The World of Strife

I finished healing Camilla's injured arm. She thanked me with a hesitant smile, but I noticed that the girl seemed to avoid making eye-contact with me for more than the briefest of times.

Eventually she couldn't even keep that farce up, as her gaze kept staring at the ground before her, unable to meet my inquisitive look.

"Hey, you alright? Your arm should be fine now, are you hurt anywhere else?" — I asked.

She sighed, then answered hesitantly. — "No… I-… I am fine, but… Why aren't you angry?" — She sounded genuinely confused.

I blinked, unsure how to react.

"It was my fault again." — She continued. — "I bring misfortune to all the people around me… just as Sarah said…" — She paused and added shakily. — "I almost got you killed… then I run away…" — Her shoulders shook with silent sobs. — "It turns out I was the coward all along, not you… I am so sorry… I…"

I gently grasped her hands, trying to get her attention, while also offering a bit of comfort to the shaken woman.

"You didn't just run away, Camilla… You did that to get us help, and you did a good job luring away those goblins too. If not for that, I don't think Alita or I would be here now… It's not like you could fight off a bunch of armed goblins with your injury." — I chided her gently, trying to calm her down. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to work as she raised her voice in protest.

"No, you don't understand… it was my idea, I forced you to do as I wanted… because… because." — Her expression morphed into a mix of grief, hatred, and sorrow as she admitted. — "I wanted to make them suffer! For all the pain they caused me and-and… you were the easiest way I could achieve some sort of revenge for my friends…"

Tears run down her face, creating clean paths over her dust covered cheeks. — "I didn't think straight… Aria is right to hate me… I never thought that instead of getting my revenge I might lose you too… I can't loose you as well, I never wanted that, you must believe me!" — She grasped my arm with a desperate look in her eyes as she pleaded for my forgiveness. I wasn't angry at her. I accepted her reasoning before we went out, I was just as responsible as she was, and I am not going to blame a young girl when even I got in over my head. Which is shameful enough in itself.

"I believe you." — I said, offering her a serious look. — "I am not blaming you for my own foolishness. I went with your plan not because you forced me to, but because I didn't see any better option at the time. I still can't use my magic effectively from this position, it's just… we didn't think it through…"

She took in my words and nodded slowly. — "Thank you…" — She said, drying off her tears. — "I won't let you down again…" — She added, while preparing herself for what was coming. The surrounding soldiers were getting ready for our last desperate attack, we needed to get rid of the enemy mages.

My eyebrows creased, and my insides constrained from the tension that spread over our forces.

I was still in shock from all the terrors this day unleashed upon me, but seeing my dear friends suffering was an entirely different type of torture. I could feel my arms starting to shake under the intense emotions swirling inside me, and I decided to let go of Camilla's hand. It would be contra productive to let the girl realize my internal turmoil.

I supportively patted Camilla's shoulder, asking gently. — "Will you be alright? I will be over there if you need me…"

Camilla nodded while drying off the last of her tears.

I straightened up, turning away from my friend. My muscles were tense, my insides swirling with disgust and fury whenever my thoughts wandered back to my own helplessness. How easy it was for the enemy to take advantage of me, how easily they humiliated me, just because of a momentary lack of attention.

I shook my head forcefully, trying to scatter the suffocating memories, but they quickly came back with their haunting intensity.

I felt stiff, my body subtly shaking with anger born from my own vulnerability. My skin shivered as I involuntarily recalled the cruel touch of that woman, the thought alone was enough to create a prickling sensation under my skin. Seeing my worried friends and companions was only the cherry on the cake. I bit my lip, trying to subdue my boiling rage.

"So this is the true extent they are willing to go." — I ground the words out while staring towards the frontline.

I was locked in a strange mental state. I felt terrified, yet at the same time I couldn't wait to unleash my fury on those bastards who made me feel so miserable.

My eyes narrowed as I tightened my grip on the staff, my knuckles paling under the strain. The memories of my strife flashed in front of my eyes once again, making me flinch from the dehumanizing experience.

My left hand reached up to my sensitive neck, touching it tentatively. I could immediately feel the tender, raw skin. Right where I was strangled by that evil woman. Understanding the cruel reality that these dark elves and their ilk were truly thinking of us as something beneath them. In their eyes, we were less than people, just mere toys to satisfy their urges or offer them momentary gains and positions. The complete disregard for life.

