The World Has Become Kinder to Her

“Kenneth,” Lotus said as their eyes met. He gave a slight nod, greeting her as he usually did. His face, though expressionless as always, seemed more exhausted today—or was it just her imagination?

“It’s already so late, and we’re only seeing each other now. Were you out as well?” she asked.

“Yes,” came his usual curt reply. However, Lotus noticed his lips parting slightly, as though he had more to say. It was a rare sign for him.  

“If there’s something you need to say, please feel free,” she encouraged him.

“Would it be alright if I take a moment of your time?”  

His voice wavered. The once serene, lake-like blue of his eyes now looked like a cracked frozen lake, showing his inner turmoil.

Lotus nodded.  

“Of course.”

She led him toward the windows in the hallway. As she opened one slightly, a cold breeze slipped into the corridor.

“The air is cold. You might catch a chill,” Kenneth said.

“It’s fine. Just for a moment,” Lotus replied.

He understood why she had opened the window—it was to help him clear the oppressive weight on his chest. The topic he was about to bring up was dark and suffocating, much like the winter air.

After a few moments of hesitation, Kenneth finally spoke.  

“This isn’t good news. But I thought it would be better for you to hear it from me directly rather than from someone else.”

“I trust your judgment, Kenneth,” she said, his name rolling off her tongue with a sweetness that made Kenneth clench his fists tightly.

“I’ve taken the Zahard family by force,” he said quietly.

“…What?” Lotus’s eyes widened, the weight of his words sinking in.  

His path had changed. In the past, Kenneth had been an outsider within his own family, never rebelling against his father or half-brother.  

He had merely withdrawn quietly and accepted the emperor’s gift of a countship to gain independence.  

Lotus knew more about this than most because Theodore had often criticized Kenneth’s passive stance in the past.

What could have driven Kenneth to change his course so drastically? What had happened between him and the Zahard family after her death?

Many questions bubbled up within her, but Lotus understood the pain tied to family matters. She had no desire to poke at wounds he had barely revealed.  

“If it’s you, Kenneth… I’m sure you had your reasons,” she said softly.

“Lotus.” Kenneth’s voice broke as he called her name.

“Then, should I call you Marquis from now on instead of Sir?” she asked, her innocent expression showing neither fear nor disgust, which caused Kenneth to let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

He had been terrified that she would see him as someone who had become drunk on power and blood.  

Even when he had killed his family members, he hadn’t felt the emotions that now surfaced in front of her so easily.

“I’d prefer Sir over Marquis, at least from you. I don’t care what others call me, but the thought of hearing reproach from you frightened me,” he admitted.

“I’m in no position to reproach anyone. Well, except for one person,” Lotus added with a small smile.

Kenneth had a feeling he knew exactly who that one person was.  

“I’m relieved I’m not that person,” he said, feeling as if the frozen lake inside him had finally begun to thaw, ripples forming on the water’s surface.

He bit his lip hard, trying to hold back the flood of emotions threatening to spill over. Seeing this, Lotus hesitated for a moment before gently brushing her fingers against his cheek.  

“You’ll hurt your lips if you keep doing that,” she said gently.

His gaze, which had been locked onto her caring green eyes, shifted to her cheek—where her own injury still lingered.  

Kenneth, who had followed her movements from the imperial palace to the duchy throughout the day, knew what had happened to her at the tea party.  

Even though he had known, he hadn’t intervened. Now, he couldn’t even bring himself to ask her if she was alright. Instead, here he was, burdening her with his troubled heart.  

Her kindness felt almost cruel, as she seemed to care more about his wounds than her own.

“Sir?” she prompted him.

Kenneth couldn’t hold back anymore.  

“Lotus, you don’t have to be so kind. It’s alright to be a little less gentle.”

“You misunderstand. I’m not always kind,” Lotus replied.

“What matters is my perception, not how others or even you view yourself. At least, that’s something I remember hearing,” Kenneth said.

“…In this second life, you’ve certainly become quite eloquent,” Lotus teased, pouting slightly. She didn’t feel like scolding him any further, especially after seeing the tear that had fallen from his eye just moments ago.

Kenneth, watching her expression, let out a faint smile.  

“The sword, Zahard, and everything else I’ve seized—it’s all for you.”

“…What?” Lotus asked, startled.

Kenneth took her hand and lightly kissed it.  

“Use me as you wish. As your sword. Now, I only want to move to protect.”

Even though she had lived through a second life, such an unexpected confession left Lotus momentarily speechless.

“You’re rather skilled at surprising people, aren’t you?” she said.

“For some reason, I don’t act like myself when I’m around you,” Kenneth replied.

“I told you before—I can’t handle these kinds of feelings,” Lotus said, her voice softening.

“I’m only asking to serve as your sword for now,” he said with a faint smile. 

‘Isn’t that the same thing?’ she thought. But strangely, his words didn’t feel like manipulative banter. They felt reassuring, perhaps because of the loneliness and fear she had felt while riding in the carriage earlier.

“Since it seems you’ve said what you wanted to, I should get back to where I was going,” Lotus said, preparing to leave.

“Where were you headed?” Kenneth asked.

