The Unbelievers

Chapter 29

“He said he’ll discuss it when my father comes home later. I told him you’re in a really serious situation. I said I saw someone chasing you. I told him you might have been taken away if it weren’t for me.”

“…”

“The roof won’t collapse. Put your bag down and sit comfortably.”

Eunseong nodded, putting his bag down on the floor, and glanced at Choi Jung-eon.

“What?”

“…You won’t take it, right?”

Eunseong’s eyes glanced at the bag.

“Money? Shit, what do you take me for? Back then, I said I’d keep it because you were trying to run away. I was afraid you might take off with it.”

“Then I’m relieved.”

“Who are you treating like a thief? If anything, I’m in more danger of being robbed. Do you know how much pure gold we have in our house, saved since my first birthday? You’ve just entered a house with piles of gold. Just try to make my first birthday ring disappear. I won’t let it slide.”

“How would I know where it is to take it?”

Eunseong shot back, telling him not to treat people like thieves.

“Aren’t you hungry? Want me to bring you something?”

“Yeah.”

Despite Eunseong’s serious situation, Choi Jung-eon seemed somewhat excited. He quickly went out and pestered his mother to bring out some food.

Through the open window, a park was visible. The weather was nice for once, and many people were passing by. Some were pushing strollers, others walking dogs.

Leaving behind the surreal garden scenery he had been seeing all this time, the reality of having escaped from Yoo Siwoon hit him. He would probably find it outrageous. Yoo Siwoon’s task was to protect Eunseong safely from those targeting him. Eunseong no longer needed his protection or the background he had created.

If he knew Eunseong had run away, his usually expressionless brow might furrow in displeasure, and he might even feel betrayed. He might be regretting sending the photos of the sparrows.

This is the right thing to do.

This is correct.

That person is a relative. He’s my father’s cousin.

As Eunseong was staring out the window, lost in thoughts of Yoo Siwoon, he stiffened in shock. Choi Jung-eon’s hands had suddenly appeared, trapping Eunseong against the windowsill, having approached closely from behind.

Eunseong stiffly kept his back straight, looking outside. Choi Jung-eon’s voice came from close to his ear.

“Should we go for a walk later too? Is it okay to go out? Do we have to stay in the room?”

“…”

“Then should we just stay in the room?”

“…”

“I’ll give you my clothes. Change into them. You can’t wear your school uniform, right? Just wear my clothes from now on.”

Choi Jung-eon said something near Eunseong’s ear. Eunseong turned around. His eyes met Choi Jung-eon’s, who had approached without maintaining any distance. Choi Jung-eon didn’t back away either, maintaining the excessively close distance as he stared back at Eunseong.

“…Hey, Choi Jung-eon.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you like me?”

“Shit, what?”

“I’m asking if you like me.”

Eunseong’s eyes looked directly into Choi Jung-eon’s as he asked. Choi Jung-eon didn’t avert his gaze either. As he stared blankly at Eunseong, he admitted it plainly. There was no shame or embarrassment at all. It was confident and matter-of-fact.

“Yeah.”

“…So, so you… What you did to me last time, saying you wanted to kiss me, it wasn’t a joke but because you like me?”

“Yeah.”

“If you like someone… that’s what happens, right?”

“What nonsense are you talking about?”

“When someone likes someone… they want to kiss, want to touch, want to be close, right?”

“Of course. Why would you touch someone you don’t like? That’s creepy.”

Choi Jung-eon tilted his head as if about to kiss Eunseong right away, looking down at Eunseong’s lips and muttering. His arms were still trapping Eunseong, preventing any escape.

“Then it would be creepy to touch someone you don’t like. You’d want to avoid it.”

“Why do you keep stating the obvious? Why do I want to keep listening to Seo Eunseong’s babbling nonsense?”

“You… Have you ever dreamed about me?”

“What?”

“Dreaming about me… Like a wet dream… If you like someone, that can happen, right?”

“…”

Choi Jung-eon’s eyes, which had been fixated on Eunseong’s lips, moved upward. When their eyes met, Choi Jung-eon rolled his eyes slightly, looking a bit flustered.

“Have you?”

Eunseong pressed, asking if he had experienced such things. Choi Jung-eon replied without looking at Eunseong.

“What if I have?”

“…You have?”

“What if I have?”

“I’m asking if you have?”

“…I have. When I masturbate, I only think about you, you bastard. In my head, we’re practically married.”

