The Tower of Infinite Evil [A LitRPG Horror Comedy]

The Sacred Toad

It was a stunned and downtrodden party that made our way back into the Rock Toad Caverns then. Sarah was nearly as mad as William, and he was bashing his helmeted head against the wall alongside his fist. She could do little more than to sit against the very same wall, while Anna and I looked concerned at each other. Chum was the only one among us unaffected, but when I looked at him he just waved at me in a 'oh I'm not getting involved in all this' kind of way, and fluttered deeper in the caves to keep a look-out.

"Is it just fucking us? Do we bring this shit luck to everyone around us?" Anna said.
"Xem. It's all Xem. It's always been him. If he's picking on us specifically, that's still his fault," I said. I paced in the dank, ill-lit cave, as my friends were falling apart around me.
"I will heal the Sarah woman's wounds. Impediment of full recovery has become entirely irrelevant now," Adam said, walking up to me. That let me stop in my tracks, take a breath and think about it for a second. Shockingly it seemed that I was taking this the best among the party. Maybe I was just more used to losing people. I hoped that was true. And I hoped it wasn't.
"Yeah. Yeah, ask her if she's still up for it," I said. As he began walking away, I remembered something, "Adam, about the Nothing. Why did you bring it up?"
"I am still working on it. But if this whole place is a magical construct, certainly that means it is made out of magic made material. I have an idea, but not enough to share," he said.
"Good. Go help her," I said.

I walked over to Anna next. Will needed my help more, but he also needed a moment to rage. Anna wasn't reacting quite as badly. She was turning paranoid again and sort of staring off in the distance, thinking things over, so hard that her brown eyes were glazed over with a reflective sheen even in the dark.
"Hey, pal," I said.
"Yeah. What's up," Anna said. She blinked the daze away, shook her head and looked at me.
"You sharp?" I said.
"Need a moment. It's just, Will, you know," Anna said.
"I really do. Let's go, he needs us now," I said.

"FUCK!" Will screamed as we came near him.
"Yeah. Fuck is right," I said.
"There is nothing you could have done," Anna said.
"Why?" Will said.
"What do you mean?" I said.
"Why the fuck couldn't I do anything? Is it even true? How did you know that- No. I'm sorry. I don't doubt you. I know you wouldn't have said it if it wasn't true, but why?" Will said.
"Just sheer levels, Will. I don't know how he did it, but he's 20 level higher than anyone I've ever seen. Xem clone included. And he was one of the Journal bearing tourists here. No way he didn't pick good abilities and classes and shit for his advancement. Think about it. What were you like even 15 levels ago compared to now," I said.

"This fucking game," Will said, as he finally moved away from the wall to us.

Sarah and Adam had finally come to an agreement, and Adam was unbinding the bandages around his hands. When he removed his wraps, dried, exposed muscle was under them, and the bandages were soaked in his fluids half-way through. He moved slowly, gently, methodically towards her, and he started wrapping the bandages around her feet, even as she sucked air in through her teeth and gasped in pain.

Adam's chanting of the words seemed like nothing I'd heard before. The syllables in his spellwork didn't resemble any of the magic schools I was familiar with. And as soon as he began casting the spell blood began seeping through every one of his bandages. It hurt him too. He was shivering and twitching as he poured some energy into Sarah through his wrappings. And her breathing was slowing, until she let out a long sigh of relief.

"Feels loads better, thank you, Adam," she said.
"Don't thank me yet. Try to walk," he said.

When she stood, she was very awkward. Like someone trying to walk with two legs in a cast. But she took a step, then another, and she was not falling over, even if her progress was slow and awkward.

"Okay, not optimal, but still much better. Still thank you," she said.
"I would smile at you if I could. I did my best and I appreciate your gratitude," Adam said. But I could see that he was damaged. Perhaps it wasn't as bad as my own near-resurrection ritual that had left him ravenous and brain-damaged, but bad enough that he was walking with a deep slouch.

With that, something was a little better in all of us, I thought. All of us were, at the least, ambulatory. We also had only one way to go, only one option. The thing this Tower was teaching me more than anything else, over and over, was that I could do anything if only I was pushed into a hard enough corner. Or, I guess I could die. But I wasn't quite so broken yet as to consider that option.

"Alright. Not that much has changed. We need to clear the dungeon. Look for alternative exits. Look for clues about the Tower. Anything at all might be helpful," I said.

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"One of the fucking things nearly took us out," Will said.
"So we adapt. We know now they like to use camouflage and wait in ambush. We can use that," I said.
"How?" Anna said.
"Kill it with fire," I said, "A lot of it."
"I'm intrigued. Tell me more," Anna said.

The method for clearing the dungeon safely that we developed was straightforward, overwhelming and extremely costly in mana. It also left our fighter types almost entirely useless, or, as I liked to think of it, safely behind front lines.

