This Is Where I Want To Be

12. Aftershock

Juliet

“Why is Louis here? And why is he a teacher at my school?” I asked my mom as we were walking back to their car.

“You guys should talk about it later. I think there is a lot he needs to get off his chest.” Frowning at my mom, I peeked back at Louis, walking beside my dad. He met my narrowed eyes.

Louis and I waved them off as they drove out the gates. I wanted to turn to him and make a scene, force him to tell me why he was there, and pushing himself into my life. Before I could, he gripped my upper arms softly and spoke, “Don’t be angry at me anymore...” he pleaded, rubbing his thumbs over my skin. “I know I stuffed up in the alley… That whole night was one big misunderstanding… Let me make it up to you.”

“It wasn’t your fault. I made a choice.”

“Yeah… But I should’ve stopped you.”

“No, Louis! That’s exactly what I mean! I want to be friends with you, but you have to start talking. Treating me like a helpless girl is not going to end well. I need to trust you, and right now, I can’t.”

“I don’t want to be your friend…” he said softly, “and what happened to you that night was not what I meant.” His hold on my arms tightened. I was starting to get used to the idea of how he felt. “I’m sure you know what I want from you… And I’m a man. What is wrong with wanting to protect you? I don’t want to do it because you’re a girl, Juliet… It’s because you are important.”

I sighed, not knowing what to do with his declaration. Louis was a bit different that day… Not so intense… Regardless, I wouldn’t give him control because he was being sweet. Well, more than usual. Not that I knew him, “It seems like you keep forgetting that what I want is what matters. Not you.”

He chuckled, his hold on my arms tightened, his fingers kneading into my arms, slowly pulling me closer. His grey-blue eyes were primal, as if he would kiss me right there and claim me—showing me who was boss. He said he would ask, but at that moment, I didn’t think he would. I wasn’t at all interested, feeling like I did. I pulled out of his grip when he didn’t do anything or say anything, “You can’t do stuff like that here.”

He sighed and stepped back, “I haven’t seen you in days, and this morning, you seemed a little happy when you saw me on stage… Admit that you at least like me?” I couldn’t help but smile. “There it is. I knew you weren’t that mad at me.”

“I’m really not mad at you… But you have one more chance to show me that you listen to me and take me seriously, or you might as well forget about ever getting any further with me,” he shook his head quickly in shock, “What?”

“That is not how a relationship works. We are supposed to compromise. You should accept me the way I am and love me regardless.”

“What do you mean? And what relationship?” Love!? What?

“You’re only eighteen, Juliet… You don’t know what you want out of life. You have a temper. I can’t share my life with you or what’s happening before….”

Argh, his words irritated me. He had no idea who and what he was dealing with. I knew exactly what I wanted. He was the one screwing up everything, “Before what?”

He didn’t answer. I was suddenly tired, and the stuff that guy pumped into me came back in surges of pain to haunt me. I closed my eyes and gripped my head, “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Come get in my car! I’m taking you home.”

My head snapped up, “Do not tell me what to do! Ever!” I growled at the same time, my sharp teeth showing. Louis snickered... My emotions were all over the place, and when I realized what had happened, I laughed, too. That was the first time I had half manifested at school, “I’m happy you’re here to take all the brunt of my puberty. Did my parents hire you to push me like this? Get in my head?” I asked, bending over my hands on my knees. My head was killing me.

“Stop talking and wait for the spell to go away,” Louis waited patiently until I could stand up straight. My eyes found his again, wanting to take him up on his offer. There was nothing but concern on his features. He wanted to help but didn’t know how to offer it. I wanted to go home. I made such a fuss about coming to school the previous night. If he took me back, I would probably not be allowed to leave the house for the next month. “This is where I want to be!” Louis said when we just stood there staring at each other. It was unexpected, and I didn’t know at all what he meant by it. Tears pooled in my eyes, mulling the words over. I don’t think I had ever felt I was enough for someone, regardless of anything. His idea of a relationship matched mine to a tee. If he would promise never to leave me. I had to think about if he would be worth it. Louis’s hand caressed my cheek, “You can be yourself with me, baby…” Louis smiled when I widened my eyes at the endearment. “You can always be yourself with me! Let go when you’re with me. Let’s see where this can go. That’s a plus point, don’t you think? When you agree to date me?”

“Are you selling yourself?”

He nodded vehemently and smiled. The sharp pain that felt like someone was stabbing me went away. It must have shown on my face, “You feel better now?”

“Yeah, it comes and goes. That stuff is not leaving my system easily.”

“Come, I’ll walk you to class. How did it go with your friends?”

