. "I dunno if I can work with him now. I gotta put my foot down somewhere."

"Then don't." Layla looked at the window and put the veil back on, keeping her back to the wall. Lily watched as she carefully shuffled along the edge of the room towards the door.

"But..." Lily bit her lip. "...I want to do something. I believe in this mission. But how can I help recruit people if I know they'll be travelling with someone like him?"

"How indeed?" Layla turned back to look Lily over, placing her hands on her hips. Although it made little difference in Layla's expression, for she showed so little, the veil still made communicating with her disconcerting. "Cyrus has not always concerned himself with consent. But that was encouraged and applauded by a bitter misogynist who had him under his thumb. Since freeing himself, Cyrus has not resorted to such practices."

Lily stared at Layla, processing this new piece of information. Should it make a difference? She had to think about it carefully. Should everyone be given a chance to become a better person? Even someone who did the things he was accused of? Lily wiped her clammy hands on her skirt. "Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"Because to most it does not matter." Layla lifted her head, and Lily could almost feel a cold gaze, though she could not see it. "There are some crimes that many believe cannot be redeemed."

Lily stood up and walked over to the window. She stared at the halo of diffuse sunlight trying to get around the curtains. "I won't look at him the same again. But... I won't let him get in the way of finding a cure."

Layla bowed her head and placed her hand on the door handle. "Are we done?"

"Oh. Yes. Thanks for talking," Lily said quietly. She didn't hear anything but the soft click of the door closing when Layla left. Lily instead peeked behind the curtain out at the village below, trying to figure out how to sort out her confused feelings. It sickened her to think she'd believed in someone like Cyrus as just being a mere joker. She wanted to despise him. But there was still a mote of affection which troubled her. She had to regard that side of herself with suspicion. Was it planted there by a mind trick? Or was it just because he made her feel like a new person?

As these thoughts swirled in her mind, her attention drifted to two figures down in the snowy paths below. It took a moment to identify one of them as Cat. She at first thought she was walking with Ash, but the lad she was with was too tall to be the young Fisher boy. After squinting and focusing for a while, she concluded it was the boy Ash had been fighting with earlier. Lily thought it a little odd that Cat seemed to spend a lot of time with children. But maybe she lost a child herself.

Lily turned away from the window. She needed to gear herself up for difficult tasks ahead of her. One would be facing Cyrus again with these new revelations and feelings. The second would be going home, stuck in monster limbo. Lily looked around until she found Linda's knife. First things first. She stood in front of the mirror and grabbed a handful of her hair. Biting her lip, she sawed through the tresses, hacking away at them. Soon a pile of hair, her natural brown mixed with white, lay at her feet.