Transformation or Death

Chapter 18 – 

People Consumed by the Past

It was a faint suspicion.  

Just that the disguise appearance of that villain and Han Jae-jung’s clothes seen at the hospital were the same.  

The silhouette was too similar to Han Jae-jung’s physique seen today.  

Not enough to be certain, but enough evidence to be suspicious.

Combined with what was said at the hospital, it made quite sense.  

Memory loss.  

When he saw Pink Deneb, he was flustered mentioning the magical girl’s name first. 

As if he really did not meet her for the first time, as if he shouldn’t meet her.

When he saw Blue Sirius, he did call out the name first but immediately acted indifferently and said he didn’t know her.  

It sounded like too obvious a lie, but if that was really the truth.  

The conclusion could be reached that Han Jae-jung had become a villain .   

That transformed appearance being the villain of the Big Dipper.

“Eh, no way… There’s no such nonsense…” Deneb muttered. It couldn’t be. He’s someone who should live happily. He can’t have become a villain now.  

It’s a terrible imagination, a persecutory delusion.  

An exaggerated suspicion arising from seeing his pitiful appearance today.

But….

“Damn it.”

“Sister…? Sister, where are you going?”

Deneb got up from her seat and headed outside. 

Making quite irritable footsteps pounding the floor, holding a mascot doll in her hand that resembled a parrot puffball.

[Hey you bitch… cough… cough… watch your mouth…!]

“It can’t be…”

[You bitch! Get a grip!]

Slap!

The mascot that slipped out of her grip slapped her cheek. It didn’t hurt. But it was unpleasant.

“…Shit.”

[Don’t just curse, do shit!]

“You’re doing it too.”

[Ugh, ahem. Never mind that. Guardian, stay calm. You must stay calm especially at times like this. No matter how much Han Jae-jung was the brother you believed in and your first love….]

“Sh, shut up! It wasn’t to that extent, you jerk!”

She strongly denied it being true.  

She could certainly assert that while she had affection for him, it wasn’t in a romantic sense.

“Anyway… Yeah. I need to stay calm.”

[Are you going to transform right now?]  

That was originally her intention.

She jumped out of her seat with the thought of immediately finding that villain and interrogating it.

Without any restraint, wanting to escape from this unpleasant delusion.

But as the mascot said, she needed to be a bit calm now.  

She was not in a state where her thoughts were functioning properly, easily jumping to conclusions from small clues.

Her head was even dizzy from the alcohol.

One must be level-headed when having suspicions. It’s not just any other matter, but one involving a villain.  

In other words, the moment one becomes a villain, it’s no different from being issued a legal death sentence. To turn such a suspicion into certainty, one cannot rely on mere delusions.  

Evidence convincing to everyone is needed.

In other words, if there is no evidence to that extent, then Han Jae-jung is not a villain .  

Taking a few deep breaths to calm her rapidly beating heart, she cooled her head with oxygen.

“Not now. I should see my senior first.”  

She decided to go where she originally intended.  

She would probably meet someone who is similarly or more troubled than herself, and sort out her feelings.

*** 

Ippotranslation

***

“Woah, the smell of alcohol!”

Pink Deneb had also drank some beer earlier. But compared to this intensely strong scent of alcohol, that was nothing. The entire room was filled with a thick alcoholic odor. Deneb frowned at the dizzying sensation that made her feel intoxicated just from her sense of smell alone. 

“Eh…? You’re here…?”

“Senior, did you chug another whiskey bottle again?”

“Hehe… Tasty…” 

“Oh my, your tongue is loose and you’re totally wasted.”

Next to Blue Sirius, who was half-leaning on the bed and slumped sitting on the floor, a whiskey bottle was rolling around. She had apparently used an expensive bottle as floor disinfectant, what a waste.

Deneb headed to the fridge familiarly and brought out cold water.

“Cold water… I can make it even colder with my magic hehehe…”

“Senior, please shut your mouth and just drink the water.”

“Back then when Jae-jung worked out, I used to cool down water like this with magic for him…”

It was a story about her dating days that Deneb had heard many times before. It was pitiful that she was still chewing on those times, but it was also annoying to have to listen to her reminisce about that era for years on end.

Especially after becoming a legal adult when drinking was permitted, this tendency became more pronounced.

“Stop the rambling and just drink the damn water.”

“Mmm…”

She was paradoxically trying to soothe her wounds with alcohol while aggravating them with alcohol. The alcohol disinfected the areas, but the stinging would bloom again, prompting her to disinfect with alcohol once more, a kind of vicious cycle.

In her early 20s, Deneb worried that Sirius might become an alcoholic. Of course, that worry was just an unfounded fear. A magical girl’s mental fortitude was no ordinary thing, on days she had work, she strictly abstained from drinking.

Since magical girls had work almost every day, it was almost as if she abstained from drinking every day.

“Phew… Ah-yoon. Why did Jae-jung pretend not to know us…?”

However, on days like this when she couldn’t bear the pain without drinking, she inevitably turned to alcohol as well. Quietly at home, where others wouldn’t notice.

