The Love They Never Had

"Young Master Nam, I have several updates regarding the issues that you wanted me to look into; the first one is that The Third Prince has come and left the Seo residence after failing to bring Seo Hwi aboard his mission to tackle the plague and Moon-Bok's location is unknown, just like you planned. The second issue is that the wives past came out just in time of The Third Prince's departure, and he saved them by claiming that Kim Hyeon and Hwa-Wol were working as spies for him since neither women were really touched, so their reputations are preserved for a lifetime. The third issue is that The Fifth Prince is indeed using Dal to carry out crimes against The Third Prince's men that he relies on and we have our men watching him." "Very good, Seo Hwi clearly knew talent when he saw it, why else would he hire you and bring you to me." "There are 2 more updates Sir." 'Go on." "It seems that the Lady Min has been chased out and evicted from her family home last night during the banquet. Now that their family really is on the rink of collapse, her last hope was to marry you and assist you in your feud against The Third Prince and climb up the social ladder once again. But your instructions to deliver her sister's wedding dowries to her family home in your name definitely cut off her support, so she will most alley find her way back to you." "As unpleasant as she is, she will be the final piece in my plan to bring down her sister. By the way, did you take a record of Seo Yeon's confessions last night?" "I had your servants write down everything and it indeed coincides with Kim Hyeon's statements. But it seems as though she was the primary victim in everything…but something seems off to me." "What do you mean?" "Seo Yeon is clearly an individual of intellect, and she surely would have found a way out of being tortured like she was…" "What do you mean tortured? She only did a few domestic chores until she found a way out of…"

"Young Master…forgive me but…that isn't accurate at all. Seo Yeon was tortured as if she was a servant. She was whipped, she was starved, she was tied to a pole outside late at night until all hours of the morning multiple times and she was almost raped a few times if she didn't have her brothers's dagger on her…" "What are you saying! Where did you hear all of that from! That isn't true! Yeon would never…." "…Yeon has disliked the palace for many years, so it is my one condition to allow you to marry her. She doesn't know that I know this, but I think that she thinks it was someone in the palace who killed our father. Our father was my sisters king, her first love and the man who trained her to be the woman that she is now; the one everyone wants to possess and kill. And if she really does think this, then she will go so far as to ruin her own life to make sure everyone pays. That is another reason why I will let you marry my sister; I know that you want her help in your plans and I will allow it as long as you keep her far away from the palace as possible, do you understand?" "… Do not even think about it! Don't touch me! Keep away! Someome help me! Please don't hit me! Don't force me! Please!" In the end, I couldn't even touch her because she was freaking out so badly as soon as I got close enough to her. I thought that she was defying me no purpose, so I didn't leave until I made my mark on her neck, but she almost passed out from that. This was the first time that she had ever fought me back and I was so angry and hurt that I had no choice but to walk away but now…good god, what have I done? But I didn't know…it wasn't my fault…she knows that I would never hurt her…

"Forget it, just crawl back to your Lady Min or whatever woman you have crawling on your arms now, and I shall return to brothel work." "What did you just say? You will return to do what exactly?" "You heard me, and we have nothing to do with one another now, so I can do what I want to do, which is everything that you restricted me from." "I shall carry on my mother's work whilst you carry out your father's since I never wanted to be a part of your twisted plan anyways! I shall stay in the brothel from now on so I won't have the chance to harm your precious reputation, so I do not want to see you anywhere near there for the rest of my life!"