I couldn’t answer. A car sped into the lot— way too fast and stopped. The noise alone was deafening. Jerry got out, slamming the door to his very expensive, souped-up car. The hair on my arms and neck stood up. I didn’t know why, but I moved in behind Louis. His gaze followed my movements. I couldn’t deal with Jerry at that moment. I didn’t have the strength not to bite his head off or kill him. If Jerry found out about me before anyone else—what a disaster. It was one of the reasons why I hadn’t even glanced in Chris’s direction. My throat closed up on me, only thinking about Chris. All I wanted to do was have him hold me while I cried it all away. I knew where Chris was. I always knew where he was in a room. I still saw him even if I didn’t look at him. All I thought about lying on that floor was Chris... If we had to look at each other after what happened to me, with the same intensity always beaming between us. I thought I would throw myself into his arms. I didn’t know why I felt like he would be a safe place or space. I wasn’t sure he would be. But if he came to talk to me... gave me even the smallest green light... I would be that girl.

Louis was staring down the twat, smirking at me as he walked past, “Jules.”

My eyes were nailed to the ground. I stood there behind a man like a coward. Didn’t I just say Louis should treat me like an adult? How could I ask him that if I clearly wasn’t ready to deal? Fight my own battles. Just once, I wished I could say that I was spoken for. That I had someone who would take on Jerry for me. But not officially. No, not me. Well, other than Carl and Jerry knew that, “Your new conquest?” Condescension oozed from Jerry as he took in Louis. Jerry reminded me so much of Mr. Tailored that it scared me. I knew I had a little PTSD, but that would be normal, right? I would be fine by that weekend. When Jerry was out of sight, Louis turned to me with murder in his eyes.

“What?” I asked nervously.

Louis’s stern features were back, “Who the hell was that?” I couldn’t answer him. I was too embarrassed to tell him about my exes.

“Don’t tell me he was a boyfriend at one stage.”

I sighed, “Not my finest moment.” I lifted a pleading hand in the air. “Anyway! He was okay, and then he wasn’t. He wasn’t always like— that. Why do you think I’m so careful with you?”

“Yeah?” his fierce eyes softened, and he smiled, “So, you are considering me as a possible suitor? I have to be leagues above that guy.”

“Maybe… but you’re so old. And I’m so young… You should hold out for a real woman.”

“Last time I checked,” Louis’s eyes drifted down my body and up again, “You were one. And everything still works if that’s what you’re concerned about.” I had to laugh. “No matter how old I get, I believe we all deserve a chance to be happy....” Happy. My magic word. All I wanted out of life. “We live so long and have a real shot here.” Louis got serious, and he put the tendril of hair behind my ear, which was very irritating that morning, “I would never hurt you,” he said softly. I knew it. Louis might not be a team player, but I knew he would never physically hurt me.

I glanced at my watch and realized I had completely missed my first period. Complaining, Louis walked me to my next class, gave me over to the teacher, and gave me an excuse so I didn’t get in trouble. Just before he left me at the door, he gave me something. I took the package, and he made his way to his new job. I still didn’t have any answers. I hadn’t spoken to my parents about everything Mr. Tailored told me. I didn’t understand what Louis was doing there, but I knew it wasn’t a coincidence, and that alone sent red flags waving.

***

Charlene

I wanted to tell Carl and Juliet I was pregnant. That morning, Juliet came to school all banged up—I couldn’t. Skipping my period was strange, but there could’ve been a million reasons. At first, I thought I was sick, and I was; morning sickness was the worst. Finding out why I was so nauseous made things easier. I could take some medicine and at least still attend school. It had been three months since the New Year, and I would be able to hide it for two more. After that… it had to come out. Before that happened, I would have to come clean to my two best friends.

Carl and I wanted Juliet to share what happened, but all she told us was that she was in a car accident with another member of their family. She wasn’t admitted to the hospital, which wouldn’t explain why she missed a week of school. We were both hiding things, and I wondered if our friendship would survive whatever was coming.

Scrolling through my contacts, I went to Ben’s name and the photo I added back in December. I missed him at that moment; going through everything alone wasn’t easy. A moment of loneliness, and I figured too many hormonal changes in my body made me check his social media. We didn’t even ‘friend’ each other. I had to look up his name. It was as if it had never happened. Although the baby was proof that it did. He had been online recently. He posted a lot. Luckily, his status was still single. Ben was a bit older than me. Five years. There were a lot of posts about student life. The dorm rooms he lived in. It seemed like he was in a good situation. I scrolled until January, stopping at a picture of me sleeping.

The text read {Sleeping Beauty. How did I get this lucky?}

I haven’t had the guts to contact him or even fantasize about the photos or anything we did together. I didn’t want to pine for a European guy that only saw me as a holiday fling. He hadn’t said anything to me since the day at the airport. He had the decency to come and see me off and greet my parents. I had cried a little. I wasn’t really a strong person. Ben hugged me but didn’t say anything. That was the last I saw of him. He walked away as we went through security.