Desperately hoping the alcohol’s toxins would erase her memories, bitterly.

“Did I disgust him that much…? Was I really someone Jae-jung shouldn’t have been with…? Did he really forget everything? But how can I… I… I still can’t forget… I’m hurting so much I could die…”

Pink Deneb lifted Blue Sirius’s arm and draped it over her own shoulder. The height difference made it look precarious, but Deneb managed to support her skillfully.

“Ah-yoon… I’m so scared… If Jae-jung really forgot me, what do I do? If he forgot everything related to me, that’d be a relief, but… if he only forgot me while the scars and aftereffects I left remained… If he forgot even the object of resentment in his life, leaving behind only a ruined life he knows nothing about… I feel so sorry for him… My poor Jae-jung…”

Deneb grit her teeth, then let out a muffled laugh without revealing her thoughts.

“There’s no way that’s true. That blatant lie. Brother Jae-jung knows. Being so obviously bad at lying is a talent in itself.”

“Is that so…? Then… Did Jae-jung lie because he didn’t want to be associated with me…? I wouldn’t want that either…. No, of course not… But still, I wouldn’t want that…”

Her slightly blue-tinged silver hair draped over Deneb like curtains. She sat Blue Sirius down on the bed. Lacking strength from the intoxication, she almost tipped over before Deneb grabbed her shoulders to steady her.

“It’s okay, senior. Brother Jae-jung probably didn’t mean it sincerely either.”  

“You think…?”

“Tsk, usually so cool-headed but such a mess at times like this. I said it’s okay. He was just stunned and blurted nonsense.”

“I hope so…”

Looking at Blue Sirius, it was clear. Deneb had to handle this suspicion alone. Even if a horrific truth awaited at the end of this doubt, she had to keep the secret at all costs.

“Oh right… Ah-yoon, remember we said we’d all watch that CCTV footage of the freak together… What happened with that…?”

“Ah, that…”

Deneb gave a wry smile.

“Nothing special. Same old, same old. Just realized anew the difference between us and those bastards in the end. Sigh… No solution. How do we defeat scum like them?”

“…Still, we have to win.”

Blue Sirius ground her teeth audibly.  

“Make sure they can never attack anywhere again. Kill them all.”

Hearing that declaration, Pink Deneb resolved.

She would never reveal that footage or this suspicion to Sirius.

***  

Ippotranslation

***

[Defeating a monster.]

“Phew….”

I stretched my tired body after the explosion.

I was definitely exhausted.

If this keeps up, I might have to go to the emergency room again.

Coming out of the hospital, the work I keep doing is just fighting. Even gangsters wouldn’t do this.

“Is the fighting over? Why are you just killing villains?”

“Don’t meow at me. Are you imitating a cat?”

“Meow meow you asshole.”

I turned my head towards the voice. There was Pink Deneb perched on top of a streetlight. Beautiful pink crows were flying around her.

Looking up, the crows were circling overhead.

So she used Ribbon to track me. It wasn’t too difficult to come to that conclusion.

However, I couldn’t figure out her motives. I must have been pretty tired from fighting that A-grade villain earlier. And I’m the one who defeated her the other day. She’d usually only come back when she had a good plan. 

“What business do you have? As I said before, I won’t attack if you don’t start anything.”

“Anyone listening would think I’m the bad guy here.”

“Well, with your posture and tone, you kind of are.”

“I suppose.” Pink Deneb chuckled and gracefully climbed down from her crouched position on the streetlight.

“Hey.”

Despite her tough makeup and speech, her movements were remarkably elegant. The fabric draped over her body shimmered and swayed in the streetlight. Her small frame and long eyelashes framed her pale pink eyes beautifully. The roots of her short hair seemed to glow even more from the two-tone dye effect.

“I want to ask you something.”

The expression on Deneb’s face as she approached wasn’t very pleasant. It’s understandable if she sees me as a villain, but the melancholy in her gaze was peculiar.

“If I was good at sweet-talking, I’d suck the soul right out of you here. But I don’t have that skill. I’ll ask straight up.”

Her starry light flickered nervously, like it had met a strong gust of wind.

“Are you Han Jae-jung from your human days?”

Some of those shimmering stardust fragments reached me.

A memory surfaced.

Closer to a bloody red than a pink hue.

Back when Deneb was still quite young. She was crying, and I was comforting her. My hands were heavily calloused, and Deneb’s face was bruised all over. The two of us, covered in wounds.

So Han Jae-jung was connected not only to Blue Sirius, but to her as well? Or rather, I had a connection to her? As I took a step towards the hypothesis that I am Han Jae-jung, I still felt a queasy unease, unable to fully accept it.

‘Damn it…’

I frowned at the sensation of peeking into someone else’s memories, which felt achingly familiar. My head hurts. How many times have I endured this past today alone? If this is truly my memory, then why does it feel so foreign yet so familiar? Unable to bear the headache, I raised a hand to my forehead and sighed.

“Phew….”

“…! What, what is it? Spit it out quickly.”

