The World Has Become Kinder to Her

The *Field of Truth* was a space where enemies could exchange information with the utmost courtesy and cunning. It was a place where not telling the truth would cost one their life, and the art lay in withholding as much of one’s own secrets while prying out as much of the other’s as possible.

Though Lotus and Theodore would not purposely try to deceive one another with the intent to kill, the risk remained the same. Even an accidental lie would not be forgiven by the Field of Truth.

‘He could just explain things normally. Why did he insist on using this method?’ Lotus wondered as Theodore, relaxed like a predator stretching, posed the first question.

“First question. Why do you think you died, Lotus?”

“…!”

Theodore had found a way to ask a question safely within this space. The word “think” was a near-universal loophole. Even if Lotus’s answer wasn’t entirely true, the question’s phrasing would still abide by the rules of the Field of Truth.

It was clear that Theodore had phrased the question with her safety in mind, which meant she had to answer as honestly as possible. But the first question was too intense. The nature of it made her feel vulnerable, and she hesitated, her lips not easily parting. Taking a sip of her iced tea, she moistened her lips before speaking.

“In the past… I thought I was in love with Lord Rikheus Hycen,” she admitted quietly, lowering her head, her face flushed with embarrassment. She covered her burning cheeks with her hands, feeling the weight of her own confession.

The tension in the room was palpable. Theodore’s lips curled slightly in a wry twist, Kenneth gripped his sword’s hilt tightly, and Frederick struggled to contain the energy threatening to escape him. All three men were now thinking about how brutally they would like to kill Rikheus.

Luckily, Lotus couldn’t see their expressions as they silently vowed to make Rikheus pay.

“When he said something deeply insulting to me, it felt like whatever fragile thing was holding me together just shattered. It was an excuse, of course. I was exhausted and ready to give up, and my weakness simply used that moment as an excuse to follow through on the plan I had already made in my mind.”

Theodore tapped the armrest of the sofa lightly with his fingers as he spoke.

“I’m curious as to why you haven’t mentioned the child. Though, of course, that’s not a question.”

“A child?”

Though it wasn’t a formal question, Lotus could tell that Theodore was puzzled. His mention of a child made her think of the strange dream she’d had the night before.

A possibility crossed her mind. 

‘Could even my memory of my death be distorted?’

Had she not simply committed suicide but died saving a child from drowning in the river?

The exhaustion and desire for death she had felt were genuine, but what if there was more to the story?

─ *It’s unfortunate that you tried to harm yourself, but it’s admirable that you tried to save someone else. As a reward for your good deed, I will grant you one wish.*

‘If I really did hear those words… could it be that I jumped into the river to end my life but ended up saving a drowning child instead?’

She needed to confirm it.

“Theodore, I apologize for interrupting, but I have a question for you. If you answer, I’ll be able to give you a more complete answer to your first question.”

“Go ahead,” Theodore replied smoothly.

“Tell me about the circumstances of my death as you know them.”

“…Very well.”

After taking a sip of his iced tea, Theodore glanced at Frederick and Kenneth before continuing, his usual faint smile absent.

“On April 27th, 679, at approximately 5:30 PM, you died saving a child who had fallen into the Venus River.”

His voice, devoid of its usual cadence, delivered the facts swiftly.

“The one who pulled your body from the river, not realizing it was you at first, was none other than the mage Frederick, who had tried to help.”

As soon as Theodore finished speaking, Lotus felt her heart sink. Her mind went blank.

─ *How far do you plan to push me? You watch over me with absurd excuses, trying to feed me food I don’t even want. Will I need to die, to disappear, for you to stop making me feel so miserable?*

─ *I was wrong, I admit it. But please, don’t say you want to die… please.*

Lotus remembered Frederick, kneeling before her in the dining hall. He had been the first to find her body in their past life. Now, she finally understood why his actions had always seemed excessive. 

She realized what her death had done to Frederick, the scars it had left on him. The weight of the pain he had endured hit her so hard that she couldn’t breathe properly. She couldn’t even bring herself to look in his direction.

Theodore, however, kept his gaze firmly on her as he continued speaking.

“Sir Kenneth spent nearly six months—”

“I was very sad, but I got through it, Lotus,” Kenneth interrupted quickly, cutting off Theodore’s words.

A lie. That had to be why Kenneth had silenced Theodore. Did they think her a fool?

Her eyes stung, and her chest ached even more, but no matter how prone she was to tears, she refused to cry now. She clenched her fists tightly, biting her lip to stop the tears from spilling over. She wouldn’t cry.

“This is the *Field of Truth*, isn’t it? Speak, Theodore,” Lotus demanded, referencing the binding rules of the space they were in.

Without hesitation, Theodore’s face remained emotionless as he recited the facts, as if delivering a clinical report.

“You died, and we began to search for the reason. Unable to find a clear answer, I sank into despair. Eventually, I turned to *Melinia*.”

Lotus knew what *Melinia* was. 

She suddenly found it difficult to breathe, her chest tightening as though something heavy had lodged in her heart.

“Kenneth was fortunate. He took the same drug, but Frederick’s condition was far worse. Mages have weak bodies, and the length of his consumption made it unbearable. Detoxing him was… irritating.”

