Tower of Memories

The look on Fethris' face reminded me a lot of our first day here. I couldn't blame him, after everything.

We were walking to Geography together after lunch. He seemed like he was on autopilot, barely even paying attention to the crowds around us.

"Hey," I prompted while tugging him aside as we got the classroom door. There were a few curious glances, but nothing worth worrying about right now.

Fethris sighed, "Do you remember when we first met?"

"Yeah?" That was an odd question. It wasn't even a year ago of course I remembered it.

"When I asked how you were so calm, I meant it," he said.

I hadn't thought otherwise. He wasn't saying anything I didn't know already, but maybe if I let him talk he would get to his point. Whatever that was.

"Then you told me that you were panicked, I thought it was a joke. Like you were trying to keep us calm." His entire body tensed as he spoke. Hands in a tight fist and limbs trembling with the force. He didn't wear gloves, I hoped it wasn't enough to hurt. He was glaring at the floor.

"Lots of people think things about me that aren't true. Especially when they meet me for the first time. I never held it against you." And when he at least tried to understand harder than most, I was willing to forgive mistakes.

"It never occurred to me that you were just as nervous as the rest of us," he sounded angry with himself. Like misreading a stranger was some irredeemable moral failing.

"It also never occurred to me that you would be one of the most trusted people in my life someday. I think we're even." It was partially a joke, but I did mean it. I trusted him far more than almost anyone else I knew.

"You're missing the point." He relaxed only a little, less angry but still visibly upset. He wouldn't look at me still.

"It would be easier to see if you told me what that point was."

Finally, he looked at me. Releasing only the smallest amount of tension. It was progress. "Be honest with me, how much are you panicking right now?"

Damn it. Torn between not making the situation worse and lying to him. I would have to choose my words carefully. "I…I don't know. I'm…still processing I think. About what this means. I've been trying to focus on the things that tell me we have time. I don't know how much though."

"I still can't read you. None of us can. So, you'll need to tell us when it's overwhelming." He wasn't asking for much. Not by any measure.

I reached over to one of his arms. Pulling up and holding onto the wrist through the gloves on my hand and sleeve around his wrist. "I try. But the truth is that it's a lot easier on me to freak out behind a closed door. That's what happened last night. I don't imagine I got anymore sleep than you did."

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He looked tired. More than I'd ever seen him before. Last night had been hard on all of us.

"Yeah. I just…I don't want the stress to get to you while no one notices. With everything going on, you falling apart on us would be catastrophic. We need you at your best too."

"I like to think I've done okay about asking when I need help. But I appreciate the sentiment. Maybe all this will hit me a bit later, but I got most of the worst emotions out last night."

"Okay. If you're sure."

"I am. I think. If I stop being sure we'll talk. Promise."

"I suppose that's all I can ask." He sighed and then leaned his head back against the wall.

Fethris didn't tower over me like Celica did, but I was still the shortest Dragon.

But I wasn't powerless. I could do this. We would be okay.

"Not being alone is making this easier. For what it's worth. I don't think I could do this without you all."

Fethris went back to making eye contact with me. "You're our leader now, whether you like it or not. And you're an important piece of Dragon Tower. So you have to take care of yourself and us."

I think I was finally starting to understand what he was worried about. "You don't want me sacrificing my wellbeing for yours," I realized out loud.

"I don't."

"Well. I have some good news, worrying about you guys is helping. If I let Red and the wraith consume my thoughts, I'll drive myself mad. So having other things to put effort and energy into helps. Especially since there's nothing else I can do right now."

He didn't look thrilled about that. But either he gave up or it pacified him for now.

But maybe a little bit of time would help reassure him. And if that didn't work, I could figure something out.

Of course, that did bring the question back up as to how much time we really had to change what was coming for me. Everything I knew told me months minimum. I could probably count on a year at most until the attack. But there weren't enough hints from Red as to when the wraith would be made.

All of this was too complicated.

So I focused on one piece at a time. The things directly in front of me. The only things under my control.

"Come on," I told him. "We should get inside."

"Yeah, right behind you," Fethris said despite not moving at first.

This was going to be a mess, wasn't it?

(*********)

The one thing about maps, was that they sometimes revealed far more about the world than you'd think. Foundations of buildings gone for centuries revealed in a simple aerial photo.

Something I had never thought about before was graveyards. They always seemed like a given. Cities have graves somewhere.

There wasn't a single one on any of the maps.

Obviously there were implications there. I thought about what Mom had said to me. About cremations. I knew, at least in theory, that burying the dead wasn't really a thing here. If a coffin was involved, it was usually empty. More ceremony than anything else.

I had never thought much about the undead. I had seen a zombie movie before but vampires, werewolves, and invisible people were more my thing. It was simple, burning the dead was the best way to make sure some necromancer doesn't raise your loved one for use as a puppet or weapon.

I would need to ask Russel for his thoughts. The reality was that I didn't know nearly enough about wraiths or any other undead. Perhaps it was high time I tried to catch up on that too.

If the attack wasn't avoidable, I needed to be ready. For that I needed more information. That was doable. The first step in solving any problem is studying the situation.

It was something, if nothing else. An option still available to me.

We knew more than our opponent right now. That had to mean something. We'd have that before, but it was different now. We knew who their target really was now.

It was me. They were after me. I couldn't fathom why.

Or maybe that was more denial.

But that was the one thing we had no way of truly knowing with our limited information.

But…I had to wonder how much it really mattered. Whatever reason it was did that make any difference? Plotting to kill me was still plotting to kill me. They had to be stopped. The 'why' wasn't a question I could worry about now.

If whoever this was really hated me so much as to see me become a pile of ashes without so much as a word, then fine. They didn't care what I thought or who I was as a person, thus it was going to be the same towards them.

They wanted ashes, then I would give them ashes.