The Resetting Lady

[32]

“Dare was a big mouth. So you let him go? Oh, you don’t have to answer. He’s already dead. My story is much more interesting to me than her life or the past. Am I Karen?

“Why don’t you just ask one question at a time?”

“…yes.”

Karen took a deep breath. There are too many suspicions. It seems like the head is about to explode, but the mouth is one. I finally reached this position. You can start one by one.

“Is it true that I’ve had problems since I was a kid?”

“…yes.”

“And that Nancy erased my memory and put another one in it?”

“You’ve figured it out.”

Karen brought up one of the most curious questions.

“Am I Karen?”

“You’re my only daughter.”

I didn’t mean it that way. Karen frowned. Karen is Karen. Do you have a place to go back? Or is it just a fantasy?

“That’s… no. Would it make sense for me to call you my father?”

“Well, if you look at the portrait, you’ll see that you’re the mother.”

I shouldn’t bite this side. Karen looked up at the portrait. Would it have been easier if you were alive? Why is this outsider in front of me, not you?

“I was sick and tired of thinking about how jealous people were before I got married. There were more than one suitor.”

Your love story doesn’t matter now. Karen looked at him dumbfounded. To what extent is the public’s sarcasm that his wife died and half lost her mind?

Catherine, who looked like Karen, was a very beautiful woman, as Dare said. Even after coming down to this countryside, I was told that invitations flew here and there every winter. Who said that? Karen tried to suppress the memories of the past that kept coming to mind. I don’t know. I don’t know anything and I’m not sure.

Oh, if I had a gun.

I would have put a foot in Young-ju’s head right away. No, don’t finish it right away. You can hear the truth, starting with the threat.

“Daddy.”

“So how fierce it was….”

“I killed Nancy, too. And you know this.”

“…….”

“Why did you hide the body?”

“If Miss Evans finds out, it’s hard for me to protect her.”

replied the lord. Karen was both relieved and irritated by the answer.

“I really feel like a doll on stage. It’s become a spectacle alone in the world. What the hell did you think of when you saw me do it?”

“It was to protect you.”

“Then at least you should have told me… It’s funny to say it yourself.”

I tapped the table with my fingers.

“Is Nancy even dead? Is Mrs. Dare dead in my hand? Are you sure you’re in front of me right now?”

I’m sick and tired of the sense that all the reality in front of me is twisted. Karen was resentful of being robbed of her gun. If the cause of his pain is this man in front of his eyes, his father will feed him a lot of bullets. It doesn’t matter if there is one remaining blood in the world. It is an enemy that must be killed beyond entertainment and curiosity. Isn’t it a terrible thing to make your whole life a lie? I’m covering it up with negativity. Karen was not convinced.

“You killed Nancy.”

The lord swore to Karen.

“And now I’m in front of you.”

He took Karen by the hand. I felt the warmth. A sense of relief spread. It felt the same way when Tom confirmed that the body had not disappeared. I see. A man was killed and a man died. Time flows from yesterday to today. If the world is stable and you are the only one who is crazy. There will be no such stable truth.

“Why did you clean up the body?”

Why did you take the truth from me? Do you know what that means to me? Tears welled up in the anger. He took the truth from himself and let madness and irrationality dominate. It was not love or protection.

Isn`t it hard for you if things get bigger? The happiness of a child is the happiness of a parent’s happiness. Catherine and I only want your happiness.”

“Well, if you want my happiness.”

My voice is hoarse. Karen hated the middle-aged man in front of her. He was disgusted with the attitude of not telling me what to do, and the act of cleaning up his mess without saying anything.

“Why didn’t you catch me and tell me everything? You’re crazy.”

“What should I do to make you happy?”

“If you killed someone, you should have told me not to. You should have put him in jail. You should have judged and sentenced him to death.”

“How can your happiness be achieved in prison? You haven’t even started your life yet. I’m going to live a life of meeting men, getting married and having children.”

I’m so full of energy that I want to stamp my feet.

“If my insanity is hereditary, it must have been connected to my father.”

The lord shrugged shyly at the sound. Then it’s a sight to answer.

“You look more like your mom than I do.”

“…do you know what the hell you’re talking about? My father and mother ruined my life. You can’t even think about it on your own. Look at me now. I can’t believe anything right now. It’s not about believing in people or not, who do you love? It’s like you broke your head with a hammer when you said you’d erase your memory and give me a stable life.”

Marriage, love, what are you dreaming about? Let’s put them to sleep with medicine. Now, what’s the difference between being peaceful?

“That can’t be important to me right now.”

“It’s important.”

The lord swore.

“It’s very important, Karen.”

“Hey, lord.”