Each word felt like a dagger, cutting deeper. While she had hoped that there would be people who grieved for her, she had never wanted it to lead to such destruction.

Gripping her chest as if to hold the pain in, Lotus asked quietly, “What about you?”

“…”

“Theodore William, what about you?” 

If this conversation had started, she had to hear it through to the end. Once they left this place, she knew he would never answer.

“Is that your second question?” Theodore asked.

“No. This is still part of your first question—one you haven’t fully answered.”

Lotus’s unyielding determination showed clearly in her stance. There were many reasons one might come to care for someone, but perhaps Theodore’s feelings had taken root when he saw how hard she fought not to break.

With a soft sigh, Theodore undid the top button of his shirt before answering.

“I told you at the start, didn’t I?”

“…”

“It was a dull and miserable time.”

Lotus remembered the rest of what he had said earlier:

─ *At first, it was confusing. Then it became a challenge. After that, I spent much of my time thinking about how to make him suffer the most.*

Theodore’s fundamental nature was to look down on others, which meant few things sparked any real hatred in him. 

If she had taught Frederick despair, then to Theodore, she had introduced hatred.

Just as the world had wounded her, she had—perhaps unintentionally—inflicted nightmares and pain on others.

The tears threatened to fall, so Lotus bit down hard on her lip, willing herself to hold them back.

“I won’t cry.”

“Good. Please don’t,” Theodore responded, his voice steady.

“I won’t feel too guilty either. After all, I don’t have the ability to recognize the feelings you’ve never spoken out loud.”

“…I have been poor at controlling my emotions,” Theodore admitted. For once, he acknowledged that he had been more agitated than usual when explaining her death. It wasn’t like him to let emotions seep through so visibly.

“I’m sorry. To you, to Frederick, and to Kenneth,” she added, his voice uncharacteristically sincere.

“Loti.”

“Lotus.”

“For the decisions I made in the past,” Lotus said, finally voicing her regret for the first time about her suicide in her past life. She also felt a deep sense of guilt for attempting to take her life again in this life, only to be caught by Frederick. The weight of her actions now seemed clearer than ever.

Words of apology felt insufficient for expressing the depth of her emotions. In that moment, Lotus felt like a character in a fairy tale, confessing something far deeper than a mere apology. She spoke with a solemn heart.

“I will live this life to the fullest.”

It was her way of acknowledging her past mistakes, and when Frederick heard this, he beamed with a wide, joyful smile.

“That’s a wonderful thought, Loti.”

“Indeed, it’s good news,” Kenneth said, his voice soft, clearly welcoming her resolve. In contrast, the man sitting before Lotus, Theodore, merely crossed his legs and responded with a cynical quip.

“We’ll see about that.”

Both Frederick and Kenneth blinked in disbelief at Theodore’s response.

‘No need to be surprised—this is just how he is,’ Lotus thought, no longer taken aback by Theodore’s attitude. In fact, his sharp remarks now seemed familiar and almost comforting.

“So, what additional answer will you give to the first question?” Theodore asked, smoothly guiding the conversation back on track.

Lotus thought carefully. “My memory and your explanation differ. I thought I simply threw myself into the river, but you said I died saving a child. It seems likely that my memory was distorted by some force.”

“I see. Do you have any visions or dreams that seem unusual?” Theodore asked.

“I had a strange dream yesterday. Just as you described, there was a child in the river with me, and someone whispered to me. They said it was regrettable that I tried to harm myself, but they were impressed by my efforts to save someone else and would grant me a wish.”

“Did you wish to return to the past?”

“Honestly, back then, that’s the *last* thing I would have wished for.”

There was a vague idea of what she might have wished for, but Lotus wasn’t sure enough to voice it aloud.

“Very well. Then let me ask my second question. Do you think it was your own weakness that ultimately caused your death?”

It was a question similar to the first, but framed differently.

Lotus hesitated, unable to say yes. A sense of injustice welled up within her.

Most people, no matter how difficult life became, still clung to life over death. It was the basic instinct of any living being. 

But in her case, the forces that stripped her of that basic will to live were the people surrounding her and the cruel world that had been nothing short of torturous.

“…I struggled, but it felt like I was pushed toward death,” she finally answered.

“You were indeed pushed,” Theodore confirmed, his words carrying a heavy certainty that shook Lotus.

“You recall I once told you, nothing is as convenient or easily distorted as human memory. Let’s imagine a simple scenario: in a group, there’s someone who’s disliked. A powerful figure within the group manipulates the others to hate that person even more. What do you think happens?”

Having had many such hypothetical conversations with Theodore in the past, Lotus quickly grasped his meaning.

“…Someone must have incited the hatred against me. Likely the same person who tampered with my brother’s mind or someone working with them,” she said, her lips trembling. Then her shoulders and arms began to shake as the realization of the malice surrounding her sank in.

Her perception of past events began to shift, things she had previously dismissed now tinged with a far darker meaning.

“My second question,” she began, her voice stronger despite the turmoil inside. “Was it Lord Rikheus of Hycen, or the demon Gaap, who pushed me to the edge of death?”