The World of Strife

I woke up after a good amount of sleep this time. My mind felt clear and responsive again, making the previous day's drowsiness feel like a bad dream. I sighed and stretched my body still under the blanket, popping a few bones in the process. Then slowly sat up, looking around curiously, trying to rub the lingering sleep out of my eyes.

The air was comfortably warm in the barracks, just like yesterday. I also realized that I was sleeping in the lower part of one of the bank beds. I didn't even notice it until now. I must have been truly out of it.

There was another thing that I needed to take care of… I had to find the toilet.

I crawled out of bed, looking over my body for the first time without the thick robe covering it. Seeing the outlines of my new body, the first thought that came to mind was "slim". Not slim, in a visually attractive way. But slim in the: you might fall over from a stronger breeze.

I mean… I could see the outline of my breasts through the thin fabric of my chemise. Could see the white bra under the shirt… Thinking those words in my head felt awkward, but it was high time to assess the situation…

I am a girl now. Better to accept it sooner rather than later, because this is not going to change.

A light shiver ran up my lower back as I, for the first time, looked at the world around me with the conscious understanding that this was going to be my new reality. It already is.

I looked around the room suspiciously. Not seeing or hearing anybody, I carefully cupped my breasts with my hands.

A pink blush grazed my generally pale features almost immediately. They felt soft, a bit more sensitive than I was used to, but nothing extraordinarily unusual. Yet the entire action somehow felt wrong for me to do. I quickly let go of them as if burned by something. I felt dreadful from the thought that someone might see me in this awkward situation.

I might have looked like a teenage girl from the outside, but I was not a girl on the inside. I was an old man who lived an average life, made a lot of mistakes, did a few things right, and accepted the hand that life gave me a long time ago.

When you are young, full of energy and spite. You tend to believe that the world will always bend to your will, and sometimes it may seem that it does. However, as you get older, accumulate more experience, and widen your understanding of the world, you begin to slowly realize that most of your actions were meaningless in the grand scheme of things. Then, after a certain amount of time, you start to lose things, at first only partially, then more and more: family, friends, health, purpose…

There will be a time when you look around and realize that you barely recognize the world that you live in. That there are fewer and fewer things you remember or feel a connection to. That will be the time you begin to lose hope.

Yet my thoughts lingered on the topic for a while.

My breasts, just like the rest of my body, were petite. My hips did not have much shape to talk about, either; my bottom was a bit better in that regard. As I looked at my thin arms next, pulling up the sleeve of my shirt, I realized that there was some misconception about my earlier observation.

I gasped with genuine surprise, seeing the feminine layers of slender muscles running along my forearm.

Was this an elven body characteristic, as well? I smirked, seeing the strange muscles work as I kept clasping my fingers into a fist, then releasing the grip, only to do it again in a second.

A rebellious thought appeared in my mind. Maybe I won't end up as a pushover in the end. Not with the slim layers of muscles covering my body.

Unfortunately, my bowel rebelled against further investigation. I hastily straightened my clothes as much as I could after a night of sleep, pulled on my boots, and left in search of a toilet.

It didn't take long before I ran into a pair of dwarves just returning to the barracks from a side corridor. I asked them about the toilet, and one of them pointed me in the right direction. I followed those directions and found the place easily.

The closet was a positive surprise. Just like everything in this place, it too was carved into a rock surface covered with a wooden seat. This was the first time I saw wood in this world. Even the torches were made of metal. All in all, it was a simple thing: a hole dug into the ground.

Ten minutes later, I left the toilet, surprisingly unaffected by the experience. Maybe I was over-dramatizing it in my head, or maybe taking a dump as a girl wasn't much of an experience after shitting myself or, in better cases, into a bedpan for two years in a hospital.

Humans tend to get used to everything over time, whether good or bad. I thought while washing my hands in a bowl of water, along with a bar of soap that was prepared in a corner outside the closet. I tried not to focus on the idea of how many others had washed their hands in that water already, but washing them with soap was still better than not doing anything.

Let's say I trusted that soap with my life now. Was that also considered a battle-bond? I chuckled from the thought, imagining Emrum's expression in case I asked him. Which I was not planning to do by any means.

