Unwilling Eldritch Horror of Fortune

“Xalla, oh disciple of mine,” Rogue began as we all stepped off the platform, “You know that it’s just the four of us here. You don’t have to be so formal, we’re all friends.”

“Unlike someone I know, Lord General,” Xalla replied sternly, “I do not slack off when I am assigned official duties.”

He grinned, “I’m pretty sure I saw you hugging the great Lord Arbiter back there.”

Xalla gave him a deathly glare, and I quickly added before the old Xollon would lose a feeler or three, “That was completely my fault, Lord General. I overstepped and Xalla was more than professional the whole time.”

Rogue chuckled, “So you're abusing your power over a subordinate and engaging in sexual harassment at the same time, eh? Are you taking one out of the Overseer’s playbooks now?”

Big Bob laughed at the exchange while Xalla was rubbing her frills with a feeler. I think she had given up trying to get the old Xollon to behave in any capacity. And there was the mention of that damned Overseer again. I don’t know who or what this Overseer dude was, but the more I heard Rogue and Bob describe him, the less I wanted to actually meet the man.

“As I was saying,” Xalla continued, “We have arrived at Central HQ. We are to head into the Lounge and await our summons.”

“You know how long that will take, Xalla?” I asked.

“I do not know, Lord Arbiter,” she answered politely.

I shuddered a little every time she called me by my title. Xalla was so different when she had her professional maw on, which was completely unlike my first meeting with her. I guess she’s stepping up her game now that she is representing Q and his site on a larger stage. And she did mention that she wanted to change the perception people had of the Xollons, but as much as I respect her dedication to her assigned role, I missed the more carefree and cheerful girl I saw on our date.

“But knowing the current political state Central is in,” Xalla continued, “They will deliberately make us wait.”

“For what?” I asked, “Just to spite me?”

Rogue grumbled, “That, and to show their dwindling supporters how much better they are than you. Useless gesture to make the fools think that you still worship the ground that the overgrown slimeball of an Overseer walks on.”

Big Bob chimed in as well with a chuckle, “Don’t forget the part where they’ll make a big fuss about making you wait, my friend! Then they’ll apologize profusely and probably find a scapegoat to blame it on, another political rival most likely! You know the drill, they’ll try to rope you in with promises, then when that inevitably fails, they’ll go back to their threats. Rogue and I have watched this play out far too many times.”

“Agreed, Bob,” the old Xollon said, “But they are predictable, and a predictable enemy is an easy enemy. Especially for one so accomplished as the Lord Arbiter.”

Please stop hyping me up to be this unstoppable Xollon hero! I’m going in practically blind here.

“Well, let’s just go to the waiting room then,” I said, trying to change the subject. I still had some time to get as much information as I could out of them, so let’s count Central’s display of power as a blessing in disguise. I only had my own skills to rely on to bullshit my way through whatever was coming my way, although if I could somehow rope in Rogue and Big Bob… let’s see what I can do.

Xalla led the three of us into a grand processional room. She called it the lounge, and yes there was no shortage of places to lounge around, but I’m pretty sure most lounges don’t cover the area of several football fields, while also having an army of staff on hand to cater to your every need.

The staff were kind of strange looking, they were featureless gray humanoids with elongated limbs and moved rather jerkily. And when I say they were featureless, I meant it. They didn’t wear clothes, but they had, well, nothing. No genitalia, no hair, no mouth or any other opening in their bodies. How they perceived the environment was beyond me. I wouldn’t say they made for the best servants given their awkward movement, but there were so many of them that I don’t think efficiency mattered.

The place was divided into many sections, all beautifully and tastefully decorated, which housed pretty much anything a guest would need to feel welcome.

There were private chefs waiting to take your order while servants scrambled to get anything and everything you might need for a meal, no matter how outlandish the request. Professional massage artists (these ones seem to be hired help) were at your beck and heel, every single one of them proficient in relieving your stress, regardless of what kind of anatomy their guests had. Next to the manicure and massage parlors were several heated pools, although I couldn’t tell what liquids made up its contents.

All the while the halls were filled with a nice ambient music that seemed to permeate from every corner of the room. And of course, it wouldn’t be a lounge without places to sit. There were sofas, chairs, and even living slime like organisms that contoured their shape to maximize comfort.

I grabbed one of those and settled my feelers into its cool folds. One of those featureless manservants was already by my side, as if it already knew that I was about to order another glass of Xollon wine. Honestly, if making us wait here of all places was a vain display of power, then they could take as long as they possibly need to show off. Shit, I could get used to this type of lifestyle.

Rogue sat beside me, nursing his own glass of wine, while a few serfs were massaging his bottom feelers.

He sighed in pleasure, “Well, they’ve really outdone themselves this time. This whole place must have put a dent in Central’s operating costs, I’m guessing the Overseer’s really desperate to have you back on the team.”

Big Bob was relaxing face down on a nearby tanning bed, enjoying the artificial sun one of the servants had brought over for him to use, “Yup, I’ve been affiliated with Central for close to 200 cycles, been a sponsor for damn near 150 of those, and they’ve never once rolled out the VIP treatment for me.”

Bob flopped onto his back now, and allowed his pale stomach to roast in the sun. I’m pretty sure that the temperatures that he was experiencing could melt steel, but the chubby human-looking man didn’t seem to mind.

“But damn can I get used to this,” he mumbled, “Walter, my friend, please get into more trouble so we can tag along to your Tribunal summons in the future.”

I laughed and agreed, although I wish I felt as relaxed and in control as Bob was, or had even a fraction of the confidence he had in my success. The original W, wherever he is now, was lucky to have a friend like him.

