Vaudevillain

Dylan pulled the semi-truck into the driveway of the abandoned mansion. The tires scraped against the curb as he did. "Whoops," He said. Vert had kept the physics of the world similar to the real world. Which meant Dylan had no clue how to drive a semi-truck. He had kept to straight roads to turn as little as possible which had elongated his travel time. He could have had Jacques do the driving, the minion did pull up with the truck. But Dylan figured Dr. Zlo wouldn't trust his minions with the "important stuff." Even if Dr. Zlo was worse at it than the minion.

But they had arrived safely and with all the materials they needed to make the factory. Parking the car in front of the door, Dylan went to work instructing Jacques. The lackey brought every pallet, every box, down to the basement; to the place where Dr. Zlo planned to build his lab. Dylan followed down to unpack all the boxes and add each piece to his inventory since the pallets were too large.

With all the materials for his lackey factory added, Dylan finally combined them all. A contraption similar to a walk-in shower appeared in front of him. Sturdy metal braces held aloft a set of nozzles on alloyed rails. Glass windows sat between the braces with a transparent door at the front. Sitting next to the door was a large computer, a long glass screen connected to a keyboard of light. On the computer, in big blue letters, the word "Start" sat ready to be pressed.

Dylan instantly pressed down on the button. The nozzles inside the factory went to work in a whirlwind of chemicals. Smoke formed at the bottom and spread to cover the entire area, forming an impenetrable white fog. For minutes all Dylan could head was the whirring of machinery. Finally, the door to the factory opened and a foot stepped out with the white fog.

A lackey identical to Jacques now stood in front of Dylan, complete with suit and bowler hat. Steam wafted off the fresh minion as its featureless face turned towards its master. Dylan's lips curled into an evil smile. "You're... perfect!" He said. "I dare say I have outdone myself."

Dylan directed Jacques to stand in the corner with the other lackey as he turned to take a look at the factory. This time on screen were the words "time until new lackey creation," under which was a countdown timer. "Seems like I can make around two minions a day." A bar at the bottom corner attracted Dylan's attention.

In fact, there were three bars, each listing a material needed for the creation of a lackey. The first bar was silk. "Must be for the suit," Dylan commented. "And this would be for the body." He looked at the bar listing plastic. The third bar listed superglue.

Dylan pressed down on the bar listing silk. The process for creating another lackey paused and an audible click sounded from the back of the machine. Making his way over, Dylan saw a large spool of silk pop out of a compartment in the machine. Next to it sat a tube to pour super glue and some sort of recycler to take plastic. He closed the compartment and the factory started back up.

Dylan spent some more time messing around with his minions. It turned out the name he gave to his first lackey, Jacques, became the name for all of them. He figured this out when he had Jacques clean up the boxes and pallets. "Jacques I need you to clean up these boxes. We can't have a filthy place when we do our villainy."

Jacques and the second minion turned away from the corner and went to work. "No, not you!" Dylan yelled. "I only wanted Jacques to do it."

The minion ignored him, continuing to pig up the scattered boxes. "Are you listening? Do I already have a defective minion?" He called Jacques over to him. Both minions came over.

"Jacques, move to my left." Both minions moved.

"You," Dylan pointed to the other minion. "Spin in a circle." The lackey stopped moving and spun in a circle.

"Jacques go clean up." Both minions moved.

"Are you both named Jacques?" The lackeys nodded.

"I guess I won't be upgrading Jacques then," he said.

Dylan had the Jacques pick up the rest of the boxes while he messed around creating more gadgets. He was trying to work out a way to create an information network when the third Jacques appeared from the factory. The other Jacques had finished their task and were milling about. "Jacques, go and clean up the yard," Dylan said.

The three Jacques all left to go clean up the front yard and Dylan went back to work blueprinting an information network. But none of the entries in his power tab would work without a material that was too large to fit inside the inventory. Or the name was so unique the neural network didn't understand what he wanted. The satellite array required a giant rocket, the internet trawler needed a gigantic boat, and his hatbot idea made robots who stole hats and nothing else.

"This power is really limiting," Dylan complained. "How can I be a villainous mastermind if I can't make gigantic evil gadgets?"

As Dylan complained, a notification popped up in front of him.