Done with washing my hands, I dried them in one of the few towels hanging on the wall. That done, I remained standing in the same place, staring at an empty spot in front of my feet.

Suddenly, not having anything to focus on, I sighed heavily.

Yep, there were no remaining doubts about it. I am a girl now, through and through. It's funny that the gender change is the part I struggle the most to wrap my head around. Among all the changes surrounding me.

A good explanation could be that this particular change had the most immediate effects on my life. Next would be the existence of gods and magic. All of which was both refreshing and terrifying.

While walking back towards the direction of the barracks, I struggled to adjust to my surprisingly long chemise. Tugging it back into my black leather pants was a chore in itself.

While on my way to the barracks, I run into a familiar face. The man with a reddish beard looked at me and smiled.

"Morning… I would say, but this is more like early afternoon." — The man noted with an amused smirk. — "You must have overworked yourself trying to heal me, lass. I would be inclined to lecture you about it, if it wasn't my hide we were talking about."

I looked at him, a smile gracing my lips. My presence in this world has already proved useful by saving his life. There is no denying that, and the feeling was wonderful.
"I did not regret it, Emrum, and would do it again without a second thought… even more so since we became battle bound." — I added teasingly.

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The dwarf scratched the back of his head and mumbled something behind that beard of his.

My ears twitched, catching the whispered phrase.

"Kids these days…"

A bout of annoyance rose in my chest. I looked at him and said.

"By the way, Emrum, how old are you?" — I asked innocently. The man, taken off guard by the abrupt change of topic, answered with little thought.

"Me? Eighty-four, why?" — The moment he saw my evil smile, he paled slightly and began. — "Don't even start, I can see what you think just from looking at you. Let me state it right away. It's not the same!"

I felt annoyed and immediately argued.

"Why? You are barely older than me! Why do you get to treat me like a child?"

The man looked at me and spoke slowly, like I was a fool to even ask the question.

"Because that's what you are." — Seeing my frustrated expression, he quickly continued before I could muster another argument.

"Look, Selora… Dwarves and elves age very differently. Dwarves are like sprouts jumping out of the ground compared to elf children. Which tend to be rare and guarded so closely that I never even considered one to be outside of elven cities. Not even mentioning the deep roads."

"Dwarfs are considered adults after their twentieth birthday. We live around two hundred to three hundred years at best. It's not just the mentality, but the physical side of it. You are not as tall as an adult elf. Which I should have noticed immediately, but I was not in my right mind, as you already know."

"Come on, that's just racist!" — I said, because it was. The dwarf looked at me like I was some strange bug and eventually said.

"I am not sure what you mean by that, but… if you haven't noticed, we do not belong to the same race, girl. Do you think that your twig-like body can pass as a dwarf? Even if you are not much taller than me for now. Not even a blind man would take you for a dwarf. Your voice is too melodic for that."

My ears drooped slightly, the wind taken out of my sails. I couldn't find any breach in his logic. Maybe being racist in a world that was filled with intelligent races that had actual differences and not variations of the same one was considered common sense?

Why was I even arguing with him about this? I must be more frustrated with everything than I thought.

Letting out a deep sigh, I conceded.

"Fine… but don't call me a kid all the time. At least call me Selora. It's annoying…"

The man laughed, then added happily.

"I was just teasing you, girl. No need to make a big deal out of it. I will stop if it bothers you."

I nodded. — "Thanks…"

There was a moment of silence, then the dwarf remembered something and said.

"Oh, yeah… You must be hungry. I intended to show you the dining room."

My eyes glinted with interest as the memory of yesterday's supper came alive.

"Is that so?" — I asked, attempting to hide my eagerness. Then added, hastily seeing his growing amusement. — "I would like that… thanks."

He shook his head slowly, then turned around and went into another side corridor. I followed him wordlessly, walking through a much larger complex than I initially anticipated. Thinking back to it, there was a reason to put the barracks so close to the entrance. In the case of an actual invasion, every minute counts. What better way was there to gain precious moments than sleeping just next to the doors? Those bunk beds could even be used to barricade the place, come to think of it.

When we got to the dining room, it was already empty. I wasn't surprised since it was supposed to be around two to three hours in the afternoon, based on what Emrum told me.

