Chapter Forty-Six - Breakdown

The Pictures On The Screen Tell A Story - Part 2

The pictures on the screen move and tell a story, of many dead people and more dead creatures. But the little girl watches no more, her eyes on the corner of the bed. She doesn't blink and doesn't breathe, as the long fangs of a beast come into sight. The little girl's eyes are numb, and the switch in her hand is red and the knife in her other hand is as long as the beast's fangs. She watches as the beast's head comes around the corner and she looks into its black eyes, hungry eyes.

The numb little girl did listen well when the busy man in the green clothes gave her the red switch and the long knife and said: "When your mama and your papa is gone, and your brother and your sister is gone, and you're all alone, and there is a scary beast, press this red button and keep it pressed, and take this knife and hold it so." And the busy man showed her how to hold the knife.

"And when the scary beast comes close and you can't run and nobody is there, then you hold the knife and you push as hard as you can and you keep the button pressed." The little girl keeps the button pressed and the beast comes closer and there is nobody else. So she holds the knife the way the busy man showed her, and then she pushes as hard as she can. The beast gets loud and screams and bites her on the hand that holds the switch and the hand comes off and the beast chokes and swallows the hand. Red drips from her arm and red blooms in the beast and the knife is too hot to hold.

 

***

 

First thing we did, was strip. 

My shift and the horseshoe clattered to the floor in a big puddle, shortly followed by Leah’s overall. Leah’s Sleeve kept itself dry, but her overall was nearly as soggy as my shift and clung uncomfortably to her, like baggy wet jeans. Even my ear protectors were more water than fuzz, when I removed them.

My tail was still dripping, and I decided to be a dog and shake it out, sending water droplets everywhere. Including Leah’s face just as she removed her helmet, which she was absolutely thrilled by.

The tail fuzz was magic—it didn’t smell like anything. No wet canine smell, no sweat, just clean nothingness. But it held onto water like a champ. So I just kept right on helicoptering it.

I grinned at Leah with the most innocent big-eyed expression I could make, as I painted the room wet.

She jumped me with a growl, and tickled me with one hand at the side of my waist, making me squirm and laugh as I twisted away to escape. But she’d caught my tail in the other hand and pulled me in like a rope, gently, careful not to hurt me.

My tail, however! Was no rope! No, indeed!

I snaked it up behind her back, and stuffed her face with it, leaving her spluttering once again.

Laughing, I stepped back and pulled my tail away, and took a minute to create a new, uh, bathrobe. Yup, being able to literally glue it to myself for shape, made it so much easier. Freshly clothed, I weaved towels for both of us. Since the fibroin of my silk was so very absorbent, I figured it’d do a great job of drying us off.

Hmm. That absorbing feature could be dangerous around chemicals. If any acids got soaked up, it would be in prolonged contact with vulnerable skin… Yeah. That was something I’d want to figure out as soon as I didn’t have to worry about Antithesis knocking down our door.

I gave the first, fluffy sheet to Leah. It was really just a hand towel, since she needed it only for her face and hair where I’d rollered her with my tail.

Second tiny towel complete, I carefully rubbed my antennae down with it, and the frissons firing through synapses, so intense that they were nearly painful, had me shifting back and forth on my feet as if I had to pee from the sensation.

Tinea, you should eat soon. After all the exertion and weaving you have done today, not to mention the minerals you still lack since your chrysalis, you are quite malnourished and will begin to experience symptoms shortly. The nutrition slosh within these facilities is not sufficient, either. Your body requires higher quality food.

Alright, that did explain the tiredness, at least.

“Got any suggestions?”

I assume you wish to keep the expenditure as low as possible?

“Yes, definitely.”

In that case, from your Class I Medical Utilities, a few NutriBars stuffed with a variety of active supplements today, would suffice, followed by a second helping tomorrow.

“Sounds good. Leah, I need to use a few points for medicinal food. Maybe you, too?”

“Medicinal?”

“Supplements and stuff. I haven’t even eaten properly since I woke up, nevermind all the weaving and moving and fighting.”

“Ah, yeah. Yeah, I’d prefer something that’s not that, too.” She said, pointing with her leg at the remaining jar. I figured that made sense, considering she’d been here for…a while? Right, I didn’t actually know how long, did I? More questions to ask, now that we’d have a bit of a timeout.

“Okay. Say, do you happen to have a food catalog?”

“Why, I do, actually! Indispensable, with kids around, really.”

