Tricked Into A NewLife, God Must Be Screwing With Me!

 

Sitri, 345 Years Old, Third Month of 948

“Oh come now Lord Dominic, don’t be like that…” My tone had just the right amount of whiny pout to tug at the boy’s heartstrings. I had been working him over for a month now, under the guise of Irtis von Asmo. To be honest, the fact that he never figured me out was absolutely hilarious. My pseudonym was literally my own name backward after all, and Asmo was just short for my patron Asmodea.

But Dominic was a moron. To be completely honest, the fact that he had access to a demon's abilities was ridiculous. It was insulting. Demons, particularly of the Lust and Pride families prided ourselves on our conniving and scheming. Then again, he was sired by the King of Wrath, so a bit of stupidity and blockheadedness is understandable… but really, how can someone possibly be this dense?

Clinging to his arm and making sure to ever so slightly push my chest into it, I cooed into his ear, “You know what you have to do, just show her how strong you have gotten.”

“…But she was able to beat me so easily last time.”

Ugh. This is what I hate about guys like you! Things would be so much easier if I could just charm him, but his half-demon blood made him extremely resistant to that.

“Come on Dominiiiccc…” Batting my eyelashes, I gave a short pause, “You know better than that! It was just her level was higher than yours! With the stuff your father gave you, you’ll do fine!”

“You really think so?”

“I do!”

“Alright… If you say so, I’ll try.” Fucking finally! The fact that I couldn’t just go myself made this exceptionally difficult. For whatever reason, Satan seemed adamant that Dominic be involved in the plan. If all he wanted was for her to despair, then he should be able to manage things just fine without this oaf. Frankly, I saw the whole thing as a liability.

No matter, my job here is just about done. Now, I just have to support Dominic in removing the guards, and then deal with the forces being sent to arrest Count Francois. The fact that I had to deal with them was oddly infuriating. After all, if Satan got serious then all of this bullshit would be resolved. Not that I dared point that out, Asmodea wasn’t here to protect me after all. Provisionally, Wrath wasn’t supposed to hurt me, but he could get… unpredictable when he was angered.

“Should I go with you…? I can help with the guards, that way you can save yourself for Lady Stahlia.”

Dominic looked thoughtful for a moment, “Sure, that would be a big help… Do you know where she is then?”

“Ah… Don’t get angry alright?” I waited for him to nod before continuing, “She’s probably at the Claurence Estate. The duke announced that they would shelter her after the knights got her back from her kidnappers…”

I could feel Dominic’s shoulders shaking with rage at my proclamation, but he did his best to suppress that. In a way, it was kind of cute, “That… that makes sense. I can work with that.”

Oh? Better make sure you aren’t going to go and fuck things up. “…What are you planning?”

Dominic grinned, “Well, Stahlia’s friends with Edith right? Edith is one of the girl’s under my sway. Imagine how much it would mess her up if I had Edith be the one to set up a meeting for me?”

That’s… that’s actually pretty good. Even if she knows about the charm, being betrayed by her friend like that should really push her towards having a mental breakdown… if it wasn’t for her skill.

“That’s a great idea! Though what about Sarala? You know she’s resistant to you.”

He nodded thoughtfully, “That’s true. You said she was a spirit right? Well if we seal her mana that should take care of herself.”

How can you be so self-assured!? ‘Oh, seal a spirit’s mana! It’ll be easy!’ You’re damn lucky she’s so young, otherwise that would never work. Not with your abilities anyway.

“Oh! I have just the thing for that!” I swiped my hand through the air next to me and cut a hole in space. Reaching into it, I pulled out a dagger made of mythril. It had similar mana sealing abilities to the bracelet that Satan had given to him during one of their many “talks”. Granted, there was no way ordinary mythril would be able to hold a spirit at bay. Even one as weak as Sarala.

“Oh! A mana sealing dagger? That will do nicely.” But of course, Dominic was too self-assured to realize that. At this point, I didn’t even have to hide my advanced magic and skills from the dense imbecile. It’s amazing how far a little flattery will get you with some otherworlders. If only Stahlia was so easy, we wouldn’t be having this issue in the first place.