"I asked them to put a plate aside for you, lass. It wouldn't be good for you to go hungry after tiring yourself out yesterday." — The man mentioned lazily.

"Thank you for being so considerate, Emrum…" — I started, but the guy waved it off.

"You elves and your fancy words. Think nothing of it. I owe you way too much already."

I looked at the man curiously as he placed the spare plate of meat, similar to yesterday's menu, between us on the stone table, sitting down as well.

"You owe me nothing, Emrum…" — I said as his constant reminder of my thoughtless action started to feel uncomfortable.

He stopped in the process of throwing meat and boiled eggs between my plate and his own.

"You have an interesting interpretation of the value of my life, girl. Allow me to differ on that note. To me, it means quite a lot." — He said with a cunning smile curling at the edge of his lips. Barely visible under the rich combination of reddish facial hair.

I choked on the piece of meat, hearing his words. A bitter sense of panic was growing in my belly from the unfortunate misunderstanding.

Then I heard him snort. My ears twitched in annoyance, and I coughed with a flustered expression.

"Cough-cough… you are such a… cough! Bastard!"

He passed me a mug of milk from the side of the table, and I grabbed it, lifting it to my lips and gulping down most of the contents in one go.

When I put down the mostly empty mug, I felt much better. And my attention quickly wandered back to the plate of food.

"Easy, girl. Nobody is going to eat your food." — The man chuckled at me, slightly shaking from the effort to contain his jovial mood.

My eyes ticked.

"Then stop spouting nonsense. You know what I meant!"

He became serious for a second and nodded.

"You meant that I had to bring you along after you overexerted yourself."

I nodded, glaring at him suspiciously.

He continued his speech.

"However, you also misunderstand me, Selora. The fact that you even considered healing me should have been enough for you to have my favour for a lifetime. Yet you went so far as to put yourself into grave danger while being alone in the deep roads. I genuinely cannot fathom what was going through your head."

Was that so unusual to do? Hmmm…

"I mean…" — I began to answer. — "I did what everybody would do… It's not that much…"

I was interrupted by a maniacal laughter filling the empty hall.

Startled by Emrum's unexpected reaction, I jumped in my seat. Blinking at the man with a confused expression.

The moment he stopped laughing enough to look at me, he froze.

"Wait… you're serious?" — I continued to stare at him wordlessly. This caused the dwarf to furrow his brows in a fit of anger and disbelief. His expression was making me worried.

"The fuck is wrong with your head, kid?" — I winced as his words came out with an unexpected edge. One that I never heard before, not from him.

"Out there are the deep roads. Miles upon miles of tunnels built by our ancestors and their ancestors going back to the beginning of the first mountain formations appearing on the face of Rixa."

"Not even the wisest and most knowledgeable dwarf would underestimate its danger. Even with the help of your unique magic, you are just as vulnerable. That should be clear by now…" — He looked at me seriously, and I couldn't help but nod vigorously. — "If you go any deeper than this, there will be creatures living in the darkness, creatures that no mortal could dream to face. You can only hide from them and hope they won't notice your presence."

I gulped down another bite of the strangely sweet meat. Listening eagerly to Emrum's words.

His brown eyes wandered to mine, a spark of irritation filling his gaze. Just before he barked at me.

"Take this more seriously, girl, would you!?"

I quickly swallowed the piece of food in my mouth and said.

"I do, but I am hungry… please continue."

His face darkened for a second, then he huffed, slumping against his chair's backrest.

"Nah… I don't think so. Not if you continue to disrespect your elders…"

I ground my teeth from his snide scolding as I hissed at him between two bites.

"You are barely older than me!"

He looked at me, ignoring my comment.

"We are done talking about this." — The man said with a strange gleam in his eyes.

"…" — What a bullshit! I complained internally.

He then added in a sarcastic voice.

"Oh, and you might want to do something with that white mustache of yours before making an even bigger fool out of yourself."

I stared at him, confused. Then my thoughts returned to the mug of milk… My eyes widened with new apprehension, and my face burst into bright crimson. I quickly rubbed off the excess milk stuck to the skin just above my lips.

All the while, haunted by the gleeful laughter of Emrum coming at me across the table.

I can't believe I looked like that through the whole argument… I am such a fool!