Troubled Youth

It was the next day, after my short talk with Ryoko, when Asami had shown up in my life yet again. 

She had changed much in the years I hadn't seen her. Her hair was longer, reaching down to her back. She'd grown taller, of course. Her skin, so supple and white with a glossiness like she'd just walked out of a shower. She'd become even prettier, I couldn't deny. That aura of purity was the same as ever, though. 

I, however, knew it for the lie it was. And as she stood there with her hands folded behind her back, looking up at me with all the innocence in the world, I felt a wave of....No. I felt nothing, I realized.

I stared down at her for a moment. Past memories washed over me like a tide, but the previous emotions that used to make my throat raw at the thought of her was gone. I knew, then, that she was nothing to me.

There was no point being angry here. There was no need to be nice, either. So I treated her as I did everyone else. I simply let my eyes roam past her and ignored the greeting. 

I took my usual seat in the cafeteria, alone, under the stares of everyone. This wasn't the first time I'd seen Asami today. In fact, I'd come late and missed her introduction. But by the time I did arrive she was still standing in front and turned my way as I walked in. She didn't recognize me at first, but her eyes had lit up. It was a familiar light like she couldn't control herself. I'd seen it often enough to know. My mother, sister, and many others.  The other students in the school knew better than to look at me like that but, being new, she didn't. 

She had been seated behind me and I could feel her gaze at my back all throughout Ryoko's lecture. It was only later that she realized who I was. It wasn't strange she didn't recognize me. I'd changed a lot, too. From my blue-dyed hair to the various ear piercings I'd come to acquire. Not to mention, I probably gave off an even more unfriendly attitude than the last time she saw me. 

I was quiet in junior high, kept to myself but wasn't overly hostile. I suppose I gave off a more unapproachable aura than my younger years. Which, along with the rumors, meant I wasn't bothered overmuch and that's how I liked it. Being fucked over a few too many times made you very appreciative your own company. 

She did eventually realize who I was. She must've thought that gave her the right to say hi? After the shit she pulled back then, she should know it didn't. What did irritate me is how she did it, like she was meeting an old friend. Given my reputation, the spectators must be curious. Asami had become very popular in the very short time she'd been here. Just a few hours into her arrival and she already had everyone's attention. 

They had to be wondering why a girl like her would be talking to the resident pariah as if we were past friends reuniting.  I can't blame them, but I didn't want to be their entertainment either. 

Hence, my lack of reply. 

I focused on the food in front of me instead. Apparently, Asami didn't take the hint. She was at my side in moments. 

"Uh, you are Shuu, right?" She offered a tentative smile. "Maybe you don't remember me? It's Asami." 

Fuck. Why is she talking to me? No, I knew why. I didn't have to like it, and I never had before, but I didn't understand. 

"I know damn well who you are, Asami." I couldn't exactly forget the "friend" who'd accused me of molestation to save her shitty boyfriend's reputation, now could I? One person accusing me might be a liar, but two and it just reinforced what everyone already believed. 

Hell, even the teachers looked at me like I was utter garbage back then. The lack of evidence really was the only thing that kept me from being kicked out, but that didn't mean shit. I'd become the target of every self-righteous asshole who thought to teach the local pervert a lesson. I could handle my own, but 1 against 3 is never an ideal situation.

Came back in bruises and cuts nearly every fucking day, and it didn't really stop with time. I just learned how to fight better. Learned how to nurse my wounds, too. I'd be damned if I let that bitch touch me more than she had to. 

At my response, Asami turned excited. "So it is 

you, Shuu! I thought so, but you didn't say anything when I called out. How have you been?" She took a seat across from me. I caught the scent of something sickeningly sweet. What was that? Maple? 

My nose scrunched up on reflex. 

"Asami, look," I started. "We aren't friends. We won't become friends. I won't get all pissy over our past, but don't bother me. I'm not interested." My hands itched for a smoke. The motions of lighting and holding it were as addictive and habitual as the nicotine itself, somehow. And right now, I could really go for one. 

I might not hate Asami like I used to, but the way she looked at me was unpleasant. I should be used to it by now, honestly. I really had no excuse not to be, all things considered. Still, it wasn't something i enjoyed.

Her smile faltered. She cut a glance to the surrounding eyes and lowered her voice. "Fine. I know you aren't willing to talk to me right now, Shuu. And I'll respect that," She paused, hesitating. "But everyone deserves a second chance, right?" The silence dragged on as I didn't answer. 

But a second chance? Maybe there was a time for that, but she didn't think to apologize when I was getting my head bashed in on a daily basis because of her and her rotten boyfriend's lies. Now she suddenly shows up out of the blue, and the first thing she says is "I want another chance"? 

I could've been persuaded if she hadn't come here with that chipper attitude expecting me to answer back like all that shit between us hadn't happened. Not now. If she really cared about fixing our relationship, she'd have approached me slowly and earnestly, with the understanding that she made a total bitch move back then. Not like this.

I could only roll my eyes at her 'sincerity'. "Christ, Asami, really?" I shook my head in wonder. "No. Second chances are a privilege, not a right, and you've done fuck all to deserve it." I couldn't hide the edge in my tone. "Ask me again after you've kissed my ass till my cheeks turn red and raw. Then I'll entertain the idea."

To my surprise, she nodded and rose from her seat. "Alright. If that's what I have to do, then I will. I'll show you, Shuu. I'm not the same girl I was back then." 

Yeah, and every time I believe someone isn't who they already proved they are, I get fucked over.

To begin with, why did this even matter to her so much? She could've pretended to not know me, but she didn't. What was it, guilt? Now? Whatever the case, expecting good things from people hadn't worked out well for me before. No reason it should now. If anything, the only reason she even wanted to fix our relationship is because she liked my face. 

A few days of everyone and their mother telling her about what a rat bastard I am should fix that. I wondered which rumors she'll hear first. How I left a girl a single mother? Maybe she'd hear I was a gang member, or that I kick animals to death for fun. 

Perhaps she'd be regaled with tales about how I ran a prostitution ring using children sold by their parents in exchange for drugs. Who knew? They had gotten pretty absurd. 

I didn't bother to guess too much.