NOVEL NEXT Chapter Ninety-Seven: Believing in Yourself
Believing in Yourself
"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" I said, as I sat there slamming my hands against my forehead over and over again.
"Alex, Alex are you alright?" Anna said.
"I'm such a fucking idiot," I said.
"What's wrong with him," Will said.
"I don't know, he's never been like this before," Anna said.
"What the fuck was I thinking? Was I thinking at all?" I said.
"Chum! Hey, Chum, what's wrong with Alex," Anna shouted up at the sky where my familiar was.
"What isn't wrong with me," I said, as the chubby imp fluttered towards our group.
Chum looked puzzled, then checked his own Journal.
"Well there's your problem," Chum said.
"What kind of an idiot would do that?" I said.
"Please tell me he isn't going to stay like this," Anna said.
"Nah, he just put his first point in Self-Esteem. Going from 0 to 1 can be like this," Chum said.
"I don't get it. Why would getting more self-esteem leave him beating himself up?" Will said.
"Well, see, it's still really fucking low. Except now he knows he could be useful in some ways. And that he could have been useful before, but he didn't do stuff unless forced or told to because he just didn't consider the possibility that he might have been helpful," Chum said.
I was a fucking wizard for fuck's sake. I had a spellbook full of powerful spells. I had useful abilities that could have saved lives if I'd stuck with the group. Hell, even my goddamned spreadsheet skill could have been useful for Artemis. I should have been teaching magic to people. I should have been providing security for the people in most danger in the Halls. I should have been sending new spells in group chat at all times, just in case people could use them. And I didn't because, what, my fucking feelings about my own self-worth were a bit low?
"I need to go back. The Guild needs me," I said.
"Boss, relax, it'll pass," Chum said.
"What will pass? I just increased an attribute. I am better at understanding things now," I said.
"Sorta. But also not really. It's fucked up to put self-esteem as an attribute in a System. Fuck that Xem guy. Think about it. Do you really want to meet the guy that entered the Tower with 6 Self-Esteem?" Chum said.
"Could have been a woman," Will said.
"Bet you it wasn't," Anna said.
"People need me. I could be helpful," I said.
"You knew that before. Look, you even thought it through, right? Probably the same reasons still apply," Chum said.
I took deep breaths. With my Willpower and the nebulous Enlightenment attributes pretty high I was getting sort of good at determining which parts of my mind were not functioning properly, and Knowledge helped with reasoning at least a little. I thought about why I'd come here. If I was being honest with myself, I'd mostly come here because I wanted to meet up with Will. But the people who needed me the most were the people stuck in the Lounge in Nothing. I had no idea where to find concentrated magical energy, but a dangerous dungeon in the mountains seemed like an excellent place to start looking. And, besides, if what the Lannister twins back in the hotel had told us was true, there would be some narrative elements in the dungeon, which would give us more insight into Xem.
As I went through that train of thought, my breathing calmed and I started feeling embarrassed about my outburst.
"Sorry. I really didn't expect that to work like that," I said.
"That's alright, buddy, you sure you're alright," Will said, and laughed, "I'm so fucking glad to see you. Both of you."
I held up a hand for a fist-bump, and Will bumped it, his gauntleted hand hitting my invisible armor, and I smiled too.
"Well, an evil wizard locked us up in his basement, and put us through a series of Jigsaw style traps, until only about a thousand of us were left alive, then-" Will said.
"I know, I know. I mean us, you know. I'd believe you could play a valiant knight charging down a hillside lance in hand in Mazes and Monsters, but how did you actually get there?" I said.
"You never asked me how I got here," Anna said.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I said.
"Fuck no," Anna said.
"That bad, huh," Will said and sucked in air through his teeth.
"You better not tell us you had a sunshine and unicorns experience down there," I said.
"Ha, fuck no. Uh, wait, I mean-" Will said.
"No fucking way," Anna said.
"It was one unicorn. It tried to kill me. Because I was not a virgin," Will said.
I burst out laughing. It wasn't even that funny, but I wasn't in a very stable place emotionally. Apparently neither was Anna, because she joined in. Will raised his arms above his head and walked off to his bags. He returned with three green glass bottles.
"Here. I was saving this for when we'd meet. Recovery abilities will get rid of both the drunkenness and the hangover, so it's safe enough," Will said.
"Your pals won't be annoyed that we're wasting time?" I said.
"They'll deal with it. I'm their glorious leader, after all," Will said.
"No he's not," one of the riders, a woman clad head to toe in plate mail, so that I could only tell that she was a woman by her voice called.
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"Break time, everyone. Eat, drink, use recovery abilities," Will called back.
I took out my folded-up magical-ish tent from my backpack, and laid it out on the rocky ground, like a blanket for a picnic, and we sat down.
"Fudge, I forgot about glasses," Will said.
"Fudge?" I said.
"You know I don't want Junior to learn that kind of language," Will said.
"Still can't believe that you named your kid after yourself," Anna said.