Seeing the post gave me a little hope. Maybe, just maybe, he was missing me too.

***

Juliet

Later that day, we sat in the shade of some trees at break. Charlene, Carl, and I were at our usual spot on the lawn, using our bags as cushions and relaxing. Lying to them about where I had been the whole week was becoming a problem. They weren’t stupid and suspected I led a less-than-ordinary life. Carl especially pushed hard for me to tell them what really happened.

After I passed out in the room, we stayed in that house because bringing me back wasn’t an option. I needed to detox. It took me three days to wake up, and when I did… I wasn’t myself. The guy didn’t finish his experiment with the baby or me, so I could only hope I was not turning into a mindless ‘zombie vampire.’ Just thinking about that thing behind the glass made me cringe. A mixture of gunk, oozed out of her leathery skin, where it was disintegrating. Those glowing white eyes and... there was that thing around her jaw, covering her mouth… I shook my head, trying to forget how scared I really was. Ending up like that filled my dreams at night.

Going to a hospital would have brought about too many questions. Staying away was the best to avoid my friends being dragged into the mess that was my life. The three adults there had outnumbered Mr. Tailored, and he didn’t dare come back. He also had his escape planned. Louis and my dad couldn’t track him.

When Mom and I came back home over the weekend, Louis stayed there with my dad, helping wipe away the evidence of the experiments the guy was performing. I made sure they put the animals out of their misery. Dad even had to call Uncle Sam to help us find the babies’ parents and tell him everything. Of course, I wasn’t privy to that conversation.

Saying goodbye to the little cub was bittersweet. The parents were so thankful that everything I went through seemed worth it. It appeared that he used the cub but didn’t inject him with anything. My mom and dad didn’t think my actions were honorable at all. I heard it all week long. How stupid I was. How grounded I was—for a month.

I was still too emotional and angry when Louis and my dad finally came home. The way he had handled me in that alley. I had enough to deal with. I couldn’t face Louis and stuck to my room. It seemed that he liked me, but I didn’t like the way he treated me. He wanted control. Only thinking about him made me so mad. I had to shake myself, getting lost in my thoughts.

That led me to think about Chris, who I was avoiding. If I wanted to, I could push him and find out what he thought about me disappearing in front of him. However, the last thing I wanted to do was come across as childish or overeager, using our interchange as a segue. He had to know I had feelings for him. Going to hurdles practice was out of the question. I couldn’t go on with the year like nothing had happened. Falling into my old routine of staring at him… seemed stupid. Especially after Charlene and Carl told me, he hadn’t come looking for me Wednesday or during the week. So, I concluded that he was also avoiding me. If he didn’t go into a whole meltdown after our meeting… good for him. He was going to ignore the entire episode—it suited me just fine. The two men could go to hell for all I cared.

A few other kids from another click came to sit with us and talked about going out that weekend. Carl bumped me in my side to get my attention. It seemed I had been daydreaming and staring up into the sky. Going out that Friday was just what I needed. Normal teenager stuff. Clubbing, dancing, drinking, and having fun.

“Come on! What do you say? Let’s go to that other club in the square. We can usually get in there. It’s such a fun place on the weekends,” Mandy said.

I didn’t answer.

“I’m in. My parents are having one of their parties at our house. I do not want to be there,” Charlene said in a grossed-out tone.

“Do you think that my parents are also invited?” I asked.

“They always are.”

I frowned, wondering if my parent’s grounding was superficial or were they planning to leave me home alone? I wanted to growl when I thought they might ask Louis to babysit me, “I’ll go,” I almost yelled. The thought of his condescending tone was too much. Everyone stared at me. “Would it be okay if I used you as an excuse? I would have to lie to my parents and fake a sleepover,” I asked Mandy.

“Yeah, sure. You can drive with us Friday night… Jerry is going to be there,” she said in such a way that I should’ve felt honored that she was trying to get us back together. Carl and I shared a concerned glance about the news.

“Can’t you get rid of him, Mandy?” Charlene suggested.

“No, it’s okay… Carl won’t leave my side,” I said quickly. My ex-boyfriend was a safer option than the old man treating me like an idiot. Carl jumped up and boxed the air I supposed was Jerry’s face. I snorted, “Why are you so uncool?” He straddled me. Tickled me until I flinched from pain. Not only was I drugged, but assaulted in the worst way. Hit and tossed around like a rag.

“Sorry.” He got off quickly. “Did I hurt you?”

“Laughing hurts my insides.”

He spun around, “You better prep your friends, Mandy. You might think it’s awesome going out with low lives like that, but Juliet doesn’t. Don’t try to get them back together or help Jerry out… If Jerry’s friends can’t keep him in line, I’ll have to do it.”

