This Venerable Demon is Grossly Unqualified

Su Li woke in pain. In her sleep, she had rolled over. Her leg had fully extended as she turned, then been caught under her. Her knee felt on fire, like it was breaking all over again.

She tensed up, and stifled a cry. She didn’t flinch and risk the thin sheet pulling her broken fingers out of their safe positions. The last two days had beaten in the lesson that moving without thinking was dangerous. Reflexively grasping at her injured leg would only lead to more pain.

It’d been two nights of cultivation, since the party. Two days of sleep, waking to boil some rice, and then more sleep. She’d taken her pill for this month, and absorbing the yin qi in it had helped a little.

Her cultivation had advanced, not by much, but enough to be noticeable. She was getting close to the bottleneck before the fifth stage, she could feel her middle dantian straining at its bounds, like a stomach stuffed well past the point of satiation. Unpleasant to feel, but satisfactory all the same. It’d taken almost a year and a half for her to progress through the fourth small realm. She tried not to think about the trajectory that implied. How many years would the eighth take? Four? Six?

But her body remained weaker than it had been two days ago. She had recovered, marginally. She could walk under her own power now. Grasp and lift a sack of rice, if she moved slowly, and carefully. Magical overnight recoveries were the domain of real cultivators, not initiates like her.

No light crept in between the broken shutters at her window. It was nearly time for her lesson. Whether Elder Hu abandoned her in disgust or not, she could not miss it.

For a moment, she’d thought she wasn’t weak. Then it all crashed back down to earth.

It’d been so long now. She’d known cultivation would be a long road. Vengeance an even longer one. She knew she had all the time in the world, if she succeeded at cultivating, to find happiness once more. But she was so tired. When she’d met Elder Hu, she’d thought things would finally begin moving. That her life, trapped in a hateful limbo since that day, would finally begin again.

She knew that Elder Hu couldn’t turn over his hand and make her worth something. Those weren’t the kind of miracles he commanded. But, five years was a long time to be alone.

Sun Ming was more of an older sister than a friend. She looked out for her, tried her best to help. But she had her own responsibilities, and a hundred wayward disciples to care for. It’d been so long, since she’d had true friends. So long since she’d had a family.

Sometimes, she looked at the slaves Elder Liang called her family, and she felt jealous. Their lives were not their own, but at least they were not alone in the dark hours of the night.

Then she hated herself, as she imagined her father looking up at her from his wait in the underworld, seeing her in such a state. He would not have been so weak. Wasted so long in the very earliest stages. Su Han had defied this cruel world to build a place for his family full of warmth and love. She would not dishonor his legacy, no matter how dark the road became.

Gingerly, Su Li got out of bed. It would be a long walk, with the limp she still sported. She washed the mortal grime of the last few days from her body, wishing it was the foul black residue of a breakthrough.

The walk was slow, painful, and uneventful. A few disciples stared at her from a distance. None offered greetings. She was interesting now. A potential rising star. But potential was such a fickle thing. All of them were waiting to see if she burned out. If Elder Hu tired of indulging her lack of talent.

She supposed it was better than being written off, destined to be a servant, or prey, to the real talents of the sect. But it didn’t feel good, to have a thousand eyes just waiting for her to slip.

When she arrived at the unremarkable clearing that Elder Hu had taken a liking to, he was already there. His spiritual sense passed over her, and she winced. It was not hostile, but it was so very sharp. Her wounds prickled, as his attention passed over them. Tears budded at the corner of her eyes, but she blinked them away before they could form.

He turned to face her, distant and impartial as the moon.

“What happened?”

Su Li told him.

She told him how Sun Ming had invited her to Fang Xiao’s party. How she had been challenged by a boy almost a decade her junior. How she had lost her temper at Li Ru’s provocation. How she had lost.

He listened without comment.

“Li Ru is Elder Li’s disciple, the one you studied under?” He finally asked.

“Yes master.”

“Tell me, do you think you did anything wrong? If you did, what should you have done differently?”

She froze. She’d expected judgment, whether good or ill. Instead, she’d been given a test.

“I think…” She trailed off, unsure what she thought.

Elder Hu’s face gave no hint of his feelings. What would he have done? Won the fight, obviously. But was that even an answer, or just a child's wish for a better outcome? Li Ru's words had required an answer, but did she need to fight to refute them?

“I don't know.” She finally answered. “Li Ru’s words demanded a response, and to refute them and then decline Geng Ru’s challenge would have proved me a craven. My reputation is worthless, but I cannot allow my failings to tarnish yours.”