First, we walked up to a fork in the caverns. Then, Anna would send an ember or two to light the corridor in an orange glow. I would then cast only the grease portion of my greasefire spell over and over again until the hallway was entirely covered. Usually by this point something would start moving, grinding at the walls, toad-arms reaching out of pit-falls, or simply a monstrous toad coming around the corner. But by that point Anna had already nearly completed her high-tier fireball spell and I would cast the invisible barrier before us just a split second after she released it. Then there was a blinding, foul-stinking fire. If we were lucky there were croaking screams too.

A few times over the next few hours a larger toad would survive this barrage, at which point we would let Adam unravel a part of my barrier- somehow- and he and Will would go through to finish off the remaining badly burned monsters. It was dirty, unsportsmanlike way to clear the dungeon and I felt glee at having come up with the idea.

"I just wish I could be more useful," Will said, pulling his sword out of the neck of a dead toad with both his hands, plate boot bracing against the creature.
"Sorry, Will, but this isn't about you," I said. He looked up at me, and I think there was a glint of anger in his look before he snuffed it. He was always quick to process.
"Yeah. Yeah. I shouldn't be looking for a way to vent my anger. We have more important things to do," he said.

"Don't get me wrong. We will have revenge. It will just take a while," I said.
"Gah but this is weird. My healing ability kicked in again. It's like it's trying to pull apart the wrongly healed tendons, but stops before hurting me," Sarah said with a shiver.
"I did warn you," Adam said.
"You did at that, handsome. Don't worry, I'm not blaming you, just complaining," she said.
"How's your mana, Alex?" Anna said.
"Yeah, time for a break. How big is this thing anyways?" I said.
"Lemme scout ahead while you meditate, boss," Chum said, and fluttered off into the darkness.

We sat in the near darkness, ate and Anna and myself meditated. It sped up mana recovery significantly, based on the Enlightenment attribute, which was just about the only clear mechanical advantage the stat gave. I wondered if it got high enough I could increase mana regeneration while in combat, but that was a question for a later day. I was about to engage my comrades in some further conversation- I had a feeling that that was just about the only thing keeping our morale anything like solid. Then, I felt a sensation, like a tugging at my heart. It was a moment of going down a roller-coaster, only to be suddenly janked up by the chest. It took me a second that I felt that tension through my Familiar Bond skill, and with mana recovered to about 80% I jumped up to my feet.

"What's wrong?" Anna said.
"Chum's in trouble. Not far, maybe two more hallways," I said.
"A toad got him?" Sarah said.
"The bond's not strong enough, I can't tell. Something big though, most of the time I can just tell the distance and direction," I said, even as there was scratching from my Journal which I knew would indicate an increase in my Familiar Bond skill.
"I'm ready. Let's go make sure the imp doesn't die on us," Anna said.
"I can get him back if he does. Our safety comes before his. But yes, we should go look. Same tactics as before unless something significant changes," I said.

We cleared out the next tunnel, and saw the tunnels change. The opening to the next cavern had what seemed like daylight coming down on it and with it, the growth of moss, lichen and vines was supercharged. As we got closer, the light seemed more dense somehow, perfectly white and pure.

"What's that?" Will said.
"Don't know, don't like it," I said.
"I haven't come across anything like this either. I can confirm it is not normal daylight, however," Adam said.
"Shit. Okay, Will, take the lead. Your judgment to go in or get back out. Remember, Chum can literally be brought back from the dead for free, so he doesn't get heroics, okay?" I said.
"Okay. Okay. But the plan is still to clear the dungeon, yes?" Will said.
"Yeah. We pretty much have to fight whatever's on the other side. But we don't need to do it on the first try, or without preparation. So fall back if things get spicy," I said.

He took the lead from us, and I followed directly behind him. Anna followed me, and Sarah was behind her, Adam taking up the rear. When Will stepped through the cavern opening he looked around, then motioned with his hand to follow. I did so, and stepped into a very clearly magical glade. It was overgrown with healthy, plentiful deep green moss and other greenery. There were even flowering buds of some pure white flower among the green.

We didn't see any potential enemies until we'd made it all the way to the pool at the center of the room, and then we heard a muffled:

"MMf! G-t -t -f here! R-n!" from what was clearly Chum's voice.

I looked towards its source and saw my familiar pierced with what looked like seven solid beams of light, one going straight through his mouth. He was suspended mid-air and was shivering with pain as tears streamed down his face. A crouched figure then stood, covered head to toe in pristine white and gold robes. They glowed with the same light that had come through the hole in the cave. They picked up a staff of wood covered in green scales and topped with a golden sunburst. They turned to us, and for a moment where their face was supposed to be there was just a flash of blinding light. And then I saw their face.

If it could be called that.