THE WARD

I spend the remainder of the day, tidying up the loft, and wash two weeks' worth of tears and grime off the counters, myself and the floors. For some reason, I find the entire process of purging, cathartic. It helps clear my head and distracts me long enough to get a clear perspective on some issues I've been struggling to reconcile.

Sometimes we have to make hard choices, and I'm no different than everyone else. As much as I love Mason, sometimes is best to let go. The best analogy I can come up with is that of a kitten, or a baby chick. They are so adorable that all you want to do is squeeze them so tight and smother them with all the love you have to give. The problem is that when you hold on too tightly to fragile things, you end up breaking them. Hence the little predicament we found ourselves in. Micah's death has brought us to our knees, and I don't even know where to begin to fix this. To fix us.

Maybe I'm being a coward and chose the easy way out, but he'd broken my trust to such an extent that I don't even know if it can be fixed. And now I find myself in the position to ask the question. Is it even worth trying and then inflicting more pain on one another if it doesn't work out?

As per usual, I crawl into bed, every bit of strength and energy drained to its last drop, even though I haven't done anything, other than mope, sulk and cry my heart out each time, the memories of our time together come flooding unbidden and unwanted.

Morning comes, and I make a semblance of effort to gather a little strength and put myself together. Ruining Laira's birthday is not in the plan. Sitting in front of the mirror in the bathroom, I spend a good chunk of the morning trying to cover two weeks' worth of sleepless nights and endless hours of crying with very little success. The girl in the mirror stares back at me with haunted, red-rimmed puffy eyes, looking rather absent. After a good twenty minutes of practice, I manage to muster a decent smile without looking like the grim reaper.

With a deep breath, I turn everything off and make my way out of the loft, dragging my feet across the somewhat busy hallway. A few students are lurking about, giving me concerned, and dismissive glances, but I have bigger fish to fry, so I consider them, the least of my problems.

Stepping outside, I'm greeted with the spring balmy breeze and the promise of a torrid summer. Some things never change. Although, I've changed dramatically over the course of the past eighteen months.

Laira and Riley greet me with a cheery wave, while David gives me a quick once over and shakes his head but doesn't comment on my general sorry state.

With a practised smile, I greet them while Laira slips her arm over my shoulder and pulls me into her side.

" You look like shit," She whispers into my ear, and I can't help but chuckle. I do and I can't deny the truth. It stared back at me the entire morning.

" Thanks. I knew I could count on you for a heartwarming compliment," Laira laughs while Riley slips in the front seat, while I take the back seat with Laira. David is the designated driver for the day.

" Happy Birthday," I lean in to give her a heartfelt hug, and she chuckles into my shoulder.

" Just try to have some fun," She mumbles into my shoulder while, David puts the car in drive and the car lurches forward.

In typical Riley fashion, she begins to regale us with the latest gossip. I guess, it is good that everyone seems to think she is invisible. She provides us with a wealth of stories she heard around the academy.

Some are funnier than others, but nonetheless, she keeps the atmosphere light, and cheery. It doesn't take long before we reach the outskirts of Morston and with that, my mind inevitably takes me to him.

We haven't spoken in two weeks. He hasn't tried to contact me in any shape or form. Nor has Graham. I guess our little band of troublemakers is no longer a band at all.

The feel of something wet and warm brushing against my cheek jolts me out of my thoughts. With dismay, I realise that I'm crying and Laira is catching my tears as they fall trying to hide the fact that I'm at breaking point from Riley and David.

" I'm sorry," I whisper hoarsely. My plan to enjoy the day and be there for Laira had gone tits up in less than twenty minutes. Pathetic.

Laira hums at my side but says nothing, and continues to wipe tear after tear, because they won't stop falling, no matter how hard I try to contain my emotions. Too big, too much all of a sudden. With the snap of my fingers, everything was gone.

For the rest of the ride, I drown in my misery -hello, old friend- while Laira distracts Riley with questions about various rumours that I know for sure she has no interest in. Enough time for me to weep, and sulk.

By the time David pulls into the busy town centre, I've regained a semblance of control of my emotions, successfully managing to swallow my tears and muster a pathetic excuse of a smile. Just enough to keep up appearances.

As expected, good weather serves as an invitation for all those who have been huddled up inside during the winter months to come out and enjoy the reprieve from the grizzly winds and harsh temperatures.

We make our way through the crowd and settle at the cafe David and I met all those years ago. A wave of nostalgia washes over as David's gaze finds mine through the throng of people. We both smile fondly at each other and look at the table we sat at an entire morning and chatted about everything and nothing.

Laira chooses a different table, one that is out of the way, in a sheltered corner.

Once we settle down, the waiter comes and takes our orders for drinks and sadly for me it all non-alcoholic drinks since it is not lunchtime yet. Noticing the pout I'm sporting Laira gives me an indignant look and shakes her head in disapproval. Of course, she does.

Compared to me the girl is a fucking Saint.

If I carry on like this I'll be in the dog house in no time. With a deep breath, I steel my moody attitude and plaster what I think is a decent smile, even though I know it's far from it.

" So, have you decided what are you going to do once you graduate?" Laira asks with a small smile on her lips.

" No. Not really," I say with a sigh, and focus my attention on the crowd sitting outside the cafe. Even that reminds me of him, for some god-awful reason.

Riley gasps next to me and I turn my head to see what got her attention. My muscles are tense ready for a fight but anger rolls through me when a head of wheat blond tresses catches my attention moving towards us.

Ava.

Just what I need, locking horns with another one of Mason's past indiscretions. That is what he called them as if it would erase them from the general picture. It doesn't.

I knew I should have stayed in the academy.

All the blood inside my veins turns into blocks of ice when her small frame appears in view completed with a roundish belly. She is pregnant. And that confirms what I suspected.

I can't breathe. I need air, there is plenty around me but it seems to refuse to enter my lungs.

We watch the blonde approach our table, I feel Laira's hand slip over mine, giving me a comforting squeeze.

His child. Even though he denied it, that thought echoes through my head like a wrecking ball and I don't seem to be able to shake it off and get my bearings. I struggle to believe anything he has told me. My faith in him is nothing more than specks of dust floating in the wind. Gone.

Halting her waddling at our table, she smirks at me.

" Hello, Lily. Long time no see," She cradles her small bump with both hands and I swear she is doing it to taunt me. It hasn't been that long since we last saw each other.

" Not long enough," I say calmly and pull my hand from Laira's. Ava smirks and Riley watches us with a playful smile on her lips. She must sense my aversion towards Ava. And Riley has an insatiable appetite for drama and gossip.