The Unbelievers

Chapter 2

Although summer was approaching and the sun was rising earlier, the streets were still dark as midnight except for the bus stop. The nights still had a chill in the air. The cold wind cooled Eunseong’s feverish cheeks.

Eunseong sat at the bus stop with slumped shoulders, waiting about twenty minutes for the first bus.

The first bus at 4:30 AM always had a certain number of passengers. Sometimes there weren’t even any seats left.

Eunseong found it oddly comforting that the first bus was crowded. He wasn’t the only one struggling to survive. Everyone was working hard to live, and Eunseong was just one of them. However, there was no one who looked as young as him among them.

Fortunately, there was a seat available on the bus today. As he sat down and leaned back, his tense back relaxed. Soon, a wave of fatigue washed over his body, making him feel listless.

Eunseong dozed off as soon as he sat down. He leaned his forehead against the window, but when the bus turned a corner, he bumped his already sore face. Whether it was because he was too sleepy or because he had hit something earlier, he felt nauseous and dizzy. An exhausting fatigue weighed down his entire body, making him want to go home quickly.

After getting off the bus, Eunseong walked along the winding alley. He opened the gate of a multi-family house where people of modest means lived together. It was quiet around due to the early hour. His father would have probably drunk heavily last night and would be passed out now, but not wanting to wake him, Eunseong moved carefully without making any noise.

As expected, the sound of his father’s drunken breathing could be heard from behind the half-open bedroom door. Eunseong quietly washed up and went to his room. His eyes were heavy with sleep. Weekends were so tough due to his part-time job, where he had to work almost all night, that he dreaded Monday mornings.

In the past, after working from Sunday night to dawn, he would deliberately pack his school uniform and take the first bus directly to school. He would change clothes at school and sleep with his head down until school started, but spending weekends like that was physically exhausting. Since the school gates weren’t open that early anyway and he had to climb over the wall, it was better to sleep for an hour or two at home.

Eunseong groaned and fell asleep as soon as he lay down on the bed. It was his father who woke him up from his deep sleep.

“Eunseong, Seo Eunseong, you need to wake up. Aren’t you going to school?”

Startled awake, Eunseong got up, rubbing his sore eyes with the back of his hand.

“Tsk, tsk, well done. A high school senior who needs to be woken up.”

“…”

His father, not drunk, scolded Eunseong for not being diligent enough after working all night. His father’s face looked weary, as if he carried all the world’s hardships on his back.

When his father’s face showed this kind of exhausted kindness the day after committing all sorts of drunken atrocities, Eunseong felt anger rising within him.

He hated that face of his father’s. He preferred the face of his father with bloodshot eyes, kicking him, swinging his fists, and smashing doors. Because then he could hate him freely, curse him freely.

But now, his father wore a face that Eunseong couldn’t curse or hate. As always, he awkwardly tried to take care of Eunseong, worried about him, and struggled to do something as his guardian.

His father didn’t even try to hide his self-loathing for not being able to change despite knowing that alcohol was the cause.

His father, who would hide bottles of alcohol in his pants and drink even while in and out of mental hospitals. Even when he was admitted to an alcohol addiction treatment center, he flushed the abalone porridge Eunseong had brought for his nourishment down the toilet and hastily filled the empty container with soju. After that, Eunseong cut off any lingering attachment to him and never believed any promises or commitments his father made about alcohol.

“Why did you come home so late yesterday? For a student, studies should come first. Even if you want a new phone, that’s too much. Did you work all night? When are you going to get your act together? You need to go to college, don’t you?”

“…”

He glanced at Eunseong’s face as he spoke. Seeing the red, swollen cheek but knowing it was probably due to his own drunken actions, he pretended not to see it and couldn’t even ask about it, instead dwelling on the previous night that he couldn’t even remember.

Seeing his father unable to ask about his injury despite seeing it made Eunseong feel inflamed. He found his father more painful when he pretended to be in his right mind than when he was violently abusive. His father’s half-hearted denial felt like dirty sympathy, sometimes making Eunseong doubt if this man was really his father, if he was really the person who had given birth to him.

Eunseong got up without replying. He rubbed his tired and sleepy face, washed up, and changed into his school uniform.

His father, who was setting the breakfast table in the kitchen, called out to Eunseong as he was about to leave without eating.