"It's a family tradition!" Will said.
"Yeah, and that just means his dad and granddad are both called Will just like himself," Anna said.
"No, I'm called dad, and his grandfather's name is pop-pop. It's simple, really," Will said, "Oh, fuck it."
Will unsheathed his saber, and did something with it and the bottles. I could barely see the blade move, and then, suddenly the three bottles were all open. I picked one up and took a swig. It was wine, very dry, but not bad.
"I thought you were supposed to, like, leave a bunch of glass shards everywhere if you did it like that," I said.
"Hey, Will, you never answered Alex's question," Anna said, and took a deep drink from her own bottle.
Will took a drink too. He waited a bit, maybe to see if it was taking effect. We waited in silence.
"I guess it went just about as good as it could have. I found some weapons early on- a sword and a shield. They were shit, but I don't think many other people found anything like it. I got the Champion class pretty early too. A bunch of college students were getting cornered by a pack of kobolds or something, the kids were unarmed and confused about the whole situation. I got… most of them out alive. After that, rinse and repeat. Look for survivors, get them out of trouble, catch them up to speed. By the end of day 3 there were about eleven hundred of us. There was a fight in the exam hall. That was really messy. And then I got out. Along with 883 others," Will said.
"I'm sorry you couldn't save everybody," I said.
"Me too," Will said.
"I- I got cut off from Alex's group. Didn't even know we were in the same sector. I met some people, I didn't know them but, you know, I thought in a situation like this you had to trust…" Anna started. The word 'trust' stopped her dead. She didn't let her voice break, only by changing the topic, "Anyways, it didn't go great for Alex and I. We've both killed people. Done bad things. Just happy to see that you didn't have to go through that."
"It wasn't exactly clean. But we managed to get some good people together. Oh, I should let you meet Sugarcube," Will said.
The conversation shifted to lighter topics then as Will introduced us to his horse, and we moved among the riders to share in conversation and wine. It didn't quite feel like the good old days. An arcane shadow lingered in my mind. Anna kept glancing over her shoulder; Will scanned the perimeter, ever watchful. Still, we found ourselves talking about that vampire one-shot we'd played years ago, and suddenly I could remember that cramped one-bedroom rental better than almost anything else from Earth.
We finished our bottles, and by the end we were all laughing and swaying. Will suggested we use our abilities to sober up, I protested, but ultimately we managed to get it through the haze that it'd be a good idea. I set up my tent with the full intention of only using it to recover my abilities and heal, but I awoke eight hours later, still in the lotus position, fully healed and recovered. I prepared for the day in the following way:
Magic Item Charges:
Staff of Spellwards: 1x Invisible barrier (free); 1x Invisible barrier; 1x Stasis Field; 1x Conjure Greasefire
Rod of the Depths: 1x Orb of Water
Drakewrought Spellbook: 1x Any spell tier 3 or lower (applies to first spell cast, incantation required)
Contingency:
When an enemy is about to attack me, if I'm unaware of the incoming attack, cast Frozen Moment
Ongoing Spells:
Invisible Armor
And then I left my tent to find the camp already packing up. Will was being put back into his armor and I could really see the effect his increased physical stats had on him- with almost entirely no envy. He saw me emerge and waved.
"Good morning, sleepy-head!" he said.
"Could have woken me yesterday," I said.
"You and Anna were barely standing. Should have made the exploration today in any case," Will said.
Anna crawled out of her own tent upon hearing her name.
"Yeah. Sleep was the right choice," she said.
"You could have told me! I spent hours keeping watch, waiting for you to come out," Chum whined.
"Your goblin friends have scouted out the entrance to the dungeon. We have a clear run to it- looks like all the toads outside of it came out to meet us yesterday," Will said.
"You done one of these before?" I said.
"No. I know there can only be five of us going in though," Will said.
"I don't count there. Familiar rules. You could probably take your horse, not that I recommend it," Chum said.
"Alright, five heroes can go in," Will said.
"Hate that term," I said.
"Tell me about it," Anna said.
"Adam? Will you be joining us," I said.
"I will. There is little use in me staying behind, and you do not have anyone else with healing abilities," Adam said.
"That just leaves one spot," I said.
"Sarah, wanna check out a dungeon?" Will called to his riders, and a middle-aged woman with rosy cheeks and blond hair, also being fitted into her armor responded:
"Yes. I will go too. Show those bastards," she said.
We crested over the ledge that Chum had indicated yesterday, and there we saw it- there was another valley, entirely surrounded by steep cliff-faces, the most climbable being the one we were coming over. There was a pool of crystal clear green water in the middle of the valley and a stream lead into it from a crevice in the rocks opposite to us. There was a misty shimmer coming from the cave that screamed 'dungeon entrance' to my video game-rotten brain.
"I guess we must gather our party before venturing forth," I said, and slid down the rocky ledge on my ass, trusting my ridiculous robe to keep my pants and skin unscuffed.