The Love They Never Had

"...You might be half as attractive as Yeon is." Just what the hell was I thinking? What was coming out of my mouth? I didn't mean it the way that she would take it! I just...I...I needed to clear my head badly, but I had nowhere to go without Hwi. So I could only vent out my anger out at a woman...girl that I had been longing to get rid of, and who knew that it would be Yeon would be the one to give me this opportunity? I had to remind myself to thank her for this, I could even grant her her wish of planting trees if it made her happy. But as far as I knew, she had never seen these trees before around the village, so how did she knew about them? "Kim Chun-Ae has forgotten her place and even goes so far as to discipline my guest without my knowledge. So I shall reward her with the Scarlet Red." My father was so obsessed with the palace and having even more power than he already had, that he even ran this household as if he were a part of the Imperial Family himself, which included mimicking their punishments. Bu so far, my father had never needed to punish anyone like this. "My Lord? The Scarlet Red?" "Your legs will be beaten with wooden sticks that are 2 inches thick and 5 feet long until there is a scarlet red pool of blood on the ground." I didn't care how cruel I sounded, I just made the servants drop off the supplies and I even rewarded Yeon with some dessert I had one of my servants find for the marketplace for her before I left in a fit of rage. And I had to admit that hearing Chun-Ae beg for her life did give me a little satisfaction. But before I could even step foot away from a room that I didn't want to be in, I could already hear the other servants whispering about Yeon and cursing her for Chun-Ae's punishment. Dealing with women were a lot different than men, and I knew only too well what they were capable of, and over my dead body was I going to put Yeon through the same thing. So I had to come back and set Yeon a punishment so she could be shielded from the cruel tricks that these servants could pull in the name of my father. But what I had said about her was already replaying in my mind over and over again and I could not for the life of me look her in the eyes.

"My servant was disrespectful to you and I have punished her, but you also caused the problem." "Young Master...?" "You cannot escape the punishment Seo Yeon, so I will have you first grind ink-stones before you transcribe a book of women's etiquette that I shall send you tonight." Her high pitch voice that pleaded for her innocence was going to undo me completely if I stayed a moment longer, so I got the hell out of there before I could be tempted to look at her 'new look' that even made Chun-Ae insecure to do what she did today. But doing what I had to do today just made me feel even more guilty than I had been feeling, so I needed a drink and fast, so she wouldn't be on my mind all day just like her damned brother was. And normally I would go to the local brothel so I could feast my eyes on Han Hui-Jee, who was the most beautiful woman that I had ever met with Hwi before I...did what I was forced to do. Even if she didn't like me as much as she clearly liked Hwi, there was still some sort of hope that she could be the one to maybe show me the kindness and affection that I had always wanted if she had already spent the day with myself and Hwi and not worry about being affiliated to someone like me.

But once again, before I could step foot outside of the Nam residence, I had a small voice in my head telling me that Yeon could still potentially face some danger in my household now that I had punished my father's favoured maid. And as much as I yearned to see Hui-Jee again so I could breathe, nobody could replace Yeon's place in my heart as my...childhood friend. And it most definitely showed when I decided to stay in this miserable place for the first time in my life rather than escape for as long as I could before I had to return.

So I spent the rest of the day studying from the big piles of books that my father gave me every single week to get through. I really did not know how I was going to face her after what I had said and acted in front of her, but I had to figure out a way for us to interact with each other if we were going to start living with each other. Maybe I should act like her brother? There was no point in acting like how I did before if she couldn't remember her. Should I start treating her like a friend? A little sister? A confidant? Or should I act like a disciplinarian? No way, her brother had never so much as raised his voice to her, so who was I to do it? I should just be her brother, that wasn't too far off what out relationship was in the first place.

Soon enough the evening came and I decided to make my way to Yeon's quarters again to see how she was fairing. No matter how she was in the past, she never caused any trouble and she didn't deserve to be punished for anything at all.

"...didn't she always have her face in a book? Didn't she always want to learn? In that case, let her carry out the punishment of the young master. But..." "but what?" "It is too bright in her quarters, you had better extinguish two candles. A woman should write beautifully, even if her eyes are closed. If she complains about it, then tell her that the young master made her do it again."

I really couldn't believe my ears when I heard this; was this how the servants of this household had started conducting themselves? Since when? I had kept far away from my father's people since childhood, even if I did really need their help. But for them to treat the Seo's this way was completely unacceptable...

