The Tyrant Won’t Let Me Go

 

A familiar scent wafted to the tip of my nose.

 

Soft hair tickled my cheeks, and the usual weight rested on my shoulders.

 

But if Cedric had been his usual self, he would have lifted his head, smiled, and spoken to me sooner or later.

 

Instead of burying his face in his hands and saying nothing.

 “…Shall we go to the couch?” 

Cedric nodded wordlessly, his gaze fixed downward.

 

I took his hand and led him to the couch.

 

His dazed face looked like he was a bit exhausted.

 

Of course, it was so subtle that it was hard to notice unless you were close to him.

 

‘Always in the habit of hiding things.’

 

Even when things are hard, he never complains. I could listen to him for a little while.

 

No, even if it’s annoyingly long, I would understand.

 “…Ciel?” 

I grew anxious, and I took his right hand in one and wrapped my free arm around his shoulder.

 

I squeezed his arm as hard as I could. Likewise, I wanted to let him know that I was here and that I was somewhat expecting him.

 “…It was hard, wasn’t it?”

I asked, my voice weak.

 

I fairly predicted Cedric’s answer.

 “No.” 

As expected.

 

Looking at him as he shook his head and pretended to be unfazed, I sighed.

 “Don’t lie to me. You know how many years I’ve been watching you.” 

He’s never one to show when he’s struggling, but I knew it by the way he leaned back as if he were about to collapse upon seeing me.

 

The truth was, he was probably hurting and in distress.

 “I know what you’re thinking now just by the way you walk.” 

There was a small chuckle. 

 “Really?” “I’m not kidding, so don’t hide it, and if you’re having a hard time, you should tell me.” “Um, but…” 

Cedric said, looking a little troubled.

 “You know, it’s hard for a lord to confide in a servant that he’s having a hard time, because it puts the burden on the servant.” “I don’t mind, I’d rather you talk to me about it instead of dragging it out by yourself.” “Ugh…” 

I stared at Cedric, who scratched his cheek in confusion.

 

Then I spoke, “I understand that you don’t want to burden your subjects.”

 

I don’t often share my problems with my junior knights, either.

 

They have enough on their minds with their difficulties.

 

However, I had somewhere else to pour my heart out.

 “If you keep hiding it like that, no one will ever know what’s on your mind.” “Ciel…” “Still, at least one person should listen to you, shouldn’t they?” 

I smiled wryly and looked into his red eyes, which radiated a silvery light.

 “You’ve listened to so much of my story so far, I only wish to do for you as much as you’ve done for me.” 

Cedric wasn’t a weak man to be crumbling over something like this, I knew.

 

But for some reason, Cedric seemed a little sad today, and I wanted to tell him,

‘I hope you’re okay.’

 

A part of me wanted to be there for him.

 

‘You’re not the villain anymore who has to carry everything alone.’

 

Unlike in the original story, Cedric has a lot of good people by his side now.

 

I think it’s because he’s changing every day, and he’s trying to take it one step at a time.

 

So I wanted to tell them that it’s okay to lean on me a bit.

 “So it’s okay to lean on me when it gets too hard.” 

I said, wrapping my arm around Cedric’s left hand, which was squeezing mine.

 “…You’ve been through a lot.” “…” 

‘No, I’m okay,’ didn’t come out of his lips.

 

I could see his red eyes flicker as he stared at me, still.

 “You’ve had a rough day, haven’t you?” 

Cedric didn’t answer my question right away.

 

He looked hesitant, delaying his answer, until he finally sighed and spoke.

 “Yeah.” 

Finally, an honest answer.

 

Nodding slightly, Cedric ran a hand through his dark hair and gave me a faint smile.

 “I guess it was a little hard.” 

It shouldn’t have been more than a little. I’d felt it before, but Cedric was too grown up for that.

 

“The people who got hurt, and the people who died, and feeling like it was all because of me. I feel bad, and sorry.”

 “I understand.” 

Our clasped hands tightened.

 “When my knights get hurt on expeditions and missions, I blame myself, too, because I feel like I made the wrong formation, or chose the wrong strategy, or used poor judgment, and the people who follow me got hurt.” 

Even so.

 

Despite all of that.

 “But then I realize in hindsight that it wasn’t necessarily my fault.” 

