NOVEL NEXT Chapter 595: Want
(From Blue's Perspective)
I sometimes wondered what I did to earn such a fate. At first, I thought I was the most unfortunate person in the world, having such a shitty family. For years, I believed so. Then one fateful night, a man named Demetrius bought me from my family. I thought it was just another beginning of a life full of abuse. But he did not hurt me.
On the other hand, he married me and made me a Queen. I was confused about everything back then, but he and his family made me feel at home. I dared to believe perhaps I was not as unlucky as I previously thought. But really, I should never have gotten hopeful. Luck had nothing to do with my life; I should have known so sooner.
My personal guard would have raped me if Dem had not come at the right time. Ezekiel. I still remembered him sometimes. Then, so many things happened. I got more friends than I ever had in eighteen years. Luc, Ruby, Evan, Reece (my gosh, it was hard to believe he was dead), Perita.
I loved Demetrius since almost the beginning. I must say it was mostly because he had protected me from my family. Then, it was because he showed me a kind of love I never thought I would get. However, his love felt suffocating too at the beginning. He started to show his obsession. A very dark obsession indeed.
There had been a time when he literally tied me to the bed and locked me up. That had been a little scary, to be fair. Now, in my opinion, Dem still was obsessed with me, but he was trying not to show it much, because we had two kids and he did not want me to get angry with him.
It was perhaps unfair if someone asked who you loved more- your husband or your kids? Or, your wife or your kids? Because if you did not say you loved your kids more, you would be judged. However, people seemed to forget that your spouse or your significant other came before your kids. They deserved more love. It was as simple as that.
I loved my kids. I loved them to death. But the love I had for my husband was different and honestly, more. I loved Dem more than anyone else in the world, even my kids. It was the same for him. My kids did not love me for the way I was.
Dem did. My kids loved me because I showed them a particular loving version. I did not let them see the broken woman who was their mother. They believed their mother was all smiling and adoring. Only my husband saw the broken version of me and still loved me. How could I ever love anyone more than him?
Now, as my husband slept with his arm around me, our son on my other side, these thoughts came to me stronger than ever. I was his everything, was I not? That felt powerful.
Dem said he did not like it when I was not sleeping beside him, so I put Dion on the other side of me. I actually liked to have Dem beside me as well. I was much more used to it and it made me feel safe in a way no one else could make me feel.
Was I a terrible mother for that? I did not think so. Some might do, but I did not care. I wanted to be true, at least, to myself.
Dion moved a little bit and put his leg on my hip. Demian was still sleeping thankfully. I was too tired to even move, let alone, calm a crying baby.
"Not sleepy?" Dem asked groggily, his voice husky.
"No. You sleep. Sleep will come eventually," I said. It was strange how I was tired, but not sleepy. When I lay down, I was so sleepy that I could barely keep my eyes open. But then when I actually closed my eyes, sleep had already left my system.
It was irritating, but who the hell was I supposed to complain to? My body? My subconsciousness? Who was at fault? Me? My thoughts?
Dem hugged me tighter. My stomach was still a little chubby. I had not gone back to my pre-birth body since I gave birth to Demian. I was not too self-conscious about it (a little maybe). Dem seemed to like it. He would squeeze by belly rolls in his sleep.
When I told him about it later, he found it funny. He said it was squishy and fun to touch. Dion did that too. He found it hilarious just like his father.
Dem's hot breath fell on my bare neck and I took a deep breath involuntarily. My body was reacting to him automatically.
We had not done it in a week. Perhaps I was feeling sex-depraved. We rarely went more than two days without having sex, except for the time I had my period. I refused to do it during my period. I felt cranky most of the time during my period anyway. The first two days were the worst.
I wanted nothing and no one. I could barely tolerate my kids' whining.
"Dem…"
"Is it not okay?" Dem murmured.
Reece died. I really should not. I felt like I would be disrespecting him if I indulged in anything that made me feel good.
But I also wanted to forget. At least for a little while, I wanted to forget everything.
"The kids," I said.
"We can go to the bathroom," he said.
"Last time we did it in the shower, my whole body hurt. Besides, it's dangerous," I pointed out.
"Not the shower. Alright, what about Dion's room?"
Dion's room was inside our room, just separated by a door.
"That's our son's room," I said. It made me feel uncomfortable.
"It doesn't matter. Come on." He was already pulling me with him. When I looked at him, I knew that I wanted it too. As much as he did. Or, maybe more.