The World's First Dungeon Vs Zane

By the time Lily had gotten over the shock of seeing her mum's new state, her Uncle Tarn was already riding off with James clinging awkwardly to the back of his motorbike.

She turned toward her dad, who was still standing there, watching them disappear down the driveway with a massive grin on his face.
"Dad!" she called out. "Where are those two going? We only just got here!"

Zane spun around to face her, but his smile faltered. He rushed to explain,
"Well, um... James got a message from work or something. Said he really had to go. So Tarn offered to give him a lift to town."

Lily crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.
"He offered, did he? I bet. I know exactly what you two are doing. James is a good guy, you don't need to give him the Boyfriend Test."

Zane looked genuinely wounded.
"No, really!" he said. "He said it was important! He looked all panicked about it too!"

Lily narrowed her eyes but said nothing. She wasn't sure if she believed him, but honestly, with her mum looking like a miracle had just happened, it was hard to be mad about anything.

As Lily turned away, still suspicious, Zane scratched the back of his neck and watched the dust cloud where Tarn and James had disappeared.

Well... he thought, we were going to test him.
Nothing too serious, just a little nudge to see what kind of man wanted to date his little girl. Tarn had even come up with a few harmless "accidents" over the years a dropped tool here, a sudden flat tire there, maybe a casual comment about biker gangs just to see if they would bolt or stay.

Zane chuckled to himself.
Guess we didn't even need to bother.
The poor bloke had spooked himself before they even got the chance.

He glanced back at Lily, who was now wrapped up in a fierce hug from Bell, both of them laughing and crying all over again.
Yeah... there were more important things happening today.

He shoved his hands in his pockets as he waited for them to climb the ladder, then followed them up and into the kitchen as a wide genuine smile creeping back onto his face

Bell sat in the chair across from Lily and next to Kai, a tired but warm smile on her face. Her fingers lightly tapped the edge of her mug as she met Lily's eyes.

"Lily," Bell started, her voice softer than usual. "There's something we need to tell you. Something I only found out last night."

At those words, Kai practically jumped up from the table. "Um, I'll go help Dad do... stuff," he muttered, power-walking out of the room.

Lily just raised an eyebrow at his disappearing back before returning to her mother.

"What's going on, Mum? You've all been acting different. I know you're feeling better, but..." Lily trailed off, trying to find the words. "Is there something you're not telling me about?"

The air in the room felt heavier suddenly, like something important was hanging in the balance. She leaned back in her chair, folding her arms.

Bell took a deep breath. She was suddenly acutely aware of how much had changed in such a short time. Her body felt different, stronger — the pain that had plagued her for so long now barely a memory.

If I can kill goblins with a speargun, she thought, I can tell my daughter the truth.

"I didn't just get better from the cancer," Bell said finally. "I was... healed. By something. Something called the System."

Lily blinked, her mind spinning. "The System?" she echoed incredulously. "What are you talking about? Is this like... some kind of scam or cult thing? You're not telling me you joined some weird cult, are you?"

Bell's face softened, her expression pained. "I know how it sounds. Believe me, I do. But it's real. It's not a cult, and it's not a scam. It's... it's a kind of system."

As Bell struggled to explain, she had a flash of inspiration. "It's like the D&D games your dad used to make you play when you were little," she said quickly, watching Lily's face for any sign she was following.

There was a look of sheer disbelief, but Lily hadn't started yelling or storming off, so Bell continued.

"There's even item drops from the monsters sometimes. Your dad and Tarni got a minor healing potion. So of course they came up with a plan to give it to me."

Bell paused as Lily raised a finger like she wanted to interrupt, but then lowered it again without speaking.

"So, the problem was," Bell went on, "the healing potion only works if you've been initialised into the System. Luckily, your dad has Appraisal — wait, did I tell you about skills yet? Never mind." She caught herself before she got too sidetracked.

"Anyway, long story short: I had to kill a goblin to become part of the System so I could drink the healing potion."

At that, Lily put her face in her hands, rubbing her forehead like she was trying to fight off a headache. Then, in as normal a voice as she could muster, she asked just one question:

"Did it work?"

Bell blinked. "Did what work?"

With a slow, controlled sigh, Lily asked again, "The healing potion. Did it work?"

Bell's face split into the biggest grin Lily had ever seen. "Yes. Yes, it did."

Lily stayed calm on the outside, but inside, her mind was racing. This is completely crazy. What's really going on? Should I believe any of this?

This is Mum, she reminded herself. She's never pulled a prank like this. She's never lied to me about anything important, ever.

That thought snapped her out of the spiral. And suddenly, another thing clicked into place — why had Kai left the table so fast without even trying to explain?

Leaning back into her chair, Lily asked softly, "Okay. Tell me all the details about killing goblins."