There was an illusion of hearing his heart drop to the floor with a thud. Choi Jung-eon’s lips touched Eunseong’s cheek. He could feel Choi Jung-eon’s breath tickling his peach fuzz.

Just then, there was a knock at the door, startling Choi Jung-eon, who jumped away. Eunseong also turned his head in surprise. Soon the door opened, and Choi Jung-eon’s mother poked her head in.

“I made some dumplings. Do you want anything else?”

“No, that’s enough.”

Choi Jung-eon moistened his lips with saliva, swallowed hard, then turned to take the tray his mother was handing him. Choi Jung-eon’s mother glanced at Eunseong repeatedly. Her brow furrowed slightly in pity and sympathy for his pitiful situation of being chased by loan sharks due to his father’s debt.

“If there’s anything else you want to eat, just say so. Jung-eon, lend your friend some of your clothes. Make him comfortable. And you have exams tomorrow too, don’t you? Aren’t you going to study? Mom allowed your friend to stay over because you said you’d study hard.”

“I will. I’m going to. I got it, so just go now.”

“Alright. Then don’t play too much and study for tomorrow soon.”

Choi Jung-eon’s mother, misinterpreting Eunseong’s awkward expression as embarrassment at having his debt-ridden situation exposed, spoke as kindly as possible and left the room.

“Ahem, ahem…”

Choi Jung-eon cleared his throat as he put the bowl of dumplings on the desk. Eunseong leaned against the wall by the window, looking at Choi Jung-eon’s half-erect lower body.

That was normal. If you like someone, you want to kiss them, you get erections, they appear in your dreams, and your subconscious imagines things you want to do with that person.

In last night’s dream, Eunseong had pulled his cousin uncle’s large hand. He had touched the cross on the back of his hand with delicate fingers. He was confused whether the pounding he felt through the wrist with its palpable pulse was his own or the man’s. While touching his hand, Eunseong was overwhelmed by strange emotions he had never felt before. The man’s touch felt distinctly real despite being in a distant dream, and he could even feel the softness of his lips.

Choi Jung-eon said that was normal, he spoke of it confidently and matter-of-factly, but when Eunseong recalled last night’s dream, his lips trembled and his eyes quickly filled with tears.

“…Are you crying?”

“…”

“What did I do?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s not because of that.”

Eunseong shook his head, saying he wasn’t crying because he disliked Choi Jung-eon trying to kiss him.

“Don’t cry and eat the dumplings.”

“Okay…”

Eunseong stuffed the dumpling Choi Jung-eon picked up into his mouth. He chewed the dumplings with his cheeks puffed out while tears fell in droplets.

After eating the tear-soaked dumplings, Eunseong gathered the clothes Choi Jung-eon gave him. He also took out underwear from his bag. Choi Jung-eon pointed to the door, saying it was his private bathroom so Eunseong should use it comfortably without feeling awkward. Eunseong’s body was drenched in sweat from running and chasing after Choi Jung-eon earlier in the day.

Standing naked in someone else’s bathroom felt embarrassing and unfamiliar. He put his head under the shower and turned on the faucet. Sweat and tears washed away with the water. He looked down at his empty scrotum and genitals. When he lowered his hand to touch the perineum area, he felt a rough, protruding surface. Eunseong jerked his hand away in shock.

“…Ugh.”

Tears he had barely held back started flowing again. His face contorted in even more pain as he recalled Choi Jung-eon shamelessly and confidently admitting to wet dreams and masturbation.

Even as he showered in hot water, Eunseong’s face grew increasingly pale. His heart was pounding, and he couldn’t bear the anxiety.

Eunseong had always been particularly lacking in sexual desire. He had never seriously considered his condition before, thinking that his lack of libido was probably due to his empty testicles.

Even when his friends showed intense interest and curiosity about such matters, he had no physical reactions or emotional fluctuations. He felt nothing when seeing naked women or men. It was just, “Oh, there’s a person. They’re naked. So that’s what they look like. What am I supposed to do about it?”

Eunseong had known he wasn’t normal since the upper grades of elementary school. His father knew too.

His father hadn’t said much to Eunseong about his abnormal sexual function. Even knowing about the empty testicles, he never said things like he’d get him surgery when he was older, or that they would naturally fill as he grew. It would be more accurate to say he showed no interest.

Because his father treated it as if it were nothing special, Eunseong had lived thinking it wasn’t a big problem. The only reaction to his inferiority complex about lacking testicles was his extreme refusal of doctors and hospitals as he went through his sensitive puberty years.