The Man’s 101st Bad Ending

◇◇◇◆◇◇◇

“Let go.”

Her tone was firm.

Her gaze wouldn’t meet mine, her body trembled, and her eyes were swollen. She was a woman he had loved, both Adriana and Adele, and Miragen. And she was a woman he still loved.

He brushed her reddened eyes, and the arm that swung to push his hand away struck him roughly.

“I said… let go.”

“I let you go before.”

It had been Robert’s role to persistently try to stop Miragen from going to the South.

Miragen had insisted on going to retrieve the artifacts, and he had been mistaken in thinking she would always return safely.

Miragen had died during the brief time they were apart. He had regretted it dozens of times, wondering if things would have been different had he seen her off when she returned.

This was no longer a story only he knew.

Miragen knew, and Adriana knew. Someday, Adele would know too. Miragen, who seemed to know when he was referring to, nodded slightly and released the hand that had been gripping his sleeve tightly.

He looked at the loosened shirt, then lifted Miragen again and surveyed their surroundings.

This wasn’t exactly the place for this kind of conversation. It was a relief that there was no one around, but if someone had seen them, it would have been easy to misunderstand the situation.

A crying princess and the duke who chased after her and grabbed her. It would have definitely caused a scandal.

Especially now, when their relationship was somewhat widely known.

“Even if it’s an order, I won’t let go-”

“I’ll disobey. You can punish me later.”

He had tried to lift her up, but Miragen exhaled briefly, as if in resignation, and stood up on her own. He offered her a handkerchief, seeing that her face was still a mess.

He preferred to see her smile rather than cry.

The fact that her crying was because of him was also troubling, and Miragen rubbed her face and headed towards the room.

He closed the door and rubbed his face.

Where should he start this conversation? It was difficult to talk to someone who had been struggling to meet his gaze since earlier.

He sat on the bed and looked at the silent Miragen for a moment, then cleared his throat and spoke cautiously.

“I brought you here to talk. If you don’t say anything… nothing will change. You know that, don’t you?”

“I know what I did.”

“Didn’t you hear me say it over and over again?”

“…I heard you. But-”

Miragen, who was about to say something, closed her mouth again and lowered her head. He hadn’t told her about the past because he wanted her to feel guilty.

He had told her because she had a right to know the past, because she had asked about it.

He would have rather buried the past and tried to move in a different direction.

“I didn’t tell you about the past so that Miragen would be sad.”

“…I know.”

“I told you I don’t resent you, didn’t I?”

He lowered his knees slightly to meet her gaze, but Miragen turned her head again. But this time, he placed his hand on her cheek to prevent her from avoiding him.

Their eyes met. Just for a brief moment, before she closed her eyes tightly again.

Miragen’s eyes hadn’t changed from before. They were bloodshot from crying so much, but her black eyes weren’t tinged with red or anything.

“I don’t know what to say if you keep avoiding me like this. Can I ask you one thing?”

“……”

“Was it my fault for telling you-”

“That’s not what I’m thinking.”

Miragen, still turning her head, answered.

He smiled faintly at the gaze that briefly touched his, but suppressed his laughter, realizing it wasn’t the right atmosphere. Her hair was a mess.

It was because she had been tormented while listening to his past.

He had considered stopping the story, but he couldn’t stop, so it couldn’t be helped.

“…I never thought it was Robert’s fault.”

“If you act like this, it only makes me feel like it’s my fault.”

“It’s my fault. If I hadn’t gone to the South, Robert wouldn’t have had to do that.”

“I’m grateful for it, actually. If I hadn’t trained then, I wouldn’t have been able to save you this time.”

If Miragen had been in the North and he hadn’t been able to wield a sword, he would have had to watch her be attacked by the barbarians. And he would have been in pain again. He might have even taken his own life again. But he had saved her.

He had been able to single-handedly deal with Temuzin and the barbarians because he had accumulated experience with the sword.

It meant that something like that would happen eventually. He had been able to tie up the loose ends he had been regretting in this life.

He had saved Miragen with his own hands, and he had formed a connection with Adriana that he hadn’t been able to before.