For the next ten minutes, Bell told her everything: from Zane finding her a speargun, to the second lot of goblins that helped her level up, including her titles and skills.

After that, Lily decided she needed more proof.

Dragging Bell along, Lily hunted down Zane and Kai out the front of the house, weapons nearby, just in case. She practically interrogated them both.

Somehow, by the end, they were all wrapped up in a family hug, laughing and crying at the same time — a strange, wild moment that somehow felt exactly right.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

With the noise of Tarni coming back down the dive way on his bike

Lily eventually pulled herself away from the huddle. She waited for her Uncle Tarn to park and get off his bike. She was a bit miffed that James did not appear to be with him. Then she thought it was probably a good thing he was not here with this crazy system thing and goblins. So with a hardy breath, she said.
"Alright, seriously though, we don't have a lot of time," she said, her tone shifting to business. "The hospital people — you know, the palliative care nurses — they'll be here soon. They're bringing all the stuff to set Mum up. IV drips, a hospital bed, the whole deal. Probably within the hour."

She turned to face the house head-on, knowing the most important question to ask first.
"So. Where the hell are the stairs?!"

Bell's head snapped around to look, and her face immediately paled.
"Oh no," she whispered.

Zane stiffened like he'd been jabbed in the ribs.
"Ah... we, uh... might've, y'know, temporarily misplaced them?" he said, voice rising at the end like it might somehow sound less ridiculous.

Tarni, standing nearby with his arms folded, gave a low whistle.
"Bugger me, I didn't even think about the hospital mob."

They all stood there for a beat, staring at the now very obvious, very unmissable steel ladder leading up to the house like it was mocking them.
Bell let out a little squeak and grabbed Zane's arm.
"Zane! What are we going to do? I can't be climbing a ladder in front of them like some — some — bushranger!"

Panic buzzed through the air like static. Even Tarni, usually cool as a cucumber, started glancing around like he expected the hospital van to come roaring down the driveway any second.

Bell, Zane, Tarni, and Lily scrambled into action like a herd of startled emus.

"Quick, quick!" Bell hissed, half-laughing, half-panicking. "Find something! Anything!"

Zane, thinking fast, grabbed a couple of old outdoor chairs and stacked them awkwardly at the base of the ladder, like that would somehow explain everything. Tarni, not to be outdone, started dragging a bit of broken latticework over, pretending to examine it like a detective at a crime scene.

Just as Zane was about to suggest throwing a tarp over the whole disaster, the sound of tyres crunching on gravel echoed up the driveway.

"They're here!" Lily squeaked.

Everyone immediately froze, looking about as casual as a bunch of possums caught raiding a fruit stand.
The white van pulled up, and two nurses in neat uniforms hopped out, cheerful and professional—until their eyes landed on the front of the house.

Their smiles faltered.

One of them, a no-nonsense woman with sharp eyes and a clipboard, blinked slowly.
"Uh... hello," she said, voice tight. "We're here to set up Mrs Rider's palliative care equipment?"

"Yep! Yep, right here! Right on schedule!" Zane said brightly, clapping his hands together like an overenthusiastic game show host.

The nurse glanced pointedly at the missing stairs and the steel ladder glinting in the sun.
"Is there... another entrance?" she asked slowly.

Tarni, without missing a beat, stepped forward, scratching the back of his head and putting on his best 'bush local' voice.
"Ah, yeah, funny thing. Bloody white ants. Ate the stairs right out from under us yesterday. Real bad infestation. Had to rip the whole lot down, safety reasons."

The two nurses exchanged a look that very much said "We aren't paid enough for this."

"White ants?" the clipboard nurse repeated skeptically.

"Yep!" Zane said, nodding so hard he nearly gave himself whiplash. "Vicious little buggers. You leave so much as a splinter around here, they'll have it for breakfast."

Bell, who had been desperately trying not to laugh, nodded solemnly.
"I almost fell through this morning. Lucky Zane was there to catch me," she added, trying to look frail again, though the healthy glow on her face made it extremely unconvincing.

There was a long, painful silence.

Finally, the second nurse — a older man with a bit more humour in his eyes—gave a tight smile.
"Right. White ants. Of course." Turning to Bell he asked

"Mrs Rider?" she nodded while pretending to need Zane's help to stand there.

"Do you feel you need the equipment today?" he asked with concern in his voice

"No, I'm fine, really."

He had been doing this for a long time and knew with some very sick people, once they decided to let go, they seemed to get better for a day or two, then they would pass in their sleep. So with that thought He pulled out his phone. "I'll just call the office and let them know we'll need to reschedule the equipment delivery... until you, uh, have stairs again."

Tarni gave a casual shrug.
"No worries, mate. Should only take a day or two. Zano here's a gun at dodgy renovations."

Zane shot him a glare but said nothing.