Seeing the two Sponsors so relaxed, I turned my attention back on to Xalla. The Xollon girl was standing at attention by the other Central attendants, her gaze constantly searching for threats, although I think she knows that we were safe until at least the start of the Tribunals. I doubt the Overseer would try to harm me before attempting to rope me into his crew.

“Xalla,” I said, waving a feeler over at her and beckoning her to join me on the squishy slime sofa thing, “Why don’t you come over and relax for a bit, there’s a lot of other guards stationed around.”

I could tell that she desperately wanted to do just that, her cute little frills fluttering against the urge to join me. I liked seeing the slightly flustered girl, even if I probably shouldn’t.

“I must decline, Lord Arbiter,” she said after a few moments of hesitation, “I was tasked to serve as your bodyguard and aid, so I cannot afford to relax.”

I smiled mischievously, although I’m not sure how that gesture translated in a Xollon body, but whatever gesture I did make was noticed by Xalla.

“Well, as my bodyguard,” I started, “I think it would be more efficient if you were closer to me.”

Xalla frowned.

I looked at Rogue for support.

He smiled and obliged, “He’s right you know, there’s deadly assassins that could strike at our poor Arbiter friend, and that could have all been prevented if someone were to be guarding him closer. Say, by sitting right next to the vulnerable man.”

I scooched over and patted the empty spot beside me. Reluctantly (or maybe not), Xalla came over and sat down beside me. She still seemed on edge, but I used a feeler to bring her a little closer, enjoying her warmth against the cool sofa creature. Once she was firmly by my side, I felt one of her tentacles wrap around me, holding me tight.

“And,” Big Bob added when he saw the situation, “I think we also need this bodyguard to test Walter’s drinks and food for any poisons.”

The big man then gestured to one of the many attending servants to fetch Xalla some wine as well.

“Indeed, Big Bob,” I answered, knowing full well that nothing short of the heat death of the universe could harm a Xollon, let alone some mundane poison, “I could fall dead at any moment from deadly poisons.”

Xalla sighed and went along with it, accepting the offered drink and while taking careful sips with her proboscis. Even the way she drinks was cute!

“Fine,” she mumbled, “You guys win. But if anyone asks, I was doing my job.”

“What do you mean?” I said in mock confusion, “You’re still doing your job right now. No would-be assassins could strike me with you by my side, and I can rest assured that my drinks are free of toxins.”

“Yeah yeah,” she said as she placed her head on my side and relaxed for the first time, “And you don’t get to make fun of me for this after, Rogue.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, little disciple,” he answered with a chuckle.

“Before we all fall asleep,” I said with a smile, “There’s something I’d like to discuss with you three. Anyway to keep would-be eavesdroppers at bay?”

Big Bob snapped his finger, and the air around us visibly tightened. If it hadn’t been for my enhanced Xollon perception, I wouldn’t have thought that anything had happened, but something was different for sure.

“Done,” he said, voice still relaxed, “Unless there’s another Xollon here, no one should be able to hear us now.”

“Thank you, Bob,” I said with a nod, “Just wanted to clarify some things before the meeting starts.”

Bob and Rogue nodded.

“First of all, I can assume that you have no love for the Overseer, correct?”

“Like that wasn’t obvious before, Walter,” Rogue snorted, “I was never a fan of that bastard.”

Big Bob shrugged, “He was fine before all the power got to him, a bit stuck up now, and I certainly wouldn’t help him if he were in trouble, but I remain a neutral party for the most part. Central makes up a large portion of my customer base after all, even with its recent decline.”

“You know my stance, Walter,” Xalla answered, “I’ll stick with any decision you make, I’ve always been a Xolloid first kind of gal.”

“Good,” I said with a smile, “then you should be fine with helping me out for a bit.”

They nodded in agreement.

“I’m sure you know that the Overseer will try his best to rope me back into Central’s side, but we can all see that it’s a sinking ship.”

“No kidding,” Rogue said, “I’ll give it 30, maybe 40 more cycles before something gives in. Hopefully the thing that gives first is that idiot of an Overseer.”

I continued, “And you also know that there’s no way I would abandon my role in Q’s site for whatever offer he gives.”

“That’s a given, Walter!” Big Bob answered, “I wouldn’t either if I was testing out the biggest breakthrough in Alchemical research. You made a damn soul! Making one for a new lifeform is easy enough, but one that you can use yourself? You still need to tell me how you did that, by the way, but I’ll concede in letting you do the fine-tuning first.”

I ignored Bob’s last remark and continued, “So there’s a couple of things that I might need your help on when we meet the Overseer and his Tribunal.”

“Sure, I’m game if you’re not asking for much,” Rogue agreed, “And Xalla here would probably do anything you ask of her. Anything, Walter, if you catch my drift.”

Another death glare from the girl by my side, but she was too close to me this time to attack her mentor, much to his relief. She also didn’t correct him, which I wasn’t sure was a good thing.

“And you know that you can always count on me for another one of your crazed schemes, Walter,” Bob laughed, “Reminds me of the old days!”

Huh, was the original Arbiter W more like myself than I thought? The fact that Big Bob hadn’t pointed out any dissimilarities should mean that we are. Strange.

I spoke again, “Then I need you three to back me up if things go like I think they will…”

I went over my plans, wrinkling out some details here and there, and before long, an attendant came to take us to the Tribunal. Big Bob undid whatever he did and allowed the guide to take us away.

Well, here’s to hoping that all my crazy plans work out this time because I’ll need all the luck I could get to make it out of here in one piece.

 

Want to read ahead? Check out my Patreon! It's what's keeping this project alive and well!

It's currently 21 chapters ahead with a new chapter uploaded daily! 

Check it out if you want to support the author, and as always, thank you for reading!