Next, it was time to prevent Adele’s death.

“That too-”

“You told me not to blame myself, so why do you keep blaming yourself?”

He knew why Miragen didn’t want him to blame himself. And he felt the same way now.

Did she not know that blaming herself would only make the other person feel worse?

Maybe she knew, but she couldn’t help but feel pain for what she had done.

“I understand. How you feel, and why you’re sorry to me.”

But he didn’t want her to be sorry. He didn’t want to see her cry, and he had a selfish desire to always see her smile in front of him.

He no longer wanted to hide his feelings. That hadn’t changed, the thought that this life was his last.

However, he had no intention of ignoring the relationships he had formed before.

If possible, he wanted them to be happy. Even if they didn’t want it, it was his wish for everyone to smile and live on in a world without him.

He chuckled at her turning her head little by little.

He waited for her to be able to meet his gaze on her own, and finally, their eyes met completely, hers shining slightly.

Drip.

He wiped away her falling tears with his hand, and Miragen wiped her own tears with her other hand, slowly blinking.

When the long eyelashes were free of moisture, and after all the falling tears were gone.

A cracked voice came out from between her lips, which were red from being bitten so much.

“…I mean it when I say I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“When I asked you not to blame yourself, I meant it.”

“I know.”

“Then answer me.”

The hand that touched his chest slowly slid down to his solar plexus, then Miragen pulled her hand back to his chest and gently clasped her hand over his.

After confirming several times that they were connected, Miragen finally seemed relieved and drooped her eyebrows slightly.

She sighed, thinking about her next question, then opened her mouth, holding his hand tightly.

“What should I say to Robert here?”

“Well.”

He didn’t want her to say anything in particular.

He just wanted them to be like they were before. If they could go back to how they were when they first met in this iteration, even after hearing this story, he would be satisfied with that.

“It’s enough if we can talk like we did yesterday.”

“Like yesterday?”

“Just smile, joke around. Tease each other about waiting for each other.”

He fiddled with the pin under her messy hair, then combed her hair and put it back in place.

He hadn’t been able to put it on in the thirty-fifth iteration, but he had done it this time. In a way, this also had a lot of meaning for him.

“We can give each other gifts, or sometimes just listen to each other’s voices through the artifact.”

It was okay if they weren’t lovers like before.

This life wasn’t like the previous ones, and the relationships formed through special feelings weren’t just with Miragen.

Things would get complicated if they became lovers, and most of all, he didn’t want to have a deep relationship with anyone else until he had dealt with Kaitel.

Then he realized that he had already crossed the line he had set for himself.

He had trampled on the line, erased the boundary, and taken a big step forward to stand right in front of Miragen.

It was a mistake.

He shouldn’t have done this, but nothing would change what he had already said.

He should just accept it.

Maybe it was time to redefine the line he had set for himself. He pulled her hand, and Miragen’s body swayed forward.

The distance between them narrowed considerably, and she fit snugly in his arms.

He saw Miragen’s ears turning red and smiled for a moment, then patted her on the back and a small voice was heard.

“…Is it okay to be held like this too?”

“Of course. I was going to do it earlier, but you were crying so much I couldn’t.”

If he had forced himself to hold her while she was crying, it would have obviously had the opposite effect.

Miragen, who had slightly escaped from his arms, stared at him for a long time.

She looked like she had a lot to say, but the way her lips moved slightly suggested it wasn’t anything negative.

For example, that she was sorry, or that it was her fault.

Miragen, who seemed unable to hold back anymore and giggled to herself, leaned her head against his chest with a thud.

“Do you remember when I asked you if you had dated before?”

“I remember.”

“You said you had only dated one person, was that your fiancée by any chance?”

“No way.”

His first crush had been Theresa, but his first love had been with Miragen.

The reason he was so skilled at this, and the reason he knew so much about dating, was simple.

“I’ve only ever loved one person in my life.”

But that had happened dozens of times, so to anyone else, it would seem like he had been in dozens of relationships.

◇◇◇◆◇◇◇

[Translator Notes]

---