It was at this point that I felt my guilt swallow me up to the point where I didn't come put of my room for a whole day or two because of how badly I was treating Yeon. So all I isolated myself from everyone once again, just like I always did since before I brought Yeon home. But even though I was drowning in my guilt remorse and loneliness I also found myself waiting, waiting for one specific person to reach out to me despite all the bad deeds I had committed against her. Small minutes turned into torturous long hours as I waited for somebody to care about my absence apart from that damned servant, to kind of test the situation that could occur between myself and her if things went bad when I revealed her past…our past to her. And I didn't like it at all, in fact I was beginning to become a lot more irritable than I had ever imagined I would be. Loneliness was what it was, but I found out that when it came to Yeon, it turned into hurt which then evolved into anger. I know I was hurting her with everything that I had done but for her not to come and see me for even a couple of hours, never mind a whole day was making me very angry and was even putting into a dark place. God forbid if she actually hated me I had no idea how on earth I was going to survive if she ever ignored me. I refused to go back to the old days where I was abandoned here and do things I would never do otherwise jut to survive…I'd rather die than become the man who betrayed his only friend not only for him to survive, but to achieve goals and dreams that were entered around a man who wanted nothing to do with me even if I did become everything he wanted me to be, I saw that now. Everything I had wanted achieve was meaningless unless I had my true loved ones by my side, the same loved ones that I was on the verge of loosing. And that was what was putting me in a bod mood; the more Hwi suffered and the more I had to lie to his sister who I did not want to loose at any cost, that much was clear, I was suffering in a nightmare of my own making. I was in such emotional distress that I felt like if I was left n my own I would be dead in a week. The moment I dropped Hwi into the Amy for his own sake I wanted to die, and I wanted to die everyday since…but his sister, the one I had been playing along with for more than a decade now….I found solace in her warmth, home in her trust and her care and…well, it made me want to live for the first time in my life. I had a reason to keep on going, and maybe I would get the chance to redeem myself for the sins I had committed by reuniting the siblings….

A whole day went by and nobody came to check on me, not even once. All I could do was position myself to look outside of the only window I had, just like when I was first brought here and I could just watch time pass so I could impatiently wait to grow up into a man and leave here once and for all. I undressed the top half of my robes, untied my long hair that was in desperate need of a wash and I imagined what life would be like if I hadn't done what I was pressured to do and was eating away at me every single day. I thought about the people I had hurt, the people who wanted nothing to do with me based on my birthright that I had no control over, and the person I was desperate to build a relationship with despite the lies and secrets I had to tell her every single day for 2 years now. How could anyone bear this much emotional distress and breathe at the same time like I had to? I felt my body collapse under the mental strain I was in and I desperately wanted to end it all, and not for the first time either. I reached out for a dagger I had kept under my pillow for probably the 11th time in 2 years and I held it to my throat with no fear and was determined to make that move…until Yeon of all people suddenly appeared in the room!

I had to blink a few times to make sure that I wasn't seeing things, but before I regained my senses, she ran to me trying to wrestle the dagger out of my hands and her eyes full or worry and hurt. I didn't want to put up a fight in case I hurt her, but I froze at the fact that she had tears spilling down her cheeks…was it for me? For what I was about to do? Actually, as I thought about it more….I had never seen Yeon cry, not even after everything she had to live through from her epilepsy fits to her poverty…but yet here she was potentially crying over me? For me? When was the last time anyone cried for me? Cared enough to figure out what was really going on with me to figure out what I was going through? Who was left to feel the same pain I was going through right now? I have never wanted to touch her more than I did now to see if this was real, ad my father wasn't around. I still hadn't fully regained my senses, so I took advantage of the situation…and I broke all societal etiquette and I cupped her cheek. I had never touched a girl….woman before, not properly like this…her skin was so…soft and fair. I tried to wipe her tears away but she held onto my hand with hers and she…rubbed it against her cheek as if she was taking solace in my touch. My touch. My skin. Of all the people in this nation, it was me and only myself that this beautiful intelligent women took solace in. It was me she wanted as she wrapped her arms around my waist, which made me flinch so badly that my soul almost left its body. I….I had never been touched by anyone like this in my entire life, but I didn't back away either. She then laid her head to rest on my shoulder which I had seen her do many times with her brother…but then she placed head into my neck and I was no longer responsible for any actions that took place after this. I had for the first time in my life felt emotions…no, I'm sure they were desires…whatever it was that was making my heart beat almost out of my chest, my knees buckle and my hands suddenly had a mind of their own as I kept pulling her towards me wanting more…but she didn't push me away at all. In fact, she let me do whatever I wanted to her…and she wasn't disgusted by myself or my actions at all. She didn't push me away, slap me or look with me at disgust like every other women had, especially Hui-Jee. She…Yeon…she pulled me in for a full on soft kiss…my first kiss.

