Tunnel Rat

For Milo, the luncheon felt like eating in the Hollow. Lots of people around him, plenty of food, and a buzz of conversations going around him. Ignatius had invited him to sit next to him, and he'd accepted, mentally reminding himself that Professor Tallsqueak was a stranger to these people.

"Thank you for the kind invite. I was exploring this part of the city, but finding no place to eat. Then my nose was tickled by the lovely scent of the foods you have here and I came to investigate. Your generosity to a hungry stranger is appreciated."

The humans at the table were a little surprised at both his good table manners and proper speech. The few other ratkin in the city were all part of the gangs that constantly warred with each other. The fisherfolk had little contact with them.

Ignatius was delighted with his visitor. "Pardon me if I am prying too much, but does your title of Professor imply a school of some sort?"

"It certainly does, and please, I am used to the questions of my students. We encourage it at the Tower of Strife. A student that asks questions is a student that wishes to learn. Our Tower has two other Professors who specialize in several types of research and spellcasting, as well as the famed Mycologist, Professor Harold Earthtongue who is on an extended visit to the Hollow."

"The huge troll from the battle in the mines? But I'd heard he died."

Tallsqueak refilled his plate and said nonchalantly, "He got better."

The luncheon continued, with many people asking the Professor questions about the Hollow. They'd heard little and much of it contradictory. The picture of a peaceful village of artisans and students that Professor Tallsqueak described was at odds with tales of vicious ratkin armies. The guest of honor chuckled when that was mentioned.

"Oh, that is certainly true as well. Like many races who live underground, the Hollow has enemies, particularly the Spider Queens and the Lizard Clans. Recently we fought off an invasion of spiders. We are a peaceful people, but when enemies threaten the Hollow we sharpen our claws and ready our spells. There have been at least a dozen small battles with 'Player Guilds' who were under the wrong impression about our Hollow. I hope that by now they have accepted that we aren't a weak village to raid."

Savoring a bite of tasty, salted eel, Tallsqueak sighed with pleasure. "But let us talk of more pleasant topics, such as this lovely eel dish. I will certainly miss the seafood that is common in Shadowport."

"Well, if you enjoy salted eel, you should take home a barrel. It lasts forever. This recipe adds spices and then we bake the salted eel in cream sauce for an hour."

"You have barrels of it?"

"By the time we finish drying it all, hundreds of barrels. It might be all we eat during parts of the winter. Times are...leaner this last year."

Ignatius held up his hand, trying to stop what he knew would be a flood of ranting about the dwarven pirates that had forced the fisherfolk to forfeit their homes. "I'm sure our guest doesn't want to hear our problems."

Professor Tallsqueak surprised him by disagreeing. "On the contrary, I would love to. It's a chance to hear about the clash of two cultures. Only by understanding problems can solutions be found. Just in this short conversation, I have found a solution to two problems. I would like to purchase twenty barrels of salted eel when it becomes available. My Hollow will send a caravan to move the barrels back to the Hollow. We will bring pickled mushrooms, puffcake flour, and our best Cheese to sell and trade here in the city."

That statement was met with smiles. Ignatius shrugged. If their visitor found the grumblings of his congregation interesting, they could certainly give him an earful. "Well, then. Perhaps Alessandra could start and tell the tale of how her lost laundry has become a lair of drunken dwarves who gamble and drink at all hours of the day."

Wine glasses were refilled and Alessandra was brought from the kitchens. Slowly, over the next two hours, Milo got a much better idea of what had happened in the town as he sat and nibbled on a seemingly endless supply of food.

The guards at the door saw him coming and rolled their eyes. They had seen other ratkin customers in the casino on a regular basis, usually on 'payday,' but this fellow was amusing. Rather than a gang costume, he'd dressed like a wizard.

"Greetings. I am Professor Tallsqueak from Limburger Hollow. I have heard tales of your fine establishment and wished to see for myself."

The two dwarves smiled at each other, and one winked. "All the way from the Hollow? My, my. I bet you heard about our 'All You Can Eat Cheese Dip Night?' Very popular with our customers with tails."

The rat didn't twitch nearly as much as he should have. Usually mentioning that to Blackwhisker or one of his gang started them drooling. This one just raised a fuzzy eyebrow. "I'm sure that a weak-tailed youngling might find that of interest. I myself have found Rule of Acquisition 61 to be correct: Free Cheese is Seldom Cheap. I will investigate for myself. Good day, gentlemen."

The guards blocked his path, looking apologetic. "We're happy to see that you are knowledgeable of the rules, so we must point out Rule 49: Any place that's free to enter isn't worth the price of admission." Each held out their hand.

The Professor nodded his head. "True, true. Then let this be a night to remember." He put a gold coin into each outstretched hand.

One shark blew a whistle, the doors opened, and a red carpet was rolled down the stairs. "Right this way, sir! The enthusiastically waving person at the top of the stairs will show you to the buffet and the gaming tables."

The ratkin smiled, "I'm not even sure I've heard of the games you play here, but they sound interesting. I've heard you use small slips of paper and carved gemstones to produce random events that wagers are placed on?"

The Shark escorting him looked confused. "Not sure about that. We use cards and dice. Maybe something easy like '21' would be good. You get to take cards and get as close to a score of 21 without going over. My name's Sassy, that's short for Shashahaka, but I can tell we're going to be great friends. I'll help you get started and find you some fun games to play."