Mandy lifted her hands into the air, “I don’t like the guy either... But… Juliet once did.”

I rolled my eyes, not at her, at myself. I had only myself to blame for going out with one of the bad boys. Stupid Juliet! Wasn’t that one of my rules? Or were all men bad… in some way or another.

“You know Jerry is Owen’s best friend. He bugs me about you all the time!”

I had to sigh, “Is that why you asked us to go with you? Jerry?”

“No… I asked because Lincoln keeps nagging us to bring you guys out again.” Everybody turned their heads, and all pairs of eyes were on Charlene.

I laughed, “There you have it. Being beautiful has its advantages.”

Charlene freaked out. Her reaction wasn’t at all fun. Usually, she could come up with a witty remark, but she didn’t and stormed off all mad. Confused, we stared after her as she walked away.

“What was that all about?” Carl asked. “Did something happen with Lincoln we don’t know about?”

I didn’t wait and went after her.

“Does this mean you guys won’t come with?” Mandy asked worriedly.

“No, we’re going!” I heard Carl yell, coming up behind me and helping me.

Carl and I caught up to Charlene. “What’s wrong?” I asked. She ignored me. I grabbed her arm, “Charlene… Stop!” She shrugged me off and kept walking. Carl stood by nervously. I didn’t know what to do to get her attention. “It seems we all have secrets we’re unwilling to share with the others,” I spat out. She spun around. A single tear ran down her cheek. “Hey! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. It doesn’t matter, okay.” I pulled her into my embrace. She didn’t fight me and hugged me back. Carl’s eyes spoke volumes. I stretched mine, asking him what was going on. He shrugged, wrapped his arms around us, and enveloped us tightly.

When she was all cried out, I went with her to the bathroom. She blew her nose and splashed some water on her face. After staring at herself in the mirror for a while, she said, “I just really need a break.”

I nodded, “You mean a break like this weekend?”

“Yeah… Let’s go on Friday and enjoy ourselves a bit. We haven’t gone out in forever. I need to have fun.”

“That’s how I feel too. I want to forget about everything for a few hours….” She fixed her hair. “One of these days, we’re going to have to come clean about everything,” I suggested. Tears pooled again. She swallowed them back, pressing fingers into eye sockets. How could I judge her? I didn’t want to tell them I killed people to stay alive.

***

Thursday

Louis hadn’t been to our house that whole week. I saw him at school, but it was like I didn’t even exist. After our talk Monday morning… I was more confused than ever. He basically declared himself to me and forgot that it ever happened. I thought he was doing it on purpose so I could feel his absence. I kind of missed him pushing himself into my life. It felt good having someone who wanted me. I liked him; he was funny and exciting, but I wouldn’t be the only one who opened up and got nothing back. We haven’t spent any time together—it was just one day. So much happened that I couldn’t help wondering why he was avoiding me.

Then, Thursday evening, he pitched up out of the blue. Louis mainly talked to my parents around the coffee table. I sat and listened as they discussed trivial matters. When Friday came up in their discussion, Louis readily agreed to come and stay with me while my parents went to the party at Charlene’s house. I knew it! My hackles rose—the three of them were ruling my life.

“I wanted to ask if I can sleep at Mandy’s house with Charlene? She also doesn’t want to see you guys going on like teenagers,” I was lying to my parents again. After what happened, I felt guilty doing it. They always came running when things went wrong…. But they still hadn’t talked to me about anything. It was driving me up the wall. I was acting more out of frustration than anything else. A drunken night was all I needed. To be away from all the vampires in my life, trying to control me.

My mom laughed, “How do you feel today? Do you think you will be able to manage?”

“Yeah. I feel much better. No more headaches,” another lie. I pulled my legs up underneath me, hoping and wishing nothing was going to go wrong at the club.

“I don’t mind. Of course, you can go.”

“Thanx, Mom.” I excused myself. I was tired and wanted to get out of there.

Before I even got to the steps, Louis spoke, “She isn’t well enough. Juliet, I still need to talk to you. Friday night would be perfect.”

I rolled my eyes. Yeah right! You had the whole week. I thought to myself. Louis was trying to get my parents to change their minds, and it ticked me off even more. I spun around, “Look, it’s one night. I’m at a friend’s house. We can talk some other time, okay?”

Concerned, my parents’ eyes traveled from Louis to me, “Is everything alright between you two?” My dad asked.

“We don’t know each other at all. How can anything be wrong?”

“Maybe you should spend some time with friends,” my mom suggested.

I left, sticking out my tongue at him behind my parent’s back. He shook his head. I knew it wasn’t my finest moment, but he didn’t deserve my best. I couldn’t deal with another boyfriend like Jerry—not again! At that moment, Louis made me feel more alone after the whole ordeal. It really didn’t bring us closer together like I hoped it would.