“Yea! This should make that girl easy to deal with!”

Dominic planned things quickly, and the next evening I found myself sneaking into the Claurence Estate. Well, sneaking was probably the wrong word. I sort of just walked in. After all, Drakas was quite sexist and all of the high-level knights tended to be male. In theory, the naturally higher strength score made that make sense, but in practice it was easy to exploit.

“Oh, aren’t you handsome?~” Well, maybe not easy. After all, not many ladies had such well-developed charm abilities as I did. Being one of Asmodea’s original followers, my [Succubus Eye] had maxed out some time ago and derived an even stronger charm eye, [Geass Binding Gaze]. Though, the usage was a bit more limited than my basic racial skill. As far as I was aware, only the [Monarch of Lust] skill had stronger charming abilities.

All I had to do was flash a flirtatious smile and say something seductive and even the most stalwart knight would be like putty in my hands. Unless they were under powerful protection. In which case I could always just kill them. Very few people would then be able to stand up to me in that respect. A normal Succubus would be another story, but not one as old as me.

“Dominic! That’s the last of the guards!~” Calling out in a cheery voice, the boy in question came around the corner sporting a grimace.

“Must you be so loud? Those two will hear you for sure.”

“It doesn’t matter, come on and take care of Sarala.”

Dominic shrugged and pushed the door open. Heading into the room, I heard a scream and a shuffle. Then a grunt and the smell of a spirit’s mana. Yea, I figured that room would be pretty sound-proofed. Nobles love their comfort after all. If not for the open door, I wouldn’t have heard the sounds from inside.

“You guys, would you head to the Francois Estate? I’ve got some friends there and some bad men are coming to hurt them…” Making my eyes tear up and adopting a desperate expression worked wonders, and the charmed knights practically fell over each other to hurry out and help my supposed friends. Strictly speaking, I didn’t have to talk like that, but being sweet would amplify the spell so it was worth it. Barely.

Sticking my head inside the room, I saw that Dominic had Edith stuffing Sarala out of sight. The cruelty was honestly breathtaking, making her best friend be the one to hide the evidence was… inspired. Too bad there’s almost no way you survive this. I honestly couldn’t see a scenario where Stahlia didn’t beat this oaf. Even with how questionable the rest of his plan was, Five still seemed to be in agreement with me on that. After all, he was planning on moving in himself with that brat Ros… something.

“Dominic~ I’ve got some business to take care of, will you be alright here?”

Dominic frowned, “Actually, Stahlia has her own knights, do you think you could deal with them as well?”

“Ah! How could I forget that!? I should have enough time before my other engagement… Just for you though, ok?” I turned around and left the room. Slipping into a side passage, I settled in to wait. The trick had been to make Dominic think that dealing with the knights was his own idea. It would help with his confidence for what was about to happen.

A short while later, Edith’s maid headed out and returned to deliver the cat. She departed again soon after, heading for the entryway. Stahlia would be arriving soon if the timing of everything was accurate. Sure enough, not even ten minutes later the star of the show headed down the hallway towards Edith’s rooms. She was accompanied by four middle-aged male knights, and if Satan’s report on them was accurate, they were hovering around level 60.

I watched as they followed Stahlia into the room, then about a second later they came back out, but left the door open. Even for me, charming four knights without them being able to sound off an alarm would be a tall order. It only worked once a day, but I did have a skill that would do the trick here. I confidently stepped out from my hiding place and revealed myself to the four men while activating my [Captivating Mirage].

I felt my magic drawing on the men’s subconscious and influencing their minds. [Captivating Mirage] was an extremely potent piece of magic; drawing on a target’s desires, it caused their perceptions to twist. In short, each of the four men now perceived me as the embodiment of their lustful desires. Combined with [Succubus Eye], I didn’t need to say a word to bring them fully under my finger.

This is the difference between a real Demon of Lust and a damn half-breed! Presentation! Striking a pose to compliment my reference, I called out sweetly, “Aallll dooonnneeee! These guys were kinda strong huh?”