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"Oh, 21 sounds easy enough. Let me try that. And good to meet you, Sassy. You may call me Professor or simply Prof since we're all friends here."

"Sure thing, Prof. I've got a friend who deals 21, she'll treat you right. Of course, you'll want to buy chips first."

"Chips?"

"Yes, chips. They are coins used in all the games. You give the casino real coins, we give you chips, and then at the end of the night, we give you back your money. It makes things easier. You'll see."

At the place of chip acquisition, gamblers were turning in stacks of chips and gaining bags of coins, or handing over gold coins in exchange for chips worth 5, 10, and 25 silver. There were also gold chips, but few were buying those. When it was the Professor's turn, he reached into his sleeve and pulled out a five-pound slab of gold, setting it on the counter. "This will do for a start. Gold chips, please. I like their look much better."

The cashier took one look at the slab and yelled out. "Tell Durwood to get his ass out of the buffet and over to my cage. I need an appraisal on raw gold." He turned to the ratkin waiting patiently. "Apologies sir, but I need someone to authenticate the purity of your metal, it will be just a moment."

"Not a problem, and I totally understand. I deal in large amounts of valuable metals and it's always best to agree on the purity of any batch to avoid unpleasantries later."

A rotund dwarf wearing a complex monocle went behind the cage, licked the slab, smelled it, and finally stared at it with one eye. "Nice quality. As close to 14-carat as I have ever smelled. It's got my approval for chips." He looked at the ratkin mage, "Did I hear you say you deal in large amounts of metal? Like this?"

"Yes, I have found many deposits of gold in my travels as well as mines full of Deep Copper, Iron alloys, and rarer metals from the deep caves. I brought gold because the dwarves I have known were always happy when I brought sackfuls of gold ore."

"Very good of you, sir. This does make me happy. Good luck gaming. I'm here all night if you need to cash in more bars."

"Thank you. Very convenient. Now, take me to a table where I can learn this '21' game."

Sassy escorted him to a large table where a dealer and seven people were playing cards. Sassy pointed him to an open seat and waved to the dealer. "Hiya, Dilly. The Professor here is just learning the game." Tallsqueak sat down in the last seat, and neatly stacked his chips in front of him.

Dilly explained the rules. "I'll give you two cards, and you can ask for more. You want to get as close to 21 as you can, but if you go over, you lose. I go last, and when you beat me, you win as much as you bet! Got it? Don't worry, Sassy will help you out with a few hands."

On the first hand, the Professor got a King and an eight. Sassy advised him to hold. Dilly only had 17 and he smiled when his one chip turned to two. "Oh, this game seems easy. I like it. I'm winning already!"

"You sure are Professor! You're a natural."

The next hand didn't go well. The cards were a 2 and a 6. "That's a low number Prof, you want to say 'Hit Me' when Dilly comes to your turn. That gives you another card. You can keep going, but be careful you don't go over." Tallsqueak enthusiastically took another card, a 5, then said "Hit me again, please." Getting a King and going over.

"Oh, I see this game has some strategy to it. But I lost my winnings. I see that mathematically I should now double my bet to regain the last chips?"

Dilly clapped. "You're catching on quickly. That's the way to do it."

Sassy and Dilly watched as the Ratkin played wildly, taking too many cards and breaking often. He began to bet heavily. As his chips went down, he pulled another bar of gold from his sleeve and handed it to Sassy. "Would you be so kind as to bring me more chips? Thank you." The other gamblers laughed and rolled their eyes, the ratkin seemed not to notice, enjoying his plate of snacks from the buffet.

Sassy arrived back at the table quickly with reinforcements, mainly higher-value chips. The Professor thanked her, and bet 100 gold this time. Looking at his cards, he turned over two jacks. "I have noticed that the other gentlemen like to split their doubles. I will do that. He pushed 100 more gold out to cover the second hand and got two more cards. Sassy saw that the first hand was a jack and a six. She groaned as the Professor said, "Hit me." and got a five.

The second hand was a jack and an ace. "How fortuitous. I believe that pays time and a half, as the saying goes."

Dilly had a King and a five, and drew a ten, breaking. She gave the Professor 250 gold. "You're doing great Professor, Sassy may be giving you too many secrets, but it's all fun, right?"

This is fun. "I will bet all 500. It is tedious to restack the chips." This time, Sassy saw the professor draw two fours. "How lucky, I will split these." Dilly was showing a king, and Sassy started to explain the problem with splitting fours, but a look from the dealer silenced her. Tallsqueak pushed forward another 500 gold chips, nearly all he had.

He got a second card and flipped it over, revealing a 3. "Hit me." A ten. "And again, please." A four appeared, totaling 21. He nodded to Dilly and turned to Sassy. "You were right, this is easy." On his second hand, he drew a seven and then a king, another 21. Dilly totalled 20. Everyone lost except the ratkin in the end spot who won a thousand gold.

"Sassy? Could you ask if we can exchange some of our small chips for more 50 and 100 gold piece chips? It's so much easier when you have a lot. And I feel lucky tonight." He pushed them all forward, betting 2000. Sassy returned with the pit boss to find the Professor had won two more hands. Twenty minutes later, after the Professor had won many times and lost very few, Dilly ran out of chips and the Professor had over ten thousand in chips in front of him.

"I think I've figured out this 21 game, Sassy. Perhaps we should move on. Nice to meet you, Dilly. I may return when you have more chips I can win. One of these gentlemen mentioned something called poker and a high-roller's table, let's try that next."