The Love They Never Had

The day of the banquet had arrived, and I already had everything set up on my own. My servant's abandoning me had just come on time to be honest since I was the one who was doing everything in my power to make them abandon me. I had been rather difficult on purpose ever since I had received the flowers and by now I had the entire household gossiping about what a conceited and arrogant lowborn I was. But I really didn't care about what anyone thought about me...apart from a single person. A single person who had been hiding from me ever since he indirectly shared his thoughts with me. But I held on well to my thoughts of lowering my expectations and I decided to carry out this task for him in exchange for the debt of saving my life. Who knows what would happen to our relationship once he got back from the war; he might continue to ignore me, he might indulge me for another game, who knows. I was trying my hardest not to get too attached to him and just leave him alone for his father's sake, but I was slowly beginning to realise that I had a very strong self of justice and it was beginning to rule every part of my being. And I knew that I would eventually end up causing some mayhem or another, so maybe it was best just to keep to myself after all.

"Yeonnie?" Why did the world always stand still for a moment or two whenever he called for me? Why did my heart beat this hard? Why did I always have to look away from him right before I faced him? What exactly was the nature to this 'friendship' of ours? Why was I already so confused and couldn't stay away, even if I wanted to? No, I had to fight this, so I chose not to look at him as we conversed briefly just as the whole household had descended into chaos for putting on his important banquet. "How are you? Yeon? Won't you even look at me?" "And what purpose do you have for me now? Shall I get rid of someone else for you? Or will you snap at me again?" "It isn't like that and you know it?" "How do I know it? You have been avoiding me as soon as you lost your purpose for me." "Is that what you think about me? That I just use and manipulate people?" "Why lie about it if it is in your nature? Your circumstances and your upbringing have no doubt at all have something to do with that so in all honesty, I cannot really blame you. I just feel rather disappointed that you would take advantage of my memory loss and make me do your bidding as if I am some sort of puppet on a set of strings." Before I could get another word in, he almost charged at me and caught me by the arm, dragged me inside my quarters and pinned me against the wall his hands so close to my waist that I longed to hold them, even in a moment like this.

"You...how dare you! You do not know me, you do not remember me, you do not know what I have been through and you dare to make judgments in front of me? Who are you? Who do you think you are?" "Why do you care?" "Excuse me?" "Why do you care so much about my judgments? My thoughts?" "You have had the entire world against you for so long, what is it all for?" "What? What are you..." "You give yourself to your country, you bleed for them, you have cause and you have a high sense of justice just like myself. So please, do not go down this path." "What the hell are you talking about?" "Do not follow your father's path or it will be the biggest mistake of your life."

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How? There was no conceivable way that she...no, that wasn't possible. There was no way that she could have figured me out that quickly. She...she didn't know what she was talking about. She was just a child, a mere child at 16 years of age. Even if she thought that she knew everything, that didn't mean that it was true. And just because she accompanied me a few times, it did not mean that she knew me. Nobody knew me; Seo Hwi had only seen the good in me, but even he was unaware of how rotten I really was, just like my father had always said I was. "Yeon...just stay here and get on with the housekeeping book, you are not allowed to read anything else..." "if you want to help the people of this country, then you must become a part of them. Do not become another nobleman man who says he wants good and still sets himself apart from the people. That will only make them distrust you more, no mater what you do for them." "And just how on earth would you know?" "Because I am one of them. Just because I do not remember what it is like to be a part of them, it does not mean that I am the noblewoman that you dress me up to be. I..." "You what?" "I feel unusual in these clothes, these shoes, this makeup, these gifts and with the attention that you give me." "Then give it all back to me and go on your way, let me see how you can live on your own."

I only said that in anger, but when that brat actually pushed me away and started taking off her jewellery and undoing her jacket I really did for the first time loose my temper and I ran outside of her quarters, just to shut the doors on her and lock her in her room so she couldn't leave. And it was only then that I had realised that I had already missed out on the beginning of the banquet. Not that I particularly cared, this banquet was just a show of my father's supporters to rub it in this faces of the Imperial Royal Family members that were against him in court. It was a reckless move of his and he was just asking to be arrested at this point for his pure arrogance if not anything else yet. Bet before I could even get to the other side of the yangban, all I could hear was shouting and screaming before I saw all of the servants rush towards my father who looked extremely livid. But before I could even ask anyone what had happened, I could hear a very familiar set of pleadings and crying from the servants who looked like they had bathed in soot?