“Oh! Cool, what’s in it? Uh, Tynea, would that still work with the supplements I need?”

Certainly, joint purchases apply here, too. Shall I send a list of your needs to Ypsilon?

“Yes! Leah! Food!”

Leah shook a finger at me. “Well now, young lady. Have patience! Let us be seated properly, first. And give me that towel, I’ll help you with your hair.”

I pouted, looking up at her from beneath my lashes. “But foood!”

Leah clearly only barely held onto her serious expression. “No buts, Tin-Tin! Towel. Now.”

I pouted harder and did the recalcitrant kid walk to her, holding out the towel. Leah finally cracked up and her laughter spilled out of her, filling up the space around me, tickling my sensilla like a massage of happiness.

I reveled in it, glad to tickle her funny bone. I stepped closer, wrapping my arms around her in a warm embrace, and squeezed a little. Even if the hard grid of the Sleeve’s exoskeleton got in the way, a hug was still a hug, and it felt great, especially when she hugged me in return and put her chin on my head for a few moments.

Eventually she let go of me, and said, “Here, turn around. Let me dry your hair.”

Antennae in hand to keep them out of the way, I gave her my back and she softly threaded the silky fluff through my hair. I closed my eyes, just enjoyed the mild kneading of my scalp, and down my neck.

 

***

 

Leah smiled as she stood behind Tinea, letting the messy sheet of silkweave soak up the moisture with slow movements, careful not to disturb Tinea’s antennae too much.

She’d caught from Tinea’s nearly aggravated fidgeting earlier how painfully sensitive they must be. Plus, people were always more sensitive to touches not their own, and Leah didn’t want to cause actual discomfort.

The act of grooming Tinea’s hair centered Leah. It was a familiar ritual, and it called to her on a level deeper than mere skin. This was what she’d always done—whether for her sister, or for the orphans. Even the fake feedback from the Sleeve couldn’t change that.

Limb replacements, huh? To be exact, limb replacements versus a fighting vehicle.

Which was more likely to get them back safely and

get them the points they needed? Rationally, the vehicle should be the better choice. They’d be able to cover more ground and could engage large groups on the go. They’d also be a lot more obvious. In that sense, the limbs would allow them to stay under the radar for longer…

But none of that mattered if she couldn’t keep it up, against everything that was trying to pull her down. 

Anxiety furrowed Leah’s brow.

Where were her limits? She wasn’t doing so well. Barely holding together, really. She needed her life back, and her friends.

Leah had always been the one to pull others to their feet, organizing recovery periods and such. Now she had difficulty managing her own emotions while she was still out here, still vulnerable. That was…an unwelcome realization, but perhaps not that surprising. Receiving help was a familiar experience, and Tinea’s presence made her continued functioning even possible.

But if Tinea was acting as a…crutch for her, then she wasn’t reacting right to Tinea facing danger.

Ah, no, not exactly. Yeah, she was a bit of a crutch for Leah, no question. But that wasn’t what was getting to her.

Her hands shook slightly, and her fingers curled against her palm.

Leah had felt the lowest today when she’d learned that Tinea was hurt by her muffler—and she hadn’t even noticed until Tinea had said something. It reminded her of a similar incident. Lily… Leah’d been surprised by her death. She’d learned that Lily had been sick for a while, had had that tumor for a while, and Leah hadn’t noticed anything until it was too late.

Shame and pain clashed against each other and shredded Leah’s heart into splinters. A flood of sharp-edged broken shards and heavy grief bent her spine.

And even though she’d put herself back together, since then, she’d always been rather more vigilant against hidden illnesses than normal.

But she’d learned to handle it, never let it take her down the slippery slope of voluntary unhealthy behavioral patterns very far before correcting her course. So how did this differ? Why did she react so badly to it today? Why wasn’t she able to manage her reactions?

Tears blinded her, but sobs wouldn’t come. Leah…was mute.

And was that really such a problem? Considering the last…ten or so days, emotional balance couldn’t be expected of her, no matter how much it grated. Old traumas resurfacing, well, wasn’t that a matter-of-course, with everything?

If so, then she should structure her plans around that. Like, stop trying to act as if she only needed to hold on—

***

One moment, I was in pure bliss. The next, Leah sagged to the ground on her knees behind me with heart-wrenching sobs-that-weren’t. I whipped around before they even registered properly, shocked by how broken she looked, and my heart dropped through my stomach.

A return…to old form?

 

***