Chapter 16.1: A moment of pain
Zeke took a deep breath and ignored the stinging in his chest in favor of doing what he was told. As soon as he started, the mirrors around the circle began to glow with an even brighter light. The light beams were unobstructed as they passed through his skin. This didn’t mean the process was painless, however.
It felt like a sharp knife was carving away at his heart. Still, the episodic spikes of agony over the last weeks had hardened him sufficiently to be able to endure it. Zeke gritted his teeth and focused on casting his magic. He used the spell in various ways, cycling between all he had practiced.
Meanwhile, Maximilian fiddled with the controls, adjusting dials and pressing buttons as he worked. Zeke watched him with a mix of fascination and anxiety, wondering if there was a problem.
After what felt like an eternity, Maximilian finally nodded in satisfaction and gave Zeke the ok sign. “Everything is in order. How are you holding up, my boy?”
“Can barely feel it,” Zeke said through gritted teeth. He even managed to contort his lips into the approximation of a smile.
“Look at this kid,” Maximilian said with a chuckle. “But you’d do well to preserve your strength. It only gets worse from here on. If you can’t endure it anymore, you should quit. I highly doubt that you will be able to exhaust a perfect blood core anyway.”
Zeke agreed with a nod, but in truth, he had no intention of stopping before he had exhausted his core completely. He would never forgive himself for surrendering to the pain now, only to pay the consequences for the rest of his life. He had spent enough time being powerless, being at the mercy of others. Zeke would endure whatever was necessary to never end up in such a state again. With his determination made up, he focused solely on his spellcasting.
Maximilian’s prediction was soon proven correct as the pain intensified every couple of minutes. Zeke couldn’t be sure, but to him, it felt like the carving inside his core was getting deeper and more intricate. Like an artist adding extra lines and additional flourishes to his work.
After half an hour had passed, the pain had reached a peak. The boisterous attitude and fake smile had long since left Zeke’s face. He was grinding his teeth and staring straight ahead, barely able to stay seated upright.
“You just passed the first stage,” Maximilian praised. “This is about how long the more talented youngsters are expected to hold out for.”Zeke laboriously raised his head and focused his eyes. He didn’t verbally request it, but Maximilian continued his explanation anyway.
“The process of Spell Engraving has been researched extensively,” Maximilian said. “As you can probably imagine, getting a satisfactory result in this first step on the path to becoming a Mage is essential for long-term growth. It is even hypothesized…”
Maximilian cut himself off as he saw Zeke struggling not to roll his eyes. With a cough, he continued his original point. “Anyway, that’s not important right now. What the research shows is that there are three stages to the engraving process:
“The first 30 minutes are what we call the basic engraving phase. During this time, the regular spell functionality is getting carved into your core. A lot of people consider this to be the most important part of the Ritual, as it will allow you to use the spell faster and more efficiently. During this phase, it will feel like somebody is using a rusty knife on your innards.”
Zeke nodded his head jerkily at the description, this was exactly how he had felt since the start of the Ritual. It had not been a pleasant experience. The pain had subsided for the moment and he was curious to learn what he had to contend with next.
“The next 30 minutes are called the instinctive engraving phase. Only a select few ever make it this far. In this phase, your core gets linked with your nervous system. This will allow you to use your spell without any conscious thought. This phenomenon can manifest itself in different forms. For example, If you were to engrave a movement spell, it is very possible that you will use it automatically when dodging. The results get better the longer you hold on. In my opinion, this is an often underestimated aspect of Spell engraving. I personally made it to the middle of this phase with both of my affinities and I have profited immensely over the years. However…”
Maximilian gave Zeke a pitting look. The boy had begun to spasm a moment ago. It had started out like a nervous tick in his face but had slowly spread to encompass his entire body. His twitching and spasming limbs might have looked comical were it not for the expression of agony on Zeke’s face.
“…it will feel like a fiery venom seeping into your every pore,” Maximilian finished his earlier sentence. “Let me tell you, my boy, this was the first and only time I was glad to only have a greater affinity. I can’t describe with mere words the elation I felt when my core started to crack and I was forced to quit. After getting halfway through this phase, I could barely hold on anymore.”