“To see my brother,” she replied.

“Allow me to escort you,” Kenneth offered.

“It’s not far. There’s no chance of getting lost or encountering any danger inside the house,” Lotus said with a light laugh.

“I simply want to spend a bit more time with you,” he admitted.

His straightforwardness was disarming. Lotus sighed, but she didn’t push him away.

‘Taking over the Zahard family by force… That means he must have killed family members and relatives.’  

Most people who knew nothing of Kenneth would probably condemn him for being cruel and cold, but Lotus didn’t feel that way.

While she didn’t know every detail of Kenneth’s life, she understood him enough.  

In a way, they were opposites. Lotus, as a bastard, had caused conflict in the Estelle Marquisate, while Kenneth, though the legitimate heir, had been ostracized from the Zahard family despite his remarkable abilities.  

Under a father who favored his incompetent half-brother, Kenneth had faced countless brushes with death.

‘The strange thing was how Kenneth in the past just let the ones who tried to kill him go.’  

She could only imagine that after her death, something so unforgivable had happened within the Zahard family that even Kenneth, with his noble nature, couldn’t tolerate it anymore.  

How much torment, anger, and loneliness must he have endured before he finally turned on his family?

No one who didn’t know that pain had the right to judge him. No one.

Lotus, too, had her own moments where she fantasized about getting rid of the family and servants who had tormented her.  

No one could truly understand the mix of exhilaration and guilt that came with such thoughts unless they had experienced it themselves.  

People might say they understood, but it would only ever be an intellectual understanding, never one from the heart.

“Kenneth,” she called out softly as they neared Hession’s office, just five steps away.

“Yes?” Kenneth turned toward her, his expression unreadable.

“No one—not me, not anyone—will ever be able to fully understand your feelings.”

“…”

“But I hope you can at least be kind to yourself. I hope you can understand and forgive yourself,” Lotus said.

Those who couldn’t find a way to care for themselves ultimately met with destruction. No one understood that truth better than Lotus.

“You’re not a bad person,” she added quietly.

Kenneth looked at her with a deep, unwavering gaze.  

“My judgment says otherwise, but I’ll believe you,” he replied.

Ah, she thought, realizing how dangerous it was for her to become his measure of right and wrong. Just as she was about to respond, the door to Hession’s office opened.  

Hession quickly walked out, coming to stand beside Lotus.

“I’ve been waiting. Let’s go in,” he said softly, his voice gentle as he spoke to her.

Lotus, however, could only respond with a faint sigh.

Lotus could tell that Hession was deliberately ignoring Kenneth, as if he wasn’t even there.  

“Don’t be childish, brother,” she warned. Her words were sharp enough to make Hession flinch slightly. But before he could respond, Kenneth spoke first.

“It’s fine, Lotus,” he said calmly, addressing her by name with a familiarity that made Hession’s insides churn. His lips twitched in irritation.

“Don’t address my sister so casually, Sir Zahard. Or perhaps I should call you the Marquis of Zahard now?” Hession’s tone was biting, clearly aimed at provoking Kenneth.

However, the reaction came from an unexpected place.

“Brother!”  

Lotus’s eyes widened slightly, her green gaze hardening as her brows furrowed and her voice rose. She looked at Hession with frustration.

“If you truly care for me, you should avoid poking at someone else’s family affairs. That’s common courtesy,” she said, her voice firm.

She wasn’t wrong. Especially when it came to family matters, Hession knew he had no high ground to stand on.

“…My apologies, Sir. That was inappropriate of me,” Hession said, realizing his mistake.

“Think nothing of it,” Kenneth replied, his face as calm and indifferent as ever. It didn’t matter to him how others reacted to him.

After Kenneth departed, Hession and Lotus entered his office, sitting down across from each other with warm tea between them. After taking a few sips, Hession, clearly uncomfortable, finally spoke up.

“If I upset you, I’m sorry,” he said cautiously.

“I appreciate you considering my feelings, but more than that, I don’t want you to be seen as rude by others,” Lotus replied.

“I understand… but I still want you to be cautious about men approaching you. Men can be…”

“Wolves?” Lotus finished his sentence with a wry smile, beating him to the punch. Hession gave a sheepish laugh and nodded, not denying it.

“Exactly, something like that.”

“But Sir Kenneth is polite and kind. He’s an upright and skilled knight. Of course, I don’t wish to become romantically involved with him—or anyone, for that matter—so you don’t need to worry,” she reassured him.

She expected those words to brighten Hession’s mood, but they had the opposite effect. His expression darkened, and he rubbed his face in frustration, unsure of what to say.

“Look, it’s not that I want you to live alone forever. If you meet someone good, that’s fine. It’s just… I worry about the dangerous ones.”

The comment struck Lotus as something a father would say, not a brother only two years her senior.  

‘Perhaps he feels responsible because the marquis hasn’t been much of a father,’ she thought. Hession had always carried a strong sense of responsibility.

“Understood, I’ll keep that in mind,” she said, deciding not to push the matter further.

With that, they moved on from discussing Hession’s concerns about her safety. It was time to get to the real conversation at hand.