Two and Half Men - Reborn as Jake Harper

"I learned everything, I just choose not to apply it," Paige said, sticking her tongue out playfully.

"Acting like a jerk for no reason, being impulsive, getting into fights over nothing, and thinking it's cool to treat people badly," Freddie murmured. "You basically described Sam before she met you."

Sam kicked Freddie without hesitation.

"Sam, you really have improved," Carly commented.

Sam shrugged.

"But you break the rules all the time, Jake," Carly pointed out.

I asked, "When did I even break a rule?"

Carly started listing, "Sleeping, eating, writing, reading, passing notes, using your phone—all during class. The only thing you don't do is pay attention."

"Now you sound like Pippa. And I didn't break any rules. That's all Sam," I replied, unfazed.

"Dude, I won't deny I do all that—except reading—but most of it, I do with you," Sam replied.

"You two should read the school rules again," I said. "There's a rule that says if you get all A+ grades, you earn 'small' privileges inside the school," I continued. "And I do. So I'm completely within the school rules."

They stared at me like I had just pulled a magician's trick. I leaned back, arms crossed, enjoying the moment.

"Besides," I added, smirking, "if I'm already acing every subject, what exactly do they expect me to be doing in class?"

Paige raised a brow. "Helping others?"

"I do. I help them laugh—when I'm not napping," I replied with a grin.

Sam high-fived me, and Freddie just shook his head. Carly sighed, but I could tell she was holding back a smile.

Paige squinted. "Why do I get the feeling that rule was added after you joined this school?"

"Because you are a genius, lil' sister," I replied.

I clapped my hands together. "Alright, I'll teach everyone here a little lesson. There's a saying—Dura lex, sed lex." I looked directly at Paige, to make her explain.

"The expression Dura lex, sed lex (the law is harsh, but it is the law) is a Latin maxim that means the law must be respected and followed, no matter how strict it is," Paige explained. "The origin of the phrase goes back to the period when written laws were first introduced in Ancient Rome, a time when legislation became equal for all and had to be respected."

"Perfect. But for those who have power and money," I added, "the expression turns into Dura lex, sed latex. Latex—as in, it stretches, it bends."

"...I read that from a Brazilian writer," I added with a smirk.

Paige continued, "I heard you had a run-in with a senior this week, Jake. What about it?"

"Max Hastings. He made fun of Freddie and was harassing Pip," I replied.

"I heard he slipped on an electric cable," Carly said. "...multiple times."

I was just going to teach Max a lesson. But looking at him, I knew there was a lot more going on—so we made him spill the beans. And it was ugly (far worse than I expected). I had to hold my friends back from tearing him apart (let the prisoners do that).

"Turns out Max r*ped Natalie da Silva and Becca Bell, along with several other girls. Two years earlier, he and his friends nearly killed a man while driving drunk. The man survived—but he's paralyzed and permanently disabled now," I said. "It'll be all over the news soon."

"He's going to get life in prison," I continued. "The rest of them are already being hunted by the police."

Everyone went pale, and the mood turned heavy.

"Come on, guys, let's change the subject. Let's get something to eat," I said, trying to lift the atmosphere.

But seeing Freddie, Missy, and Paige still downcast, I added, "Don't worry. This kind of stuff is rare. And I won't let anything like that happen to you. That's one of the reasons I want more money—to protect the people around me." I paused for a second. "Even if, ironically, some of these problems are caused by that same money..."

Missy nodded slowly, but still looked uneasy. Paige leaned against my shoulder.

"It sucks knowing the world's that messed up," she murmured.

"It is. But it's also full of good people," I said, patting her head.

They didn't respond right away, but the silence was less heavy.

"Alright," I said, clapping my hands once more. "Food, now."

Just then, two people arrived almost simultaneously—George Cooper, Missy's father, and Scarlett. I gestured for both of them to come in.

George looked hesitant to stay. But a combination of delicious smells coming from the kitchen—and Missy's pleading eyes—did the trick. I smirked and gave him a look that said, you're already here, might as well eat.

Then I turned to Scarlett, placing a hand on her waist. "Guys, this is Scarlett," I said, introducing her to the group.

We all gathered around the table.

George raised an eyebrow at the sight of the lobster. "That reminds me of when I took Missy to Red Lobster, a fancy restaurant back in Texas," he said, half smiling.

Missy groaned, "Dad..."

"Come on, Missy, let your dad talk," I said, gesturing for him to continue.

George grinned. "She was wearing a princess dress."

I laughed, already picturing it.

I couldn't resist. I kept nudging George to tell more stories about Missy. Each story made her hide her face in her hands deeper and deeper. After a while, she started throwing me looks that could melt steel.

Everyone was laughing, except Missy.

When dinner wrapped up, I caught George and Missy before they could head out. I gave him my best reassuring smile.

"Look, I'll take care of her. We're all heading to the party. She'll be safe with us, I promise."

Missy didn't say anything—just unleashed her secret weapon: big, pleading, Disney-princess eyes.

George sighed, clearly outnumbered and still a little guilty for embarrassing his daughter at dinner. "Alright... but if anything happens—"

"You can kick my ass," I completed.

After George left, I looked at Missy with a smug grin. "See? It was all according to the plan. He felt guilty, and now you're coming with us."

"I don't know if I want to hug you or kick your balls..." said Missy

"Do it both" Paige whispered to her

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A/N: I haven't watched or read A Good Girl's Guide to Murder. The information about Max Hastings came from the fandom wiki. Sometimes the story might take a slightly darker turn, but the idea is to keep it mostly slice-of-life.

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