"Well well well, since the help now feels like they can dictate my guest's punishments, then you can be the one to grind the ink stones! It takes hours by the way, so you had better get started!" "Young Master! Please forgive me! Please..." "if you decline, then you can pack up your things and leave this manor once and for all!" I was so focused on the servant that I was punishing that I forgot that Yeon was in the room with us, and I was not ready for her new look that I barely caught a glimpse of in the dark. In fact, she looked nothing like what she used to be at all. Her pigtails and rags were gone, her once olive tanned skin was now replaced with a milky white colour that most noblewomen couldn't achieve no matter how many layers of makeup they used and her eyes...well I couldn't see in the dim light but I swear that I caught a glimpse of hazel instead of...well I didn't even know what her eye colour was before this.

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That lowly bitch, I could not believe that she was the reason I was punished so heavily! I couldn't even feel any sensation in my legs, let alone walk properly without assistance. I had to be dragged back to my quarters when we came across the young master who ran right past us in a panic. He was the most composed man I had ever come across in my life, but he ran right into his quarters as if he was afraid of something. But what? What could have possibly scared him this much in his own home for him to loose all decorum? My curiosity started to pique and no matter how much pain I was in right now, I have loved the young master from the moment that I saw him and I owed it to him to look after him. So no matter how much pain that I was in at the moment and how much blood was trailing onto the floor, I still manage to drag myself against the walls to follow him across the other side of this gigantic home.

As usual, the young master's quarters were cold and aloof with hardly any heat or light coming into his room at all, but hat was just what he was used to and he certainly didn't want our help, so he had to live like a hermit in his own home. But I could see his shadow from the paper windows and I could barely make out his movements, but it looked like he was undressing himself and doing something that I couldn't really make out...

And not even 5 minutes later, I could hear someone coming in and I had no choice but to hide near a thorny bush that was already tearing into my skin. But imagine my shock when I saw that it was Yeon who had made her way to the part of the home where nobody else came to except myself. Her new look completely disgusted me and I could tell that she was dying to seduce the young master on a level that was out of my reach. Just because she had lost her memories, it didn't mean that the young master had; they had already forged a decade long relationship and even though the young maser couldn't openly acknowledge her in this home, he had a soft spot for her. Anyone could tell by the way he looked at her. But it wasn't fair, I had been serving him for so many years and she was all he cared about. Why did both the young master and her own brother fall at her feet every single time? Why did she shine brighter in his eyes even before her memory loss?

There was complete silence before Yeon actually stepped foot in his residence without any hesitation or even getting permission. And she was in there for a while before she walked out and she started exploring the area in the dark. She finally got far away enough for me to sneak into the young master's quarters to see what mess she could have possibly made. But by the time that I made it to the door, I could only open the it slightly to see the shocked and sad look on his face when I saw him slowly make his way over to where she had been just as he had left. His quarters had been properly lit for he first time in a long time, there was an extra portion of hot food on his table with hot tea, a calming incense going and what looked like the supplies that she gave him the other day. As if this didn't make me angry enough, it was the look in his face that triggered me for the first time. He hadn't had that look on his face since he was a child and I simply refused to believe that after all of my years of efforts of trying to get close to him, that there was another woman who could reduce him to that emotional state apart from his mother- and it wasn't me.

No, I had worked my very best since I was a mere child to please the Nam's and i had done so much for them and the brother who passed away. His talents were unmatched by anyone I had ever met, although the current young master could be a close second. And Min-Ho was the one who told me that his brother liked me a long time ago, so there was always a chance that he would embrace me. But he had been isolated from everyone for so long that I really never thought the day would come where another woman would be wiling to care for him like I wanted to. She only did one thing for him and he had already displayed more emotions than he has since the day his mother tried and everyone ignored his screaming and crying on the orders of his father. But I vowed that I was going to make it up to him for that day and I wasn't gong to let anyone take my spot as the future daughter-in-law for the Nam family. So as soon as Yeon got close to the washing area, I did not hesitate to ambush her and grab a hold of her head and stick it in the wooden barrels that were full of water. Anyone in this home who tried to take away my favour in this home after everything I had been through in this life deserved to die, and it didn't matter who it was. Yeon wasn't going to take him away from me. No matter how downtrodden the young master was, not even he deserved to be with a sickly young orphan girl whom the entire village knew for having those horrific fits.