One as low as her could not cultivate without breaks. Su Li had turned over the events of the party in her mind a hundred times, but the only answer she had found was to avoid the situation in the first place. Straying from the crowd had its own dangers though. She flinched at the thought of what Geng Ru might have done to her if their fight had not been a sanctioned duel.

“Each of us must decide for ourselves when to answer words with steel.” Elder Hu said, turning away from her to look at the sky. “I had hoped that the matter with Elder Li would not blossom into a feud. It is a petty thing, beneath both our dignities. But drawing you into it, even in such a distant way, is not acceptable.”

Su Li’s heart felt hot in her chest. He cared about her. She didn’t understand why, but he did. Even when she failed and brought him only trouble.

“What are you going to do about this?”

There was only one answer.

“Next time I will not be found wanting. I will study, cultivate, and advance, and show Li Ru and the sect that they were wrong.” Su Li said with conviction. “I will challenge Geng Ru again and defeat him.”

Elder Hu nodded at her, but his face remained emotionless. She’d hoped her determination would merit a smile, or at least the hint of one. She supposed his mercy only extended so far.

“I have something that should help with that. But first, what do you think I should do about this?”

Su Li froze. That was the last thing she’d expected to be asked. What did he mean? Who was he suggesting should be punished? Her, for losing? Li Ru, for insulting him?

“Do not misunderstand me, I’m not asking you to decide who, if anyone, should be punished, or what forms punishment would take. Those choices are mine to make. But I want you to think about the events that occurred, and tell me how you would handle their aftermath, if you possessed my power.”

Su Li understood. It was another test. He wanted to see who she was, what she would do with power. Should she be honest? Or tell him what he wanted to hear? But, she wasn’t sure she knew what either of those answers were. What would she do, if she was a powerful Elder and someone plotted against her student?

Certainly, he couldn’t strike against Elder Li. He might have started this fight, but Li Ru had only attacked with words, and if he was filial, he would say it was his own idea. Elders did not come to blows over the spats of their juniors. But he couldn’t suppress Li Ru either, it would be bullying the younger generation. Geng Ru was even worse, as much as he deserved anything that would come to him, she couldn’t point Elder Hu in his direction. She couldn’t prove any of his crimes, even if Elder Hu believed her, to punish him for winning a duel would tarnish his name for no benefit.

They said a demon should be self reliant, needing no allies to impose their will upon the world. But the sect were hypocrites in that regard, they swallowed their venom and coexisted most of the time, regardless of their grievances. By that standard, Sect Master Meng was the only true demon here, for his will suppressed even the Elders from avenging themselves without just cause.

But there were more ways to punish someone than simply killing them, or crippling their cultivation. And did she even wish to be a demon? She’d joined the sect because they accepted almost anyone who found them, even an orphan without talent.

“You may think aloud, if you wish. I would hear your reasoning as well as your answer.” Elder Hu added.

Su Li swallowed. Her mouth was dry. He’d asked for her reasoning before she’d even decided what her answer should be. A thought struck her.

“I think…” She began, slowly finding her words. “I think that there are better approaches here than the direct one. I think that Elder Li cares a great deal about his reputation as a good and fair teacher. But Li Ru doesn’t. There must be more disciples that he treated poorly. If you found them, and added your voice to theirs, it would be like slapping Elder Li in the face. He might do something foolish then, and you could catch him in the act and suppress him. If he ordered Li Ru to kill me, and you caught him in the attempt, he would forfeit the sect’s protection.”

“An interesting idea.” Elder Hu said, stroking the scabbard of his jian. “I will consider it. But first, I must see to your recovery and advancement.”

He withdrew something from his storage ring, and held it out to her. Even from a distance, she could feel the power of the moon reflected in it. The little piece of glass shimmered in Elder Hu’s scarred hand like a pool of quicksilver.

“Master?” She asked, scarcely believing her eyes.

“I found this during my travels, it’s just been taking up space in my storage ring since then. It seemed suitable for your current cultivation method.”

With trembling hands, she took the natural treasure, carefully avoiding its sharp edges.

“I don’t keep healing pills weak enough for someone in your realm around. I’ll acquire some before we next meet. We shall resume your training in martial arts next lesson.”

She couldn’t believe her lying eyes and ears. Even if the cost was a pittance to him, such goods could have gone to another, more deserving, student. Fang Xiao was only a year or two her senior and he stood more than an entire realm above her. The sect had no shortage of masterless prodigies. Even Geng Ru, as much as she hated to admit it, would be a better investment than her.

“Thank you, master.” She said, bowing at the waist. Her leg screamed at her, but she ignored it. “I will not let your generosity go to waste.”