Congratulations! Due to protecting one area for a certain period, you have the option to create a secret base! Would you like to make 12 Gothic Ave., Haven City, your secret base?

"Wait there's an actual base building mechanic?" Dylan said. He decided to turn to his friend to confirm.

Superfan39526:

There's a base-building mechanic?

DemarX:

Yeah any player can make a base if they stay in one area long enough

How do you not know this?

I thought you were

BIG

Into the game?

Superfan39526:

Umm

I might've only read the parts about playing as a super

DemarX:

Ah

Yeah your like that

Superfan39526:

You're

DemarX:

Shut up

But yeah you can build secret bases like any hero

UI is a bit clunky

I read they're going to fix it in patches

Along with a few powers

Like yours actually

Superfan39526:

Oh?

DemarX:

Yeah a lot of the gadgeteers are complaining

Turns out have the stuff needed to create things can't fit in their inventory

Superfan39526:

Yeah it’s a pain

Also pop culture can replace words

I tried entering minion factory into the power

Got a recipe to make those yellow monstrosities

DemarX:

See

This is why you get simple powers

Superfan39526:

Okay you're taking the joke too far

Stop

DemarX:

Aight

Sorry

Didn't mean to rile ya

Superfan39526:

So how's this base building work?

DemarX:

Just go through the tutorial

It's pretty straightforward

Superfan39526:

Ok thanks

Cya

DemarX:

Yep

Dylan closed out his friends tab and opened the notification back up. He selected yes on the tab and watched as another screen appeared, this one a small map of the area.

A small icon appeared at the top of Dylan's vision, next to his character tab. Dylan selected the button and a HUD similar to a paint program appeared.

Dylan followed along and selected the shovel tab. An illusory shovel appeared in his hands.

Dylan went to the corner of the basement and made the digging motion. A five-foot cubed section of floorboards, pipes, and foundation popped itself free from the house and disappeared into thin air.

Dylan went back into the HUD and selected the two. This time an ethereal bucket appeared.

Dylan performed the motions and watched as the five-foot cubed section filled with dirt.

"That's it?" Dylan said. The section of dirt stared at him. "This doesn't get reset? What am I supposed to do with this dirt!"

Dylan's alarm went off for lunch and he angrily logged out. He fixed himself a quick sandwich and jumped back into the game, determined to figure out the base building system. There was no way it could be worse than any of the software he used for his job. He'd had to spend years working on that, no way was this game UI going to trip him up.

Dylan spent the rest of his Sunday wrestling with the base building system. The dig and fill functions were simple, neither all that difficult to figure out. It was the lining and paneling functions that frustrated Dylan. The lining system was basically a freehand draw. Once selected the player could change both the materials and the brush size. But Dylan couldn't find an option to make the lines snap straight, and his normal freehand drawing was terrible. This left wobbling lines of walls.

The paneling option looked to be used when the player wanted to create walls or cover other portions. When selected, a ghostly nailgun appeared in Dylan's hands and an image of miming out shooting nails popped up in front of him. Once again he could select the materials and thickness of the paneling. But Dylan had to make the motion of nailing the paneling to each corner. With is wobbly lines the panels came out like rhombuses and not squares.

"Whatever," He complained. "I'll practice with it later."

Instead, he decided to dig down below the basement, creating a gigantic cavern. The plan he had in mind was to make this place his actual secret laboratory. He would be the rich, reclusive, man in the mansion who secretly led a life of crime. His villainous contraptions would all be hidden underneath the gothic architecture by way of a secret elevator.

So into making the base, Dylan didn't even notice his dinner alarm ringing. He worked well into the night hollowing out a large enough space for all the ideas that came to mind. He left a section for bioweapons creation, a section for mechanical creations, a section for biomechanical creations, and an entire closet for suits and ties. He planned to create more sections as time went on but for now, these broad strokes would do the trick. Dylan paneled the area with sections of wood he had the minions chop down.

By the time his morning alarm went off, Dylan had a rustic looking open area sectioned off by stone curbs. He imagined giant vats of neon green goo in one corner, large factories of machines building deadly weapons in another, and a combination of both in the middle. Near the location of the secret elevator was the area for suits. Dylan planned to have suits for every occasion, each acting as armor.

But that was all for the future. Now it was time for work.