Vaudevillain

As the elevator descended the white walls of the room shifted to a transparent glass. Spiraling around the elevator was a series of bubble domes connected by twisted cord embedded into the stone floor. The domes swayed in the currents as scuba geared workers opened up the bubbles and fed seaweed into the tubes before quickly closing them. Something inside the domes reacted to the seaweed, causing a white foam to develop.

"Now I wonder what's in there," Dylan mused.

"Maybe they're making a new form of laundry detergent boss. You know, since it foams up so well."

"Thank you Cass but I was being rhetorical."

"Oh."

The elevator descended past the domes and into the rock floor. A light switched on as it did, lighting the small room. A few seconds later the elevator dinged and the doors opened. Dr. Zlo and Cass hugged the edge and peeked down the hall.

The hallway was a sterile white and illuminated with the pale light of LEDs. At the end of the hall, Dr. Zlo could see a large open space. "The coast seems clear, let's go." The two men crept out of the elevator and into the hallway. Silently, Dr. Zlo and Cass tiptoed across and into the open.

The sterile hall gave way to a friendly open lobby. Stairs with glass railing sat in the corner, leading up to a series of conference rooms and laboratories visible by glass panels. The rooms sat above half the lobby, cutting some of the open space. The lobby housed several leather couches arranged kitty-cornered with a dark oak coffee table between them. At the end of the lobby, below the rooms, was a coffee shop. To its left sat an aquarium housing exotic fish.

"See, now this is how a base should be built!" Dr. Zlo strode into the room, all pretense of stealth abandoned at finding no one in the area. He went over to the coffee shop and pilfered a cup from the counter and filled it up at the machine. He sniffed the beverage and took a sip. "Ah! Still warm."

Cass tried to follow suit but Dr. Zlo stopped him. "This is no time for breaks Cass, we must find that phlebotinium."

"But I was only--"

"No buts! This is more important than your coffee addiction."

"But you--" Cass tried to argue again, but Dr. Zlo was already making his way to the stairs. Slumping his shoulders, Cass took one mournful look at the pot of coffee before following the doctor.

The two made their way up the stairs, Dr. Zlo taking them two at a time while Cass dejectedly stomped up. The villain passed by the conference rooms and kept heading up the stairs to the laboratories. Once there, he threw open the first door he saw and eagerly walked in. Cass made his way inside a few seconds later.

Test tubes and beakers rested on top of epoxy counters. Next to them, laid out in neat rows, stood various machines used for testing. A storage closet labeled "materials" rested at the end of the counter. Dr. Zlo ignored the rest of the room and walked over to the door. He threw it open. "This is just regular laboratory equipment!"

"Don't worry boss there's plenty more rooms."

"You're right! It's not like me to get discouraged after one setback." Dr. Zlo strode out of the room, his long legs carrying him over to the next laboratory. But the next was a carbon copy of the one before. And so was the next one, and the one after that.

"These are all useless! I don't understand, there should at least be one lab here with dangerous materials."

"It could be on another floor boss."

"You're right. I won't rest until every room has been searched!"

The villain and minion duo scurried around the laboratory complex in search of the phlebotinium. Dr. Zlo overturned each room, opening every cupboard and closet. Each time he was left wanting.

"I don't understand," he said as he cradled his head in his hands. "It should be here."

"Eh don't fret boss I'm sure we'll find it. Probably gonna be in the last place we think of."

"Of course it will be in the last place we think of! We'll have found it at that point!"

Cass patted his villainous leader on the back. "There there boss. You know what you could use, another coffee. How bout I go fix us up a couple of cups of Joe."

"Fine, you can go make us some coffee. I'll just be over here going over what I missed."

Cass made his way back to the coffee shop. "Poor boss," he murmured. "He's pushing himself too hard. You gotta learn to take a break every once and a while."

Cass grabbed one of the Styrofoam cups off the counter and poured himself a cup of coffee. He gave it a quick sip. "Bleh, it's gone cold. The boss wouldn't drink this."

