Undying Love: Maria the Orphan

This evening, the rain poured heavily. I sat on my usual couch next to my mother, gazing through the window, watching the raindrops fall without growing tired of it... They captivate me and calm my nerves, reminding me of my innocent childhood when I would play in the rain, without a care in the world or love to occupy my mind.

While I was lost in thought, my brother and John entered, both soaked. At that moment, Sophie lit the heater because the weather was cold, and as she stirred the wood, I admired the sight of the flames dancing, almost like a work of art. My mind wandered to Jack, and I wished he were here with me. We would have enjoyed our moments together. Livia had promised to come over for the weekend to spend time with us and break her daily routine, but she was late.

I don't know why she hadn't arrived yet. Maybe her father was ill, and that kept her. My mind stayed occupied with thoughts of her until I heard a knock at the door. Sophie opened it. Livia greeted us and took her seat next to Alfredo, who was clearly happy to see her. I know he likes her, though he is always reserved and his pride often takes over.

I didn't notice much except when John moved closer to sit next to me. He started talking about himself and his life, and I listened without objection, though my mind was elsewhere, consumed by thoughts of Jack and the roses he sent me.

I wasn't drawn to John, even though he was a handsome and calm person. My heart belonged to Jack; he had enchanted me with the sparkle in his eyes. I would never forget him as long as I lived. I'm sure he feels the same way. Every place we visited together holds our memories, even the grains of sand we walked on by the sea remember us. I stayed in this state of thought, not dozing off, when John handed me a glass of wine and said:

John: I think my beautiful Snowhit is lost in thought, not listening to me ramble on like a fool.

Me: Sorry, it's just the exhaustion from work, the same things repeating every week.

John: You're right. A person needs a change. You should travel to refresh yourself, my dear.

Me: I'll think about it when I get a break, to unwind.

John: I hope you'll come to America. You'd be welcomed warmly at my place.

Me: Thank you so much. You're truly a special and kind person, but I've never thought about going to America. I usually prefer the outskirts of London.

John: You're welcome. Just think about it, and you won't regret it. Your brother will be by your side. There's nothing to fear, my dear.

I stayed silent, not answering him, though deep down I did want to go... Perhaps I would find Jack there, look into his eyes, and cry on his chest, reproaching him for abandoning me and the love that would never come again.

My mother asked me to play for them, as usual, when we were all together. I brought my father's guitar and began to play, and everyone sat quietly, listening, touched by the music. I couldn't hold back my tears. The music stirred emotions in me that would remain like an ember, burning in my heart. I imagined my father, wishing he were here. The older I get, the more I feel the loss.

I excused myself to go to my room. I like to be alone when I feel like this. I looked out of the window and remembered Jack, when he used to watch my every move. How eager I was for his attention, and I still am. I found something of my father in him. I won't lie to myself. His absence has wounded my heart, a wound that stings deep, like a soul shyly aching, as if it were being torn apart by loss, under a veil of disappointment, reducing my dream to a hollow longing.

I lay on my bed, wanting to sleep. I wished I could sleep forever, like the dead—at least they don't have to think. Suddenly, my phone rang, and I jumped, unable to control myself. I answered without knowing who was calling.

Me: Is this Jack? I mean, who's calling?

I repeated the question several times without hearing an answer, then the call ended. But my heart told me it was Jack. Why didn't he answer? He must have hesitated. What he did to me wasn't easy, and I won't forgive him easily. Just as he disturbed my peace and caused me pain, I will return the favor.

As I was preparing to sleep, Livia came into my room, surprised to find me going to bed so early. She asked:

Livia: How can you leave us like this, Snowhit? Will you keep suffering? Live your life. John would be thrilled if you became friends with him.

Me: But how can I pretend to love John when my heart is no longer mine, Livia?

Livia: I think you should choose someone who cares for you and values you, not someone who abandoned you, my dear.

Me: Maybe you're right, but this is who I am. I won't change. I can't pretend or flatter anyone, living a false life.

Livia: You'll suffer, Snowhit. Times have changed, and life isn't what you imagine it to be. Try to live in the reality.

Everyone wants me to live how they want, not how I wish. It doesn't matter if I lose myself. Livia kissed me on the forehead, wishing me a good night. Before I turned off the light, I glanced at my father, and he too seemed sorrowful, regretting the time when idealism had no place.

I fell asleep, hoping that the days ahead would bring me what I truly desire, not what they plan for me.