If I were to run away using Alkaid, it would only amplify her suspicions. But I don’t have much in the way of eloquence either. It’s clear that someone already suspicious like her won’t be easily convinced by anything I tell her.

I know that Pink Deneb is a good person.

In the original work, no, in that webtoon of some sort, she was one of the few who upheld justice and loyalty to the end.

Of course, most magical girls were like that.

But she never gave up that mindset even after losing her powers.

She’s an admirable person, a true hero.

That’s why I can’t reveal it.

It’s a matter of human decency.

I can’t even be certain myself, so dragging her into this uncertain recognition and causing her heartache would be a grave discourtesy.

The one she has affection for is Han Jae-jung, not me.

As an outsider, a lost soul, leaning on this mistaken identity to make her sad would be a violation of my moral duty as a person.

I may have Han Jae-jung’s body, but his proper spirit does not reside within. How much grief would this disconnect cause for others? Can Deneb even handle the fact that the person she knew as a villain is her past connection?

If I reveal myself here, she’ll definitely think of me as the villainous Han Jae-jung.

No matter what excuse I make, she will firmly believe it.

For her, it will create two paths, to treat me as a villain would a magical girl, or to be tormented by the past connection. She will be plagued by anguish she’s never experienced before.

“What grounds do you have to say that?”

“You didn’t even bother asking what this Han Jae-jung name is about? You bastard…”

“It’s a familiar name, I just don’t see the need to ask about it.”

“No, I guess there’s no need.”

Deneb put her hands on her hips and asked again, in a defiant posture.

“So, is it true?”

Her short stature made her look quite cute. The hand on her hip was trembling, belying her bravado. I smiled and responded.

“Even if I tell you, you won’t believe me. But remember this one thing.”

I can’t reveal it now.

The potential costs outweigh the benefits. I’m not even certain she would become an ally.

She might even try to kill me alone, out of sympathy and the affection she’s built up over the years.

When I’ve fully regained my memories one day, then we can approach this as people.

For now, the relationship between a magical girl and villain is more ideal.

To cling to that faint hope and dream of being on the same wavelength would only cause us both suffering.

Her, tormented by glimpsing Han Jae-jung in me and my past, and me, unable to live up to her expectations because I can’t access that past.

We’d both be agonizing over it to the point of death.

The suspicion that has already taken root cannot be erased. She will likely doubt me for the rest of her life.

And I cannot completely deny that suspicion either.

But I can maintain an appropriate level of tension so that the suspicion doesn’t solidify into absolute certainty.

That should be enough.

“Han Jae-jung is not here right now.”

Not yet.

I grabbed her by the neck and lifted her into the sky.

[SET. Reversion.]

“Wha-what? Fuck! You bastard!”

“And don’t chase me. It’s a distraction.”

Continuing the pursuit would just be annoying. I gently laid her down.

Crash!

[Reversion successful. Reproduction rate 30%.]

The intentionally low reproduction rate attack was perfect for just knocking her out and leaving.

***  

Ippotranslation

***

As the brilliance of the stars that had so vividly lit up the night began to fade, and the faint purple clouds of dawn started to peek out.

“What are you doing here…?”

Pink Deneb found Han Jae-jung lying asleep on the side of the road. What a sight for someone who had hoped for happiness. It felt as if her heart was being torn apart.

After waking from his unconsciousness, she immediately sent out Ribbon to search for the villain again. She couldn’t take the advice to not chase him.

“Did you end up sleeping out here instead of going home… Did you drink like my senior too? But I don’t smell any alcohol… You’re not really homeless, right? Don’t do that… If she finds out, my senior will really die….”

But the villain of the Big Dipper was nowhere to be seen, and all she could find was a lone homeless man, dressed similarly to the villain when his transformation had worn off. Sleeping on a bed of newspaper, a still youthful-looking man.

“The villain earlier seemed pretty good at lying… So maybe you’re not him? Ugh, I really don’t know. Actually, I’m not even sure if that was a lie.”

Deneb carefully covered him with a blanket, making sure not to wake him.

“But one thing… I understand that you’re avoiding me. Was what you said at the hospital true? Did you really forget me? And senior too?”

Trait of villainous – memory loss.

But the way he looked at Blue Sirius at the hospital, there was definitely a longing glimmering in his eyes. He was clearly trying to pretend not to know. That very human behavior was too much for simply dismissing him as a  villain.

And the words of that villain earlier too. There were too many unanswered parts.

However, there is one thing certain.

There is undoubtedly some kind of connection between the villain of the Big Dipper and Han Jae-jung.

“So I’ll leave this not-so-friendly kindness here. Don’t thank me. If you did, I’d just end up feeling guilty.”

If he were truly a villain, he wouldn’t be able to impersonate a human body so perfectly.

But if he’s a villain with that kind of ability…

“If my senior really is a villain… Would I be able to kill him?”

That villain probably wouldn’t kill him. Judging from the times he had the chance but only subdued him, that much is clear.

“…I don’t know. Anyway, I’ll take my leave for now. And we’ll see each other again… for sure.”

With those words, Pink Deneb vanished from before him.

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