“You should eat breakfast before you go. Come sit down quickly. I made bean sprout soup. It turned out nice and refreshing.”

“…”

“You’re not even going to answer?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Just have a spoonful at least.”

“I’m late. I’ll just go.”

“If you don’t eat breakfast, you’ll feel weak and have no energy all day.”

“I said I’m not eating.”

“You insolent kid. Who do you think I’m living like this for? I said I’m sorry! I said I won’t drink! I said I won’t drink anymore! Okay, I know I did something terrible again yesterday! Is this rebellion because of that?”

He couldn’t control his temper and shouted. He was certain that he had hit Eunseong, causing his cheek to redden. Eunseong didn’t even want to say it wasn’t his doing. Whether his father misunderstood or not was meaningless. These kinds of injuries happened regularly at home, even if not at work. For Eunseong, it was rather routine.

“…I said I’m not hungry.”

Eunseong didn’t want to provoke him further. When he tried to do well somehow, when he reached out first in apology because he felt sorry, if Eunseong rejected him, his violence would rage uncontrollably. It didn’t stop at hitting; he would viciously criticize Eunseong, who always cared about cleanliness, for being dirty. As if cursing someone born with dirty blood.

Eunseong left the house like he was escaping, without even making eye contact with his father.

Eunseong’s home was on the third floor of a modest multi-family house, which was the landlord’s residence.

The three-story multi-family house was the only and meager asset his father owned.

After moving from place to place as if being chased until middle school, they had settled here for five years now.

Eunseong and his father lived on the third floor as the landlords, while people rented the second floor, first floor, and semi-basement. Eunseong’s father lived like an idler on the rent paid by the tenants, without a proper job. Although he was at an age when he should be working vigorously, he just lived off the rent, which was neither too much nor too little, without doing any labor.

His father, lacking self-efficacy, was always lethargic. Hating his lethargic self, he turned to alcohol. When drunk, he would pour out his resentment towards Eunseong. He would lament that if it weren’t for Eunseong, he wouldn’t be living like this. As he got more drunk, he would become boastful as if he owned the world, but when he sobered up, an even greater and heavier self-loathing than his previous lethargy would weigh him down.

The thing Eunseong really hated about his father was that he spoke as if his lethargy and incompetence were Eunseong’s fault. Some days with violence, some days with lamentations, and other days with anger, he tormented Eunseong.

In each way, while getting angry, his father would take out his frustrations on Eunseong as if his own faults and even the world’s wrongs were Eunseong’s fault.

Saying that a cursed thing like you shouldn’t have been born in this world.

Saying that his life was ruined because of you.

Saying that if he hadn’t been involved with you, he wouldn’t be living such a miserable life.

Who asked to be born?

Did you even beg to be born into this world?

Without even asking the opinion of Eunseong, the actual person involved, he gave birth as he pleased and then blamed the innocent Eunseong when his life didn’t go as he wanted. Eunseong hated more that such a cowardly and inadequate person was his biological father than the fact that his father was violent.

Eunseong’s school was about a twenty-minute walk away. It took about the same time whether he took the bus or walked. Eunseong always walked. As he walked briskly, the fresh morning air would clear away his fatigue and brighten his mood.

Arriving in the classroom where most students had already arrived, Eunseong immediately put his head down on the desk.

He studied quite well in middle school, but despite saying that he should go to college, his father had no intention of supporting Eunseong’s education. Not only did he lack the ability to pay, but he also tended to hesitate about anything that involved spending money.

Even now, when he wasn’t providing anything, he blamed Eunseong and said his life had become so miserable because of him. If Eunseong asked for money for academies, his father might not just beat him but kill him, so Eunseong didn’t even want to bring it up. Maintaining grades required money, and Eunseong’s father showed no interest in Eunseong’s private education.

After making a firm decision to leave home because he could no longer bear it and didn’t want to, studying naturally took a backseat, and as he became increasingly neglectful of his studies, his grades became so poor that he couldn’t even consider applying to a decent university.

So Eunseong gave up on going to college. Whether he would retake the exam later or whatever, college wasn’t the issue now; leaving home was the priority. Only then could he plan for the future and try to do something. He feared that if he continued living with his father, he would be swept up in his father’s messy life and end up ruining his own life, blaming others like his father did.

“Eunseong is dozing off again. Eunseong, wake up.”

“Our Eunseong is here?”