The nurses retreated to their van with muttered excuses, and the moment they pulled away, everyone collapsed in laughter.

"White ants!" Bell gasped, clutching her ribs.
"Mate, that was gold," Zane wheezed.
Tarni gave a theatrical bow.

"Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week — try the veal."

As the van rattled back down the driveway, everyone slowly wiped the tears of laughter from their faces.

"Well," Bell said, still chuckling, "that went better than it could have."

Tarni nodded, grinning. "Yeah, reckon we handled that pretty bloody well."

Zane clapped him on the back. "White ants, mate. Classic."

But then Lily crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.
"You do realise they'll be back, right? With even more people. Probably thinking they'll need to bring safety inspectors. Maybe the council."

The laughter died quicker than a snakebite.

Bell grimaced. "Bugger."

Zane scratched his chin. "Can't rebuild the stairs. That's how the goblins got in last time."

"Yeah," Tarni added, "they're cheeky little bastards, they'll be back soon as we make it easy."

They all stood there, staring at the gaping hole where the stairs should have been, the metal ladder looking less and less like a clever solution and more like a glowing neon sign that said "illegal deathtrap."

"So," Lily said sweetly, "what's the new plan, geniuses?"

The three of them looked at each other.

"Uhh," Zane said slowly, "maybe... build fake stairs?"

"Yeah!" Tarni jumped in, excited. "Like a trap. Make it look real nice, but if anyone or anything steps wrong, bam! Straight down into a pit."

Lily rolled her eyes.
"Or, crazy idea, we could tell the hospital we're doing extensive renovations and Mum's gonna stay somewhere else for a while."

Tarni pouted. "But the trap idea's way more fun."

Zane looked between them, then sighed heavily.
"First things first — We need to get Lily into the system

So... let me guess," she said slowly, crossing her arms. "Now you want me to kill a goblin too?"

Bell smiled, a little sheepish. Zane shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground. Kai suddenly found a very interesting stick to kick around. No one said anything.

Lily sighed heavily. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Only if you want to stay healthy," Zane said carefully, giving her a sideways grin. "And, you know... maybe get some magic healing potions. Or super strength. Or... uh, at least not get eaten."

"Yeah, real inspirational speech there, Dad," Lily muttered. She pinched the bridge of her nose, thinking hard. "Fine. Fine! I'll do it. I'll kill a bloody goblin. But if one of you says 'critical hit' or tries to hand me a 'starter quest' map, I swear to God I'm moving in with Auntie Meg."

Tarni, who had just wandered back from the shed, snorted with laughter. "No promises, mate."

Bell just smiled proudly and squeezed Lily's hand. "You're going to do great."

Lily gave them all a dark look that promised violence if anyone said otherwise.

"Alright," she said grimly. "Where's my bloody spear gun?"

They set up behind the house where the ground was flat and clear, perfect for Lily's very serious spear gun training. Zane handed her the spear gun like it was some sacred relic.

Lily took it, weighed it in her hands, and immediately pointed it at the ground.

"Step one," Zane said quickly, stepping well out of the way. "Don't point it at anything you're not ready to kill."

Tarni snickered behind him. "Even the ants are looking nervous, mate."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Relax. I'm just figuring out where the trigger is."

Bell called from the back porch, laughing, "It's not a hairdryer, darling!"

"Alright, alright!" Lily snapped, adjusting her grip. "So what do I do?"

"First," Zane said, "you aim it — like this." He pantomimed shouldering a gun with exaggerated seriousness. "Then you pull the trigger gently."

Tarni leaned in, grinning like a fool. "Or you scream like a maniac and charge. That works too sometimes."

Lily gave him a dirty look. "Very reassuring."

Kai had set up a 'practice goblin' — which was really just an old plastic Santa Claus lawn ornament with a mop for hair and a smiley face drawn in permanent marker.

"Right," Zane said, clapping his hands. "Target's ready. Show us what you got!"

Lily squared her shoulders, narrowed her eyes, lined up the shot...

Thunk.

The spear sailed wide, missing Santa entirely and embedding itself in the side of the ute with a sad little clank.

There was a beat of stunned silence.

Kai's mouth opened in horror. "Uh... Dad's gonna be real mad when he sees—oh wait, he's standing right there."

Zane rubbed his face. "That's... that's fine. Just fine."

Tarni was laughing so hard he had to lean against the wall for support.

"Good news, mate! If the goblins ever learn to drive, you're a deadly shot."

Bell gave Lily a thumbs-up.

Lily, red-faced but determined, stomped over to retrieve the spear. "Shut up. Nobody gets it right the first time."

Zane smiled, watching her storm back to the line. "That's the spirit."

"Yeah," Tarni added. "Miss 'em so bad, they die of confusion."

"Training montage, take two!" Kai shouted, pulling up his phone to film this attempt as well.