Of course, I have known it already. However, I still secretly hoped that not all of them were like that. You can't just hate a complete race based on a few personal experiences.

For one, I expected that dark elven women would be different. They would not endorse a society that treated them like cattle. The memory of those lust-filled red eyes containing so much cruelty blinked into my thoughts, and I shivered involuntarily.

It was ironic to be slapped in the face by the harsh reality.

I believed that I had no more delusions regarding this, but I was wrong.

"Fine then, if they want war, I will give them war." — I closed my eyes tightly, diving into my internal library of spells, which were given to me by a pair of gods, who I didn't know what to make of. One of them was warm and supportive in its own way, while the other seemed to be more keen on mocking me.

Even so, one thing couldn't be denied. They have given me power and knowledge, and they could give me more, if they choose to do so. That much have already been proven, seeing my mostly useless creation runes. It was a pity that I didn't go to the temple before all hell broke loose… Then again, how could I expect something like this to happen?

I shook my head, feeling listless from all the speculation. It doesn't matter anymore, let's focus on my current spells, there must be something here that I can use?

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I focused on my internal list of spells while focusing my intent on finding a spell that could reveal the location of the enemy mages.

My thoughts were drawn towards three particular spells, and I focused on them one by one. First, the one that was calling for my attention most intensively. The moment my mental eyes glanced at the particular spell, I flinched. Mumbling a few incoherent curses under my breath.

Of course, it was blood magic! It was true that I said, I would rather use blood magic than get caught by dark elves again. Still, I was not so stupid to actually do it in front of so many people…

I sighed internally, then focused on the other two spells that were still calling for my attention.

The next spell was called clairvoyance. That seemed interesting, and even potentially helpful. I focused my mind on the spell even further and quickly felt several sentences worth of information flowing into my conscious thoughts.

It was always a strange sensation when knowledge that was buried into my mind suddenly got unlocked and openly flowed into my thoughts. The words simultaneously felt familiar yet new, creating the feeling of recalling a distant memory.

I shook my head lightly, getting rid of the strange dizziness. Right, I need to focus, no time to dally, girl, you are in the middle of a battlefield, remember? Refocusing on the information, I absorbed the spell's succinct description.

To see beyond the veil, to glimpse the essence of the immaterial, is a heavy burden, but undoubtedly useful. Having this knowledge may result in vivid dreams that may or may not contain glimpses of the future and the past. To trigger it willingly, you need to meditate while holding a physical focus. Ideally, an item that is closely related to the subject you wish to observe. Without sufficient focus, the result of the spell will most certainly fail to provide substantial and trustworthy information.

I opened my eyes, mulling over the description of the spell. Vivid dreams… huh? Is this spell the reason I continuously keep having these absurd nightmares? Seriously, even Bella asked if I was alright the other day… Even I bristled at the sight of myself in the mirror, those were some concerning dark circles under my eyes.

Still, I believed that my nightmares were only a side effect, an understandable result of all the crazy things that happened to me recently. Perhaps that was only partially true, great… does this means I won't be able to sleep normally? Mayhap the skill only tried to alert me for the incoming attack? If so, I failed miserably in recognizing the signs.

I guess I should seriously study the rest of my spells… I keep pushing it off, since I know if I study them in detail I would also want to try them out. The circumstances weren't ideal for that, at least most of the time. A tired sigh parted my lips once more. Of course, I already have a general idea about my spells, since I superficially browsed over them quite a few times. Still… whenever I start reading them in detail… I always feel awkward seeing those weird incantations. Then that incident with blood magic… there might be even more incantations that are dangerous to even recall silently.

My sole saving grace was that I recently realized, I don't need to shout the incantations for them to take effect. I can speak them normally or even whisper, and it would still work fine.

Recalling the times I was shouting the spells as loud as I could back in the forward base of the dwarven outposts' practice field, makes me want to dig a hole and jump in it. I done that in front of a whole audience of dwarves! I could feel my cheeks heating up from the thought alone…

I felt a hand touching my shoulder, I flinched, whipping my face around to meet the concerned look of Alita.

I blinked, then said. — "Y-yes, did you say something?"

The dwarven girl, with her still very much bloodied and damaged armour, narrowed her eyes at me. She stepped closer, giving me an inquiring look. — "Are you sure you are fine, Selora? Don't think I didn't notice that you barely healed yourself." — The girl scolded me while thoughtlessly brushing some of my hair out of my face.