Now that Stahlia knew she was screwed and help wasn’t coming, it was time for me to leave. Poking my head inside the door, I saw Dominic holding a knife to the cat’s throat while Stahlia cowered in front of him, “Well then Domi, you good here? I’ve got another date lined up for me and my new toys.”

Nodding confidently, Dominic grinned, “Yea, I’ll be fine Irtis, you can go deal with the group father said is coming to the manor.”

“Good, don’t fuck up this time. You wouldn’t want to make Nikki mad again, now would you?” Having said my piece, I departed. Do your best and die well, you shitty bastard. I would be lying if I said I was going to miss dealing with Dominic. By far this had been one of the most annoying assignments I had ever been given. I even got her to activate the skill ahead of schedule, but somehow Satan still blamed me for everything! Whatever. Once I clean up the loose ends I can leave this shitty country and go play with Asmodea.

My knights were strong, but they were still human, it took a while for them to reach the manor. Well, we could have gone faster, but I didn’t want to tire them out. After all, according to Wrath there would be a rather interesting playmate waiting at our destination. Not many humans managed to reach the pinnacle, so I was quite excited to meet this “One” person.

Arriving on the scene, I saw that most of the knights I had already sent over had been incapacitated. Not killed, knocked out. Well, they clearly know that they’ve been charmed. That was annoying; I was hoping to be able to do some psychological damage by appearing and revealing that their comrades had been controlled. Oh well, may as well make my entrance~

“Halloo!” Jumping into the middle of the group, I punched the first knight’s head clean off. I was not planning on charming anyone except that “One” person. Spinning about, I kicked another in the dick. Oh! Were those his testicles in his mouth just now? How exciting!

“You! Demon, cease this!”

“Eheh! Make me!~”

One spinning kick to the gut later, and I proved that a knight was a quantity evenly divisible by two. My four elite knights had moved in and were dueling some of the other forces. Unfortunately, the fighting seemed to be quite even. Granted, it took three of the opposing fighters to contend with one of my playthings, but it was still enough to lock them down.

“Haah… humans are so wea-”

I found myself looking up at the sky as I sailed through the air, a blindingly white pain radiating from my ribs. Time seemed to slow as I wrapped a mana barrier around my back to cushion my inevitable impact with the ground. Bouncing twice, I did a quick twist to land on my feet. At least one broken rib, so that would be this “One” then.

Making a V sign with one hand, I put the other on my hip while pushing out my chest, “Stuck the landing, how many points, coach?”

“Return our men to their senses and surrender. I would rather not harm such a lovely face.” His tone was incredibly strict and uncompromising. Ugh, one of these ones huh? Man, I hate this type!

“Sure thing! Hey Peter, come here real quick!”

One of the four elite knights came over at my call, “Yes Katy? What can I do for you?”

I looked up at him and bat my eyelashes, “That meanie broke my ribs! Can you believe it!? Won’t you give me a kiss and make it better?”

The toy’s face contorted with rage, and he glared at One, “You’ll pay for hurting my Katelin!”

Leaning over, he lifted his visor and puckered his lips. Seizing the opportunity, I employed my [Essence Absorption] and sucked up the man’s life force. When I was finished, my mana had been restored, my ribs had healed, and my fatigue had been alleviated. Peter, on the other hand, was dead and shriveled up like a mummy.

“Ahhh, man, I really don’t like feeding with those lips~ If you catch my drift...” I narrowed my eyes and dropped all pretenses of my cutesy façade, “This is a fucking war. I’m a demon. You don’t want to hurt my pretty face? Ha! Give me a fucking break and pull that stick out of your ass!”

One had closed his eyes and was quietly shaking with anger. Let’s push him a bit further, should make things more entertaining. “You know that name he called me? Katy? That was his childhood sweetheart. She died in a goblin raid twenty years ago! My charm made him think I was the love of his life finally come back!”

“Enough.”

Ignoring One, I continued, “You’re going to blame anyone, blame yourself. Tell you what, if you agree to take their places, I’ll free the other three. Sound good? Of course, they’ll never recover mentally once I remove the charm… I had to be a bit rough when I applied it, sorry about that!~”

One’s quivering stopped and he exhaled his pent-up breath, “Swear it on your master’s name.”