Cass made his way behind the counter and rubbed his hands together. "Alright let's see…" the butler took a look around. The shop had all the normal machines used to make coffee and there was even a deep freezer resting below the counter. Cass opened it up. "Ooh, they have ice cream! I know. I'll make the boss an affogato. Coffee and ice cream, what could be better?"

The minion busied himself with collecting what he needed. He found a wide cup and tossed it into the refrigerator. A long, dark hallway appeared but Cass paid it no mind. Instead, he set the cup on a rack next to some milk. Turning back to the counter, Cass manned the espresso machine. The machine wasn't running so Cass spent a few minutes getting it all ready.

He tested the machine to make sure it ran by making a quick macchiato. He grabbed the milk out and again missed the long hallway. With nimble hands, the butler crafted a steaming hot macchiato. He took a sip, "Ah. Perfection."

Sipping on his macchiato, Cass grabbed the ice cream out of the deep freezer and a serving spoon out of a drawer. He set it next to the espresso machine and turned to open the fridge again. The long hallway stared out but Cass only had eyes for the chilled bowl. He grabbed it and placed it next to the ice cream.

Cass hummed a tune as he opened up the ice cream tub and cut into the dairy treat with the serving spoon. He scooped one perfect ball into the bowl and then stopped. "Wait a minute…" Cass turned back towards the fridge. He threw it open. "Aha!"

But it was not the hallway that Cass had found. It was a bottle of chocolate syrup. He pulled it out of its hiding place and placed it on the counter, forgetting to close the door.

Cass went back to work, scooping out one more perfect sphere of ice cream and drizzling a small amount of chocolate syrup on top. He then poured two shots of espresso over the ice cream. "And there you have it! One affogato for the boss. He's gonna love it I just know it."

The refrigerator beeped and Cass jumped in alarm. He turned. "Jeez, what are you doin' giving me heart attack like that." He made to close the fridge door. "Hey wait a minute…"

Cass had finally seen the long hallway hidden inside the refrigerator. "Hey, boss!" He yelled.

"Not right now Cass I'm busy!" Dr. Zlo had commandeered a pen and was writing a fake equation on the wall. "Let's see, carry the two…"

"Boss! You're gonna want to see this!"

"Cass I swear if it's some fancy latte art that you made I will confine you to a room for a week! What the…"

Dr. Zlo turned around to see Cass standing in front of a long hallway. The butler closed the door and the hallway turned into a simple refrigerator. He opened it back up and the hallway appeared again. Eyes going wide, Dr. Zlo raced over.

"Good work Cass I believe we've found it!"

"That's great boss! By the way, I made you an affogato."

"That's great Cass, but we have more important things ahead! Onward!" Dr. Zlo hopped over the coffee shop counter and walked into the hidden hallway.

Cass shrugged, "oh well, more for me!" He grabbed the affogato and downed it in one large gulp.

"Cass!"

"Uh, coming boss!" He tossed the cups into the sink and rushed to follow.

The hidden hallway led to a glowing green laboratory. It was a small place, the size of a one-bedroom apartment. All manner of strange equipment surrounded a glowing green tube in the center of the lab. Inside the tube, curled in a ball, was an animal of some kind.

Dylan ignored it because next to the tube was a table. On top of which rested a thermos sized container with the words "phlebotinium" labeled on top. He rushed over to the table and swiped the container. "Here it is Cass. The phlebotinium!" Dr. Zlo twisted the lid off the container and dumped the contents out. Two small pebbles, glowing green and smooth as silk, fell onto the table. Dylan added them to his inventory and was reassured to see the name appear in his inventory.

Dr. Zlo blinked. "Two grams. Is that it?" He turned to Cass. "Is this all there is?"

"I dunno boss maybe we should take a look around."

Dr. Zlo collected the two small pieces back in the container and walked around the hidden lab with Cass. They explored every nook and cranny but found nothing save a discarded bagel on a control panel. Dylan was expecting more than just two grams of the material. Especially if said material was located in a thermos.

"You know what I don't understand boss?" Cass said as he checked under the table for the third time.

"What's that?"

"Where are all the other workers? Or guards?"

Dr. Zlo rolled his eyes. "Come now Cass why would they stick around if the place is attacked. Plus, we already encountered the guards at the complex above."