I gently stepped away from her, feeling uncomfortable with the unexpectedly familiar gestures of the woman. — "I… I am fine, you don't have to worry."

Alita stared at me, she was clearly annoyed with my dismissal, but she acknowledged it nonetheless. — "Your body might be fine." — She admitted before adding with a lot more seriousness. — "How do you feel on the inside?"

My eyes widened seeing her intense look. Her brown eyes in the shadows of the trenches seemed to have turned almost black, giving them the uncanny sensation that they would cut through any lies. I couldn't help but look aside.

"Not so fine, is it?" — The girl stated the obvious after witnessing my reaction. — "There is no shame in it, you know? You didn't do anything wrong, things like this… well, there is a reason even dwarves try to dissuade women from joining the ranks. My father was enraged when he figured out that I secretly joined the military. He went as far to pull some strings and station me permanently on the capital reserves. I thought I will never see any actual combat, but here we are. Still, you can bet the only reason I am on the fields today is because my fater is not in the city right now, and someone needed to lead our soldiers. Dang it, I hope the rest of my men are doing fine."

We paused for a bit as I thought through her words. — "Uhm… thanks for saying it. Honestly… I was… well, that was really terrifying… Not sure what else to say."

"You don't have to say anything… while I can't say I have experienced anything similar, I can mostly imagine it…" — There was a heavy pause between the conversation, before Alita added in a cheeky manner. — "Still, what was that about you being a man?"

My body went stiff, and my face paled as Alita chuckled to herself.

"I mean…" — She laughed. — "You really threw that bitch on a loop there… For a second I thought she will jump off you. Haha! I mean, you are clearly not a man, to have the energy for jokes even in such a dire situation. You are something else, girl."

Alita's smile wavered the second her gaze fell back on my pale expression. Worry once again contorting the brunette's face. — "Hey? Are you sure you are fine? You look like someone who have seen a ghost! Oh! I-I shouldn't have brought up this topic so soon… I am sorry, would you like to sit down?"

Seeing the fussing Alita, Camilla also came over to us, asking if I was alright. Making the situation slightly more awkward. Damn it… she heard me saying that!

I was literally dying inside. What would these medieval people think of me if they realized that I am an old man in a young girl's body? I would sooner acknowledge that I am a blood mage than admit something like that. They would think me crazy and dismiss it, or worse, they would believe me, and in that case there is no question about it, they would lynch me!

I hate my life at times like this! Why was I not born as a young man again!?

Aria's words cut through my silent despair as Alita and Camilla argued over my condition. — "Girls, I hope you have caught your breath, because we just got the news the advance is about to continue. Also… I don't want any of you getting out of my sight this time around." — The aura around the infamous wood elf seemed to grow heavier by the second as she stared at us. — "If you do… well, let's just say you won't like what is coming for you."

All three of us nodded in a frenzy.

Aria snorted and said in a commanding tone. — "Good, now follow me."

I was pushed ahead by the other girls like a shield of sorts before I could realize what was going on.

Alita whispered to Camilla in a surprised voice. — "By the paragons, that woman is intense!"

Camilla sniffed, her nose scrunched up derisively. — "She is so mean… my face still stings from her slap. My ears were ringing too… but it stopped recently. I thought I was going to die!"

Alita giggled. — "Oh, I can imagine. She even slapped poor Selora. I thought her hair was going to fly off her head that time."

Camilla paled, her face snapping towards mine in a pleading expression. — "Ugh… I am so sorry… you didn't deserve that… It should have been me…"

I was about to argue when Aria's infuriated voice broke our squabble.

"Is that so? Well, while I can't take back a slap… if you feel particularly guilty, I can still give you a few more. That way your conscience might be eased, dear Camilla."

Camilla's expression paled, she shook her head left then right quite violently while mumbling under her breath. — "That would likely clear my conscience for all my future sins too…"

Aria stopped and said with a quirked eyebrow, staring at the human lass over her shoulder. — "Did you say something?"

"N-n-no n-need… Lady Aria… I will be fine!"

"That's what I thought." — Aria added with finality as we continued our way towards the gathering forces.

Ugh… and I just realized, I completely forgot about my third spell… I took a last quick glance at the spell in question, while being huddled over by my whispering friends.

It was a curious spell… familiar summoning? Hmm… I will have to get back to this later…