“…” Zeke had to clear his throat twice in order to get his voice to carry. “What… comes… after?”
“After?” Maximilian was taken aback by the strong interest he could see in the boy’s eyes. “Well, I might as well tell you. The last 30 minutes are known as the soul-binding phase. However, the effects of this phase are not well known, in fact, we only know two things for certain. First, this phase will influence how drastic your core will change after your advancement. However, it is currently unknown what sort of benefits this carries, if any. The second thing we know… is that it will be substantially more painful than the other two phases. It is not a pain of the flesh but of the soul. There aren’t many people who can endure that.”
“…After… that?” Zeke managed to force out through gritted teeth. Maximilian gave him a concerned look.
“Listen, Zeke, you really don’t have to push yourself that hard. The fact that you have a perfect affinity is irrelevant — just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. The pain during the soul-binding phase is not something I would wish upon my worst enemy. Almost none of the kids who made it that far ever talk about it. It’s a very traumatic experience.”
Zeke didn’t respond, but the fire in his gaze remained unwavering. He locked eyes with his mentor, urging him to answer through a display of determination. The two continued their silent confrontation until the old man finally relented.
“Fine! This way, you’ll at least be able to make an informed decision,” Maximilian eventually said with a sigh. “After the three phases, there is supposedly one more stage without a time limit. It is said that all three previous aspects of the spell engraving are being strengthened during that phase. However, you should take this with a grain of salt. We only even know this much from old texts, so I can’t make any guarantees. I’ve never even heard of anybody who made it past soul-binding.”
Zeke nodded with great effort, indicating that he had heard. The fact that there was no known upper limit was a bit unnerving. It meant that he would either have to either surrender or endure until his core was exhausted, there was no finishing line.
Time passed at a crawling pace. Zeke had made it halfway through the instinctive engraving phase. He now completely understood what Maximilian had been talking about. The spasming of his muscles was accompanied by a jolt that set his nerves on fire. The old man had described it as the same feeling as getting hit by lightning magic. If this was what that felt like, then he never wanted to face a Lightning Mage.
The only bit of respite had come from the discovery that the pain was more tolerable when he relaxed. For a normal person, It would be almost impossible to fight the natural instinct to clench one’s muscles while being in this much pain. However, Zeke’s [Perfect Body Control] gave him unparalleled control. Mustering all his will, he managed to endure.
“That’s another thirty minutes,” Maximilian announced. “You are about to enter the soul-binding phase. Remember, we don’t even know if there are any benefits from this. You don’t have to push yourself, ok?”
Zeke didn’t respond. He couldn’t waste this brief respite. He steeled his mind, this last phase had taken a lot out of him. He didn’t know how long he could endure if the next phase actually was as terrifying as Maximilian had described it. Zeke took one last deep breath, relishing the few seconds between phases that were his only reprieve from the pain.
Without any warning, Zeke jolted. The next phase had begun. It didn’t feel like anything Zeke had ever experienced. The sensation was difficult to describe. It felt like a mix of physical and emotional pain. There were no words for this kind of sensation. To Zeke, it felt like his inner self was under attack — like everything that brought him any kind of happiness was ripped away from him in the most brutal manner.
However, The agony was not the only troubling part. It felt to Zeke like he would not be the same person anymore when he emerged on the other side. Even so, he endured. He pressed his eyes shut and focused solely on his spell. Even with his [Perfect Body Control], Zeke couldn’t keep himself from shuddering under the misery of the soul-binding that ravaged his entire being.
After an eternity of suffering, Zeke cracked open a single eye to risk a glance at the time-measuring device. Surely, he was almost done with this phase by now. He struggled to focus his blurry vision, a task made more difficult by his shaking body. Finally, he could make out the outline of the hourglass. He followed the trickle of sand to the upper receptacle. His stomach turned at what he found. His eyes traced the trail of grains to the lower part, only to recoil at what he found.
The few grains that had passed to the lower half of the hourglass had barely started to form a pile. His hours of torture had only amounted to a scant few moments in the real world. At this realization, deep despair gripped Zeke’s heart. The worst thing was that he couldn’t even tell if it was a genuine reaction or just the Ritual stealing his last bit of hope.