“If I were to give you this treasure, do you think you could protect it from theft?”

The thought of losing Elder Hu’s gift sobered her immediately.

“No.” She could not.

“Very well then. I will keep it, and you will cycle from it under my protection until such a time as you can ensure its safety. You may begin at your leisure, unless you have questions.”

Su Li sat down on the same stump as before. It felt like spitting on his generosity somehow, to make use of his gift as he sat quietly watching over her. A waste of an elder’s valuable time. But she was so close to a breakthrough, and she could think of no better way to show him that he was not wrong to believe in her than to prove that all she’d needed was a chance.

After two full nights of cultivating, the cycling pattern of the Lunar Refining Wheel came easily to her. Normally, it required adjustments as the moon’s phases shifted, but though the moon above was still waxing, the tiny shard of a mirror in her hand did not reflect the moon as it was. Instead, the light of a full moon shone forth from it. Trusting her intuition, she performed the cycle for a full moon instead. She forced her dantian empty, as the majority of her qi rose in a single torrent towards her shen. She intercepted it before it reached her head, pulling it into a great circle that ran across her entire torso. As the great wheel spun, more and more qi was pulled into it from the tiny mirror on her lap. With the mirror in her hands, gathering power was effortless, she felt like she’d been submerged in a lake of lunar qi. It should have taken her hours, perhaps all night, to gather enough qi to attempt a breakthrough. Instead, it took less than an hour. She didn’t need to go into the process already exhausted from a night of focus.

Normally, her qi wanted nothing more than to settle. To rest in her dantian, where it could spread out. But the more power she pulled into the wheel, the faster it began to spin, until it was all but moving of its own accord. What was once a riotous tangle of wispy silver smoke had grown into a frothing mass of qi so dense it nearly appeared to be a liquid. Sensing her limit approaching, she shifted her will from forcing her qi to rotate, to dragging it inwards, down towards her dantian.

The moon did not want to come down to earth. She tore it from heaven all the same. Her qi raged against her control, spinning through her meridians despite her best efforts. But she kept pulling, and slowly its orbit became tighter and tighter around her dantian. With a final heroic wrench, she forced the great mass of qi into the space that was not a space within her chest.

Her chest felt hot and cold at once, like she’d swallowed a frozen fire. Her lungs strained against the bones of her ribs as she felt her dantian’s walls distend as they struggled to contain the raging power within her. The qi within her strained and thrashed, pressing outward against its vessel in search of any weakness. She threw herself into reinforcing it, pressing back against any section that threatened to buckle. With agonizing slowness, the raging qi within her began to quiet, its power expended. For minutes or hours, she danced at the edge, barely managing to contain it. Sometimes it churned quietly, seemingly calmed. Then it would burst into a sudden fury, straining once more at the walls of her dantian. Time was meaningless, as she poured all of her attention into stabilizing her cultivation. Then in a sudden instant, it was no longer a great mass of lunar qi bound together by smoky wisps of her own true qi. It was simply hers, all of it. Power surged within her. Her injuries did not suddenly heal, but from one moment to the next, they felt just a little more bearable. Instead of a few wisps of smoke, her dantian was filled with a uniform silver mist. The fifth stage of qi condensation. Halfway to the peak of the realm.

She opened her eyes, and the moon was high. Hours had passed. And Elder Hu was smiling at her.

The expression looked strange, on his stern face. It pulled his many silver scars in odd directions. She smiled back, and it felt strange, on her face. It’d been so long, since the pressure of the endless road ahead of her felt so light on her shoulders.

“I broke through.” She said, entirely unnecessarily.

“I know.”

There was quiet between them. She did not have the words to give voice to her feelings.

“Thank you.” She finally said. “For everything. For your lessons, and the resources, far better than I deserve. For believing in me, when you had no reason to.”

She hated the words as she spoke them. They were wrong. Inadequate.

Elder Hu’s eyes met hers, and his smile slowly faded away. The expression that replaced it was not his normal stern, impassive mask. He looked proud, but tired. His eyes were like blades, steel hard, but so very brittle.

“You have walked a hard road. That others have climbed higher in the same time speaks to their merit, but not to your shame. I am not a man inclined to worry about matters of karma. It is an unpredictable thing, how our lives shape each other. But I worry that your future may be a hard road as well, made harder by being my student. There is a storm on the horizon, and I may not be able to prevent you from being swept up in it. But if I cannot, I shall at least give you every tool that I can.”

“I will not disappoint you, master.”

“No my student, you will not. So long as you give your studies your utmost, you will never disappoint me.”

Su Li’s chest burned, but her dantian was still.