If this continues, there is no need for dialogue to continue. Karen gave strength to her held hand. I put up my nails. There was a red mark on the hand of the lord, but that’s all.

“What are you doing?”

“…I hope you’re angry. That’s not working well either, I’m so full of energy. Ha… Do as you please. I’ll keep killing, so stop it if you want to stop me. And if he gets it wrong, I’ll turn myself in to Lord Raymond.”

“I won’t let you.”

“Then keep him in custody. Why don’t you stop me, tie my arms and legs, and find another hypnotist to replace Nancy? This time, I want you to tell me a beautiful story rather than a fantasy of falling into a book and dying and dying again for 100 years. It would be interesting to see you fall into the emperor’s bedroom and become a saint, or to fall into the distant past and change the world.”

Karen struggled to make a mockery. I will see my father’s grief. And I will not forgive myself. You will be punished if you commit a crime. I didn’t start with that degree of resolution. That is his determination and courtesy to life and struggle.

But Young-joo focused on a word rather than her resolution.

“100 years?”

“Maybe more than that, if it’s a new memory, just wipe it out and turn it into a thousand teeth.”

I feel like dying in vain. I want to burn myself up. Karen wanted to burn her immediate father to death. I wanted to tear it apart. But more vehemently, he is disgusted with himself. Is your efforts, years, memories, all meaningless? Is it just a fantasy? It’s not worth it. The conclusion of insanity is quite comfortable.

I’d rather kill you.

“…100 years. Is that the time you’ve lived?”

이젠 됐다. 길다. 전부 다 끝내고 싶다. 캐런은 현실도피를 위한 자살 방법을 떠올렸다. 목을 매달까, 독을 먹을까, 총으로 머리를 쏠까.

역시 독인가?

“너에게 제대로 된 답을 줄 수가 없어 미안하구나.”

“그냥 괜한 짓 말고 다함께 손잡고 수도원 유폐 생활이나 하는 게 어떨까요?”

“캐서린은 네게 가능한 네 인생에 간섭하지 말라고 했었지.”

“기억도 안 나는 엄마 이야기는 듣고 싶지 않네요.”

The lord took his hand off Karen. She looked a little shocked by what she said. They were all mental institutions. They must be a family that sighs themselves. But Young-ju looked at Karen with a disappointed face.

“Katherine loved you. Very much.”

“Do I need to know that now? My father erased my memory so that I couldn’t be moved by such love. What the hell do you want? Are you going to continue helping me kill like you’ve done so far? Sounds fun. Very good. That’s what I wanted. If you’re ready to kill that Berdych right now. Isela is a bonus. It would be wonderful to die to Lord Raymond. Of course you will, right?”

“Carran.”

“Why aren’t you doing it? What the hell do you want to do?”

Karen stared at the lord. It was frustrating. There was so little he knew and Young-ju just hid it. But now he looks at himself like that. Who? Who.

“…I’m tired now.”

“I’d like to express my sympathy.”

“Don’t talk about Catherine like that. Catherine did it for your happiness. But….”

Tears flowed from the eyes of the lord.

“Hey, I’m tired.”

“…….”

And Young-joo covered her eyes with her hands.

“Katherine loved you so much. And it was like you.”

“I guess my insanity was inherited from my mother.”

“Don’t be sarcastic about Catherine. She, your mother….”

The lord had difficulty in answering. Emotions flared up. He took a short breath and went on.

“She spoke like you. This world… is like a book to itself. And he’s older than he actually looks.”

Karen stopped breathing.

“And you, too… He said he’d live like himself.”

“Katherine, you mean your mother had the same symptoms as I did?”

“Yes.”

“…can you be sure?”

At Karen’s suspicious question, Young-joo showed off her unpleasantness without filtering.

“My wife said. How can you doubt it?”

Don’t tell me my father is a fool.

Karen had a rapacious imagination in her mind. He is a father who has been at odds with his mother, Catherine, who would not have come out of her life. They have always been such a weight.

But that’s not just you, it’s not just you. It was something that could never be ignored.

“I don’t know what I have to say to be accurate. And in the end, you’ll doubt everything. I’d rather… She was right. I had to forget everything from the beginning and start.”

“Mrs. Catherine.”

“Mother.”

In the meantime, he had to try to hold back his words because he seemed to say something that he could not even describe to the lord who corrected his words. Is this what Young-ju is like?

“Yes, my mother.”

He looked sideways at the portrait. It would be great if the person here was Catherine, not the lord. I can’t help sighing. Why is he a third-party lord alive? If that’s true, isn’t it only the dead mother who can understand herself in this world?

“Do you have any proof that you’ve had a… repeated life like me?”

“In the end, you suspect.”

“…….”

“You’re not the evidence.”