“I swear on the name of the Second Seat, Queen of Lust Asmodea. Those three men have been mind fucked beyond repair!” Now, him and his men would feel despair and their morale would crumble. Or at least, that was what should have happened.

“Understood. Men! You heard the demon! Benji, Gerda, Jethro, Thank you for your service.” One had fixed his gaze on me. Rather than being filled with rage and hatred, his eyes held a calm indifference and a firm resolve. His commanding presence rallied his men, and together they stopped holding back against my pawns.

The three remaining toys were broken rather quickly, and before I knew it I was on my own. So these men were pretty damn elite themselves… No wonder they were able to incapacitate the first group. Well, it was a setback, but not a major one. All this meant was that I would have to take things seriously.

Wrapping myself up in mana, I ensured that it would not be so easy to break my ribs or otherwise injure me again. Then, I took a deep breath and jumped forward toward the three knights that had broken my Benji. Upon my arrival, I sank my fist into the chest of one and crushed his heart. Throwing a side-kick around, I enhanced my leg strength and kicked a chunk out of the side of another. The third I hit with a full blast of [Geass Binding Gaze]. The sheer force of my mana slamming into him liquified his ego and left him a gibbering wreck.

“Throw yourself at… that one.”

Picking a knight at random, I told my gibbering pet to go get itself killed and turned my attention to One. My little display had made it abundantly clear that he was the only one here who stood any chance of harming me.

“Oh coach, I’ve been a bad girl~”

One simply rotated his shoulders and gripped the hilt of his sword, “Well, then I will have to punish you. Gods give me strength.”

“What!?” I stared at him mouth agape as the light of a miracle descended from the heavens. Are you kidding? That qualified as a prayer!? There were only three real threats to a demon of my level. The first was a Champion channeling their Divine Element into their attacks. The Second was another demon of equal or greater strength. The third was a combatant of sufficient strength further blessed by a miracle.

That third thing was the rarest, but that’s what I was looking at now. Well, shit just got real. Jumping back several meters, I adopted a defensive posture while I sized up my opponent.

That isn’t Shadow Blade Style, or Drakan Style… Who in the world is this guy! Unfortunately, I was not going to get an answer.

Suddenly, a massive force of magic power slammed into me and blew away my own mana barriers as if they were simply chaff. Turning to face the arrival of divine fury, I saw none other than Stahlia.

“How, how did you!? WHAT!?”

She did not deem my confusion worth an answer and simply stepped toward me. In an ironic reversal of our first encounter, I was utterly unable to follow her movements. Before I knew it, she had gripped my head in her hand. My eyes widened in fear, fear that she was about to dispatch me with a quick squeeze. I don’t want to go back to the Nine Hells!

Maybe she read my mind. Maybe it didn’t matter in the first place. Stahlia had something far more damning in mind than that.

{INVOKE AUTHORITY, LOCK CLASSES, RESTRICT ATTRIB-}

Stahlia’s grip loosened, and her arm fell to her side. Her eyes adopted a glazed-over expression and a moment later she collapsed like a puppet with its strings cut. That didn’t matter much though, the damage was already done. A pain that was far greater than anything I had ever felt wracked throughout my body. It was worse than that time I had my nervous system surgically removed and dipped in boiling oil.

It hurt so much that I couldn’t cry out to express my pain. All I could think about was getting away. Somehow, I managed to run. I ran, and ran, and ran. The only thing I could think of was escaping the pain that was flaying my very soul.

★★★★★★

A White Void

The girl jolted upright screaming in agony, “ARGH!!!”

The usual sensation of falling having been overridden with the pain of having tens of thousands, nay, millions of experience points and soul potential separated from her being. Not her own of course, but that of Sitri, the Fifth Sin of Lust. Original Sins were the first demonic followers of the Hell Kings. They were the oldest demons, and thus the ones with the greatest strength.

To have that strength sealed away would be traumatic, to say the least. Clutching at her chest, the girl began to calm down. Her lungs heaving for air as sweat soaked through the dress where it clung to her back. Ever so slowly, she began to check herself over, confirming that she was alive. Though the memory of pain was still fresh in her mind, and she could not help wincing as her raw nerves protested.