This was not the kind of pain a human was supposed to endure, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could take it. The only thing that kept him sane during this time was a seed of truth he desperately clung to. Maximilian’s words repeated themself over and over in his head. “Sometimes, a moment of pain in the present can save you from a lifetime of suffering.”
He clung to this mantra like a drowning man to a piece of driftwood as the storm raged around him. One agonizing second after another, from one moment to the next, he endured. He didn’t even hear Maximilian call out to him an eternity later.
“Boy… you made it through,” the old man said. Despite the good news, there was no joy on his face, only worry. Maximilian watched as a barely conscious Zeke, struggled to stay upright. If he couldn’t feel the slight flow of Mana coming from the boy, Maximilian would have been convinced he was out cold.
Another hour passed, as Zeke continued. There was absolute silence in the room, not even the sound of breathing could be heard from either of the two occupants. Zeke seemed little more than a corpse at this point. His eyes had started to leak blood, two crimson trails now outlined his immature features. There was blood coming out of his ears and nose as well. Zeke had stopped shaking a while ago.
Maximilian had never seen anything like the scene he was witnessing right now. He had no idea how to handle the situation at this point. Should he intervene? But what right did he even have to do so? It was common knowledge that the Ritual was perfectly safe, after all. In all of recorded history, there had never been a single case of anybody coming to serious harm.
On the other hand, he had never heard of anybody surpassing the soul-binding phase by more than an hour. And why would they? Who would ever go through this inhuman torture for an uncertain reward? The nebulous result of their research didn’t even pinpoint a single concrete benefit. Maximilian could scarcely imagine the kind of a lunatic that would accept such a deal… except for the boy in front of him.
Maximilian could hardly believe that this was the same person who had wanted to quit after only a single day of intense training. Clearly, something had changed in him after that day. There had never been another instance where he had given anything less than 110% effort. But his display today took that trend to another level entirely. The old man’s musings were interrupted when he heard a quiet murmur.
He looked up to find Zeke in the same position as before, but his lips were moving. He couldn’t make out what Zeke was saying, but the whispering had undoubtedly come from him. He couldn’t ignore this, it might be a cry for help. Maximilian tried to get as close as possible without disturbing the ceremony. After another step, he was almost able to make out the words. "A...pain... -time... ength".
Worried for his student’s safety, Maximilian extended his head as far into the circle as he dared. His ear was now only an arm’s length from the boy’s mouth. Finally, he could make out what he was whispering.
"…A moment of pain for a lifetime of strength…"
Maximilian's heart clenched when he heard the words his student was whispering. Zeke repeated the phrase over and over again, his hoarse throat barely able to produce a whisper. Maximilian realized that he was responsible for the misery Zeke was going through, his own philosophy had spurred him to such recklessness.
The old man took a step back and watched Zeke with a mixture of pride and guilt. All the levity had long since left his face, and he just continued to look at the young man in front of him. What had he gotten himself into by adopting such a kid? With a slight smile on his face, Maximilian continued his silent vigil, determined to watch over Zeke for however long the process would take.
Shortly After the third hour had passed, the lights from the mirrors suddenly flashed, before winking out completely. Maximilian eyes widened, he had never heard of this happening. It was common knowledge that there was no ‘end’ to the Ritual. It lasted for as long as the person could endure, not until it was done.
However, Maximilian couldn’t dwell on the issue for long. His gaze remained locked onto Zeke, who had remained unmoving. The boy’s eyes had remained shut. Not even the rising and falling of his chest was noticeable. The old man’s breath stopped. He didn't dare move.
After what felt like forever, Zeke's eyelashes fluttered a little and he opened his eyes. He looked at Maximilian and a weak smile appeared on his blood-smeared face. He only managed to say a single sentence before collapsing on the spot. "Didn’t let you down."
Maximilian rushed to Zeke's side, relieved that this was finally over. His emotions were a whirlwind. The old man had not felt anything the like in centuries. He didn’t even have the words to describe what he was feeling right now.
“Rest now,” was all he managed — all he trusted himself to say.
Zeke closed his eyes, too exhausted to even nod. Maximilian picked him up and carried him out of the chamber, determined to get him the care he needed.