Chapter 391: Tamako the Cat
Time in the attic passes quickly; the gloomy boy finishes tidying up his room and it's time to go to school. Minamoto Tamako is puzzled—school at night? But then she remembers she's in a dream, and it seems sensible.
"Don't wander off; I'll bring you food when I get back."
After speaking, the gloomy boy leaves with his backpack.
Minamoto Tamako wants to ask what to do about going to the bathroom, but unexpectedly, just after the gloomy boy exits, the door clicks shut and locks. The sound of a key entering is heard; someone is coming.
Minamoto Tamako panics; she remembers the second and fourth rules and hurriedly crawls under the bed to avoid being discovered.
"It's me, I'm back."
The gloomy boy looks exceptionally weary. He's wearing a blue and white school uniform, smudged with stains, as if he'd fallen into a ditch.
Upon entering, he pulls out a can of cat food from his backpack, sets it on the floor, and then goes to the attic sink to wash his uniform.
Minamoto Tamako crawls out from under the bed; she intended to ask why he's back so soon but then realizes this is Xiao Luzi's dream. He wouldn't know what the room is like when he's not here, so time in the attic stays frozen until he returns.
"What's going on?" she leans over, looking at the uniform, and asks, "Did you fall?"
"No, a classmate asked to borrow my homework to copy, and I told him to get lost, then got beaten up," says the gloomy boy.
"If you won't lend it, just say 'no'," Minamoto Tamako grabs the uniform, helping him scrub off the stains with her hands. "Why can't you speak nicely to your classmates?"
The gloomy boy doesn't respond; Minamoto Tamako glances at him and her heart softens. Children learn from their parents, and with the lady of the house's arrogant demeanor, Xiao Luzi can't help but be influenced.
Before she can offer comfort, footsteps resound from downstairs.
The gloomy boy quickly pushes her back under the bed, telling her to hide. Momentarily, the lady of the house ascends the stairs, questioning him on why he fought with classmates; the gloomy boy merely replies 'I don't know' and, unsurprisingly, receives a beating.
Minamoto Tamako grits her teeth, enduring it from under the bed.
Thus, time continually flows, and the gloomy boy goes through the monotonous routine: leaves for school, returns home disheveled, gets reprimanded by the lady, tidies the room... then a new cycle starts, leaving for school again, returning disheveled...
Minamoto Tamako spends eight hours like this, while in reality only sixteen minutes have passed.
The sky never brightens, and the attic remains cramped and eerie. Looking out through the vent, darkness perpetually shrouds the earth, like the polar night of the Arctic Circle, without a trace of light visible, the blackness so thick it invokes anxiety.
Minamoto Tamako simply cannot endure any longer.
What's the point of living like this? What remains meaningful in life? If she continues doing nothing, hiding in this tiny attic day after day, she'd surely become depressed!
The gloomy boy just finished tidying his room when Minamoto Tamako grabbed his arm, saying, "Let's go! We'll escape together!"
"No."
"We have to, even if we can't!"
"We'll die."
"Then so be it!" Minamoto Tamako forcefully dragged him, opening the trapdoor, seriously stating, "Staying here is no different than being dead! We'll deal with escape first!"
"We have no money, no one will take us in; where could we go? Stop with the wishful thinking! Keep enduring, once I grow up I can leave!" The gloomy boy kept shrinking back, trying to pry Minamoto Tamako's fingers off, like a cat dragged from under a bed, continually struggling.
Minamoto Tamako turned around, and with a slap, placed both hands on his face, holding his head, forcing the gloomy boy to meet her eyes:
"Listen carefully! The essence of living is finding a place where heat doesn't dissipate, getting 2,000 calories of food and 1,000 milliliters of water each day, and that's it!"
She stared at the gloomy boy, demanding, "Is such a thing difficult? What are you afraid of?"
"I, I..."
The gloomy boy stammered, unable to answer, still afraid to go downstairs.
Minamoto Tamako sighed, releasing her hands, hugging his shoulders, asking, "Have you heard of the flea effect?"
The gloomy boy nodded; of course he knows. The so-called "flea effect" originates from biological experiments, referring to fleas actively lowering their jumping height after repeatedly hitting the glass cover of their container. Even after the cover is removed, they still remain restricted by a "virtual ceiling." Essentially, it's a psychological phenomenon of self-limitation due to environmental constraints, commonly seen in workplaces, education, etc., where past failures lead to a fixed sense of capability.
Minamoto Tamako brought up this theory hoping to convey that he, like a flea, is trapped in the prison of self-created limits, too afraid to break free from the restraints fear places on life's choices.
Whatever crossed his mind, he said it. After listening, Minamoto Tamako felt Xiao Luzi was smarter than she had been at his age...at which she was still worrying about how to make friends!
"That's right, that's exactly what I mean, as long as you understand!"
Minamoto Tamako paused, seeing Xiao Luzi unmoved, she simply sat cross-legged in a posture prepared for heart-to-heart talks: "When I was little, I had a home tutor who once said a philosophical line that inspired me for a long time. Now, I'll pass this life motto on to you."
"What?" The gloomy boy frowned.
"Imagine yourself as a small animal, then ask yourself what you want," Minamoto Tamako hugged her knees, earnestly speaking, "Have you thought of it? What animal do you want to be?"
"Why can't I imagine being human?" asked the gloomy boy.
"Humans are animals too, but people desire too much. Besides surviving, humans want dignity, joy, companionship, life's value..." Minamoto Tamako raised both hands, placing them beside her ears, her small fingers acting as bunny ears, smiling as she says, "Look, if I were a rabbit, just having food, drink, and friends would be enough."