I was so shocked that I had no idea how to feel or what to think as my first regrettable instinct was to push her away. "Yeonna! What….what are you doing? Why…why are you kissing me…of all people? You…" it was at point after I had been first touched by no ordinary woman…it was her of all people that my head and my emotions began to spin out of control and I was completely torn…between physically crossing the line of sibling affection and truly accepting her as a woman that I could have as a woman…but oddly enough, not having her in my sight at least had stopped being an option as well. "Why can't you just leave me alone! You have no idea…no idea what I've done to you..so just stop it! Stop looking at me like that every time I come home! Stop waiting for me! Stop attending to me! I…" "…or what? What will you do if I don't want to stop?" She used the same defiant tone against me that she used on my father that day…I couldn't get it out of my head no matter how hard I tried…not even palace officials dared to stand up to my father at all but she…

"I'll hurt you…just like I hurt everyone around me…" "…go on then. Hurt me. In fact let me help you." She really grabbed my hands and placed them around her neck and dared me to hurt her. She…she wasn't afraid of me at all, not even a little bit. She even waited for me to do something, anything at all against her…as if she was trying to prove that I wasn't anything like what people thought of me at all; a violent bad-tempered monster, a disgusting plague upon humanity for daring to survive my illegitimate birth and 'taking the life of my legitimate brother…'

I guessed that she couldn't wait for me to make the first move as she held my face in her hands and wiped my tears away before she kissed me again. And again. And again. I really hoped that she wouldn't use my tears against me at all, but her tenderness, her loving gaze that arrested me and…just everything about her that I had never taken notice of before made me all the more desperate to finally loose myself in her, to loose myself in something else apart from my miserable self. So I kissed her back. And again. And again. She had a sweet taste and smell about her that completely divulged all of my senses, and I tried to be good to her, to be gentle and tender because god knows if anyone deserved that it was her…but I soon became hungry for her, and I couldn't stop myself. But she didn't push me away or even try to fight me off, she gave me everything I wanted, let me do anything I wanted, experiment, explore…she had allowed my true nature to emerge, no matter how grotesque it may appear to be to others, and she embraced with with open arms until we simply had no energy left. And for the forts time in my life I felt…my goodness I felt feelings that I had never thought that I would get to share with anyone at al in the lifetime…and I did all sorts of thing…acts…new and pleasurable acts just to make sure that the feeing never went away, not even for a second…I had reached the peak of pleasure with her so many times that I felt…I felt as if she had pulled me into another existence entirely…and existence that lay within her very soul…and we were one…"Come back to me." "Yeon?" "You are alway sad, always angry, always tried and you cannot breathe. Become mine and leave your wealth behind to start a new life with me, and I will always take care of you." "But how…what do you mean? How could we survive…" "Do you really think that it is your wealth that I love about you? Really? When you know this noble world shackles you to the degenerate life one must live for what? Gold? If we start afresh you can have a whole new life…and even your own fortune built from your very hands." "So you…you don't want my money? But what else…do I have to offer you?" "I want you and only you." "Yeon…" "I want to wake up everyday with your lips on mine, your arms holding me in bed together, I want to play with your hair before you wake up and I want your soul to connect with mine every single time we become one. Please, turn your back on your parent who does not love you and reunite with us…and stay with us. I…i love you so much, you know that I do…"

We ended it with a few kisses before she had the guts to try and leave the room after everything we had just done. I reached out for her arm and pulled her down next to me to fast that she fell on top of me, and I wrapped my arms around her so she couldn't leave. She pouted her lips to me a little and started acting cute, which I couldn't help but laugh at. She rested besides me for a bit, and took the opportunity to explore me a little more for a while before she got up again and explored my room stark naked. All I could do was watch her in awe as she had brought even the dull things to life in my room that not even her brother got to see properly. She asked me endless questions about everything that was in the room and I tried to focus on what she wanted to know, but she was just so damn enticing and she knew it. She kept teasing me to the point where I had bolted out of my bed and embraced her from behind, I had to cover her mouth so nobody could hear her squeal. She turned towards me, embraced me in return and told me that she loved me…and that she forgave me…and that she would follow me anywhere at all.

It was at this point that I felt myself collapse as she handed me this embroidery piece that I had been watching her make for sometime. I wanted to fall into her arms and she would willingly catch me instead of watching me, waiting for me to fall and crumble like everybody else…but when I hit the floor and opened my eyes, Yeon was nowhere to be found. I was still half dressed from before she supposedly walked in, my bed was still neatly made and there was no embroidery piece in my hands at all. Yeon…she had never entered this room at all…but as I began to step outside of my room, I almost stepped on a tray of food, a rolled up blanket and some thicker robes waiting for me outside…along with The Lady Min who was kneeling right outside my door in the rain with a look on her face that wouldn't melt. This bitch, she must have known what her sister was up to the entire time, and I was going to make the entire family pay for every single drop of blood, sweat and tears that Yeon spilled into ruining herself for revenge.