Sometimes you’re just unlucky, and you’ve done your part to prepare, but things happen that are beyond your control.

 

Like this one, where people were injured by a form of a curse that had never manifested in the Deamant Empire, despite sending an elite force that was fully prepared.

 “I think that’s the case with this one, too. There was no lack of preparation on the part of His Majesty or the search party, it was just unfortunate luck.” 

Cedric bit his lip as he spoke,

“Still, if I hadn’t told the search party that I wanted to catch Tekarke as soon as possible, I don’t think they would have been forced to speed up their efforts and died in the process.” “But you didn’t order them to do it.” 

It’s only natural that a search party in pursuit of a wanted man would want to expedite the operation.

 

Even without Cedric’s urging, they would have prioritized the goal of quickly securing the fugitive.

 “The order to capture Tekarke quickly… was given because of the damage he’s done to the Empire with his illegal drugs, so I can’t fault the order itself.” 

I paused for a moment, organizing my words in my head.

 

If I just said it out loud, I felt like I was going to mangle my story.

 “And…” “And?” “You gave those orders because…” 

I trailed off, looking into those clear red eyes.

 “You did it because you were thinking of me.”  

Cedric’s eyes widened as he stared at me.

 “Wait, Ciel. You’re not wrong, but that doesn’t mean you have to feel guilty.” 

Cedric spoke up, looking flustered.

 “You didn’t even ask me to catch him in the first place, and I only did it because I was afraid he’d do more harm to you if I let him go.” “So it’s Tekarke’s fault after all?” “Huh? Isn’t that…?” 

At that, I smiled and looked down at our clasped hands.

 “Yes. It’s not my fault, it’s not His Majesty’s fault, it’s not anyone’s fault, it always has been. Never.”  

People who are truly at fault never show any sign of remorse.

 

But it’s always the people who didn’t do anything wrong who beat themselves up.

 “It’s all because of that bastard, it’s not our fault.” 

The red eyes, shining transparently, without a trace of imperfection, looked at me.

 

They were always sparkling, or burning like they were on fire, but today they were somehow sorrowful.

 “Just, that’s the way it is.” 

Because I was stupid, because I was wrong. I’d thought about it enough already.

 

For me, and for Cedric.

 

I’ve had enough of it, and so has he.

 

‘Maybe it’s time to stop.’

 

With that thought, I put my arms around Cedric’s shoulders.

 

Cedric stood still at the touch for a moment, then gently lifted his head to face me and buried it in my hair, and finally answered in a soft whisper.

 “Mm, yeah.” 

I smiled at the sound of his voice.

 “You did well.” “Yes, Ciel.” “Today—” 

I felt the ice in my heart melt away, as if I were being thawed.

 “I’m going to hold your hand for a special half hour.”  

And for a while, peaceful days passed.

 

Cedric, who had been in turmoil and self-pity over the fact that so many of the searchers had been injured or killed, slowly recovered.

 

The palace, which had been shaken by the events of the search party, was also somewhat calmer.

 

But it was far from a relief.

 

‘There are still many events to come, and we must work to strengthen the Knights themselves.’

 

Although the Knights had suffered few casualties in the search party incident, there were many upcoming events where the Knights would be mobilized.

 

In particular, Cedric’s trip to the Temple was just a few days away and would require a significant deployment of manpower.

 

The level of security for Cedric would be even higher than usual, given the attack by the Lion of Nemesis just a few months earlier.

 

‘Besides, the temple is outside the capital, so even if the palace called for reinforcements, they wouldn’t be able to come right away.’

 

It was fortunate that the location of this expedition was chosen near the temple.

 

We were able to send people to the temple in advance to make sure there were no dangers around the area.

 “The members who went out on this expedition are doing well, right?” 

Lord Turka, who was reviewing the Knights’ workforce deployment plan next to me, asked.

 

At that, I smiled wryly at him.

 “Of course. I’m not sure what kind of units we have.” “I see.” 

Lord Turka replied with a faint smile.

 “Yes. With their return, we’ll be able to supplement our plans to guard the temple in the future…” 

Just then.

 “Ca— Captain Minerva!” 

Someone burst through the door of the Knights’ conference room.

 

His face was as red as an apple, his breathing ragged, and he could barely keep his voice steady as he spoke.

 “I have urgent news. The men who went on the expedition just now…” 

His next words left me speechless.