“W-why, why did you make me see that?” The girl’s voice was shaky and halting as she asked the androgynous figure.

The figure shrugged, “I thought it pertinent to demonstrate the consequences of your actions.”

The girl grimaced but fell silent as she finished catching her breath. Once her heart had slowed, she meekly asked a small favor, “Could you, could you please fix my clothes. It feels gross.”

The figure shrugged, but by the time their shoulders had lowered, the girl’s dress had been dried. Or perhaps replaced with a fresh one, she could not tell. Either way, it was no longer soaked in sweat.

“Thank you… Did she die? I can’t imagine living after experiencing that.”

The androgynous one shut their eyes and thought for a moment, “Well, I usually don’t give out spoilers, but since you were so understanding, I’ll tell you that she survived. Though, Sitri may have died… it’s complicated.”

Their response caused the girl to raise an eyebrow, “What do you mean? How would it be a spoiler? I’m dead. I don’t intend on sending Rupert any more messages either, and you could stop me if you wanted anyway.”

The figure cocked their head, “You’re dead? Who decided that?”

“Uh… the part where I wound up here, isn’t this just a buffer zone before you send me on my way?”

The figure grinned at the confusion in her voice, “Well, that is one possible outcome. You could always go back instead.”

The girl crossed her arms, “Go back? No. There would be no point. Jacqueline and Rosial are dead. Rupert will take care of Felicity; he owes me that much for dealing with Five. No, I don’t have any reason to buy my way back.”

“Buy your way back? I’m hurt! Granted, it wouldn’t be free, but it would hardly cost you much. Most of the fee has already been paid after all.”

The girl frowned, “What do you mean, most of the fee has been paid?”

“Well, dear Rupert has already repaired your body, though it was quite expensive. All we have to do is pop your soul back in, and reconnect you to the system of course.”

His tone was assured, and the girl had no reason to doubt the boy’s words, but that did not make them east to accept, “Rupert repaired my body? How? Don’t tell me he had something like a Goddess’ Draught!?”

The figure shook their head, “No, he had that apprentice priestess pray for a miracle, one which I granted. Of course, with your soul stuck here, your present state is that of lying in a coma… Though for you that shouldn’t be too far outside the norm.”

Cackling a bit at their own joke, the figure quieted down, “Though I feel a bit bad for Sana. Getting a miracle from a higher god is a bit taxing…”

“What did you do!?” The girl leaped from her chair and lunged at the figure, but with a snap of their fingers, she found herself seated again. Though she tried to jump up once more she found herself unable, as though a large weight was pressing down, holding her in place.

“Calm yourself. Nothing permanent; she will simply find it harder to reach out to lesser gods for a few years is all. Still, for someone with nothing to return to, you sure seemed to care about Sana an awful lot… what about Edith and Sarala? Surely you miss them.”

She could tell that this figure was trying to tempt her. Sure, it might say that the price of going back had already been mostly paid, but the devil was in the details. Mostly was not completely, and there was no telling how wildly a god’s definition of “small” differed from her own. She already owed this figure two “small” favors, and she did not want to make it a third.

“…I have no desire to return.” That was a lie, she wanted to go back quite a bit now that she had thought about the people she still had. Jacqueline and Rosial may be dead, but Sana, Sarala, Edith, Rosin, her mother and father, Ruper, Gustav, the number of people she would be leaving behind was large.

The figure grinned, as it stood now it was apparent that the girl needed only one more push before she would be ready to negotiate, “Then, shall we continue?”

Clapping their hands, the phone again lit up. Light shot into the air and formed a picture. As the image coalesced, the girl let out a gasp, “Ahh… No… Anyone but her…”

She fell back into her seat defeated, even as her mind and vision faded. Sucked into the picture that depicted Rosial von Ris, sitting at the foot of a bed in which lay the comatose body of her elder sister. In a bed by her side and wrapped in bandages from head to toe, the shattered body of a woman. With blonde hair and blue eyes, a torn maid uniform was folded and resting on her bedside table.