"Yeah see that's what I don't get boss. Why were there so many guards spread out if the elevator led to the main base? Why not protect the elevator only?"

"Obviously its because whoever runs this base is a poor planner. Most likely the owner spent as little as possible on protection thinking their secrecy would keep them safe. But they obviously weren't expecting the genius that is Dr. Zlo! Now enough questions, there must be something around here we haven't searched."

The sound of the hidden hallway opening stopped both villains in their tracks.

"Boss someone's coming."

"Yes, I can hear that Cass. Now keep it down or they'll hear us."

Dr. Zlo and Cass frantically searched around the room. Dr. Zlo pointed, "there! We can hide behind that machine." The two scrambled to take cover behind what looked to be a hydraulic press of some kind. Dylan wondered what sort of secret lab would need the ability to crush things flat but switched his attention when a figure walked into the room.

The thing walked hunched on all fours, like a gorilla. But it was the size of a man and had the face of a wolf. Each of its four limbs ended with wickedly sharp claws that scratched the ground where they walked. A bit of drool dripped from the creature's mouth, unable to completely close due to the oversized teeth.

The pale grey eyes of the thing scanned over the lab. Dr. Zlo and Cass ducked a little further behind the machine as its gaze traveled over them. Finding nothing, the monster sniffed the air once, then twice. On the third time, Dr. Zlo saw the creature's mouth twist upwards in a feral grin. It lifted its head to the sky and howled.

"AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"We've been found Cass get ready!" Dr. Zlo popped out from his position behind the press and fired his monocle laser. The red light connected with the creature's chest and the wolf creature yelped in pain. The smell of burnt hair filled the room as Dr. Zlo and Cass made to exit the hidden lab.

"I should have guessed the secret lab would have genetic experiments of some kind!" Dr. Zlo stated. He and Cass booked it as fast as they could down the hallway. The sound of multiple footsteps echoed at the end of the hall, painting a picture of numerous enemies. Another of the wolf monsters appeared before Dr. Zlo and Cass. Dr. Zlo fired off another shot but as the wolf went down three more appeared.

"Back up!" Dr. Zlo yelled. He turned back to the hidden laboratory. "We'll make a stand there!"

"All due respect boss I'd rather be running!"

"Just be ready!"

Dr. Zlo made a heel turn as he reached the end of the hall and aimed his cane. He turned the knob away from the liquid fire he used earlier. That would stop a large group. The sticky adhesive wouldn't work either, as blocking off their escape with the substance would be terrible.

A blue liquid sprayed from the end of his cane, coating the floor of the hallway. He moved the cane back and forth, covering the walls as well. Once finished, he rotated the knob again and aimed it right in front of him. A forest green substance sprayed onto the ground in front of the villain. Finished, Dr. Zlo took a step back and prepared.

The first of the wolves came bounding through the hallway, jaws open and hunger in its eyes. Seeing Dr. Zlo standing in the open, it quickened its pace. Those behind the first did the same. But none were prepared for the surprise the villain had in store for them.

The first of the charging monsters stepped down onto the blue liquid that had quickly hardened to form a thin covering. The wolf-like creature lost all balance as friction disappeared. It skidded along the floor at a breakneck pace before sliding into the green gel at the end. As soon as the creature hit the gel it bounced forward into the air, crashing right into the glowing green tube. Neon gel spilled out with a curled up half-formed mutant.

The other monsters tried to dodge the gel by moving to the sides but found the same frictionless covering all over the walls. They too slid down the hall and were sent flying into the air where they collided with the first monster who was only just recovering. Other monsters seeing what happened tried to stop but were pushed ahead by those behind it. More of the wolf monsters flew by Dr. Zlo and crashed into their recovering brethren. Soon, all the monsters charging in had bounced high over the doctor's head and were stumbling around in the middle of the laboratory.

"Quickly Cass!" Dr. Zlo made a running start and jumped over the bounce gel. He landed both feet apart and skated down the hall until the frictionless surface ended. Cass followed along, failing the landing and sliding face-first down the hall.