"Why are you making such a fuss here? In front of my guests? Where are your manners? And how could you have come outside looking like such a mess? Have you forgotten all of the rules of this household!" "Master, please forgive me! It wasn't any of us! No-one would come out like this! It was the-" "What on earth has happened?" I couldn't help but to intervene in a timely manner. No matter how angry I was, I wasn't going to sell Yeon out and risk having her live apart from me. "And why do you all reek of alcohol?" "Young Master, we only took few sips of the wine before we served it. We all felt a little tipsy, so we just wanted to take a small walk around before we started serving the guests. But who knew that we would walk into a trap..." "A trap?" "...there was a loose bag of mugwort ashes, old wastewater and logs dumped on us!" Even I had a hard time keeping my composure, but for Yeon's sake, I had to act completely oblivious to this.

"And who do you suspect would pull such an awful prank?" "Young Master, this household has always abided my strict rules not a single person here has made a single mistake. But ever since that young woman-" "What young woman? Nam-Jeon? What exactly is going on here?" "They must be referring to the new maid that has been kneeling as punishment today, there is no other young woman here. I have heard talks of the other servants all bad mouthing her at how poorly she does her job. Or maybe it is Chun-Ae who has been loosing her touch as it is, and is constantly being demoted as of late. And since it is she who keeps letting the other servants down, it is only fair that we rid ourselves of her to stop this embarrassment." I had my father and he knew it, and because he knew that it was happening in such a public event, I knew that there was no chance in hell that Chun-Ae was able to get away with her life, not anymore.

Luckily enough for my father, he managed to reign everyone in and make them stay for the banquet. But I didn't feel like being his show pony anymore, and instead I went to confront Yeon so I knew how to move forward before the war happened just as the new servant was being dragged away by my father's guards. But I could not walk past those doors, not anytime soon, so I stationed myself outside of her door to talk to her.

"Was that prank your great idea for revenge? Yeon?" "She almost drowned me, so I only returned the favour. I swallowed so much water for so long that I wanted them to knew how it felt." "Have you always been this cunning, Yeon?" "I am not a scheming person, but I will never let anyone bully me and just get away with it either." "During such a public event?" "How else would your father make such a harsh decision for her instead of forgiving her each time. And I used the logs to cane her as my own form of punishment for trying to poison me. And after today, she is going to wish that she had killed me so I wouldn't have had the chance to humiliate her."

What on earth was I thinking? Of course Yeon wasn't a cunning and scheming person like all noble people. She indeed just had a strong self of justice, just like I did. There was nothing wrong with her getting back on the people who had harmed her, especially since she had unknowingly parted from her brother and I certainly could not protect her 7 days a week. It was good that she knew how to take care of herself...so why did I still have some doubts? "You have done a very good job and I will reward you for this when I can. You should remind me when I come home from the war." "Are you going to at least say goodbye to me before you leave?" I could not and would not answer that question, and I had to attend he banquet before my father humiliated me in front of everyone. So I just left without saying a word, but not before picking a flower and sticking it under her doors, as my way of telling her to stay strong until I returned. And hopefully if I was lucky enough, I would be able to protect the two most important women in my life to make it up to Hwi before I found him and found a way to bring him home to his sister. I could only hope that whatever happened between us didn't damage the trust between us too much so I could convince him to keep well out of my father's sight whilst I returned Yeon to him...

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"Master Dal! You promised me that you would keep me alive! Why are you now...after everything that I have done for you...everything I have given up for you..." "The Young Master has finally made a decision about your fate, who am I to interfere with it?" "Yeon, it is because of that bitch Yeon...she wooed him into killing me...and Chun-Ae, she made me fall from grace to this humble existence...I wish to drink her blood and chew her bones!" "Stop being so dramatic and get ready to meet your maker. And don't even think about smashing anything, I have come with multiple supplies."